from him. He found her pendant, the pendant that has the symbol of the Yuki clan on it. That's where the madness started."
Haku turned to look at the rest of them, and the hollow look in his eyes will forever haunt Hanabi.
"You know what he tried to do? Come on, take a guess. How about you first, Ino? Since you are always so damn vocal."
Ino gulped, but she didn't dare to make a sound.
"Don't want to share? How about you then, Sakura? Or maybe Choji?" Haku began to list names as he looked at them in turn, who shrink upon his gaze. "Or maybe Shikamaru figured it out already? You are the smartest among us."
"Haku." Hanabi pleaded as she took a step forward. He needs to stop inflicting injuries on himself. What happened in the past should remain in the past.
Haku simply took a step backwards.
"Don't come near me, Hanabi. Who's to say that I won't kill you as well? Someone who is able to kill their parents will definitely have no troubles killing anyone else. Even you aren't safe from me."
"Your father tried to kill you, didn't he?" Shikamaru stated his deductions boldly, breaking the tension.
"Bingo!" Haku laughed madly once more as the temperature dropped, immediately putting Team 10 and Team 7 on alert. "He tried to kill me! Mum went to stop him, but she has no idea how to fight. She wasn't a shinobi and died trying to buy time for me to run from my father." Haku's voice descended towards the end.
"She died for my sake. It was me that killed her. If it wasn't for me, she wouldn't have died. My father tried to finish the job, but I awaken my bloodline at that moment and killed him instead. I killed my parents when I am only five years old. I have never felt bad about taking a life after that. It is just so easy to kill. How hard can it be? Especially for someone who is able to bring themselves to kill their family? I am incapable of feeling guilt. I am a monster. Only monsters don't have feelings."
"Snap out of this, Haku!" Hanabi shouted as she walked up to him in concern. "Get a grip! This isn't like you!"
"You never knew the true me!" Haku snapped back, causing Hanabi to flinch and rooted in shock at where she is standing. "I wasn't supposed to be here! I wanted to die! I HATE THIS LIFE! I never wanted to be born in the first place! I should be dead! Every single time we went outside the village for a mission there's always a small part of me that wished that I can finally die and I will wake up to find that this is just a really bad dream! A small voice constantly whispering at the back of my mind! Telling me to just overcommit and get myself killed so that I can finally wake up! To get it over and done with once and for all! You know what? That voice has been getting louder! If it wasn't for you I might have simply committed suicide to free myself from this crazy world a long time ago!"
Haku paused to catch his breath after that outburst, and what he said next broke Hanabi's heart.
"I never regretted saving you. But sometimes I wished that we had never met. Sometimes I wished that Obito-sensei was late like he usually is and that he never managed to save me from that Kumo shinobi. I would die, but I would also be free. I shouldn't have listened to Kushina-shishou and Minato-shishou. I shouldn't have tried to bring myself to trust."
Haku paused again before he whispered, his soft voice cutting through the night like a sharpened blade.
"Who would want to trust a monster?"
Haku disappeared in a shunshin, leaving the rest of them staring at his previous location in silence.
"Happy now?" Hanabi gritted out as she stormed over to Ino and grabbed her by her shirt, pulling the Yamanaka close to her. "Are you happy now?"
"I-" Ino floundered as she tried to find something to say but failing to come up with anything.
"Haku was healing. He was getting better." Hanabi continued as tears streamed down her face, but she couldn't care how much of a mess she looked like right now. "He was starting to open up and beginning to trust people after eight long years and you just have to mess it all up. I hope you are happy."
"I kind of understand Haku, you know?" Naruto said in a whisper as her right hand unconsciously rose to rest over the area where her gut is. "Who would want to trust a monster?"
"Dobe?" Sasuke asked cautiously despite the pain he is still feeling from the Cursed Mark. Hanabi had sealed a part of his chakra pathways off with a few taps of her Gentle Fist to prevent the vile chakra from the mark to infect his body further, but it is not a comfortable process. It isn't a permanent solution either.
"Nothing." Naruto murmured as she walked back to her team's campsite. "I will take first watch. You and Sakura-chan go and catch some sleep."
"Crackers-chan. We should go and find girly-kun. It's too dangerous for him to be by himself at night."
Hanabi gave one last glare at Ino before dropping her harshly back onto the ground.
"Let's go. I don't want to stay with them for even a moment longer."
"Agreed. They don't deserve our friendship."
"Hanabi, Sai-"
Shikamaru's words were ignored by the two as they both disappeared into the treetops. Shikamaru gave a frustrated sigh as he ran his hand through his hair. This is more troublesome than expected.
He shouldn't have taken part in this exam.
"That was dumb of you, Ino." Shikamaru told Ino off as Choji helped their team mate up. "How are you so naïve to believe that Haku would willingly kill off his father?"
"I-I didn't know, ok?!"
"That's the problem. You didn't know." Shikamaru shot back. "So you shouldn't have acted like you knew everything in the first place. You wanted the full story? There, you have it. Look at what you have done. I know Haku had never really earned our full trust due to what he did in the academy, but he had never done anything to suggest that he will really kill us all for the fun of it. Tai deserved what he got anyway. Hanabi's right. You don't deserve to call yourself a shinobi of Konoha if you chose to believe the words of a traitor at face value over our comrade. What happened to your Will of Fire? Use your brains before you talk next time."
Shikamaru put his hands in his pockets and trudged back to their campsite which is located near where Team 7 is.
"I will take first watch with Naruto. You two go and sleep. I had slept too much in the day anyway, it's hard for me to fall asleep now."
For once, Ino didn't argue back.
It is not hard to locate Haku. Hanabi knew him like the back of her hand. Even without her byakugan, she could guess where he will most likely be heading to.
She and Sai found Haku sitting by the riverbank. Sai stopped her the moment they spotted Haku.
"I will give the two of you some privacy. Call for me if you need me. I will be nearby."
"Thank you, Sai."
"It's what friends do, crackers-chan."
Sai disappeared into the night. Hanabi took in a deep breath before preparing herself.
Haku had always like to gaze at large bodies of water. He had said that he like to watch the waters ripple and flow. That was why she had suggested to Sai that they should find the nearest source of water to find Haku. Her byakugan just made it easier to spot him.
Hanabi jumped down from the tree and slowly walked up to Haku, purposely not silencing her footsteps to let Haku know that she is approaching.
Spikes of ice rose from the ground to block her advance, but Hanabi didn't falter as she continued to walk forward. Haku's ice spikes are sharp. Just a graze is enough to draw blood. Despite that, she continued walking towards the mass of ice blocking her way.
She walked until she is right in front of the ice spikes. Just a little more and the ice spikes would pierce into her body. There is even one right in front of where her heart is and another one right in front of her left eye. Hanabi continued to walk forward, because she knew.
Haku would never harm her, just as she will never harm him.
True to her beliefs, the ice spikes receded reluctantly. For every step she took forward, the ice spikes retreated by an equal amount. In the end, it seems like Haku had given up. The ice spikes simply shattered and collapsed on the ground as shards of broken ice.
Haku is still in the same position as he had been when she had first spotted him. The look in his eyes is still hollow.
Hanabi sat down next to him and held his hand. She has no idea what to say, so she won't say anything. She just wants him to know that he has her support.
Hanabi cannot stand seeing him acting in this manner. This is not the Haku she knew. The Haku she knew is a jaded training maniac despite not wanting to be a shinobi. He has a dry and sarcastic sense of humour and puts up with her incessant chattering, chattering that even her twin found unbearable sometimes. He takes care of her in his own way and provides a listening ear whenever she needs one. He always claimed that he isn't listening at all when she is finally done ranting, but he remembers every word she said. Her Haku isn't like…. Like this.
Hanabi slowly wrapped her arms around Haku and gave him a hug. She wants her Haku back. She wants to go back to happier days where everything is not as complicated. She wants to continue bugging and annoying Haku. He will tell her off and shoo her away but make no real move to do so. He will get himself lost in learning about chakra theory and she will just be there beside him, silently watching him doing things that he enjoys.
Haku can be the most wanted man in the Elemental Nations and Hanabi won't care. She just wants her Haku back.
"Let it out, Haku. Please. Don't… Don't stay like this, Haku. You are scaring me." Hanabi said as she hugged Haku and her own tears starts spilling out. "I won't ask, I won't pry, but please, talk to me."
Hanabi don't know how long they stayed in this manner, but eventually she felt her shoulder staining wet. Haku's body started to tremble, and soon he was wrecked with sobs and it wasn't long before he started to bawl his eyes out like a child.
Haku never cried. He had always appeared strong. He always knew what to do. Haku never showed any signs of weakness.
The Haku now is so helpless, so weak, so fragile.
Hanabi hates seeing Haku in this manner, and she hates herself more for not being able to do something about it.
The both of them cried in each other's embrace and Hanabi patted Haku's back comfortingly, who is still sobbing even when she herself had stopped and her own tears had dried up.
When Haku just joined their clan as a ward, her father had told her in private not to bother Haku about his past before they met each other. According to him, Haku's assessment from a Yamanaka psychotherapist is that whatever Haku had experienced in Kiri, he had learnt to cope with it by burying all the emotions he felt about it in the deepest part of his mind and sealed it shut like a tightly lidded box. As long as he doesn't touch the contents of the box, he can handle his emotions regarding his experience in Kiri just fine. Right now, every emotion Haku had repressed about his past had surfaced, it must not be easy for him in dealing with it.
They both stayed in that position as Hanabi hugged him, hoping that by doing so she can squeeze every bit of sadness that he is feeling out of him.
"He… He loved us, you know?" Haku started to talk through the sobs and his voice sounded hoarse. "He loved us. He loved Mum and I, and I loved them. I really do."
"I know."
"I don't understand. Why?! WHY?!" Haku screamed out in his hoarse voice and Hanabi had to really tighten her grip on him to prevent him from hurting himself as Haku's chakra lashed out violently, but she remained surprisingly unharmed.
"WHY did being born with powers that we didn't ask for made him turn from a loving husband and father to a murderer in a split second?! I tried to save Mum, but the villagers were there and they hit my head hard. I was too young, I couldn't fight! Dad tried to kill me, and Mum put herself in the way to try and save me. She can't fight, she can't even use chakra. I can still remember it, how they fought and wrestle on the floor as Mum tried to prevent the dagger from stabbing me. Telling me to run. To GO."
Haku panted to catch his breath, but he continued to speak.
"And then I watched as Dad stabbed Mum in the heart." Haku whispered. "I can still remember how she looked like before she died. How she looked at me and realised that she failed to save me. Her only child."
Hanabi closed her eyes and she wish that Haku does not continue. It is too painful for even her to hear and she wasn't even there on the scene. But she needs to. Haku needs to talk about it and someone has to listen. He needs to let it out, to share his pain with someone who he trusts. The only person Haku trusts in the entire village is her and she knows it. She needs to steel herself and carrying on listening because Haku needs her now, more than ever.
"He walked to me with the dagger still dripping blood, my mother's blood, and he said a lot of stuff that I don't remember, probably apologising to me and Mum. I don't know, all I did was to stare at Mum and then I realised that she is-"
Haku took a short, choked breath before continuing.
"Gone."
Haku then started to laugh. A small chuckle at first, then it suddenly exploded into full-blown laughter.
"Can you believe it?! I killed my own father after that! Who killed my own mother! Who died because of me! I caused her death! Our family, who loved each other so much, ended up killing each other because we feared each other more than we loved each other!"
Haku's hysterical and hollow laughter resounded across the empty clearing and Hanabi wanted to shut her ears but she still listened, Haku needs her. Just how long has he been suffering? Just how long has he repressed his memories and feelings regarding his past?
Haku's mad laughter eventually died down and he remained motionless in her arms.
"I miss her. I miss him too, sometimes, the good memories I had of him. I miss the short five years that we had together. Life was hard, but it was… nice."
Hanabi stroked Haku on the back of his head, trying to reassure him she is here. She's not going anywhere.
"There are times where I hate this world, Hanabi. I hate the shinobi system. I hate myself. I want to die, but I also want to live. I want to love, but I also want to hate. I want to grow stronger, but I don't want strength, I just want to live my life peacefully. More than anything, I want to trust again, but I am scared. I don't know who to trust, I don't want to get hurt again. What if I placed my trust in another and the same thing happens again? I don't think I can take it. I will break." Haku said as he buried his face into her shoulder.
"What do I do?"
"Then trust me." Hanabi choked out and she found that her tears had spilled out of her eyes again when she saw just how vulnerable Haku really is. "Trust me when I say that I will never betray you. Trust me when I say that I will never break your heart. I will care for you, just as you did for me when you first found and saved me."
Hanabi slowly detached herself from Haku and placed both her hands to cup Haku's cheeks. His face is downcast, his eyes look so hollow and her heart aches at seeing Haku, the person who she loved since young, crying like a helpless child.
"I will never hurt you. And I will never let anyone else hurt you again."
Hanabi don't know whether Haku heard what she just said, but she made a silent vow to herself.
Orochimaru, I will kill you. Hanabi thought in the confines of her mind as she closed her eyes and let Haku's forehead rest against hers as he continued to release his pent-up emotions by crying it out, her hands still cupping the sides of his face.
I will kill you for hurting Haku.