I patted N on the shoulder after telling him I liked him, but I had barely processed his response. My mind drifted, lost in stray thoughts that kept coming up.
N was still talking, enthusiastic, with a nervous energy I couldn't contain, but I was barely listening. "I've been here for like two months now," he said, but to me, it was like his words were bouncing off an invisible wall. He kept talking about what he'd done since he arrived, how he'd tried to help Doll and J, but as his voice echoed in the background, my attention faded. I stared at the ground, at nothing, as my mind spun around recent events.
Everything that had happened outside, all the times I'd been on the brink of not returning, and now here I was, back at the base, in a place I'd once considered home. But was it really? I felt disconnected, like my body was here, but my mind was still trapped out there, running through those endless devastated landscapes, facing the killing machines, narrowly escaping one disaster after another. Or like some kind of day where you have to fight off old ladies for supermarket deals.
"And then…!" N's voice rose in pitch, momentarily breaking my distraction, as if he was desperately trying to get my attention. I turned my eyes to him, but only for a second. I couldn't help but smile a little. There was something about his nervous energy that reminded me of an enthusiastic puppy, always trying to impress, always trying to be helpful. But even though I appreciated his effort, I couldn't focus on what he was saying.
"How long did you say you've been here?" I asked, more out of politeness than real interest. His answer had completely passed me by, so I decided to try again.
N quickly repeated, "Two months ago! Since then I've been helping out with whatever I can… well, at least I try not to get into too much trouble. Although J sometimes gets me into some, but it's okay, I handle it well," he added, as if trying to reassure me, although it was clear that he was still a little afraid of J. I noticed that on his last comment he lowered his voice, almost whispering, afraid that J would hear him.
I couldn't help but smile slightly at that. "J can be a little harsh, huh?" I commented, although again, my mind was drifting away from the conversation. The two months N had been here were almost a blur to me. Where had I been all that time? Wandering around the world, facing things I'd rather not remember. As most people say, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
As N continued to explain with that enthusiasm that seemed to have no limits, I simply watched him, but without really listening. My mind was still caught in that confusion of memories and thoughts. There was something unsettling about coming back here, as if the base was no longer the safe place I once believed it to be. I realized that, although I was physically back, a part of me had remained out there. Did I have a midlife crisis yet?
The shower had made me feel momentarily refreshed, but now, sitting on that little stool, wrapped in a towel, with N talking incessantly beside me, the reality of everything that had happened was beginning to dawn on me. The physical injuries were only a small part of the damage; there was something deeper, something I wasn't sure I could fix so easily. Although a good drink would settle me.
"So... well, that's all I've been doing," N concluded, finally noticing that I wasn't fully attentive. But he didn't seem offended, rather he shrugged, as if he was used to people not always listening to him.
"Good, N. You're doing well," I said, without much enthusiasm, but with enough conviction that he felt like I was taking him seriously. In reality, I didn't even know what I had said for the past five minutes, but at that moment it didn't matter.
Finally, after a long silence, Nemo chimed in. "It seems you've been busy, and N has been... very active too," he said in his neutral tone, but with a slight hint of mockery.
"Yeah... sort of," I replied, still staring at some indeterminate point. I felt disconnected from everything, even from the base, even from myself. For a moment, I wanted to go back to the shower, let the warm water cleanse not only my body, but also my mind, to get rid of all that baggage I felt... or as you idiots say, get the bad vibes out.
N suddenly stood up, as if he had remembered something important. "Oh, I have to go. Doll wanted me to go over some details on... something. Well, you know, technical stuff," he said with a nervous laugh, before taking a step back towards the door. "See you later," he added, and left as quickly as he had arrived. Wow.. not suspicious at all..
When the door closed behind him, silence filled the room again. I stared at the door for a few more seconds, trying to process everything. Finally, I let out a long sigh. "Nemo, what am I supposed to do now?"
As I looked at myself in the mirror, I noticed how the reflected image seemed almost alien. My regrown beard and mustache made me look somewhat unkempt, and my hair, now loose, fell messily over my shoulders. I didn't have anything handy to tie it back, so I let it fall as it was, without too much concern. It seemed that, after everything that had happened outside, vanity was the last thing that mattered. Still, I decided that the beard and mustache needed to go. I wet my face and grabbed a razor from the shelf, beginning to shave with slow, precise strokes. As
I did so, Nemo interrupted the silence. "Maybe you should consider taking some time to relieve stress, now that you're back. I've been monitoring your stress levels and they're not doing well at all," he commented in his robotic but kind voice. "There are some activities you could try."
"Like what?" I asked, not taking my eyes off the mirror as I wiped away the last traces of stubble.
"Well, you could try meditation, it would help calm your mind. You could also take up reading. We had some books in the library that J brought over before everything went to chaos, or maybe just go for a walk around the grounds when Doll and J let you. I know you enjoy those moments of solitude." Nemo paused briefly before continuing. "You can also spend time going over the base's systems with me. We've made some improvements since you left."
I finished shaving and rinsed my face with cold water. I felt cleaner, lighter, though my mind was still caught up in conflicting thoughts. I dressed in more comfortable clothes, a t-shirt and some loose pants I found in the closet, and watched as my image in the mirror took shape again. Without the beard, I looked a little more like my old self, but something had changed. I was no longer the same me that had left the base months ago. Now you could say I was decently handsome. Well no, that's weird.
"Meditate, read, go for a walk…" I muttered, processing Nemo's suggestions. "They don't sound so bad, really. But tell me, will any of those activities make me forget what happened out there?" I wasn't expecting a real answer, it was just my way of expressing the frustration I still carried.
Nemo replied calmly. "I don't think forgetting is the answer. Rather, it's learning to live with what happened. The stress isn't going to go away on its own, but you can find ways to handle it better. Besides, Doll and J care a lot about you. Getting better is for them too."
I let out a sigh as I ran my hands through my hair, trying to get it into a decent shape, though without much success. "I guess you're right, Nemo. Sometimes it's hard to remember that I'm not alone in this.""Almost, since it's scary to talk to them sometimes, I say, they are robots..
"Exactly," Nemo replied. "And you have more support than you think. Even N, even though you hit him, seems eager to help you. It might be good for you to have some company while you recover, though you like silence, and if it doesn't work I can electrocute you at any time," he added in a not at all gentle manner.
I let out a short, somewhat bitter laugh. "Nemo, sometimes I feel like you know me better than I know myself and that you are partly a threat sometimes too."
"I'm just doing my job," he replied in his neutral but almost friendly tone. "I suggest you take the day slowly. You don't need to do everything at once. One step at a time."
I stood in front of the mirror for a moment longer, looking at the reflection of someone who was still unsure of many things. But at least he no longer had the beard and mustache that made him look more shabby. "One step at a time, huh? Well, I can try that."
I stepped away from the mirror, feeling that even though there was still a long way to go, literally the hallway was a bit long, I was starting to take those first steps.
As I walked towards the door, distracted in my thoughts, I didn't see the edge of a box that had been left lying on the floor. My little toe slammed into it, and the instant pain stopped me dead in my tracks. "Shit!" I screamed, an exclamation that echoed throughout the hallway. I leaned over, clutching my foot, cursing my clumsiness. Nemo's laughter echoed through the room, and his robotic voice added sarcastically, "Looks like the recovery is going to be more complicated than I thought." I gritted my teeth, still feeling the burn, "ROT NEMO!!"
...
.....
..
After that a few days passed and now I'm doing something 'productive' and not at all safe outside with the others to recharge the generators that were stored at the base.
As I worked on my "brilliant" idea, I began to feel like something was wrong. My skin crawled and the hair on my arms stood up.
…
A few hours earlier
…
J was checking out one of the equipment in the warehouse, where he noticed several forgotten generators, gathering dust. Apparently, Nemo had also spotted them and notified him that it would be a good idea to take advantage of them in case of emergencies, since the power at the base had been somewhat unstable lately. So, with his usual efficiency, J sought me out to propose recharging the generators.
When I heard the idea, something clicked in my head. "How about we try a quick recharge with the lightning from the storm? That's about to break out over the base," I suggested with an enthusiasm that made both Doll and J exchange doubtful glances. Nemo, who had been attentive to the conversation, also chimed in with his mechanical voice.
"There's a high chance of success," Nemo mentioned sarcastically. "However, there's also the possibility of catastrophic failure… Just a heads up."
I didn't mind the risk. The idea of channeling the energy of a storm sounded exciting to me, and for once, I wanted my crazy idea to work out. Without wasting much time, I convinced the others to get ready. Doll took charge of tightening the connections, checking the cables with that almost obsessive precision of his, while N, a little nervous and with his gaze fixed on the cloudy sky, helped move the generators to the area where we had the best exposure to the storm.
Once outside, thunder was booming, and the first drops were beginning to fall on us. I hope the raincoats I gave them will help keep them from getting wet. The cables and generators were ready, and we were all in our positions, waiting for the right moment.
"I hope this works and doesn't end up setting something on fire," J muttered with a mix of sarcasm and genuine concern.
Doll looked at me with anxious eyes. "You sure, what is safe?" (Are you sure it's safe?)
"Safety's not exactly my thing," I replied, smirking, my gaze fixed on the sky filled with electricity.
.
.
.
That tingling in the air could only mean one thing: lightning was about to strike. Despite the cold, rainy wind of the storm, sweat was pouring down my forehead as I looked at my companions. Doll and J didn't seem bothered in the slightest, and N, as always, was too wrapped up in his own thing, although his anxiety was starting to show.
Suddenly, I realized what I had forgotten. The most basic rule of being in a storm: don't be near metal. And boy, was I surrounded by metal… lots of metal. J, Doll, and N were basically walking magnets for lightning! My stupid brain, so focused on the plan to charge the generators, had ignored this small detail that now seemed gigantic to me.
"Shit!" I suddenly screamed, feeling panic starting to take hold of me. I couldn't just stand there or I was going to turn into charcoal. Without a second thought, I ran out like my life depended on it, which, to be honest, it probably did. Adrenaline carried me away from the group in a matter of seconds, just in time to avoid the lightning bolt that struck exactly where we were working.
The thunder boomed with deafening force, and I watched as the blinding flash lit up everything around me for a second. The lightning bolt hit the ground right where N was, who, of course, was completely unprepared for any of that. The poor drone jumped in fright, almost falling on its back as it screeched something I barely understood. Its eyes were shining with terror, and if it wasn't a robot, I'd swear its face was pale which really isn't any different from its natural color. It looked more like a scared animal than a killer drone at that moment.
Doll and J, on the other hand, had already anticipated what was about to happen. By the time the lightning bolt struck, they had both moved away to a safe distance, calmly watching the spectacle. Doll gave me a look that could be translated as an "I told you so," while J, as always, kept his expression neutral, although it was noticeable that he perfectly understood the situation.
After that, I decided not to approach any of them while we were outside, luckily they were understanding. It wasn't exactly that I was afraid of them, but the lightning incident had been a good reminder that next time, I might not be so lucky. The wind continued to beat down, and even though thunder continued to fall in the distance, I made sure to keep a safe distance. I hid near one of the makeshift shelters, letting them handle the rest of the work.
From my new, safer spot, I watched as they tried to restart the generators after each lightning strike that struck nearby, while I just took care not to die. In the end, we didn't manage to charge the generators, but at least we all made it out in one piece.
That afternoon, as I explored the base a bit more, I found a couple of cans of soda. I grabbed them, inspecting the label, which was so faded I couldn't even read the expiration date.
J and Doll looked at me with a mix of doubt and concern. J was the first to say something. "I don't think you should drink that. It looks like it's been here for… well, a long time."
Doll, in her most direct style, muttered, "Ты что, совсем с ума сошёл? Это опасно!" (Have you gone crazy? That's dangerous!)
But of course I chose to ignore them. "Bah, what's the worst that can happen?" I said with a smile and brought the can to my lips. A few minutes later, I discovered the worst that could happen. I ended up running to the bathroom, throwing up everything I'd had for breakfast that morning.
As I leaned over the toilet, J appeared in the doorway with an "I told you so" look on his face. "I knew you weren't going to listen to me."
Doll, who had stayed right behind her, was muttering in Russian in a softer tone: "Я же предупреждала... Пожалуйста, будь осторожнее..." (I warned you... Please be more careful...).But now she was more worried than upset, and it showed.
After a while in the bathroom, with my stomach finally empty of all contents and leaving behind the obvious conspiracy of both, I let myself fall on the couch, exhausted but better. Doll was soon curled up next to me eo eo eo, since when such a pest??, I look at her while her head is resting on my shoulder while absentmindedly playing with a mini console she had found. Every now and then, her eyes would stray from the screen to make sure it didn't disappear again.
Oh.. and to my right, N had fallen asleep, with his head resting on my lap. Hey kid I don't remember giving you such a privilege. I tapped him on the screen to see if he was really sleeping, although that was obvious since on his screen he clearly had letters loading 'ZZZZZZ', His breathing was soft and calm, almost making me forget that he was a robot. Anyway, I didn't care, it wasn't uncomfortable at all, although his nervousness from before amused me.
In front of me, J was sitting in a chair, reading a thick book that looked awfully boring. Her gaze didn't lift from the pages, but there was something in her posture that told me she was attentive to any movement I made. Plus, she had her tail wrapped around my ankle, like it was a rope. I hadn't noticed until that moment, and I arched an eyebrow.
"Really, J?" I said, pointing at my ankle. "I understand that I'm someone very irresistible but that's a bit much."
She didn't even look up from the book. "It's so you don't get up and do the opposite of resting."
I let out a sigh, resigned. I wasn't going anywhere with her watching me like that. At least, for now, I had to stay still.
Sitting on the couch, with N asleep on my lap and Doll focused on her mini console, the atmosphere was as calm as it could be. For a while at least, the storm from earlier seemed like a distant memory, and though my stomach still felt queasy from the expired soda cans, I was more comfortable. J was still there, her gaze fixed on her book, but her tail was still tightly wrapped around my ankle.
After a while, J looked up from her reading, peering at me over the top of the book in curiosity. Her expression, though neutral, held a hint of intrigue that I found unexpected. She closed the book, and bluntly blurted out, "What does it feel like to be human?"
Her question took me by surprise. It wasn't something I had expected from her, and certainly not at that moment. I sat there thoughtfully for a moment, trying to find the right words to answer.
"Being human…" I repeated, slumping a little further onto the couch as I stared at the ceiling."It means that I am the purest and most incredible perfection" I told her with an air of wisdom and superiority while she looked at me as if I were the most defective thing in the world and in her visor she said "really?" with notable sarcasm.
"Okay okay okay okay, if I'm being honest, being human isn't anything to write home about. We have a lot of flaws. We get sick easily, we feel physical and emotional pain, we get tired and stressed out over the odd thing…" I laughed a little, remembering all the times I'd felt overwhelmed or frustrated.
"We also age, lose abilities over time, and we're pretty fragile compared to you guys. I mean, look at my hand." I showed her my hand with a missing finger. "We break easily."
J looked at me intently, processing everything I was saying, but her expression didn't change much. She seemed to be waiting for something more.
"But," I continued, "there are things that aren't so bad. We can learn, adapt, create. And there's at least one thing we have that you guys don't…" I paused, letting curiosity creep into her gaze before saying, with a mocking smile, "We can grow." I deliberately dragged out the last word, knowing this would annoy her a little. I couldn't help but let out a small laugh as I looked at her, aware of her height.
J shot me a sharp look, her tail tightening around my ankle. "I don't know what you find so funny," she said, keeping her tone cool, but clearly annoyed by the joke. "Are you implying something about my height?"
"Not at all," I replied, feigning innocence. "I'm just saying that growing is part of being human. It's not my fault that some don't have that ability."
The grip on her tail tightened, and while it didn't hurt, it was definitely a reminder that she wasn't going to let that taunt go so easily. "I see you have plenty of time to joke around, but not enough time to rest like you should," she said, not letting go.
Grinning, I raised my hand in surrender. "Help, help," I muttered playfully, turning to Doll, who was still engrossed in her mini console. "Doll, are you just going to let J catch me like that?"
Doll didn't even look up from her screen. "Not now… I'm playing." Her words were quick, emotionless, clearly more interested in her game than my situation.
"The betrayal! The disappointment, bro! At least N understands me," I exclaimed in a dramatic, offended tone, glaring at the small drone sleeping on my lap. But, as expected, N was still completely unconscious, her head still resting on my leg and her breathing soft and steady.
I glanced back at Doll, who was still focused on her mini console, seemingly ignoring my fake cry of distress. However, unintentionally, my movement shook her console a little, and suddenly the screen showed a big "GAME OVER." Doll's expression immediately changed. A mix of surprise and indignation crossed her face,and he put the console aside, glaring at me.
"What did you do?" she said in a low, dangerous tone. Her face was no longer its usual calm self, and a spark of fury lit up in her eyes.
"It was an accident, I swear. I didn't do it on purpose!" I said, raising my hands in defense, but it was too late. Doll lunged at me without warning, her hands clamping down on my shoulders as I tried to hold back my laughter. "Ow, ow, ow! J, help! She got angry, aaaah!"
Doll, clearly upset at losing her game, bit my shoulder mercilessly, as if it were a punishment for interrupting her moment of digital victory. The pain was mild, but the attack was completely unexpected, and I slumped back onto the couch, laughing as Doll held me down under her 'ferocious' assault.
"She's biting! Someone help me!" I yelled between laughs, though the situation was more comical than dangerous.
J watched everything from his seat, his expression still impassive as his tail remained tightly coiled around my ankle. He didn't seem to be in a hurry to intervene, though for a second his mouth curved into a small smile. "Are you sure you need help?" he asked in his usual dry tone. "You look like you're enjoying yourself too much."
"It's not funny, I swear!" I tried to say between giggles as I tried to wriggle out of Doll's grip. "Do something, J! Before I lose my arm! Please!"
Doll continued to nibble at me, though it was clear it wasn't with any real force. Rather, it was her way of expressing her frustration at losing the game. Still, she continued without easing up her attack, and I squirmed on the couch, trying to defend myself while still laughing.
"J, please! It's out of control!" I added dramatically, as if I really was in mortal danger.
J finally let out a stifled laugh. "I think you deserve it for teasing her."
N, meanwhile, remained completely oblivious to everything that was going on, his head resting against my leg, deep in sleep. Despite all the fuss, he didn't move an inch. Really? Does this one make him that hard of a sleeper?
Finally, after a few more seconds of struggling, Doll loosened her grip and leaned back, though she still looked at me with an annoyed expression. "Это было глупо." (That was dumb), she muttered before sitting back down next to me, crossing her arms in disapproval.
I rubbed my shoulder, which was still slightly sore from her playful biting, and looked at J with a smile. "Well, maybe I deserved it a little."
"A little," J repeated, still watching me from her seat. "I hope you learned your lesson."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say," I replied, flopping back down onto the couch. "But seriously, let your tail off my ankle. I'm starting to feel like I'm more trapped than a prisoner."
J raised an eyebrow. "Not until you're ready to behave. Someone has to make sure you don't get into any more trouble. And evidently, I'm the only one here capable of doing that."
I snorted, knowing I had no hope of convincing her. Apparently, J had taken the role of my jailer very seriously. But truth be told, I didn't mind all that much. The atmosphere in the base was relaxed, even with the small moments of chaos that always seemed to follow me around.
Doll kept glancing at me out of the corner of her eye, still clearly annoyed, but eventually she began to focus back on her console, and soon the sound of clicking buttons filled the air as she tried to regain any progress she'd lost. I, for my part, leaned back, staring at the ceiling and letting the exhaustion slowly envelop me as I closed my eyes for a moment, enjoying the warmth of the couch and the soft sound of Doll's console.
The silence and calm that had settled on the base was short-lived. Nemo, with his usual monotone and tendency toward black humor, interrupted the moment with a sentence that no one wanted to hear. "Don't worry," he said ominously, "one day you'll die, and this bunch of misfits will rust."
The comment was so out of place that it shocked me for a few seconds. Not just me, but everyone. I felt Doll stop playing immediately, and J looked up from his book with a stern expression. It seemed like Nemo had crossed the line, even by his standards.
"What kind of joke is that, Nemo?" I replied, still a little stunned by the crudeness of the comment.
"Just a reminder of our ephemeral condition," Nemo replied, without any trace of remorse in his voice. "After all, I'm not the one trapped in a flesh-and-blood body or a chassis with an expiration date."
The atmosphere turned awkward. Even Doll, who rarely paid attention to what Nemo was saying, stopped pressing the buttons on her console, and J slowly closed his book, directing a cold gaze towards the speakers where the AI's voice was coming from.
But the most comical thing of all was N's reaction. Still half asleep, he lifted his head from my lap and, with a totally confused face and half-lidded eyes, muttered, "Who's the adopted one?"
I was silent for a moment, trying to process what N had just said. I looked at Doll, who was equally confused, and then at J, who was trying to keep his composure, but was clearly trying hard not to laugh.
I couldn't help but burst out laughing. The absurd combination of Nemo's dark words and N's innocent confusion was just too good.