Summary:
Always seems like it's going downhill
Star sat back and twitched. "Day four of go fish." She muttered. "Why didn't we bring any more games?" The young girl was going to snap.
"To be fairly honest, gems are used to long periods of travel where we stand around doing nothing for months on end." Pearl answered.
"Back then we didn't have a gravity engine, so it actually took years." Garnet added on. "Do you have any fours?"
"You are so using your future vision." Amethyst complained, handing over her card.
"At this point I'm just trying to build a house with my deck." Steven sighed as the structure he made with his cards fell over.
"Well since we have time …" Mom said, looking over her hand. "Would someone catch me up on what I've missed?"
"Oh, sure." Star shrugged. "So Steven led a group to stop Meteroa, he and Tom were the only survivors, I went to find you in the Magic Realm, I think we got kicked out for letting in evil or something."
"We did what?" Mom asked, before looking at her hands. "I suppose that explains why my arms are curse free now."
"After Star was teleported out, we were pretty much the only one left to fight Meteora, so me and Star formed Starry Quartz and kicked her butt, where in the end it ended up a draw." Steven explained.
"Then Eclipsa came in, took the wand, shouted black velvet inferno, and turned Meteora into a baby."
"... The spell was labeled 'Black Velvet Inferno'. How does that translate to 'turn her into a baby'?" Moon asked with bafflement.
"I…may have bonded with Eclipsa like I am with Star and accidently changed the spell because I hated the idea of a mom killing her own kid." Steven sheepishly said while scratching the back of his head.
Moon sighed. "Of course you did … at least Eclipsa took her child off of Mewni to raise her in peace."
"Yeah … about that … I … GavethethronetoEclipsaandshenowownsthewand."
"YOU DID WHAT!?" Mom shouted.
"Hey, don't scream, there's not a lot of room as it is." Mr. Universe covered his ears.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it felt like the right thing to do!" Star defended. "Our family took a lot from her and she saved us, so … I had to do what was right in the moment.
"The woman abandoned the kingdom and you gave it right back to her? She could be trying to free Globgor for all we know!"
"Yeah, Glossaryck gave us the rundown." Steven rolled his eyes. "He was faking being dumb the whole time and chastised us for not 'understanding' his warning."
"Still as big of a pain in the neck as I remember." Mom grumbled before rubbing her eyes. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to snap, I just…I didn't want you to face such a difficult decision so soon."
"We've been facing difficult decisions long before you left, this is just par for the course." Steven shrugged. "People were complaining about monster equality so we just told them to leave, we both got dumped, and now I have to mentally process I have three people as mom."
"Hey, hey, don't be too hasty, I've just been talking with Camila every week, it hasn't been anything too serious yet." Steven's dad corrected.
"So you're on a first name basis?" Amethyst teased.
"Don't make this a big deal, Amethyst, those Zoomen were about to go full pologamy if I didn't stand my ground." Mr universe looked queasy.
"Please don't remind me." Mom looked like she was gonna barf. "So much has changed while I was gone…I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you both out."
"It's cool, we've had lots of help from everyone." Star said, before thinking it over. "Speaking of, we gotta change the diamonds from 'mega evil' to 'grieving maniacs' on the villain spectrum." She told Steven.
"No argument here, although I don't think we'll be able to talk them out of it anytime soon, especially since I…exist in general." Steven sighed.
"Yeah, I was just preparing myself for the rough ride ahead in case we ever need to fight them … if I can fight them." She looked at her hand.
"At best, you'd be able to at least shoot magic at Yellow, but her aura disamates any magic that touches her, so it'd be like throwing a ball of paper at her." Pearl went on. "Your only hope at actual damage would be to use dark magic, but that in of itself has its own price."
"Wait, dark magic can hurt them!?" Star shouted, sitting up. "Why didn't you say anything earlier!?"
"Because knowing you, you'd try and learn a few spells for yourself, and I don't need to have future vision to know that your mom would be just a little more than displeased." Garnet explained.
"Well of course I'm learning a few spells." She could see her mom glare. "They want the earth blown up and the moment they learn about Steven they'll want his head on a pike. This is me being smart and careful."
"Being careful was thrown out the window a long time ago ever since we learned about the cluster…which the diamonds still expect to emerge." Pearl groaned. "Hopefully they're patient and give us another thousand years to plan."
"Not exactly." Garnet mentioned. "Star, Steven, and Moon were in and out for most of it, but Sapphire and Ruby … might have given them the idea to get some more humans."
"And you called us out for being careless?" Steven rolled his eyes. "At least we know what they're planning now. We can prepare for it. Heck, we can even get our new friends to help keep an eye out for any abductions."
"Yeah, better than a worldwide scan." Amethyst agreed. "... So, got any sevens?"
"Go fish." Star groaned. She hoped her friends were having just as dull a time as they were.
========================================================================
Tom watched as Jana hung ten with a monster truck on an avalanche of rusted metal. "Do a flip!" He shouted with a grin.
"Hell yeah!" The girl let the mechanical beast roar with thunder as she rode it down, backflipping twice as she crashed tires into a lot of busted up cars and vehicles. "Fear me pedestrians! The concrete jungle officially has a new Queen of the land!"
"All hail her majesty, and her blazing trail of destruction that comes forth." Tom whistled at the impressive display. "How'd you even get a monster truck?"
"Thank the Watermelon Steven. He used his mob connections to rob the last rally that came into town."
"Waahh." The little guy nodded, patting a small white mute boy on the back.
"You must be proud of how fast he's growing. Your baby bird may one day leave the nest."
"Yep, when I'm ruling the world, he'll be ruling the black market from the shadows, likely supplying resources for the rebellion that'll no doubt try to stop me." The little guy made a clap. "You too Onion."
"As someone who's going to rule the underworld, you're not missing that much. It's mainly just assholes you're not allowed to punch." Tom shrugged. Sure you could insult all you want, but that was just digging holes in weak and exploitable spots. "So best to attack whoever's annoying you while you still can."
"I thought you were trying to repress the anger."
"Eh, I've thought long and hard about it, and my time with Star made me realize there's a certain balance I should have with it." Tom shrugged. "Like how I know now that anybody that attacks you first is always free game to kill and or mutilate."
"... Yeah, I can totally work with that." She shrugged. "Then again Steven had that whole pacifism thing going on for a long while where he tries to talk with someone trying to murder him. I think his self worth is absolutely in the dumps."
"You should've seen the cactus monster. It kept spouting all his secrets while attacking him, he really took the break up with Kelly hard." Tom could relate to that really well.
"Meh, better than the first time. He just stayed in his room the whole time for days on end and slowly mutated himself into a monster." She responded. "Super rough stuff … and now they're off in space breaking into a zoo."
"You know, before the gems, I always thought space was a myth." Tom admitted. "Well, most of the underworld thinks it's a myth."
"Really? You guys travel dimensions and yet outer space is where your people draw the line?"
"For demons, it's basically the closest thing to heaven we acknowledge. Most believe that since hell exists, that's all there is to look forward to, while the others put their faith in reincarnation."
"Well according to the others, ghosts exist, but they haven't found an afterlife yet …and it's either a Koala or a cat that's incharge of the whole thing." She shrugged. "So what did you have for a go-"
"Grrrrrr." The two of them turned to a giant and familiar form growling at them.
"Jasper!?" How, out of all the places, did they keep ending up around this crazy thing!?
"Ahhhh!" Jana shrieked as she got behind him. "Blast net, blast her, blast her!"
"On it!" Tom wasted no time summing the fire to the orange and green beast. "What the heck is she even doing here?!"
"Why, protecting our lair you traitorous Lucitor." … The two of them slowly turned to the psychopath known as Mina Loveberry, carrying a sack of fruit. "What about you? I feel I should at least ask before I rip your spines out, your my guests after all."
"You know, just trying to have fun, relax with a few friends, distract you from the monster truck that's about to run you over." Jana said with a nervous squeak.
"I see." The woman nodded, not even looking as she grabbed the giant wheeled vehicle with one hand, stopping it in its tracks. "Thank you for the housewarming gift, it'll look great with your bludgeoned blood."
"Dang it, I forgot how annoyingly op she really is!" Jana shouted with a groan. "And me without Quana to actually fight back."
"Complain later, survive now!" Tom shouted as he flew out of reach from the incoming giant tire that Mina lunged at them. "You said Star and Steven were in space right now?!"
"Yeah, i'll call the B team!" She shouted … well that filled him with little confidence for their survival.
========================================================================
Rhonaldo grinned widely as he looked at Starfan13's frown. "Welcome to the show … lizard person." Unlike Star's dimension, there was a whole nother multiverse to prove the lizard people conspiracy were real.
"The technical term would be Newt, and I'm a frog, but yes, about a third of my people's history is dedicated to conquering others world's to steal their resources." The short round and purple figure answered with a nodd. "But I helped stop that, so you're welcome for being alive."
"And I can't help but thank you from the bottom of my heart." He acknowledged. "So, would you like to tell us about your land?"
"Oh it's great. All amphibians are sapient, and everything else can kill you before you have the chance to blink." She spoke with an innocent smile. "Although you humans have much better food."
"We have mastered pretty much every conceivable way to consume sugar." Starfan13 nodded in agreement. "So how exactly did you come to discover our side of the multiverse?"
"Oh boy, now that's a long story. Short version of it is that almost a year ago by this point, one of you funky looking humans discovered this music box that teleported her and two of her friends to Amphibia, and there we embarked in daily shenanigans in adjusting to something so strange popping up."
"As one does when transported to a fantasy land." Starfan13 nodded. "Continue."
"So her friends also came back, but their trio relationship was super toxic and it led to a couple of wars, until King Andrias came at us and explained that they're a race of conquerors who use up resources to make their lives better."
"And earth was their next target. So they obviously sent people inside the government to weaken our defenses and turn humanity against itself." Ronaldo observed.
"Nah, my great great great something grandma Leif or something stole the box and sent it away. When the real invasion happened they just brought out super advanced tech with an unlimited fuel source to boot." The tadpole waved off. "You guys would have been screwed if we didn't have, as Anne put it, cool anime powers."
"So magical transformations are just a given for people that travel dimensions." Starfan13 stated
"Nah, the calamity stones got destroyed, and nobody has been able to use their powers at all. In fact the last of it was used just to get Anne and her friends home … the message of accepting you sometimes have to change was kinda muted by interdimensional scissors, but who am I to complain?" The tadpole hopped on top of a giant frog shaped robot. "Now I can upgrade Frobo with the latest stuff so that ALL MY ENEMIES WILL KNOW THE MEANING OF TRUE SUFFERING!"
"Well that explains the robot." Rhonaldo glanced at the robot baking muffins. "So just to make sure, none of the lizards in your dimension infiltrated our government?"
"Pfft, last I checked, it was your government trying to dissect me."
The door was kicked down by a very effeminate looking man with shades and a suit. "Hey Polly." He waved.
"Sup Mr. X." The tadpole waved to the man all friendly like. "Whatcha up to now?"
"Nothin much, just shutting down an illegal stream of government secrets … speaking of, hand me the camera or else I get to pull out this doo dad." He pulled out an electric stick that sparked five different colors. "Completely untested to boot."
"Damn it, just when I was getting to the good part too." Rhonaldo groaned as he had no choice but to let the strange man take the camera.
"Wait, if you're actually monitoring this sort of stuff, then where were you when aliens invaded the town?" Starfan13 asked
"Well we WERE going to do something … but then someone fired an energy source stronger than our hydrogen bomb two poin-"
"Cameras still rolling sir." Another man popped in, adjusting their collar.
"Right right." They pressed the off button on his phone before dumping it into a case. "After that did absolutely nothing, we wrote it off as an evacuation only, so now the government is trying to desperately up the arsenal to match every attack we've gotten within the last few years."
"Like what?"
"Dragons in New York, kindergarteners flying at light speed, ninja-fighting robots, three Bear that somehow talk like normal people, that kind of stuff." He shrugged.
"That last one didn't really sound that threatening."
"They're not, they just cause a surprising amount of lawsuits." He shrugged. "So until we actually manage to get enough firepower to fight gods, alien armadas, and ghosts … optimistic teenagers are on their own."
"Aka, the government is relying on the good will of kids to save the world." Rhonaldo accused.
"Basically, yes. We've gotten quite a few of them, so we're in good hands for now."
========================================================================
Peridot jumped through the portal, giving a battle cry. "Beware my Laser Puppy Robot!" She shouted, blasting at the corrupted Jasper. "Consume plasma you mindless monster!"
" GAAAAAAAGGGGH!" The once feared and respected Homeworld soldier howled out like a wild animal, before tossing over piles and piles of scrap at her with her gigantic jaws of death.
"Huh, so this is what Jasper looks like now?" Lapis flew right beside her, catching the scrap with gigantic fists of water. "Hm…Actually this looks like an improvement if we're being honest. Now she's just as ugly on the outside as she is inside."
"Hey, don't say that about her!" The giant buff woman with purple hair that was currently chasing the demon known as Tom stopped and flew straight at the blue gem. "Her actions are what make her beautiful!"
"I can say whatever I want about the bitch I was stuck with at the bottom of the ocean with!" Lapis shouted, using an immense amount of water to crush her.
"Ha, take that!" Peridot shouted. "You're dealing with the strongest of the Crystal Gems, able to take out anyone with immense water-"
BOOM
The ball of water exploded, pissed off looking Mina staring at them. "You're the one who wouldn't return Jasper's care …. I'm gonna enjoy breaking you."
It was only by the interference of a sudden and swift kick to Mina's face that her attention was taken off of them. It was Marco, using his dimensional scissors for quick hits and escapes, although given the diminutive stature of the boy compared to the woman, it might as well been tiny nibbles from a Pebble. "What are you even doing here Mina?!"
"Resting, planning, gathering enough scrap metal so I can finally have the full power of the Solarian program back, you know, all the typical things one does when they're planning righteous revenge."
"You can not shut up about that will you?" She could hear Jana mutter from the side. "Just give it up, we stopped you every time and we'll keep stopping you every time!"
"Stop me …" The woman laughed. "Last I checked the closest you've gotten to 'stopping me' is hitting me really far away, shoving me through a portal, or giving me something more important to focus on." She ducked under Diaz's latest attack, grabbing his arm. "I haven't taken a scratch in the last three hundred years!!" And threw him into the ground with a sickening crack.
"MARCO!" Peridot aimed her lasers at the warrior, blasting her over and over. "YOU SICK DEMENTED LUNATIC!" Realizing the lasers weren't enough, she focused all her mental focus on surrounding the maniac with as much metal as possible and closing her in. Luckily being in a scrap yard, there was plenty to go around. "Why do you take such pleasure in the torment of others!?"
CREAK
"Because everyone I torment is a traitor!" The warrior ripped her way out of the closed up metal with her bare hands. "They take the side of monsters, the side of Rose, the side of Eclipsa. I will kill all enemies of Solaria now that my queen is gone from this world!" She shoved the metal into the form of a giant bat. "And I will kill and shatter all who would go against her wishes!" And swung it so hard the entire earth shook.
BOOM
Everyone was sent back with a shockwave as the ground rippled from the sheer amount of power and ferocity that the woman emanated. It was becoming abundantly clear that no one in this group was well equipped to engage this woman one on one. This woman cared for nothing and no one, and she would stop at nothing to accomplish her goal.
"How … did you beat her … last time?" Lapis asked, coughing a bit.
"She ran after Meteora … and the time before that …" Marco's eyes widened. "Keep her busy, I've got a bad plan!" He ran off, leaving them with the hulking brute of a Mewman.
"Right, keep her busy, because that works." Tom grumbled, sending a wave of fire at Mina.
"Less complaining, more surviving!" Peridot shouted as she grabbed a hold of a nearby garbage lid, and began riding on top of it like a hover pad. She was inexperienced and shook a lot, but it held her flee incoming projectiles faster.
"Yip. Yip!" The laser puppies, no longer bound to the robot, continued firing lasers. It was quite easy to train them in all honesty, they acted just like Pumpkin.
Lapis sent off a series of water blades and spikes, all of which bounced off the warrior as she charged at them with hands stronger than titanium. "So you're really sticking by the bitch even when she has a face no creator would be willing to love? You must be really deluded or really desperate, or both."
"She's only like this because you all hurt her! Jasper was the first friend I've had in centuries, and you all reject her and deny a happy ending just because she was Rose's enemy!" Mina charged, delivering a series of punches at Lapis that sent her flying … Well, she could already fly. It was more like launched at high speed into a pile of metal.
"That's a bit hypocritical, considering you do the same for anybody that's friend's with Steven, which includes Star, the princess from the family you've sworn to protect." Peridot countered.
"Rose is a traitorous scum that murdered my queen! I will reap vengeance and tear them to pieces! And anyone who would associate with her is obviously corrupted into thinking 'monsters are nice' and bullshit like that!" Mina threw a buzz saw Peridot was barely able to block with her powers … sadly this made her a stationary target as the warrior jumped up and punched her.
"Hey, I'll have you know that me becoming a traitor to my homeworld was more to Marco's influence than Steven's, who I hope right now has a wonderful and thought out plan that doesn't include me getting shattered!"
Apparently, the boy in question had a sense of timing. "Hey Mina Loveberry!" They all turned, seeing Marco next to a portal, along with the poofed Jasper stone. How did he manage to do that with nobody looking? "Catch!" With that, he chucked it into the vortex.
"JASPER!" Mina completely lost all awareness of her surroundings and followed into the portal after the corrupted clod. Marco quickly closed it before she could come back out.
"Wow, she's even more desperate for attention than I thought she was." Lapis commented. "And that's without fusion being in the mix. Where'd you send them?"
"The void's not really a valid option since everyone escapes there eventually, so I plopped her right into the Neverzone." The boy said with a SEVERELY misplaced amount of smugness.
"... Marco." Peridot started slowly. "You sent her … to the Neverzone?"
"Yes..?"
"Let me reiterate." She clarified. "You sent an immortal who's only going to get stronger and crazier with age into a place with accelerated time dilation?"
".....I was getting desperate, alright! I was hoping something there would scratch her, or Heckapoo eventually reaches her and at least talks Mina down a little."
A red portal opened, and a disheveled and tired looking Heckapoo came out. "Marco, care to explain why I spent the last three hundred years stopping Mina Loveberry from taking over half my dimension?"
"Okay, last I checked a minute was two years, it's barely been a few seconds."
"Well sorry for losing track of time, that's what happens when I'm alone stopping a maniac from taking over!"
========================================================================
Steven sighed in relief as they landed down onto the ground. "Hello again Earth, oh how I've missed you." The sunny sky, the chirping birds, the beaten up friends … wait…that last part was actually more common than he realized, but usually they were beaten up with them. "What the heck happened while we were gone?"
"Mina….Loveberry." Jana said as she leaned against Tom, who was rubbing her head affectionately.
"Ouch … did we take a serious loss?" He asked.
"Nothing too bad … but I may have set her loose in the Neverzone in a desperate bid to get something to hurt her." Marco admitted, scratched up with bags under his eyes. "Also she's trying to use a lot of metal to build a 'solarian army' or something. Do you know anything about that Moon?" He asked, before his eyes widened. "MOON!?"
"Yep, turns out our mom was in the space zoo the entire time after our unicorn daughter teleported us out of the magic realm." Star answered. "Don't know why that happened, but it all worked out in the end for the most part! We her back, got Mr. Universe back, and Amethyst reunited with all her sisters."
"Famethyst for life!" The gem shouted. "Facet 5 rules!"
"So that happened." Steven nodded. "So, who needs healing spit?"
"I do … Mina launched me hard, I've got a chip on my gem." Lapis spoke, her eyes glazed over. "On the bright side, I got to see just how hard Jasper's fallen since we've split, so I'd call today a three out of four in terms of ratings."
"Speak for yourself, we were barely able to touch her, and Marco made things worse by sending Mina into the Neverzone." Tom rubbed his slightly bleeding head. "So she'll probably be twice as unkillable now the next time we see her."
"Well that's lovely." Star grumbled. "Come on everyone, let's sit up and doctor up."
Seeing Jana was injured badly, he moved her to the side and licked his hand, pressing it on her. "... Need a wingman?" He asked with a bit of a teasing grin.
"Not sure yet, it's been going pretty smooth the past week and a half. We surprisingly have a lot in common." Jana returned the smirk. "If he gets cold feet, I'll call you. What about you? Need any help on that front?"
"Nah, I'm trying to take a break from that stuff." A lot of that time was now dedicated to swapping messy break up stories with Mabel, who was voted 'messy breakup queen' among his new friend group. "Plus I think my dad is trying to date one of my new friend's mom, so that's something to think about."
"Look on the bright side, you'll have both a new mom and sibling in your family." That was exactly what he was trying to avoid thinking about.