Back at work, Weiwei found herself thinking about Qi several times a day. No matter how much she tried to prevent these thoughts from popping into her head or push them away as soon as they did, they kept coming back.
Weiwei had never been in a relationship, and thinking about a man so often felt unfamiliar and concerning to her.
Why am I thinking about him so much? Why am I only thinking good things about him?
In fact, that was the most troubling part: that thinking about Qi felt pleasantly sweet. Weiwei's mind returned to their tour of the city and the harbor cruise, and she had to admit to herself that not only did she enjoy the trips, but also that she enjoyed them so much more because he was there with her.
"Ready?"
Weiwei looked up. She almost forgot that she had invited Yihan for lunch.
Too much daydreaming!
"Of course, I'm ready," Weiwei tried her best to beam.
They walked to a nearby café and talked about their work and coworkers. It was clear to Weiwei that Yihan enjoyed her dominant position, so she decided to ask her directly:
"You are so confident at work, Yihan. Everyone listens to you. How do you do it?"
"It's very easy," Yihan smiled with a bit of condescension. "There is no secret to it. Just be confident."
That sounds so easy, but it's not. I don't think I can suddenly just start being confident.
"Is that really it?" she asked out loud. "I mean, some people are confident, but no one likes them."
"True," nodded Yihan. "But the thing is – I don't care if others like me." She glanced at Weiwei. "I don't mean you, of course, Weiwei. I mean, in general. Especially men. I'm not trying to get them to like me. What's important is that they respect me. If you don't show confidence and power, men won't respect you. I'm sure you know that."
Weiwei shook her head. "Only vaguely. How did you know so much about men? From a boyfriend?"
"A boyfriend?" Yihan laughed lightly. "Why would I need a boyfriend to figure that out? Men are so transparent; it's all written on their faces. You're funny, Weiwei. A boyfriend!"
Weiwei hung her head. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."
"Oh, that's fine," Yihan said, waving her arm. "I don't mind at all. Have you had a boyfriend?"
Weiwei colored. "No."
Yihan nodded in approval. "Good for you, who needs them? Men are so pretentious. They think they have some sort of right to their girlfriend." She looked at Weiwei with encouragement. "You are much better off without a boyfriend. I'm happy to see you've figured it out. Girls who obsess about men are so pathetic!"
"That's why you don't want a boyfriend?" asked Weiwei cautiously and curiously.
"Exactly. Look at all the edge you have over men when you're not attached. Many of them take you more seriously because they know you don't care about them. Others think they have a chance, so they flatter you and give way."
"So, you'll never get a boyfriend?"
Yihan shrugged. "No, I'll get a boyfriend when it's time to get married, closer to when I'm 30. I'll choose a boyfriend who will definitely become my husband. Why do I need a boyfriend otherwise? I'm just fine without one."
"She must be very strong and cold inside," thought Weiwei. "I'd feel lonely. I do feel lonely most of the time; I wouldn't mind being less lonely."
She froze at the thought that she must be really desperate for a friend.
No wonder—I've never had a real friend.
"It must be hard to find a reliable boyfriend," Weiwei muttered to keep the conversation going.
Yihan waved her arm dismissively again. "I'm not worried about it. I have so many followers online, and I meet a ton of people, so I'm sure I'll find someone suitable. Of course, online followers are mostly losers. But still, you must have your profile out there – it's just like having your resume page, really. It's a must."
It sounds like we are talking about an online marketplace. Except instead of clothes and shoes, it sells relationships.
Weiwei sighed to herself.
In the old days parents and relatives would market a woman to the neighbors to get her married. Nowadays women advertise themselves online. Sad, sad, sad.
"Why do you ask?" asked Yihan. "Are you looking for a boyfriend?"
Weiwei stared. "Me? No, of course not."
Yihan smiled. "Why do you say 'of course'?"
She's flattering me.
"I wouldn't be able to find a boyfriend."
Yihan raised her flawlessly groomed dark eyebrows. "You? Nonsense! What makes you think that?"
"I'm too shy."
Weiwei saw a little smirk on Yihan's face. "That's easy to fix. Just get over it."
"Get over what?"
"Being shy," Yihan looked at Weiwei firmly. "Is there anything wrong with you? You're smart, you're pretty, you're young. You have to be more confident, Weiwei, more in control. Don't sit around and wait. Just get what you want. Otherwise, someone else will get it. Don't let that happen. And don't let anyone else control you."
Weiwei forced out a smile. "Thanks, Yihan. You're so cool."
Yihan raised her water glass nonchalantly.
"That I am," she agreed. "And you can also be cool."