Everything you thought you knew was wrong. Well, not everything. The Earth's still round, to the best of my knowledge. But I've got revelations aplenty for you all. It has been one heck of a day and I am super eager to tell you, my wonderful readers, all about it.
First of all, I want to start out by saying I have absolutely no idea how Hagrid got to the island, and figuring it out is driving me batty. Apparently, he flew, according to him. Yet he doesn't have a broomstick, there's no pegasus or other flying creature there he could have flown on, and he refused to fly back. Instead, we went back on the same boat we arrived on. My best guess is that he actually swam to the island and dried himself off magically. But for the life of me, if this is so, I can't imagine why he claimed he flew. Was he just trying to impress me?
Well, if that was the case, then, honestly, mission accomplished. On our way back to the mainland, Hagrid regaled me with all sorts of cool stories about traveling to exotic locales. He wrangled wild creatures and kissed a lot of men and women. And sometimes vice versa. To which I say, totally cool, dude. You be you. I mean, at the moment, I'm not sure what my thing even is, but I'm sure it's not going to be nonhumans. However, I've always believed in tolerance. To be technical, I actually believe in doing the opposite of what the Dursleys do.
Hagrid spent a lot of time complaining about the Ministry of Magic. Apparently, the Ministry is an autonomous government handling the affairs of the mages of Britain. It wasn't clear to me whether or not they actually are a part of the Muggle government, but one thing Hagrid made clear was that magical politicians are just as bad as the Muggle kind. Maybe worse, which is saying something. I've never much liked Prime Minister Islington-Lennox, since the Dursleys think he's the best prime minister Britain ever had. Besides, how can you trust a man whose initials are FAIL?
But I'm not really the type of person to be interested in politics. Most politicians are idiots. But then again, most people are idiots. That's why it's called representative democracy.
Hagrid tried his best to blend in with the crowd as we went on the train back to London, but given how gigantic he is, that was sort of an exercise in futility. I asked him question after question about the magical world. I found it absolutely fascinating how there could be a world under our nose that we didn't even notice. He told me a lot of interesting things. First of all, my parents were actually quite well off, not drunken crack whores. They kept their money in a vault in a bank called Gringotts.
And get this. Gringotts is run by goblins. And its gold is guarded by DRAGONS. REAL ACTUAL DRAGONS. Dragons are real. I asked Hagrid if it was possible to ride a dragon. His only response was to laugh and tell me that I would have gotten along real well with someone named Charlie Weasley.
Our journey finally led us into London, where we went to a dingy pub named the Leaky Cauldron, near London Bridge. But get this: there was some sort of spell making it so no Muggles could see it! I couldn't even snap a picture of the exterior without the app breaking down. I did get a picture of the interior, for what it's worth. But, you know, it's not especially magical. Or clean. Now that I think of it, should 11 year olds really be going in a pub?
[Image description: The Leaky Cauldron, a dark, dank, dingy establishment. It would not surprise me in the least if the title turned out to be literal somewhere. I do not want to use this place's toilets.]
But enough complaining, because something very strange and maybe just a little disturbing started happening. People started crowding around me and wanting to get a piece of me like I was the king or something. It turns out I am world famous in the magical world for surviving the Killing Curse and apparently killing Voldemort. (Which, I might add, I still find to be extremely suspect. I was a baby.) I'm of two minds about this fame. On the one hand, it's going to a huge asset if I want to start my shop in the magical world. On the other hand, it's…really quite disturbing to be treated as a celebrity for an event that involved my parents' deaths.
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