I
In the mid-1600s, the first dinosaur was discovered; it was named Megalosaurus. However, it was thought to be just an upscaled version of one of today's animals. The creature was reconstructed as a giant iguana.
In 1796, anatomist Georges Cuvier proved that animals could go extinct by comparing the bones of mastodons to modern elephants. This opened the flood gates - what other animals could have existed? One species of extinct reptiles captured everyone's imagination. Dragons were not fantasy; they were very much real. In 1842, Richard Owen coined the term dinosaur.
By the 1870s, paleontology became a legit science, and many would go fossil hunting - some for fame, some for scientific achievement, and others for... very personal reasons.
II
Clarence Crunch stepped out onto the sand. He ate burritos dipped in chocolate and cream. Crunch was a large, heavy man, as tall as he was wide, and had a massive, bushy beard. Opposite him was a man taller than him, with gray hair and a gray moustache, but was referred to as a handsome devil. He too was a paleontologist. However, this man was much more relentless in fossil hunting compared to Crunch's nonchalantness.
The man's name was Magnus, but he wanted everyone to call him by the name he had given himself, and that was Magmus Megalodon. Both of them shook hands. Clarence's hands were always sticky, and he gave sloppy handshakes. He was always slow with them, while Magmus was firm and quick. Something unexpected happened between the two.
They got along well.
Both shared a passion for fossils and prehistoric animals. Clarence specialized in reptiles and Magmus in mammals. They would both name a species after each other, and greet each other with a handshake and a kiss on each other's cheeks.
However, one summer day in 1877, it all changed.
Both of them stood in front of an Archaeopteryx fossil, and Clarence said, "This is a fine example of Darwin's theory of evolution. This fossil shows a clear missing link between today's birds and dinosaurs."
Magmus said, "What gibberish are you talking about? There is no such thing as evolution."
Clarence was about to take a bite of a cookie but stopped. This had never happened before. "You are speaking nonsense; evolution is law!"
Magmus was irritated. He was known for his fiery temper. "Lamarck is law! He clearly demonstrates how, if one species, let's say a man who carries a box if he carries them every day and gets stronger and stronger, then his children will inherit his strength."
"What a load of nonsense."
"And what do you believe in, evolution?"
"It is law! Lamarck was wrong. My mother was amazing in knitting, but I can't knit to save my life."
"You're a evolutionary dead end!"
Clarence took a piece of chocolate cake and waved it at Magmus. "You're a dead end for not believing in evolution, for not believing Darwin, when he said that we are apes!"
"You're an ape!" Magmus slapped Clarence's hand, and his chocolate cake fell to the floor. Clarence was brought to his knees. He cried and he picked up the chocolate cake. "I WILL BURY YOU IN HISTORY!"
"LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY, FAT BOY!"
A week later, both of them would start collecting fossils as many as they could. This would last for 15 years and would be known as the Bone War.
III
Digging up the fossils was always a nightmare venture. The scorching sun was relentless. There was little shade, the ground was as hot as a pan filled with pancakes. Once the bones were finally dug up, the hard part started. The dirt had to be removed but slowly; if a person would stroke too fast, it could result in the fossil being broken.
Tensions were always high as Magmus' short temper flared. "Gentlemen, these fossils laid here for millions of years, perfectly preserved, just laying here waiting FOR YOU TO BREAK THEM!" Magmus was always with all his workers, breathing down their necks and commanding them.
His workers were his students; Magmus was supposed to teach them biology; however, he never did. Instead, he forced the students to dig for the bones; if just one refused, they would all have to repeat the year. He always made sure to force them fossil hunting at the end fo the school year as then the students wouldn't be able to transfer schools. Magmus held high power in the school; only the principal had more power, and they were close friends.
The principal said, "the kids should be digging; they're lazy and pampered and should work their backs and breathe fresh air." He then forced the school's nurse to massage his feet.
Meanwhile, Magmus' rival, Clarence Crunch, never bothered to be near the dig sites; he simply ate his sweets in his tent. Clarence was wealthier and had experienced fossil hunters on his side. Clarence simply ate in his cool tent and waited for interesting fossils to be brought to him. Clarence's goal was to name 10 times more new species than Magmus; however, this was not easy as when a fossil is dug up, it is rarely in one piece, and the bones are always scattered. It takes weeks just to get a decent understanding of the bones. Are they one animal? Are they several different animals? Which bone goes where? It takes months to fully restore a fossil, and years to name the animal. Clarence would have his men restore the fossil, and he would name the creature at the latest in 3 days.
Clarence stuffed his face with cakes, his beard soaked in chocolate, his face covered in cream; he would pound his fist on the table and yell with a mouth full of cake, "BRING ME MORE DINOSAURS!"
In 1879, a carnivorous tall dinosaur was discovered; Clarence named it Allosaurus. At this point, Magmus was losing; however, he found something interesting not too long after. "This is a wonderful discovery, a new type of aquatic dinosaur!" he named it Elasmosaurus, however, it was not a dinosaur but a prehistoric reptile that lived alongside dinosaurs. During the 18th century, a dinosaur was every dead prehistoric animal that looked reptilian.
Magmus published his work enthusiastically, and Clarence Crunch published a reply to his findings stating that "I congratulate my college, Magmus Megalodon, for finding an incredible new animal. The Elasmosaurus was faithfully reconstructed by Magmus, except that the head is on the tail." Magmus mistook the animal's long neck for its tail.
This infuriated him; however, he did not believe Clarence. "He's full of it, I say."
"Relax, dear, don't let him get to you," his wife said.
"Shut up, I did not ask you for advice, I am only asking for pleasure in bed!"
"You filthy little man!" Se stormed away.
Magmus smashed his teacup. "GET BACK HERE!"
His wife locked the door; a few hours later, she hoped that her husband had cooled off. She went downstairs and saw Magmus dancing with a giant bone, almost as big as himself. He danced with the bone, which was dressed in his wife's wedding dress.
She screamed and ran away; Magmus saw flashing lights, and on the window were two men; they ran as soon as he saw them. The following day, in the newspapers, it was published that Magmus was insane, the picture of him dancing with the bone was also there. As well, several other paleontologists have confirmed that Magmus did indeed misplace the head of the Elasmosaurus. Magmus's reputation was in ruins; no one would ever take him seriously.
He fired back at Clarence by stating that Crunch had also misplaced several heads, and in his hurry, he had also named two distinctive species, even though they were both one. However, it did nothing, Magmus was in the drain.
By the late 1880s, Magmus had exhausted his resources, while Clarence still had so much more fuel. Magmus spied on Clarence and his workers, and once they were done with their fossil digging, Magmus and his team would sneak in and start digging. No matter how much one place is studied, there will always be new species that weren't yet discovered. An example is the Hell Creek Formation; despite being studied the most out of any place for centuries, new species are still being discovered.
Once Clarence learned of what Magmus was doing, he began to dynamite the fossil sites after he was done with them. This action meant that hundreds if not thousands of unknown species of animals will be forever lost in time.
However, this did not deter Magmus; he still continued to dig at the same sites that Clarence was at. Clarence then had another idea.
One day in the heat, Magmus was shouting orders on the fossil site, and a group of cowboys came; "Alright, you're done here," one of them said smiling. Magmus was furious. "A bit too old to dress up for Halloween, eh? Why don't you embarrassing messes go back to your mommies?"
The leader raised his gun. "Leave now."
"Ha! You think a toy scares me?"
The cowboys began to shoot live ammo, nearly hitting everyone. Magmus and everyone else fled; they were chased by the cowboys who were still shooting at them. After 30 minutes of running, the cowboys left them alone. Magmus collapsed on the dirt, his hair, his face covered in dirt, only his blue eyes can be seen, and above him, Magmus saw Clarence Crunch laughing and eating a chocolate cake, which oozed down to his beard, and the drops went straight to Magmus's face.
IV
Clarence entered Magnus' house with a bouquet of flowers. Magnus was seething, "What are you doing here and what is this!?"
"Relax, old friend. I came here to give you the last good thing you'll ever see," Clarence grinned. He then threw the flowers at Magnus and handed him a piece of paper.
"What is this?"
"Tell me, my dear Magnus, do you know of Robert Hooke?"
"Who on earth is that fool?"
Clarence took a bite of chocolate. "You see," he chewed it while talking, "he was a smart man but...was a rival to Isaac Newton. So Mr. Newton sought to destroy him. Not only did he erase every achievement of Hooke, but he also burned the only portrait of the man. He erased him from history. And my dear friend Magnus, I'm about to erase you from history."
Magnus read the paper and nearly had a heart attack. The paper exposed how he mistreated his students, didn't pay his employees, took credit for other people's work, and cheated on all his wives. But only one thing hurt Magnus, and that was that under a new law which Clarence himself signed, every fossil discovered in America belongs to the Museum of Paleontology, of which Clerance had recently become the chief. What's more is that every stolen fossil was to be turned into the museum as well. Most of Magnus' fossils were stolen, and the ones which weren't would still be confiscated due to his bad reputation.
Magnus had only one choice.
He spent every last penny to hire a private investigator who exposed Clarence for the same mistreatment and felonies that Magnus had committed. The bone war ended in 1892 when both men were left penniless.
Who won this war?
Clarence named 80 new species while Magnus named 56. However, Magnus claimed to have won the moral victory. On his deathbed, Magnus coughed. His seventh wife lay beside him. Magnus spoke, "When I die, I want my brain to be donated to science so that it can be scientifically proven that I am smarter than Clarence!"
He died in 1897.
Clarence, showing restraint for the first time in his life declined the challange, he spent his last years feeding ducks on the pond and entering chess tournaments. He would pass away in 1899.
The real winner of the bone war was...paleontology (albeit with a few scars). These two men brought paleontology to the mainstream. They made the science resonate with the general public, capturing their minds with prehistoric beasts. So many new species were discovered by the two of them. So much of the prehistoric climate, land, and behavior was learned. The popularity of their rivalry inspired many to look for fossils. Many became interested in prehistoric animals. Before them, most considered paleontologists as manchildren digging in the mud. But with their discoveries, they opened the Pandora's box, and humanity was able to catch a glimpse of what existed millions of years in the past. And many knew that we might find clues on how we came into existence.
Dinosaurs were my favorite as a child, and still, I admire them. I went from seeing them as monsters to now understanding them as animals. Amazing animals of an old world whose time was cut short. The two of them made dinosaurs just a little less misunderstood. Wherever you two are, I hope you're happy and getting along.