Summary:
Some hope for a better tomorrow ... and some despair for a worse one
Chapter Text
"How did we go our whole lives without hearing about a monster examiner?" Star asked her brother. "I would have thought mom would at least complain about them from time to time, but nothing, just, out of the blue."
"You know Mom isn't exactly…open minded. She probably forgot about it until recently, or just chose not to think about it at all." Steven shrugged. "Still wish I knew about it sooner, we could've been getting this whole monster mess cleaned up a lot sooner."
"I know, we just talk to them about equal rights, and bam, it's done!" She shouted with excitement. After … Bismuth, she realized she needed to do this soon and fast, before another kid grew up like her.
She ran to the door with the title they needed, opening it to see an old woman carving. "Almost done … I have to get the scales just right, otherwise it won't be a real role model." She looked up at them. "Oh! Visitors! I haven't had anyone else enter this old office in over thirty years!"
"Thirty years?" Steven looked around, seeing various hand made paintings and statues all over the place, along with the messy paint stains and uncleaned shaving on the floor.
"Yes, when you're the only one who cares about monsters, it can get a bit lonely." She smiled. "Ginger snaps? I usually just have them by myself while I talk with my creations … I just wished I was crazy enough that they would talk back." The woman gave a chuckle.
"Talk back?" Star asked. "Do you think that they can't?"
The lady turned to her with confusion and concern. "HAHA, oh, I remember when I was that young, wishing that they could talk to me. Such fascinating creatures. I had to disguise myself among them for years just to get a closer look, watching from the trees and shrubs, observing their behavior and instincts."
"So…you've never approached a monster personally?" Steven asked with a slightly dejected tone in his voice.
"Of course not, they're too delicate. Mewmans want to hunt them down, but I understand nature and its ecosystem must be preserved." That was … nice. "So they have to be contained and enclosed for their own safety, like Zoos." And now it wasn't.
"Excuse us for one moment." She smiled, pulling her brother out of the room. "I'll get Buff Frog in charge, you fire her."
"Why do I get the mean job?" Steven asked.
"Because you can make it sound nice and innocent." Star pinched her adorable brother's cheek. "Looks like this is going to be all on us, bro. An all hands on deck Butterfly sibling operation."
"Tag team! We're solving this problem! Skywyne and Rose Guard 2.0 on the job!" The two of them pounded their fists.
"So first we need to get our royal friends on board. I don't see Tom having an issue with this, but I'm not certain about Ponyhead's stance on monsters."
"Nah, Tom's definitely on our side, same for Ponyhead. She may or may not hate monsters, but she loves doing crazy and impossible stuff." That was fair. "The real problem is that they're only two kingdoms out of … a lot of them."
"Alright, I'll get Marco and Kelly while I'm at it." She began running. "Remember, sweet and innocent!"
"How can you make 'you've been terrible at your job for the last thirty years' sound remotely good!?" Steven would find a way, she had that much faith in him.
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"Yeah, I'm down for that." Ponyhead shrugged at Star's question. "If people can party, then they are my people."
"Thank you, Bestie!" B-fly gave her one of those amazing hugs. "You have no idea how much this means to me! I just...I REALLY need this monster unification plan to do off without a hitch, and that's so rare for us nowadays." She looked so frazzled too.
"Anything for my Bestie … but I am gonna need a favor though." She asked. "See, my Sisters are setting up one of their framing me for murder plans, and I need someone to infiltrate them for evidence."
B-fly groaned. "Ponyhead, how many times do I have to tell you. Your family is lovely, they're not trying to get you framed for a national crime."
Their door was kicked open, Q-fly making his way in with a scowl and a chain of tied together bubbles containing her sisters. "They wanted to replace you with me, and let me in on their plan to frame you for Teta's murder, who doesn't even want to be a princess and just plans on running away with a new identity in Jersey City."
"...But they looked so sweet." Star said with disappointed shock as Ponyhead looked at her with the biggest 'I told you so' face.
"Did you think I was joking when I said I wanted to trade my sisters for him? You don't have to worry about complex conspiracies everytime you go to bed."
"Actually you do, it's just from my parents instead of my siblings." Steven groaned. "So what am I doing with them, they're gonna run out of air soon and I am NOT murdering them Pony, don't even suggest it." She could still think it.
"Just lock them in my secret closet, I'll let them out in a day or so." Ponyhead groaned as Q-fly did just that. "What made you think you could convince him to turn against one of his bestie's anyways."
"By the code of the little sibling of course." Krysthalle responded. "We're supposed to unite against the tyranny of older sisters…that and Jan-Jan thought she could seduce him to our side."
"Already have a girlfriend, also if we did become family I would rather not DATE MY SISTER!" He shouted with a hidden boiling rage she rarely saw. "Families shouldn't be fighting each other."
"What kind of fantasy land do you live in?" Shonda asked genuinely. "This is how we deal with stress, otherwise we'd actually end up killing each other."
"Didn't Pony say you guys try and actively murder her?"
"Exaggeration … the worst we did was when Pony stole Shinda's boyfriend, so we hired some assassin online named 'Rasticore' that never showed. Gave him a one star review."
"How is this still somehow tamer than the crap my family has been pulling with each other for years?" Star groaned.
"I don't know, just be glad you're not related to those menaces." They were bigger monsters than the actual monsters.
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"'Don't bring a bobby pin' you said, 'it just causes trouble' you said, 'we have plenty of alternatives' you said." Marco listed off as he stared at the others in the cell. "And yet not a single one of you brought something that can PICK A LOCK!"
"Hey, we wouldn't even be in this mess if you just stayed patient for five freaking mintues!" Kelly yelled back at him. "You could've just gotten the dumb birds to press their feet on it if you got some bread crumbs or something on the paper."
"Did anyone bring food to put on the paper?" He asked. "Or was someone busy stealing money from the royal treasury? You're rich, why do you even need it?"
"I gotta do me, Earth Turd. Gold and shiny jewelry calms me down whenever things get too hectic." Of course she was a kleptomaniac, cause why not?
He sighed. "Alright, we can't pick the locks, we can't blast our way out because Star forgot her wand-"
"I'm sorry alright!"
"That just leaves …" He turned to Steven. "You still have enough super strength to bend the bars?"
"I do, but I think it's better if we just wait until Pigeon Queen and King come back." Steven said. "I have my healing spit back, I can just heal Rich Pigeon's leg and that'll get them to stop being mad at us."
"Cooo! Coooo!" Said Pigeons came in with their son's leg in a cast. "Cooo! Coo!"
"Anyone here speak pigeon?" Marce asked out loud.
"Eclipsa's been teaching me a little. Let me try." Star went up. " Cooo! Caw! Coo!"
"COOO!"
"Uh huh, uh huh, okay."
"What's she saying?"
"Either they hate change and want us dead by a thousand pecks for many transactions, or they want to keep us locked in here forever for Soloria's crime of turning their great great something's grandfather into a pigeon pie."
"Oh … so we were doomed either way." Kelly deadpanned. "Still wanna heal the prince's leg?"
"If we're going down, might as well fix one mistake before we all die." Steven rolled his eyes and licked his palm, before gently placing it on Rich Pigeon. "Sorry about my friend, he's got a few issues to work on because he was a bad boyfriend."
"Seriously, did you have to bring that up?" Marco groaned as the beaks were surrounding all of them.
"... STOP THIS TRIAL!" The bird shouted in a very heroic voice.
"Ha, I knew they could talk." Star nodded as the rest of them gaped at the creatures.
"And so … handsomely too." Ponyhead spoke with a purr. Gross.
"COO!" "CAW" "COO COO!"
They all turned to Star. "They're saying it's a national crime to speak the Mewman tongue."
"Yes! I have learned another language and speak with the words of our enemies! But I did it in the name of the future of our kingdom!" Rich Piggion challenged. "We're not dumb animals! We're intellectuals, yet we hide our proud minds and knowledge away from the rest of the world! How can we expect to be given respect if we continue on like this!? We might as well be baked into a pie!"
"Coo?" "Coo." "Caw Coo." The pigeons spoke with one another.
"Um … sorry about the leg thing." Marco apologized as the birds debated, apparently.
"It's fine, not the first time it happened, that's why I like my robot legs. I just didn't sign because I was scared of what my parents would say."
"Been there, done that, buddy." Steven laughed. "You guys are pretty strong. Never new pigeon beaks were tough enough to break through stone."
"We train every attribute of our proud avian forms very well. That's why this castle was so easy to conquer." Wait what…"But seeing you, Star Butterfly, act so boldly in the face of overwhelming odds, and you, Steven, extend your kindness in the face of death, it makes me want to be a better prince for all of Mewni. I'd be honored to join your cause."
"Thank you, Prince Rich Pigeon." Star bowed. "It is an honor to have your help."
"Coo coo!" The queen said something as the birds cheered.
"She agreed to the signing!" The group cheered at the translation. "Shall we feast with some worms?"
"Sure." Marco, Steven, and Kelly spoke at the same time, already hungry from all the running.
"Wait, you serious?" Ponyhead asked.
"That's what we had to eat a quarter of the time in Heckapoo's dimension." Kelly shrugged. "Slimy, yet satisfying, like a steak you can slurp down."
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Steven walked to a group of teenage monsters. They almost got all the royal signatures down, but they would still need the monsters to agree as well. Buff Frog was a big help, but he suggested the youth was also the answer instead of the old. So now Steven had to argue with kids that heard their whole lives that 'Mewmans' are bad … as a Mewman. This sucked. "Excuse me?" He asked someone who was skating with a wooden board.
"Ah come on." A slime girl said, looking at him. "Why don't you beat it-..." She paused, looking at his stomach. "Is that … the Rose Guard's stone?" She asked.
"Ah..yeah…." He backed away just a little. He almost forgot that both the Mewman and gem side of his family weren't exactly on the best terms with monsters.
"Holy … you're that Quartz kid!" She shouted. "Hey guys, it's the Rose Guard's son!" She shouted.
The rest of them, from lizards to frogs, stopped what they were doing, moving close as Steven got more nervous. "That's awesome!" … What? "She actually did have a son! I thought that was just a weird rumor."
"Dude no way, the healer of monster's had a kid!" An elephant teen shouted.
"Um …" He said nervously. "Healer of what?" They all gave him confused looks. "I'm sorry, I haven't really gotten a monster perspective. I was raised by Mewmans and I know it was limited information with a bit of one sidedness to it. All I know was that she defended Mewni as a shield and was a close friend to the Queens." He technically knew a lot more, but that was a bit much to put on them.
"Oh, then you've really only got one side of the story." A familiar voice came from the crowd, and out came a tall Kappa. "Hey Quartz, didn't know you hung around here."
"Dennis?" He asked, surprised to see his new friend. "Guess I should've expected to see you, but what's with the monster healer stuff?"
"My history's a little limited, but it's said that the downfall of Queen Solaria's wrath was owed all in thanks to her." Oh right, that was still a thing. "So many lives were spared thanks to the Rose Guard, and from Queen Eclipsa, monsters were provided with so much food that the pink lady planted."
"She was also said to be the lover of Seth, the leader of the Serpantis." One of the Lizard teens spoke up next. "When those two worked together, monsters enjoyed a small period of peace, where they could actually go to bed at night underneath a roof with houses they built for themselves."
"I see …" He was invested. He knew she advocated for peace, but apparently she did a lot more than he thought. Finally, a secret that wasn't terrible!
"Apparently there was a bit of a falling out around Cresenta's time, but come on Comet was amazing!" The slime girl smiled. "It was a shame what happened to her … one bad apple ruins all the fun."
"Yeah, I get the feeling." He didn't blame Mom… Moon that is, for what she did, but the sting would still be there for not signing the treaty.
"So what brings you out here?" Dennis asked.
"Oh, I actually came to talk about peace." He smiled. "My sister and I are getting signatures from the princes and princesses of Mewni."
"You mean Star Butterfly, the rebel princess?! Heck yeah! That's awesome!" What?! "She does her own thing and doesn't care about what people say!"
"Adults keep saying that she's going to grow up to be bad or whatever, but she seems to be pretty cool." The slime girl smiled.
Steven laughed. "Oh thank you guys, you have absolutely no idea how stressed we were that this whole thing was gonna go up in smoke." He handed all of them the paper. "Once we get everyone to sign off on it, we're going to throw a huge party and prove Monsters and Mewmans can hang out under the same roof."
"Saving the day with a party!?" The lizard guy shouted with a smile. "Starry Quartz for the win!"
"Starry Quartz! Starry Quartz!" They lifted him up like it was a parade. For probably the first time since he found out about it, Steven never felt more happy to be the son of Rose Quartz.
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"So everyone just carried me off for like an hour! It was so crazy." Kelly heard Steven recall everything as he explained the story to everyone, including their next stop on the treaty signature list, Penelope Spider Bite, the princess of the Spider-bite Kingdom.
"So I'm a monster icon? That's freaking awesome!" Star shouted with a smile. "Oh, we totally should hang out post party, like, full on tag team adventure with monsters in the group. See what the multiverse has to hold just like Justhin did in the good old days."
"You know, my great great…something great aunt actually married Jushtin. It's been recorded to have been the happiest marriage in Spider-bite history." The boil-ridden princess herself mentioned with a suspicious looking smile on her face.
"Oh, so we could be like cousins or something." Steven smiled brightly at her. "That's so awesome."
"Yeah, I mean, it's not by blood and it's so distant, but yeah, totally cool." The girl's jammering only made Kelly grip her hands more. "So this is the lucky girl I've heard you talked about so much, Kelly right?" The Princess turned to her.
"That's me, the badass woolet who takes on enemies. The sword to his shield." She hugged Steven closer. "Bonded for life."
"Yeah, you're basically all he could talk about during the Silver Bell Ball, it was the main topic of gossip that night, well, aside from Star and Tom getting together again." The Spider Bite turned to Star. "I lost two hundred because of that."
"I should probably take up betting myself, I learned how to read this group well." Marco mumbled to himself.
"So, we're here because we want to talk to you about Mewmans and Monsters coming together in peace." Star explained. "We want you to sign this petition of friendship as we all party together."
"I don't ever say no to a good party…but keep it on the down low. Monster's kinda have a weird history with my family." Spiderbite shrugged. "One got eaten by one or something, I don't really pay attention to mom's rants." The bugbite princess turned back to Steven. "Besides, if you're planning for peace, then I don't see any reason to doubt the second Rose Garud." Why was she this flattering?
"Thank you." He smiled brightly. "This means a lot to all of us." The smile she gave was too sparkly for Kelly's liking. "Is she the last of them?"
"Just one more, two if you count Tom." Star answered gleefully. "We just need to get Prince Kelpbottom on board, and we'll be rolling!"
"Oh, I got him! I club snubbed him real good at the Ball, I got him wrapped around my horn now." Ponyhead volunteered.
"Wait, we still haven't talked to cousin Rocks yet." Her boyfriends pointed out.
"Eh, we just need someone to beat him up and he'll go along with it." Star turned to her. "You mind whacking him on the head a couple of times. Johansions basically follow whoever can beat them in a fight.
"The crazy family that did the flag game?" She smiled widely. "Count me in!"
"She sure is … violent." Princess Spider-bite snided, but made it sound like it wasn't an insult.
"She's super confident and capable, there's practically nothing she can't handle." Her sweet boyfriend pecked her on the cheek and leaned into her hair, before a faint buzz was heard. "Ah, do you have a call to take or something?"
"Oh, wait a moment, I'll be back in a second." She rushed out of her seat and took her mirror out of her hair the moment she wasn't in plain sight. It was the forty-seventh message from Zad. The forty-seventh unread message. "I… no I shouldn't… it wouldn't hurt just to hear one.."
"Whatcha doing back here, Kells?" Ponyhead snuck up behind her.
"Nothin!" She said quickly, shoving it back into her hair. "Just telling off a telemarketer. I do NOT need mirror polish."
"Yeah… you clearly DON'T need to clean up your act." Ponyhead looked at her suspiciously. "You know, I heard Tad is living on earth now."
"Really!?" Kelly said just a little too excitedly.
"I guess it's a good thing we're on Mewni now instead, now you don't have to see him." Ponyhead said with a look.
"Yeah… yeah… I don't have to see Kad again…"
"Yeah, because you have the sweetest guy in the universe as your boyfriend now instead of that lazy bum."
"Exactly, I'm much better off." Kelly shook her head, giving it a few slaps. "Thanks for the heads up Pony."
"No prob, Kells. I'm always going to be here to knock sense into your head, no matter what it takes." Ponyhead tapped her hair with her horn before flying off.
"Yeah, okay." She sighed as she walked behind her. She reached into her head again just to make sure her Mirror was still there… and it was gone. "Huh?" That was weird… eh, probably fell deeper than she expected it to. She could get Steven to fish it out later.
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"And that's the last one!" Lapis watched as Star danced in place. "We did it, peace between races, all we have to do left is the easiest thing ever, PARTY!!" She laughed and shouted, spinning her boyfriend around.
"Glad to see you happy Star." The demon smiled. "Hopefully I get a dance from the great princess that unites us all."
"Heck yeah! We actually just need to plan where the party needs to be and when." Steven pointed out. "Even if our friends are on board, not a lot of places are going to allow monsters to enter, and we need BOTH sides to be as comfortable as possible."
"Oh, I can help with that." He answered. "I know a lot of abandoned and creepy places we can spruce up for fun."
"Perfect, we can give it a nice theme, set up some lights, no chaperones. Thanks Tom." She kissed the boy on the cheek.
"Anything for you." She watched Star go talk with her friends. "So why are you here?" The demon asked.
"Apparently, Moon through hell would be too dangerous without protection, so they compromised with me." She answered. "Given all their firepower, it seemed like overkill in all honesty."
"Yeah, Star's pretty powerful, and Steven's not exactly who I call a slouch. Then Kelly and Marco can probably take on a mob or two on their own." The demon snorted. "Hard to believe a year ago I was still trying to kill half of the group."
"I was trying to kill everyone except Steven, so I'm with you there." Lapis responded a little snarkily, before getting a little curious. "Hey, you're a demon, right? It's natural for you to want to see annoying people dead and in pieces?"
"Yep, unbridled rage." He responded. "Tried to take it out by force … turns out that was a thirteen year plan that would have ended poorly and left me broke."
"Yeesh, talk about a rip off." Lapis said. "As someone who wanted and kind of still does want to see Marco head on a pike, do those dark thoughts ever go away? You hang around him and Steven without sending fireballs, and Steven said that was like your favorite hobby when you were younger."
"Heheh, classic." The demon shrugged. "I'd say… they're still there, but the more you actually hang around them, the less likely you want to see them dead." Tom reasoned.
"So it's just a time thing …" She sighed. "My sense of time and bonding is very … warped. I don't age so it takes a lot longer than everyone thinks it does."
"Hey, I'm lucky to figure all of this stuff now when I'm a teenager. With all my Demon souls inside my body, I'm going to be living well into three hundred at the very least. Existentialism hasn't set in for me just yet."
"You really are lucky." She chuckled. "It's probably a lucky thing I have water, otherwise I'd just set everything on fire."
"Meh, it gets a little boring setting things on fire every time. I mean, I'm the biggest fan of smelling fresh brimstone, but seeing the same old flames over and over again kind of gets tiring." He laughed. "Least you can shape yours pretty. I'd kill to get just a little more fancy with my fire just to spice things up a little."
"Fancy …" She smirked. "It was nice talking with you Tom."
"Same here, Lapis. I haven't really gotten involved with the Gem thing, so it's pretty cool talking to you."
"Trust me, Star's doing you a favor just telling you the details. Time with us speeds up that existential dread by ten."