The sky seems nostalgic, maybe because it's the only thing that I can remember from my childhood; something that has always been the same. Makes me glad I have a window in this room, if not I would've lost track of time years ago.
I don't want to get up, although I'm starving. But since today is the day I'll end my meaningless life, I guess I'll eat one last time. The kitchen is just the way I left it - a complete mess. I've lost interest in life, and this whole house is proof of that. The unwashed dishes emanates an absolutely pungent aroma and the bugs scattering around would make my skin crawl, if I actually cared.
I opened the fridge and realized I had put nothing inside this week, so I just grabbed a bag of chips I had left lying on the floor. After all, I would usually just throw the stuff that belonged in the pantry all over the place to make myself happy I found them. Afterwards, while I was eating the chips, I began to laugh hysterically, "Ahahaha...I guess this will be my last meal?" I chewed on one side do to a cavity on the other that I didn't bother to get taken care of "Well, I guess this is it" I thought out loud
I walked back to my room. It was equally as messy as the kitchen with just a slight different variety of trash laying around. I began to feel the hairs on my skin standing on end - I started to get nervous. I was frightened, but given the situation, that was normal "I guess I'm scared of myself... that's fucking stupid" I muttered under my breath while walking towards my desk. There it was; the thing that would end my life. I bought it years ago because I was scared of this world and I wanted to be safe, but today it will end my life. How ironic.
My hands were sweaty. I couldn't handle my emotions anymore as I had the gun in my hands and slowly aimed it at my head. My heart started pounding like crazy. I could feel the adrenalin taking over my body as if it was ready to fight a threat, but there was nothing like that. It was just me; I was the threat.
"Piece of shit body. You're going to show fear now even though you have no right, even after what I did? Hahahaahaha... well I guess that has nothing to do with how empty I feel. I would have felt like this regardless. It's pathetic I'm talking to myself in this way, just fucking do it. I'll do it.. I'll do it. ILL FUCKING DO IT" *click*
Hahaha...this has to be a joke right?
I chambered the next round
"Yeah that bullet was just bad I'l- no STOP I can't back down now. I'm not a pussy like everyone else" *click*
come on
*click*
PLEASE
*Click, click click click click click click click click click*
...