All I could remember was the darkness and silence before the light. I felt wet and mushy, which was very uncomfortable, but that wasn't my main focus right now.
I felt the rain pouring on my face and struggled to stand up, forcing my eyes open. I could hear people moving around, but all I could see was bright light. Slowly, things started to clear up, and I made out four figures in front of me.
It felt like I had no sense of self; I didn't know who I was or why I was here. I had a vague feeling of getting something back, but it was all hazy. After a bit, I was able to make out the four figures: two boys and two girls. They looked just as confused as I felt.
I tried to say something, but my throat felt tight and strained. I cleared it, and before I could speak, I heard sobbing. I looked down and saw one of them crying—a girl who was curled up and weeping. That's when it hit me:
…David…
That's my name. My name is David. For everything to make sense, we need to go back to the last day I remember.
9 AM
It was a regular Saturday—no school or anything stressful. I slept in and, even though I had been awake for a while, I didn't get out of bed. I stayed there, just staring at the back of my eyelids. I wasn't ready to face the world yet. It felt peaceful being in my bed surrounded by darkness. It was the highlight of my Saturdays, but I had to get up eventually. My short attention span made lying there motionless for three hours boring and uninteresting.
12 Noon
I finally got up with my eyes still closed, stretched, and groaned. I dragged myself to the bathroom and took a shower. When I came out, I was drenched but enjoyed the moist feeling, so I didn't dry myself. I dressed in my usual baggy clothes, and headed downstairs. I lived alone since my parents traveled a lot, leaving me home most of the time. Even though this was a dream come true for many teenagers, it wasn't as exciting as it seemed because I had no friends or social life to enjoy it with.
I didn't have friends or a girlfriend to bring over, so having the house to myself wasn't as thrilling as it could be. I enjoyed having mini concerts where I played music as loudly as possible and imagined I had friends around to enjoy it with me. I spent a lot of time daydreaming about a different life—a life where I was confident enough to make friends and talk to people. In my imagination, I was good at it and everyone liked me, but in reality, I froze up when interacting with others. Some people had tried to be friends with me, but those relationships usually lasted only a few days before they realized how quiet and reserved I could be. I promised myself I could be interesting, but I preferred to listen rather than risk ruining a new friendship.
Being antisocial also meant I felt invisible. I was noticeable to new people, but once they got to know me, they tended to overlook me. I didn't hate anyone for leaving or not staying, nor did I hate myself. I had gotten used to the loneliness and found that trying to change it often made things worse. My parents gave me enough money to buy what I wanted, so I had music to keep me company.
Music from around the world connected me to different artists, making me feel less alone.
5 PM
There was a party happening tonight, and the best part of being invisible was that I could attend any party without drawing attention. I planned to get drunk, steal some pills, and get high at home.
8 PM
The party was supposed to start at 8, which meant around 9:30 in teenage time. I was already ready with my outfit: a baggy shirt, jeans, and my accessories (a necklace, a ring, and boots). I sprayed some perfume on my clothes and made my way downstairs again.
I made myself pancakes and milk while listening to some lo-fi music, which was the mood I was in.
9 PM
I headed to the party, carrying a bag of chips and checked the school group chat. Jason and Blair, the King and Queen of Union High, had broken up. In high school terms, it was like Beyonce and Jay-Z breaking up—pretty big news. I walked into the party, and it wasn't too bad, considering I was early. I sat on a bean bag, facing the pool, eating my chips and enjoying the music. They were playing "I Like the Way You Kiss Me" by Artemis, which was my kind of song. The lighting made it feel like I was in a music video, and I was having the time of my life alone.
10 PM
The party was getting louder, but I stayed on the sidelines, just watching and eating. The music was great, and the sight of people partying and dancing was even better. I wondered what it would be like to be a DJ and see the view from their side of the room. While I was lost in thought, I heard a fight break out near the pool. It was between Jason, Blair, and a random girl. Blair was yelling, and the random girl was crying. I decided to check out the DJ booth, hoping to see the view from there. As I moved through the crowd, I felt someone touch me and then push me.
Splash
I fell into the pool. The water was wobbly and muffled, and I felt it entering my nose. I was drowning. I tried to swim, but it felt like I was being pulled down. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to imagine this was a dream, and curled up, waiting to wake up in my bed.