Harry stared into Sirius's soft gray eyes, and he was once again overwhelmed at the realization that Sirius was telling the truth. "Sirius, you kept yourself safe. That's all I want from you," he said quietly. "Thank you for being there with me. I ..." He swallowed, his throat feeling constricted. "I needed to say goodbye." After a moment, he asked hesitantly, "Who ... who caught me?"
"It was Mr. Diggory," Sirius replied, beginning to stroke Harry's hair in a soothing motion. Unconsciously, Harry leaned into the touch. "He and Mrs. Diggory made sure you were okay before they had to go." Sighing sadly, he continued, "Madam Pomfrey gave you a potion to keep you asleep for a while. Your body simply couldn't take anymore."
At this, Harry hung his head in shame. How humiliating, to have collapsed like that, especially in front of the Diggorys. They were the ones who had lost a son, and they were standing strong despite their unbearable sorrow. Harry, who had barely known Cedric and hadn't even liked him much in life, was the one falling apart.
"Harry, pup, look at me." Gently, Sirius lifted Harry's chin and forced him to look into his eyes. "You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of," he said, his voice still soft but full of undeniable strength. "You have been through a horrific ordeal, and I won't allow you to feel ashamed of your emotions."
Harry suddenly couldn't take it anymore; all the self-loathing and guilt washed over him in a huge tidal wave; why was everyone being so nice to him? If only they knew, he thought as his mind replayed all the compassion he'd been given, especially from the Diggorys, who Harry deserved it the least from. When he next spoke, he barely got the words out; he felt as though he was choking on them. "Sirius," he said, his voice coming out small and stricken. "Sirius, you don't understand. I ... I didn't like Cedric."
He had done it. Harry had finally admitted the terrible truth to his godfather, the knowledge that had been destroying him from the inside out ever since the moment he'd really understood what had happened, that Cedric was never coming back. He recalled the dread he'd felt this morning before his conversation with the Diggorys. Their compassion towards him, and the fact that they didn't hold him responsible for their son's murder ... it tore him up inside, because if they truly knew of the jealousy he'd harbored towards their son, they would have had a very different response to him. Harry had never been more sure of anything.
But before he had a chance to think any further, and to realize that he might have turned his godfather away forever, he felt Sirius's strong arms pull him into an embrace. Astonished, he tried to pull away, but Sirius would have none of it. As he folded his arms around the shaking boy, he whispered, "And that knowledge is slowly tearing you apart, kiddo. You are now spending every single second thinking that your not liking him somehow caused this to happen." Once again, he forced Harry to look into the gray eyes that, even after Harry's terrible confession, held no condemnation, only love and concern. "Listen to me," he said, each word carrying with it a firm resolve to make Harry see. "Magic can do all sorts of things, kiddo, but it doesn't do that. You didn't make this happen by not liking him. And you would have never wished this on him, not in a million years."
When Harry continued to look astonished, Sirius put an arm around him again and began to rub his back. "I'm curious, though," he said softly. "What was it about Cedric that you didn't like?"
And Harry found himself telling Sirius more, feeling as though he was expelling the poison that had been inside his soul for what seemed like an eternity. "It's so stupid," he said, his voice filled with disgust. "It's for a really, really dumb reason. He was a far better champion than me. He always seemed to know what he was doing, and I had no clue. He had so many people who loved and cared about him, and they thought he was great because of who he was. He didn't have a stupid scar on his forehead, and they didn't only like him because he was famous. But it's all so stupid now, isn't it?" he asked, his voice full of shame and grief. "None of it matters now. He's dead. I was so stupid." Tears sprang to his eyes, and, unable to stomach discovering the look on Sirius's face, he sank his head deep into Sirius's shoulder.
Godfather and godson spent several moments like that, and Harry felt Sirius's arms tighten around him. For an indeterminable moment, Harry lost himself in the warmth, refusing to even wonder why Sirius was being so fiercely loving. He knew this only added to his stupidity and selfishness, and knew he'd be filled with humiliation later, but for now, he stopped caring.
Eventually, the flood of emotions ebbed slightly, and he finally had the courage to pry himself away. Thankfully, he had regained control of himself by the time he looked at Sirius again.
Then, Sirius spoke, and the words were filled with an endless conviction that surprised Harry beyond belief. "It's not stupid," he said fiercely, grasping Harry by the shoulders. "It's not stupid at all." He caught Harry's eyes and held them for a long time, and the gaze was unfaltering. "But, I assure you, I will make it my mission to make sure you never, ever feel like that again. You will never feel like you are not loved, not treasured and cherished for who you are. I know how the wizarding world treats you, and I understand completely how it makes you feel."
"But Harry, what you don't understand is that you do have people who love you just as much as the people who loved Cedric Diggory. Last night, I vowed to you that I would never allow myself to leave your side again, and I meant it. You're stuck with me now, and you will come to know that I don't give one single damn if you have a scar on your forehead or not. I don't care how many Dark Lords you defeat, and monsters you vanquish. Simply put, I love you for being you. You are Harry, my godson, and I love you."
And as he pulled Harry back into his arms, the boy was swept up in another wave of overpowering feelings, and he finally allowed the tears to come. He felt as though his soul was slowly being unburdened as the emotions poured out of him, and as he bathed in the safety and security of Sirius's warmth, he let them free.
After several minutes, the wave finally passed, and exhaustion settled over Harry again. His head continued to rest on Sirius's chest, and he luxuriated in the sensation until he suddenly felt a ripple run through Sirius's body again. Once it was over, soft, fluffy fur replaced the fabric of the shirt Sirius was wearing.
And as Harry sighed in contentment, a small smile pulled at his lips as Sirius let out the noise which had always meant so much to him, a noise which caused Harry to snuggle deeper into the body of the huge dog that would always protect him, no matter what.
"Woof, woof."
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