Summary: Play ball with a bit of angst!.
Amethyst fixed up the last wall. "There you go, completely repaired!" She laughed. "A tiny green alien living in a barn … tell me you all see the irony."
"I would if I understood what the term Irony meant a little better." Peridot sighed as she began pounding some metal with a hammer. "I still don't comprehend how Marco's ringtone is supposed to bring about Irony when all it does is bring him unnecessary trouble."
"Irony would be like …" Steven paused in his explanation. "You would expect Pearl to be a servant, but ironically she's the leader."
" Was the leader for a time." Star corrected. "And no offense to anybody here, but if you thought the team was chaotic before, it was even crazier before Garnet formed again."
"Oh … so it's ironic for anarchists to despise chaos …" Peridot nodded. "Wait, that doesn't explain the ringtone."
"It's ironic because a cool guy like me has a cute ringtone." Marco answered with an exaggerated lean on the wall. Amethyst started to laugh with a lot of the others.
"Oh yeah, just like it's ironic for someone so cool and confident to carry police tape everywhere he goes despite knowing we'll just cut through it." Kelly snorted.
"It's the principle of the matter! Besides, that was the old me sixteen years ago!" Marco argued. "The new Marco walks into danger without breaking a sweat. I had the scars to prove it."
"You mean the bald spot Heckapoo cursed you with?" Steven asked.
"It was much more serious." Marco groweld, looking up. "You go through an entire dimensional journey, see the stars as they fall … that one actually is falling … METEOR!" He pointed to an incoming object from the sky.
As they all moved, Peridot, for some reason, just stared at the sight in the sky before chuckling. "You need to get your vision scopes checked. That's not a meteor, that's just a gem scoutship …" Peridot's calm and smug expression cracked in an instant. "A GEM SCOUTSHIP!"
"What!?! Another invasion!?" Pearl freaked out like usual, though this time it was just a little more justified.
"Relax, she said scoutship right?" Amethyst said. "That means everyone on board is super weak and they're just looking for something. We can ambush them easily."
"Yeah, yeah, except that's a roaming eye, which means Yellow Diamond sent out a Ruby squadron, and alone they might be easy to handle, but fused together and they are one big fiery effective mess to deal with!" Peridot explained.
"Wait, Rubys …" Steven looked to Garnet. "I have a very crazy idea."
"I'll do it." Garnet said simply as they defused, turning back into Ruby and Sapphire.
"Homeworld Ruby's aren't exactly the brightest bulbs in the drawer, it'll be easy to trick them…no offense." Sapphire held her hand to Ruby.
"None taken, I know from personal experience." Ruby crossed her arms.
"Okay, everyone else, hide in the barn!" Star shouted. "We'll try and negotiate."
"Just say the word and I'll come out to fight them!" Amethyst laughed with her knuckles hitting each other. "Crystal Gems never surrender!"
========================================================================
Star watched, wand poised as the ship landed in front of them. They were tense, watching as the door opened to reveal … five Rubies walk out of the door. Star understood that there were copies, she had seen the Yellow Pearl herself, but this was … trippy.
Each one of them had the yellow diamond insignia on them like Peridot did, as far as she could tell, the only difference between any of them appearance wise was the gem placement on all of them.
"Alright Rubies! Fan out and search the area!" The one with the eyeball gem commended.
"Yeah… let's… what are we looking for?" The one with the gem on her leg asked.
"Oh Ruby, your so forgetful, we're… huh… I forgot what we were ordered to do." The belly button gem answered.
"How could you two forget!?" The one with an arm gem shouted. "We're here to … to … ah!" They screamed in rage.
"Now now, everybody calm down." The one with a gem on their chest pacified them. "We're here to find the gem and bring them back to Homeworld." They smiled. "It's a direct order from Yellow Diamond to!" That … can't be good.
"Oh, oh I just Ah…I already looked around the area! There is nobody around but a bunch of humans, see!" Their Ruby said with a nervous sweat.
"Wait a second … something isn't right." Belly button Ruby stated. "Aren't there one too many of us?" How did they fail so fast!?
"Lets see … one, two, three, four, five …" The chest Ruby counted everyone but herself. "... No, we have the right number."
"Oh okay." All the rubies nodded without another thought.
"Aw…that's just adorable." Steven cooed. "The cutest enemies we've faced so far."
"Very true." Star agreed. She'd almost feel guilty about blasting them.
"Well, like I said, nothing but a bunch of humans around here, there's absolutely no gems around here, especially in that dirty old barn." OG Ruby said frantically. "Guess we gotta go home now!"
"Hm…maybe…but we should double check that barn just in case." The chest Ruby looked at the barn in the distance.
"Or maybe, and hear me out … you search elsewhere?" Steven asked. "There's plenty of places to search."
"Why don't you want us going into the barn!?" The eyeball one shouted. "Are you holding enemy secrets, an encampment, or is it a reverse psychology trick to get us stranded inside of a chamber filled with acidic gas as we all burn alive and our atoms fall into dust!?"
"What, no, it's just.." Star had to think of something quick, these little guys bordered on being both smart and dumb at the same time. "Earth Culture requires us to challenge you to something before we let you search the barn."
"Damn you earth culture, damn you do-" The eyeball one was held back by the leader.
"Sorry about her, she fought in the gem war on earth … she was never the same since." They spoke solemnly.
"I get that, fighting messes with your head." Star nodded. "Anyways, we need to…" She looked at her wand, and transformed it into a baseball bat. "Play baseball, where you try to hit a ball as far away as possible while the other team tries to catch it. If you win, you can search the barn. If we win, you have to go away forever and never come back."
"Sounds fair." The leg gem nodded along with the rest of them.
"Let's crush some puny organics!" The arm out shouted, running around with energy.
Star nodded as she walked inside of the bard, leaving Steven to explain the rules. "We're playing baseball now."
"What!?" Marco and the others cried out.
"It was the only thing I could get them to distract them."
"Garnet saw this coming." Sapphire nodded. "... Well either this or football."
"Huh, this was the safest choice then." Marco assessed. "You can't trust Star around a football field." She wanted to argue, but Marco had a small point.
========================================================================
Leggy watched as Handy acted chummy with the enemy, which was strange considering how loyal their kind is supposed to be. "That's a lovely shade of blue you have there, I could get lost in it."
"I don't know, that shade of red you have going could put the sky on fire." The blue human responded with back, getting weirdly close to Handy. Was this one of those mind games that Eyeball went on about? And why was that human blue? Weren't humans supposed to be a really pale pink?
"Save that talk for behind the bleachers, please." A yellow haired girl shouted as a green haired human threw the ball.
"Strike three, you're out!" The pink boy shouted.
"Ruby, stop playing mind games and get your head in the game!" Army shouted in rage, pushing Handy away. "I'll show you how it's done!" She screamed, walking up to the base and giving the bat a few test swings.
"Hah, easy there, hot head, don't get too heated on me." The green girl laughed as she threw the ball again, and immediately had to duck as it returned while on fire, actually going through the thick bush of hair. "Damn it! The one time I actually need Jad and he isn't here to take the hit."
"It's alright Kelly, your hair is only one of your great features." The pink boy said as the Army ran from base to base while the red hooded human struggled to pick up the flaming ball.
"Okay, can everyone tone down their flirting today? I don't need to be reminded about how single I am." The blonde one groaned.
"You know, you guys have already helped me a lot." The hoodie one spoke. "I can totally try and get you and Osckar together."
"If you can actually find him, I haven't seen him at school lately, not even in the parking lot." The blonde one responded.
"Oh, he said something about following 'Mr.Universe's footsteps', and going out on the road." The Pink one answered. "I think I have to get dad to talk to him about that, don't think he's going to get as lucky as him."
"Drat." The girl snapped her hand. "Alright, next batter to the stand!"
Leggy guessed it was her turn. She began walking to them, holding the bat timidly. She needed to focus, in gase the ball landed on her body. She swung the bat as the ball came by.
"I've got it! Sticky Hand Grab!" The girl pulled a stringy hand out of her stick, catching it. "Oh yeah, score!"
"How did she do that!?" Navy shouted. "I thought humans couldn't shapeshift!"
"Oh..this is a super ball catcher stick, it helps with the game." The blonde one explained.
"How's that fair? We don't have super sticks, I call foul!" Doc exclaimed.
"You're already stronger than most of us here naturally and you're already set the ball on fire for extra power, I'm pretty sure that makes us even here." The red hooded one said.
"Hmm …" Doc looked in deep thought. "Well we do want it to be fair … fine, she can keep the catcher stick."
"Aw, that means I'm out." Leggy sagged her head just a little. Why was this game so important anyways? What was so important about hitting a ball and running around a circle? Why was the sky blue!? Why is the universe so full of confusing questions?!
"Alright, we're tossing now." Doc walked up to the plate. "Everyone, let's give them a serious, Mega Ruby!" Oh, Mega Ruby!
"Mega what now?" The humans asked.
========================================================================
Mega Ruby was a … serious problem when it came to head. Excluding the fact she towered over all of them by twenty or so feet, she had absolutely NO restrictions when it came to using her strength, as demonstrated by her lighting the home base on fire through her first strike to Marco's bat. Correction, through . Marco stared at his broken tool, and slowly gazed up at the giant. "I um … request a … time out?"
"Sure, take as long as you need." The fusion nodded, luckily not looking as unstable or volatile like Sugilite or Malachite.
"Thanks." He returned the nod and gathered everyone to a group huddle. "Okay, I say we just take Peridot out of here while she's distracted and take the loss."
"And then what?" Pearl asked. "They're just going to search the entire planet constantly. This is our best chance at getting them off for good."
"Ruby's are best at being determined for any given task." Sapphire said, making their Ruby give a wave of mock bashfulness. "We can't fuse to match their strength or else they'll know something is up, so our best chance at beating her is Star using the wand to knock it out of the park."
"Alright, time for a little magical home run." The girl smirked. "Should I go with glitter explosions or birdy fly away … decisions." They were doomed.
"Star, focus." Steven grabbed her by the face and squished her cheeks. "For once we can actually solve a problem without having to fight at all, and I really, REALLY want to keep it that way. Your fought Malachite to a near standstill, you're more than capable of blasting that ball into space, so make it as explosive as possible."
"Right, right, of course I am." She agreed. "Okay, break!" Marco watched the princess make her way to the plate, wand sparking with energy.
"So what are the chances that the Ruby's actually will follow through on going honoring their side of the deal.
"Pretty likely … unless something unexpected beyond all belief happens." Sapphire deadpanned. "And knowing this group …"
"Here goes everything!" Star's wand lit up with pink and green energy, forming into a sparking baseball bat as the Mega Ruby threw her fireball. The practical meteor of a baseball made contact with the wand…
Booom!!
A shockwave of green energy had everyone with a gem in the area falling to the ground. Steven grew those back spikes again, Pearl sprouted feathers, Amethyst had patches of fur and a dog's tail out of her backside while Ruby and Sapphire looked more scaly. "Guys!" The three unaffected rushed over to the gems and Steven, helping them up.
"What the heck is going on!" The Rubys shouted, their bodies having become warped as well. They looked just as scaley as Ruby but with extra added features. Horn on one head, a reptile tail on another. One even sprouted a pair of wings.
"I knew it!" Eyeball shouted, their one good eye changed into a slit. "They're enemies, they did this to us! They even have gems among them!"
"Oh yeah, because the rainbow colored skin wasn't another to give it away." Marco muttered.
"And after we put our trust in you." Navy cried out.
"Rubies, for up!" They all became mega ruby, looking like a strange reptile chimera marching to them. "Now then, let's interrogate the-"
"Wait!" They all saw Peridot run out, antlers larger and small hoves on her feet. "Don't hurt them!" No, they went through all that effort to reform her, they couldn't lose the gem now!
========================================================================
"Peridot, don't do this!" Steven, even with the spikes painfully growing out of his back, took the moment to be touched by the selflessness of the originally egoistic and selfish gem.
"I'm not going to let everyone be hurt from one gem, that's just illogical!" She shouted, raising her hands up. "I'm the one you want!" Peridot yelled to the enemy, raising her arms in sacrifice. Marco looked the most hurt by this event.
"Good …" The Mega Ruby. "Then tell me … where is Jasper!"
"... Eh?" The entire group paused to register the comment. "Wait wait wait." Peridot waved off. "Aren't you here for me? The Peridot that called Yellow Diamond a clod to her face, and joined enemies of Homeworld!?"
"What are you on about!?" The fusion shouted. "We were just told to find the Jasper!"
"…." Peridot looked shocked, staring down at the ground, before walking away slowly. "Well I feel my accomplishment drying up, I'm going to watch some Camp Pining Hearts."
"We did all of that for nothing!?" Kelly shouted in frustration. "That's what we get for going off on Peridot's word alone."
"Hey!" The Mega Ruby shouted. "You never told us where Jasper is! Do it now or we will interrogate you the hard way!" They generated a gauntlet and smacked it hard enough to create a shockwave.
"Oh …" Steven mumbled. "She's … um …"
"In the Andromeda Galaxy!" Marco shouted. "They got told a Mewman was spotted there, so she rushed off alone, daring action in hand!"
The Ruby still looked threateningly at them, reeling back their arms….before sending them a smile. "Why didn't you just say so?" With a simple flash, they reformed back into their original forms again, aside from the added features.
"I should've known a Quartz that brave and strong would do something so epic." The eyeball Ruby almost sounded like their own Ruby for a second
"We should all follow the example of someone as incredible and talented as that!" Navy smiled gently. "Such a treasure!"
"Alright, headcount." Doc shouted off. "One, two, three, four, and …" They pointed at themselves. "Five! All accounted for."
Steven looked at his friends, realizing they probably should have just talked to these adorably deadly nitwits beforehand. "This is why we talk things out."
"Yeah, yeah, we'll remember this the next time someone wants to kill us." Kelly shrugged as she put her arm on his shoulders.
"Thanks for the game!" The Leggy waved off before heading into the ship with her squad, the roaming eye disappearing in a blink of an eye.
"Man…Rubies are dumb." Amethyst said, watching the ship fly off.
"Tell me about it." Ruby groaned, being held by Sapphire.
"How many times do I have to tell you, you're not dumb, you view the world in such a fun loving way …" She spoke, kissing the gem as they quickly got intimate.
"Aggh, I said I wanted to get away from all that." Star groaned.
"I don't know, the mood feels just about right." Kelly added, planting her own kiss on his face.
"Maybe later, honey, I think there's something else we need to talk about." Steven turned to the other gems. "What's happening with you guys?"
"Nothing you need to concern yourselves with." Pearl lied bluntly as Garnet formed out of the corner of their eyes.
"Seriously, are you going to start keeping more secrets after everything we went through!?" His spikes glowed pink but he ignored it as he felt his frustration rise. "I thought we were past all of this!"
"What do you want us to say Steven!?" Of all the gems, they didn't expect Amethyst to be the one to snap. "That we're slowly getting corrupted, and Rose at her strongest couldn't fix a corrupted gem, and since your magic is on the fritz we can't use that to heal us either, meaning you all have to know that one day we're gonna turn into uncontrollable monsters you have to bubble without any means of stopping it no matter how many excuses or searches we go on, because we've spent over three thousand years doing it already!? Is THAT what you want to hear!!?" Tears flew down the gems eyes, staring at them with her watery expression.
Steven didn't respond right away, but all of his friends' faces made it clear just how hopeless the crystal gems really felt. "I know you see us as planetary guardians, but the truth is that we've only been cleaning up the mess Homeworld left behind." Garnet had her head sunken low. "There's only so much we can do.."
"No, no, there's more we can do now that we know." He finally said back.
"Steven." Pearl stated calmly, not meeting any of their gazes. "We already tried healing corrupted gems with queen magic when Estrella and Comet were around … neither of them could keep a gem cured for longer than a minute."
"Well don't underestimate what I can do." Star stepped forward. "You guys got all funky looking when my wand went green, which means whatever is happening with all of you is because of the fritz. Which means this is a magic issue that magic can solve."
"And … how do we solve that?" Kelly asked the question no one had an answer to.
"I don't know..the only guy I know who could have the answer was inside my book." Star grumbled. "I'll get my mom on this, and get her to hurry her butt on finding Ludo."
"... Just know this." Garnet started. " None of you blame yourselves if this ends badly … Do you understand me?"
"Yeah…we promise." Steven said, even if he didn't mean it. If he still had his healing spit, he could've done something to slow it down. He was hurting his family again…just by being Steven and not Rose.