"I'm so sorry, Harry."
Harry held Hermione tight. She and Ron were the only ones he'd told. He would tell Draco, he knew. But that would mean telling Mother and Father, and Harry honestly couldn't face that right now. He just didn't want to listen to their rants. He wanted someone to tell him they were sorry and hug him.
Ron had patted his shoulder instead of hugging him, but he'd also glared at people who'd tried to come into their corner of the Gryffindor common room, and put up privacy charms after a little while. Now he sat there with his face very red, and pounded his fist into his palm.
"It's not fair, mate," he said. "Why does life always have it out for you specifically?"
"I don't know." Harry leaned his head on Hermione's shoulder, so miserable that he almost wished he could have actually cried. But that impulse had passed soon after he got back to his friends. He had cried, just not that often. It never seemed to make things any better. "And I don't know if Dumbledore is going to try and get a trial for Sirius, either. I forgot to ask him about that."
"Surely he will," said Hermione, but she sounded a little doubtful. "He knows there wasn't one, now. Or he could go and look if he wasn't sure. But he has no reason to keep Black from getting one."
"Even if Black is still mad," Ron muttered. He had shown extreme reluctance to believe Harry's story about Dobby taking away the Black madness from Sirius.
Harry didn't want to argue about it. He didn't want to do anything but sit there and feel the stupid heaviness move through his body. And dread the reaction his family would have when he told them.
He would tell them. He didn't want to keep it a secret. But he would tell them later.
When he thought he could bear what they'd say. What they'd do.
.....
"Professor Dumbledore told me that you turned down his offer of training, Mr. Malfoy."
Great. It had been almost a fortnight since Dumbledore had dragged Harry up to his office to confront him, and Harry had managed to put it partially behind him and write to his parents that he had something important to tell them, the next time he had a session with Healer Letham and then saw them afterwards. He was on his way to the session with his Mind-Healer right now, and he'd almost settled in his mind what he would say and how his parents would react.
And Professor Lupin just had to stop him now.
Harry turned around and stared resentfully at his teacher, not even trying to hide the resentment. Lupin gave him a slightly nervous smile, but didn't retreat. He cleared his throat. "I just want to know why, Mr. Malfoy."
"He told me to keep it a secret," Harry said flatly. "I don't want to keep it a secret."
"But with your family being on the opposite side of the war…surely you can understand…"
"You assume I'm on the same side of the war as you?"
Lupin stared at him in abject horror, and then glanced up and down as if making sure that there were no portraits or students around to be horrified with him. Harry sneered at him. He wondered for a second if it was as good a sneer as Draco's and their father's, but Lupin was rambling at him again.
"How could you…you know that Voldemort killed…" Lupin stopped abruptly. He licked his lips and then said, "You know that he'll kill you if he gets the chance. Just because you stopped him once—"
"I think that was probably Lily Potter," Harry snapped. "And anyway, yeah, I don't want him to kill me, but I also don't want to lie to my family and not tell them the truth! I want to fight him and be a Malfoy."
"They'll never let you do that," Lupin said steadily. "You should have taken the training when Professor Dumbledore offered it. It's the only way I can see that you'll stand a chance of surviving the war, Harry."
"What training?"
Harry turned around with the sensation that someone had shoved a brick through his stomach. Draco was standing behind them, his eyes darting between Harry and Lupin, and his wand in his hand, as if he thought he would have to duel Lupin.
Lupin stepped around Harry and looked as if he might herd Draco away like a sheepdog. "Nothing in particular, Mr. Malfoy. Nothing you need to worry about, at any rate. If you would?" He made a huge sweeping motion with his hand, inviting Draco to leave.
Draco looked at Harry instead of moving. "Henry? What is he talking about?"
Harry swallowed. He had no choice but to tell Draco now, if he didn't want to lie, the way he'd said he didn't.
"Dumbledore offered me training when he called me up to his office," he said. "But he told me I would have to keep it secret, and that I would be trained by the members of something called the Order of the Phoenix that Dumbledore used to run. And I've been trying to work up the courage to tell you, but I knew Mother and Father were going to be furious, and I didn't want to deal with their anger, and…" Harry trailed off. "I'm tired," he said.
"Harry!" hissed Lupin, looking scandalized. "Do you know what you've done by telling him that?"
"Do you know what you did by not telling us earlier?" Draco demanded, looking horrified.
Harry shuddered, and his magic broke out of him. A stone shot out of the far wall and crashed into the one opposite, hitting so hard that it split and sent up sparks and flecks of dust and splinters of rock. Lupin raised a shimmering shield in front of him. Draco took a step back and looked around wildly, as if he thought something other than Harry's accidental magic had flung the stone.
"And that's quite enough of that."
....
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