—AKANE's

It was a random weekday at school, another Friday. The class was buzzing with excitement about the upcoming trip to a seaside resort. We were planning and organizing for it. It was a few weeks before exams, and students wanted to play a bit before that. Summer was approaching as well. I was thinking that I could take some classes to fill my time. Most past summers were just the same; I'd finish school and then go to summer school. On the other hand, my twin sister, HANAMI, was already planning her social calendar. She enjoys hanging out most days with our mates and her mates—more like the whole city. Her outgoing personality was a stark contrast to her quiet demeanor. She talks little but somehow gathers friends and people around her like tokens. This summer, she'd surprised us by mentioning a potential part-time job. We are in year 11, and next year is our last year at secondary school. She was told off by Mother for just chilling around and not preparing herself for university. But Mother seems pleased and calmed by our older brother, who was a source of pride with his excellent grades and promising future. MAKI is about to graduate secondary school at last.

Everyone was crowding around each other to discuss what we should bring to the trip. It will be at a small traditional resort near a beach, so we can have some time to chill and swim there.

YURI taps AKANE, who seems lost in his own world, and asks, "You seem like you are drowning in your thoughts, aren't you?"

—Ha?

—Did your mother give you guys permission?

—Yeah, me and HANAMI are coming. MAKI is not. He wants to focus on his upcoming college entry exam.

—Boring, he is. What's the harm in having some fun before getting crushed by school?

—I don't think MAKI will be missing much. I'm not really wanting to go, but HANAMI is insisting.

YURI patted AKANE's shoulder and went to continue discussing the trip with the others.

—YURI's

Although it was a regular Friday, it was not entirely so for Yuri. This handsome, popular student was preparing to confess his feelings to a friend he had grown close to. Green, shining eyes just like the leaves midway through spring, and wavy, short golden hair with a bit of a messy hairstyle—anyone could tell a brush never went through his hair for a long while, but he still put on a smart look that couldn't help but catch the eyes.

This has to be a very irregular day for the guy who receives love confessions almost once in a while to spit out love words to his crush. YURI had asked FUYU to meet with him at lunch break in the music class.

FUYU, a lovely, fun soul, with reddish hair and pure brownish eyes, was standing in the little sunlight rays coming into the empty class, only crowded with a few instruments here and there. YURI nervously walked in, and FUYU turned around instantly with a smile on her face, asking, "What is it you need to talk to me about, that you had us meet here?"

YURI flinched for a moment but for another moment picked himself together and thought, "Is this how these girls feel when they tell me they like me? This is a totally fucked up way to ever feel."

"To be honest with you, FUYU, we have been good friends for a long while now."

—Yes... we are. Is everything okay?

—Yeah. Yeah, everything's alright. I just want to say that I don't just see you as a friend.

Confused, FUYU seemed a bit scared, maybe of the thought that YURI didn't want to be friends with her anymore. But why? Nothing happened between the two of them. "Did I do something wrong?" she wondered, more and more of these dark ideas clouding her mind, starting to feel ill in her stomach and her eyes getting blurred, just for YURI to say, "I like you, FUYU. Will you go out with me?" He was standing still, stiff like a rock because of what he just said. He said it finally. The cloud over FUYU's head just vanished. She didn't know whether to feel relieved or worry again about how to reject YURI. She never felt that way towards him, but the guilt of her not realizing earlier is rising. She blames herself for not noticing and behaving differently with beloved YURI. The bell cut the silence of this cliché scene and rang, which to FUYU was a rescue sent from the heavens. It pushed her to say, "YURI, can you wait a bit? I will give you my response." In a rush, she left. She doesn't trust what she just did. She thinks that was the wrong answer. She should have told him the truth and been done with it. Now, over her head is another cloud growing.

—QUINN's

Math class is the most boring. I find it ridiculous that AKANE enjoys it, even being his favorite subject. I know a psychopath when I see one.

His head lying on the table, looking in the window's direction, QUINN felt sleepy and couldn't concentrate at all. He was counting every second till the bell rings and PE class starts, a football team player he is. Even though he had so much passion for football, he didn't seem to care for serious improvement. It is just for fun—that is what he thinks—and sometimes this causes a lot of the others to look down at him as a person with such a huge ego. They envy him for his talent. Although he is not the best or even close to the top players on his team, he could easily manage to bypass them just by practicing and staying consistent.

QUINN isn't popular, but also no student hasn't heard of him at least once. QUINN is just not a hot topic compared to YURI. In reality, if it was not for the fact that they are both so close, others would even know less of QUINN.

The boring class has finished, and the bell just rang, again being the savior. QUINN, with energy, stood up right away before even the teacher left the classroom, got his sports uniform, and headed to the changing room.

Barely any of the other players have arrived, yet he was already all set. On the playground, he was stretching and gearing up for the match, in sharp contrast to the other students, who were lacking any enthusiasm.

''It is PE, my favorite class if you call it one. The coach is careless and barely attends the classes. He just has the team's captain doing all the work for him while he sits on the bench, clicking his phone and having his lunch, probably for the third time today''.

For other students who do not participate in team sports, they get instructions for their tasks from class representative JAE-HA, a clever student, straightforward and practical. Lots of students do not like PE because of him. He seems to put in the effort the teacher himself is not willing to, when they could just chill and play around since the coach couldn't care less about what they did. That was not what JAE-HA stood for. Hence, gradually throughout the year, he managed to replace the coach and be almost fully responsible for PE.

—HANAMI's

HANAMI was just about to wrap up her belongings to leave now that the day had ended when FUYU rushed into her class and grabbed her arm in a hurry, saying: "HAN, I am about to lose my mind, I need you to help me!"

Surprised, she replied: "Ha... wait, what is this about?"

—"Not here, let's walk home and talk."

—"Just us?"

—"Yeah, inform your brother that you will be a bit late, tell him we are going somewhere."

—"Listen... AKANE will be in trouble. I promised mother I won't hang around after school."

—"For god's sake, let's then miss a stop and walk back."

HANAMI hesitated but nodded yes and took off with FUYU.

The walking and talking journey started, HANAMI quietly listening to FUYU's complaints. Finally, she stopped walking, stood still, looked dead in the eyes of her long-time friend, and said: "You are an idiot."

FUYU flinched and was taken aback by HAN's words.

—"I am in need of your help, not silly, useless comments. Wtf am I supposed to do??"

—"You are about to ruin a friendship with your stupidity. You should have brushed it off immediately when he asked you to meet up. Why the hell would someone meet another in a remote, empty class except to bully them or confess?"

—"Alright, for that, yeah, I was innocent, but this is the most awkward crap I have ever been in. I like YURI, but not like that. I am very confused."

—"You should just spit it out, say no now, go back home, and call him. Do not get me involved in your drama. Let him know you are seeing someone else."

—"I was not ready for this. Maybe if I had just told everyone about MOON-HAE, things would have been different."

—"Not maybe, for sure, you dummy."

—"Why bother asking you? I know you would tell me to just be freaking honest. How easy to just say that."

—"No, it is what I would do, nothing about honesty love."

Back from school, she entered the house and greeted her family. Her mother and brother were dining; they all paused. HANAMI's mother, with sharp looks, crossed her arms and directed herself toward the awkwardly standing HANAMI, saying: "Where have you been? I thought we just had a discussion two days ago about this matter??"

—"I went with FUYU and missed our stop. We had to walk back all the way. She probably hasn't arrived home yet."

—"You could have informed your brother, at least, or me, but careless you are. Get changed and come have some dinner; we just started."

Annoyed but quickly, she jumped to her room, got dressed, and hopped on her chair, joining them. Family meals were a sacred thing in this household. Even if you were not hungry or had eaten before, you must sit at the table. These are the rules mother put in place after father passed away. As annoying as this custom is, it has been important and impactful on our family. Somehow it managed to gather us in a way that no one could ever imagine, creating an unbreakable bond that none of us would dare to give up.

Each one of us knows how weird this is, but time went on, and we forgot about this feeling. It was only difficult and cruel when we started doing it, a few days after dad was gone. Mother was in a constant low and devastated state for those days, yet even when she was clearly in so much pain at the time, she picked her broken self piece by piece and made it a rule to never miss a meal since she missed father's last meal with us that day.

Busy with work, she rushed to it, not properly saying goodbye to our unemployed father. But that was normal—yet it was his last day. Sometimes I blame him, but other times I feel mad at myself for not stopping him. He slipped away. Mother kept telling us that we were too young to figure it out, that she was at fault and never us.

Blaming herself for that, mom grew into such a protective person, to the point that it is indeed annoying. I understand where she comes from, I get it, but this is not the case for my brothers, especially AKANE. Mother is strictly protective of him. She knows everything and anything about him, but if she misses something, she may lose herself. Of course, I could only notice, but my brothers seem to have adapted to her personality and actually do not mind it at all. In fact, they get anxious when mother does not let them know what they should and should not do. Every decision they make has to be finalized by her. MAKI has started gradually managing things on his own since he is about to graduate and go to university. He is still lacking experience, but mother cares more than enough to get him to know what the life of a college student will be. She has been able to let go of her strictness, I have noticed, teaching him the skills he needs and counting on him in our family guiding. She has been spending the time to do that.

On the other hand, AKANE has given up his own will. Drowned in his own world, he always seemed to be. Mother also likes it this way better—her weakest child is depending on her, which is what she desires the most. "He is the easy one," dad has called him, but that is, in my opinion, a sad way of living. Being sculpted with the expectations of causing no trouble or drama will turn against him when he finally starts to make a fuss.

And sooner I hope for this to happen rather than later, now that he is still a little boy in his mom's nest.

—FUYU's

Anxiety is taking over her mind. FUYU is not particularly a purely kind person, but little things really take over her head easily. She cares only for a few people around her, those who she values, but the moment they are of no value, FUYU just lets go loosely.

Back from school she is, threw her bag and herself on the bed. She is physically fatigued, mostly due to her overthinking habit. FUYU's place is dead silent since her father is at work; he rarely comes back early. A hard-working guy, FUYU thinks of her dad, that is why she chose to live with him after trying the taste of life with her mother, who has little to no attention to give to her only child. In contrast, FUYU's dad is barely in her sight, yet he keeps her company even when he is not present. His daughter is his only purpose to live; sometimes that scares FUYU, the idea of anything bad happening to her would potentially destroy her beloved father.

Staring at her phone, thinking and thinking over and over about what to do, HANAMI's face popped into her head saying, "improvise dummy," something HAN would definitely say, FUYU thought.

She rushed to stand, took some of her belongings, and took off. FUYU's destination is a small playground nearby a convenience store. While heading there, she called YURI, and he, as she expected, answered so fast that she got shivers from how nervous she was.

-hey, how is it going for ya?

-I am great, and you?

-fine, I guess. You know why I am calling, don't you?

-sure... so what is it?

-I don't think it is appropriate to say it on the phone. Would you mind meeting at xxx?

-... yeah, I'll be there in a moment.

-see ya then.

-see ya.

I could not feel more awkward than this with YURI. How did things come to this?! I wish I could go back in time and not meet him there. I should have said what I feel the moment he confessed. Now I am dragging his ass all the way here to just reject him. How horrible... I can't help but think of the fact that things will never be the same, the vibes will be off between us, and it will be worse if the others notice. ... I just wanna disappear.

—YURI's

Shaking non-stop after he hung up with FUYU, he was getting to his conclusions and eventually found that FUYU's behavior was odd. If it was a yes, then wouldn't she just say that when she called?

Why bother to meet if it's not a no?

In a hurry, he put on a hoodie and rushed out. On his way out of the apartment building, he bumped into MAKI, soaking in sweat. MAKI found his rush off and assumed the worst, so he stood before him and asked, "What is it that makes you out of breath at this time? Is everything alright? Do you need help?"

-Ohh... I'm fine. I just... I'm just going to the store... I'm getting some stuff.

-Why didn't you hit us up? I will ask mother for the things you need. Give me a list.

Trapped, he felt, but he knew that MAKI was just concerned for him, so he decided to burst out the truth.

-Sorry, MAKI, I wasn't truthful about what I said. I'm actually meeting up with a friend. Please don't tell anyone.

-By "anyone," you mean AKI and HANS? Fine, just call us when you are back home. Understood?

-Yeah, I will. Bye.

MAKI's concerns might seem odd at first glance, but YURI has grown up almost inseparable from MAKI's family. He moved into the apartment building at the age of 4 alongside his granny from his late mother's side. Things did not get the likeness of his granny. Her in-law decided to marry off just two months after his wife, YURI's mother, was gone. Frustrated, his granny took away YURI and left. YURI has step-siblings who he is not as close to, not even 1% of how close he is to MAKI's family. MAYA, MAKI's mother, had so much respect for YURI's grandma. They took care of each other and grew closer in their low times.

Running as fast as he never did before, he finally arrived at the meeting place, a few meters away from FUYU, who was just right there. He was very hesitant; the worst that could happen was that she would reject him, but it would still break his heart. He was scared to even hear what she had to say.

A step after another, he waved his way to FUYU. She noticed and waved back, smiling sadly. He flinched, and an ill feeling rose to his stomach. "I think I know where this is going," YURI told himself.

-I am truly sorry to have rushed all the way here, but this is important, as you know.

-... sure, I know. Wait a second. YURI took a deep breath, trying to goof up the vibes as he always does with a fun, light spirit. FUYU smiled happily this time, knowing that YURI is YURI.

-I am listening.

-Well... YURI, we have been good friends, and I... I do appreciate all of your feelings... but I hope the YURI I know would... just forgive me... I am sorry...

YURI's heart just dropped. He almost heard the sound of it. He stood still and kept his smile, stuttered, but eventually said: "You should not be sorry. It is me who should be. I put you in this situation in the first place... please do not treat me differently because I won't."

-Of course, you don't have to ask, and do not blame yourself for anything, please.

They never imagined having such a conversation and being in this situation. This scratched the ego of YURI. He realized he had such a big one. It is my fault I thought so much of myself, thinking I could get what I want. I wasn't born for this or even ever lived like that... FUYU was the first one I tried getting for myself.

They both awkwardly said goodbye, knowing that what they said was just a bunch of textbook crap. They both knew something had changed and never would be the same, but they both were going to pretend.

YURI, at last, with sorrow throughout his body, arrived at his place. He wanted comfort but could not find it, especially after his granny was gone. She left a massive hole in his heart, and now another was left by FUYU. He closed the door, didn't even take off his shoes, and started to cry, ugly and slow, falling to the floor, hugging himself as best he could to feel relief. But how could he? The only time he tried to get something done instead of fate driving it towards him, without making any effort to get it or keep it, he failed.

It had been a while. The crying gradually stopped, and there was silence for a moment. Then, after another, he rose slowly up, sitting at the entrance. YURI felt pity toward himself. How pathetic I am, he whispered.

—MAKI's

Just arrived home, it was an exhausting day. What I am mostly concerned about is YURI's behavior. He was in a rush, so I hope it isn't anything serious. MAKI was not the talking kind; he made gestures to express what he desired, and the people around him who knew who he was just came to terms with it. MAKI was only honest, though often it came off as rudeness. It was a bad trait he claimed, developed growing up due to many reasons that would take pages to explain. He had a different perspective on life from his two other siblings. He could best describe himself as a "GLASS CHILD," which could go well with his personality. Although this might indicate at first glance that he felt unfairly treated, that was not the case. He was grateful that their mother took care of his younger siblings more than she did for him. Still, compared to typical standards, she was so sheltering. But compared to HANAMI, he had a bit of freedom, he thought, but that was not the case for his younger brother AKI. AKI was weak, fragile, and the only one of them who looked just like their dad. "Mother is just constantly anxious for him, that he could end up like dad—depressed and dispersed, and think about ending it all," MAKI believed.

His mind was still busy when his mother interrupted and called him to join them.

"How was school today?"

"Pretty much the same, Mom," HANAMI replied."It was alright today, we barely got any homework due to the trip."

"About that trip, MAKI, have you changed your mind? I prefer you spend some time with HANS and AKI and keep an eye on them."

"If I were you, I would not be worried so much. What trouble could they get themselves into?"

"Yeah, Mom, don't worry. Teachers will be with us."

"I understand... Is YURI going too?"

AKANE flinched and responded after just observing the conversation silently: "He is probably the most excited. I can't understand why!"

AKANE seemed a bit annoyed, but in reality, he was just confused. YURI had been acting off for a while, and that energy was absorbed by AKI as they were close enough to know everything about each other. But recently, AKI had felt distant from him.

The vibes got weird, but to interrupt that weirdness, HANS jumped in and said, "Why not be excited?! Some fucking freedom, we deserve it!"

"HANS, language for god's sake"

"Sorry, ma'am, hehe."

The dinner talk continued. They seemed to be a very uncoordinated family, each one of them trying to hold on to whatever they could to keep the bond, throwing all their desires aside, compromising for the sake of keeping things peaceful and drama-free.

It was AKI's turn to do the dishes, HANS was responsible for cleaning up the table, MAYA was getting some tea and drinks done, and MAKI, concerned, sneaked to his room. He reached for the phone and texted YURI. His intention was to wait a bit, but without noticing, he found himself calling him. MAKI was definitely not a phone-call guy, but this was YURI.

—AKANE's

The phone was ringing. It was loosely held by YURI while he opened his eyes slowly. He had fallen asleep at the entrance, but he stayed still, watching his phone buzz and light up the place. He closed his eyes again, carelessly.

AKI was done with the dishes. He looked at his sister and mom sitting in the living area watching HAN's favorite show. "She convinced her, I guess." HANAMI was trying to get MAYA to watch this drama with her, but her mom was more into classical dramas.

But his eyes searched and did not find MAKI. He sighed and entered his room. MAKI turned toward him while still trying to reach out for YURI.

AKI was confused, so he waited until MAKI moved away from his phone and asked, "What is it?"

"Hmm... I bumped into YURI when I was on my way here. I told him to inform me when he was back, but nothing."

"Is that it? Dude, you are thinking too much."

"That's not it, he was acting weird."

AKI flinched and felt uncomfortable—it was the same as what AKI had noticed.

"Hey, I'll just go up to his place. Mom was going to give him his food anyway."

"Fine, just tell Mom you're going to hang together or something, no mention of what I said."

"Sure..."

MAYA patted HANS on the head and told her not to get addicted to "this crap," now getting herself ready for her night shift as well as preparing YURI's portion of dinner. But AKI took the containers before she reached them and said, "Mom, I'll get them to YURI. We wanted to spend the night together anyway."

"News to me."

"Sorry, Mom, I totally forgot to tell you."

"Huh, sure. Don't stay up too late."

She hesitated but never minded—it wasn't the first or last time they did sleepovers at YURI's place. She just didn't like that place. It was a lot for YURI to handle. She had repeatedly asked him to move in or at least go live with his family. She knew it was best to leave that place, as it hadn't been that long since Granny passed away.

Both said goodbye and left. Another goodbye was exchanged between MAYA and AKANE before his mom took the lift down, and he headed to the stairs. YURI's place was a floor above theirs.

He rang the bell many times, but no answer. He heard some noise. The door opened. YURI was messy, looking like he just woke up—and yes, he had. AKANE was surprised by the scene, so they both exchanged stares until YURI realized.

"Ohh... sorry, ahhh... come in."

"You look like shit."

"Hehe, I know, I just woke up."

"A bit too early, isn't it?"

"Mm... I was just tired."

With a still smile on his face, AKI looked at YURI's eyes. "He cried," AKI thought. He was pissed off. What would be the reason to make him cry? Who made him cry?

They went inside while chit-chatting. YURI was getting the food heated. It was obvious in AKI's eyes how hard it was for YURI to keep himself together.

"Have you got your stuff packed?"

"Hah, oh shit, no..."

"You really do not care, haha."

"Well... ugh, I'm still not catching the vibes..."

YURI, with his bowl, threw himself next to AKI on the sofa, and they talked for a bit, or so it seemed as time passed by for them.

They fell asleep on the sofa on top of each other. Slowly opening his eyes, staring at the roof, AKI smiled and thought to himself, "It could work out if we stayed like this forever." AKI never understood why he looked with such fascinated eyes towards YURI. He filled his life with joy and fun. Growing up, he believed that it was just normal, what he felt, but no, he realized that what he had for YURI was so much more. He could never be his or even try. He was scared that YURI would leave. AKI would rather lock his feelings in forever and live with this type of pain than the pain of YURI leaving.

AKI tilted his head down. YURI was sleeping like a baby on his chest. A lovely scene—little of the sun creeping in, the old wall clock's sound was loud, mixing with the street noise, but it was still quiet. Gently, AKI's fingers went through the waves of YURI's golden hair. AKANE had never been physically closer to YURI like this before but never felt so far from him as he did in that moment. His heart skipped many beats. It felt so empty yet peaceful.