'Fuck, what the hell…. What the absolute hell! This is simply preposterous'
He had long guessed that these large blobs were related to the powerful people of this continent. He didn't know if he could hold memories that were hundreds of times his own.
Even slightly long memories like that of the old traveler had impacted him so much.
But this time, he found a way to intercept small packets of memories during the cycle. What he found in return baffled him.
In his current situation, he finally understood all the gaps that had been troubling him.
'My consciousness was split….. hahaha. I couldn't understand my state and the sudden clarity. It all makes sense
'My rational self has been separated….'
'Since coming to this world, barely were we conscious or in control of our thoughts'
'Like zombies, we were like zombies. we were manipulated forcefully and subtly'
'Now, my physical body really is a zombie' A chuckle would have escaped his lips if he had a body.
'I need to observe these fragments belonging to big blobs more often…. I need to know what is going on. I am bound here but there are resources I can take
He didn't forget that his first venture into someone's consciousness led to a qualtitative change in the life of that person.
Thus, he definitely can affect the real world. His main goal was to find his own fragmented consciousness that must be somewhere in this world.
'It's worse than finding a needle in the haystack, but it is the only way' He thought. The urgency of the situation and the extent of the consequences horrified him.
If the worst comes to pass, he will spend time until he learns to control the consciousness of others and merge with it. 'Cruel but effective'
A plan started to form in his mind. He drifted towards the contingency plans as he felt that the current situation was hopeless. 'But I have enough time'
He had to know the condition of his physical body before making any choices. After staying here, he knew even a newborn baby was not easy to take over and even if he did succeed, what would happen next was not something he could calculate.
The social situation in this world was such that birth determined your life more than it did on earth. There simply were too many variables. 'Finding my own fragmented consciousness is certainly the best choice if given enough time'
'We are the same. There is no way I won't be able to identify it'
While thinking of this course of plan, Sorken never took one piece of information into consideration. 'He was a transmigrator'. It was not his mistake too as even if it was his rational self, he simply knew nothing about his situation apart from speculations.
His conjectures, only some had been partially verified. He was doing his best, but the lack of information at his disposal made it extremely hard for him to take everything into account.
The next few cycles, he didn't move out of the bob where he witnessed the conversation. But to his disappointment, there was no new information, just gossip and sometimes information about his 'Comrades' who have gained some foothold in this world.
'That girl died?' he could vaguely remember that before he left the physical world. That girl was taken away with the other apprentice. 'Her lover? Was it?' He didn't know her so no emotions were spared in mourning about her.
After knowing some specifics about this world, he had already concluded that even his own lover of some years would most probably betray him.
'If my physical body is overflowing with emotions, no one would see the obvious signs even if they are presented on a silver platter, right?' Sorken thought bitterly. Tamara's impact on his life was too big. He held a certain resentment towards his family, but tamara, she was always like a Disney princess for him.
'I hope it's not too Bad'
As for why Sorken was so sure about her betrayal. It was very simple. Sorken had what he had once read, a heterogeneous personality. Even before his emotional self and rational self was split in this world, there would be moments in the past where he could detach his emotions and see everything completely objectively. But, he understood that everything had two sides and thus never let it impact his daily life.
Tamara was with him since his fate changed for the better. If one had to put it in a different way, she was the first trophy after he finally won the game of fate.
People take the word 'Trophy' in a bad way but in his moments of detachment, this was the first word that he thought about her. Not because he was trying to objectify her. But, after years of suffering, she was like a gift from heaven. Gift doesn't sound so bad? Does it? But the word trophy because he knew that his feelings were more because of his circumstances at the time rather than something he felt deep within his heart. It was not a depreciation for her, but for him.
Thus, he at moments was able to see how tamara often looked at him with contempt like he looked at her with indifference. In his previous world, this wouldn't have mattered for a long time. He didn't want to let her go, even when he realised that it was better for both of them. Instead he decided to marry her, forcing himself to accept her.
Who should he blame for this? His emotional self? Or himself. Both of them in their struggle, had brought upon themselves a calamity that can probably lead to their death.
'Troublesome'
Sorken thought as he finally gained another important piece of information. He along with other two prisoners was going on an expedition with others.
'So, they are going to sacrifice us there'
He gained another important piece of information. His physical condition was going to be given a huge treat before the day of the expedition.
He had discerned that the person this blob belonged to was a guard in the temple. Thus, with each surge of memory he gained some information, mostly useless but sometimes important. This guard was also going with sorken and others to the market and there was a small chance would follow them in the expedition too.
'This is great'
But, he didn't want to take a chance on that so once he monitored his 'Emo' self for once. He would start looking for his fragmented consciousness.