I stood in front of the mirror, my stomach churning with guilt and anxiety. Gently I touched the delicate lace of my wedding dress, tracing the intricate patterns with shaky fingers. The dress is a symbol of love and commitment, but I can't shake the feeling of dread that's hanging heavily in the air.
My night with Misha wasn't a mistake but by knowing this, the guilt seems to be gnawing at my insides like a hungry worm. I'm supposed to be spending my life with Kyle, I've put my heart and soul into arranging this wedding. Every detail thoughtfully arranged. I try to brush the feeling aside.
A knock came to the door, pulling me from my thoughts. Emma, my soon to be sister in law, married to Carlos Gonzalez, walked through the door. "Geni, are you okay?" She asked me. I forced a smile, trying to mask the turmoil raging inside of me. "I'm fine, just a little nervous about the wedding," I answered my voice trembling slightly. I can tell that she's still not convinced but at least she didn't ask any more questions. Emma helped with me with hair and makeup. I looked at my reflexion in the mirror for one last time. The feeling in my heart lingers like a storm cloud on the horizon.
As I walked down the sandy aisle towards the awaiting arms of Kyle Gonzalez, my heart was pounding in my chest. The ceremony was beautiful, the sun setting over the ocean's face. The loving faces of our friends and family, sitting on either sides of the aisle, in the pews. Everything seems perfect, but I know that it isn't because the man that's waiting for me isn't Misha Anderson.
As I reached the altar, I looked up into Kyle's warm eyes. Guilt and doubt washed over me. Am I really ready to spend the rest of my life with this man? I know that I don't love him like I should; but I could always live to love him more. Thoughts of Misha swirled around in my head as Kyle exchanged his vows. When it's my turn to say 'I do', I simply couldn't bring myself to utter these words. Standing before everybody in complete silence, my heart aching with indecision.
In a moment of clarity, I looked up into Kyle's searching eyes and whispered, "I'm sorry, I can't do this. " The shock and confusion on his face were heartbreaking, but I know that I can't go through with this facade any longer. In a moment of panic, I turned and ran.
I could hear the gasps and murmurs from the guests as I sprinted down the aisle, my white dress billowing behind me, not once looking back. Tears streaming down my face. I didn't stop until I crossed the busy street, and hurriedly made my way over towards an empty park. I sank down into a swing. The weight of my decision crushing me. What have I done? How could I have let things go this far? Sleeping with Misha the night before our wedding… I feel like a coward, a fool, a heartless person for leaving Kyle at the altar like that.
Deep down, I know that it was the right thing to do. I can't go through with a marriage that isn't built on love or a true connection. Kyle is a wonderful man, kind and caring, but he isn't Misha. I know that eventually I'll have to face the consequences of my actions, the hurt and disappointment, but in the end I'll rather follow my heart and that just so happened to belong to Misha, seeing how he'd stolen it from me.
After what felt like hours I made my way back towards the scene from which I've ran. I didn't expect to see Kyle still standing at the altar alone, head bowed. He looked up as I approached him, for a moment I saw the pain and rejection in his eyes, but then to my surprise a small yet sad smile tugged at his lips. "I knew that you weren't ready for this step," he said softly. I'm taken aback by his words. "How can you just stand there, being understanding and compassionate towards me. I've expected anger, hurt and betrayal from you, yet instead, I find forgiveness within your eyes," I said confusingly. It feels like my heart solidly tumbled into the soles of my feet. We stand in silence for a moment, the weight of my failed attempt down the aisle hanging between us.
Kyle looked up at me, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears as he spoke up, "Maybe one day, my darling Genevieve, our paths will cross again. Just know that I have loved you, completely and I will love you forever. Until we meet again..." He turned around and left me standing here alone, staring out over the ocean's boisterous waves, indicating that a storm is underway. Dark clouds rolls in over the horizon, casting a shadow over the turbulent ocean. Waves crushed against the side of the altar. The wind howled, creating an eerie symphony of creaks and groan.
I tore my eyes away from the roiling sea, but despite the danger I made my way over towards my car and climbed in behind the wheel. The dress big and puffy around me, making it hard to close the door behind me. After a moment, I've succeeded. With the storm still raging around me, I made for a specific destination.