"I'm surprised you're talking to me normally this quickly. When I first saw you in the house I thought I'd have to listen to you rant about how I saved your life when you were like five or something and just smile and nod."
She had relaxed from her upright posture and was leaning back with her right leg up on her knee.
"Can I still do that?"
"Why would you do that?" She changed her glance and lowered her head a bit toward me. "I just said I didn't want you to do that."
"You didn't say that."
"I quite literally just said that."
"You said that you'd have to, but you didn't say that you didn't want to."
"If I am being forced to do something then naturally I wouldn't want to do it."
"I'm sometimes forced to do things that I want to do."
"Wh- what? What does that even mean? How can you want to do something and then be forced to do it?"
"Well maybe I forgot about doing the thing and then my teacher told me to do it."
"That's not being "forced" to do something you numbskull, you were reminded to do it."
"For someone who's supposed to be an icon of the needy you sure are acting like a noble."
She paused for a second and looked at me. Her smile disappeared from her face, as had mine.
"I'm inclined to believe that asshole may not have been fully lying about you. You really are able to change moods in a moment."
"Did he only write insults about me in his letter to you?"
"If this is a good sample of your behavior, would you be surprised if that was true?"
"You're really making me regret ever looking up to you right now."
"I get that a lot. It must be hard to confront your uncontrollable temper when you're right in the midst of it."
My sword was leaned against the side of the carriage to my right. I quickly grabbed the handle tightly, she watched my hand closely as I did this. When she spoke again she was in the same position that she started in, with her hands right at her side.
"I can understand very well that when you get emotional you tend to make poor choices. I am no stranger to rash actions, but if there is even a single rational part of you that can hear my voice I want you to question where you see yourself in the following moments if that blade moves in the slightest."
My hand clutched my blade even tighter than before, my entire body was shaking as I stared at her, I was too busy thinking about my next move to process whatever she was trying to say. She was staring back at me, and while it seemed like she couldn't do anything I knew that a single wrong movement would land me thrown right out of the carriage.
I can't go back to the house, and we're out in the middle of nowhere, I don't have any other options than to deal with her insults. I slowly let go of my sword and she brought her gaze away from my hand. She went back to looking at me as she brought her right leg onto her left knee again. I had to say something to break the silence.
"I'm sorry."
Not exactly what I would've said normally but it'll probably work.
"There's nothing that you have to be sorry for. At least not at your age. Emotions drive people to war, so swinging your sword at me because of them would be no surprise."
"You still do sound like a noble though."
She scratched the back of her head while responding to me.
"Well, I've had to spend the last several years around them. Eventually, you realize that it's not worth the trouble to retain the mannerisms you picked up during your time living nomadically. You'll give some things up someday."
"That doesn't sound right. Why do I have to give stuff up?"
"The way that everyone always talks about it is as though it's some sort of ritual of becoming an adult, some significant event in your maturation. I disagree with this, though."
"So you think that I don't have to give things up when I become an adult?"
"I think that's the wrong way to look at it. When I decided to change my etiquette so I could blend in with the crowds of nobles that would surround me and ask for favors, ask for my help in clearing out an area of the Aerdal forest for their new mansion, or simply try to make small talk, I didn't do that because I was really being forced to."
She looked out the carriage window at the passing landscape.
"We have a lot of beliefs that change as we get older. That's obvious, but some beliefs we like to stubbornly hold onto. Some experience that we've had is usually the reason why, whatever happened was so crucial that it's impossible to ignore no matter how long you wait."
She uncrossed her legs and moved closer to the window, probably to look at whatever was outside it. I wanted to see whatever she was looking at so I did the same.
"You realize when you get into certain places that the views you had were wrong. Maybe even to the point that the past you would scorn whoever you currently are and the opinions that you hold. It seems so impossible to do these things and then you get to that point and it's just a simple change. Maybe it's not even a change to you, you just find that you're doing it."
"That just sounds like what becoming an adult should be."
She turned back to me and smiled.
"I couldn't agree more. I think that there's this lesson we ought to stop teaching that there is some uncrossable line into adulthood, some major shift that you'll notice. If someone hadn't come along and told me that I'd changed I would still think myself the same girl that marched out of a lecture because the professor said that a commoner could never be as smart as a noble."
"You're from Ostantov, right?"
"If you know the name of my nation then you must be from the east side of Bretsnigel."
"Have you ever worked under their king?"
"I was not responsible for the invasion of your country, since that's probably where this line of questioning is going. I didn't help them either."
"Did you fight against them?"
"I'm sure if I wasn't halfway across the continent during that time I would've."
"Well, aren't you lucky?"
"You don't sound as menacing as you think you do right now, you're too young for this kind of thing."
My hand was nearing my blade which was still perched on the side of the carriage. She wasn't watching my hand this time but instead chose to still stare at me.
"Hey, instead of me having to talk you off of a self-imposed cliff, how about we skip the theatrics and get back to you begrudgingly talking to me."
I still had no idea how I'd find a way to both hit her and escape without a hole in my chest. I moved my hand back to my side yet again. At least she wasn't grinning like he would every time I chose not to smack him clean across the face.
"I'm going to be keeping count of how many times you think about trying to fight me, and you'll find out what I'm going to use that number for later. All I can tell you is that you'll either lose your short fuse or regret not losing it."
She paused for a second and looked baffled.
"Sorry, I fell victim to talking like I'm giving a speech. The point is that you should probably try to control yourself better for however long we'll still be in this carriage, otherwise, you'll be punished for it in some unforeseeable way."
For a while after I didn't talk to her at all. I was thinking about all the separate ways an argument could go, whether it erupted into a screaming match between me and her or whether I finally decided to ignore her threats and pick up my sword. I was just staring out the window thinking about the various ways I can get back at her for insulting me.
She was staring out the window as well looking at something that wasn't there. Every time she would move over, I would try to catch a glance of whatever she was seeing, but there was nothing but a changing landscape of grass, trees, and an absence of wildlife that was surprising for a road that stretched this far into the countryside.
I hadn't seen a single house for a while and yet there wasn't a single beast in sight either. I can't even remember any birds swooping down near the carriage. Were we in some sort of special area, some secluded space? I didn't remember passing through any gates, so there can't be anything that is keeping beasts out of these large fields and forests.
"If he were here right now, I wonder if you'd be more upset with me or him." She suddenly spoke again after what felt like eternal silence.
"You're not that bad."
"Fair. I did give you a pretty low bar."
I had to think about what she was saying before I spoke again.
"Aren't you his friend or something?"
"Something like that."
"Then why don't you like him?"
"I can find my friends annoying. All of my friends are annoying in their own way."
"I guess. He's probably the most annoying of your friends though, isn't he?"
"Absolutely. It's not even a question."
"You're confusing me."
"Listen, I've known him for a while, and I'm close to him, but that doesn't mean that I don't see him for the insufferable prick that he truly is. I mean I can only assume you were happy that I was taking you away both because well, I'm me, and also because you'd get to spend some time away from his stupid face."
"His face?"
"If you haven't come to hate the way he looks then you don't know the worst of it. Every single time he does something idiotic he always has this look on his face that perfectly makes the situation worse. That look changes, but he nails making the expression that screws things up the most every single time."
I couldn't help but start laughing, I couldn't point to it but something about the way she was describing him was so hilarious because it was spot on.
She spouted off more exaggerated insults and before I knew it I had completely forgotten about the fantasies of arguments in my head that I had won, about the sword fights I would best her in.
Just like that, she reminded me of why I admired her.