Summary: Crazy old bats are the worst
"Come on, it's fine, it's fine." Steven petted the corrupted Gem, rubbing his hand through her mane.
"[Cramped. Expansion. Nest. Children. Sustenance.]" Centipeetle's been growing more restless lately … and growing in general.
"I may have to ask dad or someone to help build a stable outside, at this rate, she'll be too big for my room." Steven kept patting as he followed Marco and Star into the alley. "Some donuts aged to perfection ought to make everything at least feel better."
"I'm only going along with this because this means we don't have to enter the Big Donut." Marco grumbled. He'd normally try to help out on that front, but Steven completely understood what it was like to just not like certain people. Glosseryck forever being one of those people.
"You could totally be nicer to Lars, you know." Star spoke, dumpster diving for snacks. "Or at least head in for Saddie … I saw that blush." She said from within the trash.
"It was just a highly emotional time where we were getting all of our frustrations out, there's no need.." Marco started.
"Hey Marco, hey guys." Said donut lady walked out of the door with a bag full of the baked goods. "Star in the dumpster again?"
"Yeah, sorry, this is just one of the things she's dead set on." Marco responded with a small hint of red across his face.
"Free food is free food!" The girl shouted. "The other lady gets it … wait what?" There was a bit of confusion heard from within, followed by shuffling, before the garbage canister started to rattle.
"Dumpster monster, I knew they were real!" Steven was ready to throw his bubbles in defense.
Centipeetle was as well, hissing "[Threat. Protect. Attack.]" and spitting a glob of acid, giving them access to the inside of the dumpster.
"Alright donut snatcher, come out with your hands up!" Star aimed her wand right into the hole. "Stick your hands up and…" The figure walked out, and Star slowly put her wand down. "And…and…and.."
"Oh no." Nonononono, not her! "We've gotta get out of here, Centipeetle, I know you're not Lion, but you're big and fast!"
[Frantic. Worried. Safety. Flee!] Centi nodded with a screech, crawling on a rooftop before the figure could get her head fully out the dumpster.
"Um, what are we missing here?" Marco asked with a raised eyebrow, pointing at himself and Saddie.
"Guys, right in front of us is possibly one of the strongest and mightiest heroes Mewni has ever seen!" Star's eyes were lighting up with stars. "This is Mina Loveberry!"
"Nice to meet you random people living here." The girl waved with her strong arms. "If you are ever in need of help, just give me a call … also, do you know where the queen of Mewni is?"
The torn clothes and mud stains all over the purple haired woman, along with the dazed look in her eye made him think something was off. "Silly Mina, your on earth now! I'm Star Butterfly, future queen of Mewni!" And it all went over Star's head.
"I see then!" She saluted. "Please give me my orders mam, where are the monsters? Those evil bastards need to be slain!"
"Oh….is this why you had Centi.." Marco began to ask.
"She was Solaria's top knight….so yeah." Steven groaned.
"Um, this is earth." Star explained. "There are no monsters that need to be slain."
"Oh … then what is my purpose here?" Mina asked with determination.
"A purpose?" Steven, despite his fear for Centi, cautiously approached. If he could talk to monsters normally, then someone with a radically different opinion than him should be easier. "We'll, earth is generally free for the most part. Everyone grows up and finds their own purpose."
"My purpose is to slay monsters and their evil … but if there are no monsters that purpose is gone." The warrior entered a thinking pose. "Does that mean my purpose has ended?"
"No way!" Star shouted. "We just gotta get you a new one! We can't let someone as awesome as Mina Loveberry go away! You were my idol growing up!"
"I was the idol of a queen …" Mina had the same starry eyed look his sister had. "You honor me with your presence, oh great one!"
"Ah! This is going to be so great, isn't that right, Quartz!?" The moment Star said his middle name, Mina's eyes went narrow and dark.
"... Quartz …" The eye began twitching. "As in Rose Quartz …" They cracked their neck. "As in the one who I am destined to shatter and destroy for hurting Solaria?" He suddenly felt very, VERY afraid!
"No no, they call me that because …" Steven tried to think of a lie before she probably put a hole in his stomach.
"His hair is pink!" Saddie came in. "Yeah, he dyes it, isn't that right Marco?"
"Oh yeah, he was ashamed because … it looked like Rose Quartz's and he didn't want to be associated with such an…infamous person completely unrelated to him."
"I actually go by Steven, nice to … meet you." He spoke meekly and afraid, extending his hand out.
Mina looked like she was about to rip it off, before returning to the giggly and bubbly personality from before, shaking his hand wildly. "Oh! Why didn't you say so!? I completely understand wanting nothing to do with that queen killing scumbag!"
"Yeah, she's totally the worst.." He said, knowing that it would extend his life by decades if this woman never knew the truth.
"Um …" Star looked back and forth between them, suddenly much less enthused about the situation at hand. "Yeah let's … get you a purpose … hopefully a less violent one." She muttered the last part. "Would you mind waiting by the front of the store while we decide where to go?"
"Anything for you, my liege!" Mina thankfully did what was asked of her, skipping her way to the front.
Once she was out of hearing distance Star turned to them with a desperate look. "I'll keep her busy, get help, anyone." She pleaded.
"I'll get the gems, Pearl or Sapphire might know what to do." Marco turned to him. "You coming?"
"No…as much as I am screaming internally, I want to try and help her." Steven sighed. "Mom did hurt her with her choices, so I want to see if I can fix it somehow."
"Why does it have to hurt to see your idols be crazy?" Star muttered.
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Jana walked to the front of Funland, having overheard their conversation on the bug she planted on Marco. Seeing that they needed help trying to get a crazy girl to have fun, it seemed like something she should obviously get herself involved in. "So, I take it you're a tourist around these parts?" Jana rhetorically asked as she approached the trio.
"DOCTOR'S ORDERS told me I needed a vacation, but he was a quack, so I threw him into the rushing stream where he belonged with all the other ducks." The old crazy woman said with a wide eyed expression.
"You should probably back away." Steven whispered to her. "She's a bit … intense."
"If you want me to leave, call her boring." Jana smirked. "Don't worry, I know the full story. My lips are sealed." She turned to the woman, holding a confection. "Corn dog?"
"Heresy!" Mina slapped the fried piece of food to the ground. "We don't take the name of corn lightly around these parts, and that clearly isn't a cob or a dog!"
"Hey, hey." Star waved her hands. "It's all right, it's called that because corn is part of the ingredients." Well corn syrup was. "They taste amazing." Star took a bite herself.
"Impossible. There's no way to perfect what's already perfect." The woman took a bite, and immediately shoved all of it down her throat. "This is truly Divine! I must have more of the deep fried puppies!" The woman ran to the fry shop. "I demand a hundred more of these 'corn dogs' at once, grease covered peasants!"
"Sure thing loud lady, that'll be a hundred dollars." The man was completely unphased by the rudeness, probably used to it daily.
"What are these 'dollars' you speak of!" Mina used her long purple pigtails to Lasso the man and slammed him on the counter. "Start using real words before I beat you for insubordination!"
"It's money!" Steven shouted, running to the world. "Currency, Coins?"
"Oh really? Seriously, it's like people in this dimension don't know how to talk." Mina pulled out what looked like a shiny skull. "This is a genuine gargoyle skull. The skin may be stone, but the bones are made from pure crystal."
"Wow, this lady is a piece of work." Jana turned over to Star. "Why'd you even look up to this loon in the first place?"
"Battle loving child with a love for wild and crazy." The girl sighed. "But she might be a little … too much." Star admitted. "Don't worry, I can pay." Star laughed nervously, pulling out a wallet.
"Truly a strange world we live in." The crazy loon muttered. "Hmm … oh, does it have law enforcement? I'm great at murdering traitors to the kingdom."
"We don't run on Monarchy, we have Democracy." Jana told the woman.
"Another of your strange words." Mina grumbled.
"It means that the people run the government instead of a queen." Star explained.
"Wait, so the people who are free to do what they want just…run it however they want to be?"
"Exactly! We're free to choose what to do with our lives." Steven added on. "Where we want to go, what we want to say.."
"That sounds nice, anarchy at its finest!" Mina laughed hard.
"It's actually kinda of the opp.."
"No wonder why everyone on this planet is acts so strange, they don't know what they want! Their just like me in a way, without structure, without order in their lives!"
"Pretty much. I mean, that's how equality works." Jana mumbled.
"Thank you all, you have shown me my new purpose!" The woman smiled brightly. "To claim this land for Mewni!"
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Pearl hummed, smiling to herself. Having Steven live here might have been a problem before, but now the temple was equipped with a kitchen! Perfect for making human food for their consumption. Now they just need to get it fitted for human sleep cycles, and they'll be ready to have the boy actually stay for a little more than a day or two.
"It's coming together quite nicely." Sapphire said, looking at the expanded area they now had.
"Perfectly fit for any and all meals." Ruby agreed, patting Pearl on the back as she was filled with approval.
Amethyst walked by, looking at their work. "Where's the fridge?"
"The what?" Pearl asked.
"The cold box so the food doesn't go bad?"
"… Food can go bad!?" Pearl grabbed her hair. "Since when was that ever a thing!?"
"Since forever, you dingus." Amethyst laughed. "You've seen Rose eat before, haven't you? Thought she would explain at least that much to you."
"Well yes, but it was always food just handed to her, how was I supposed to know about storage!" Now that was another thing to add to the list. Marco ran in. "Thank the Stars, Marco, I need help figuring out how long this food will-"
"No time, there's a crazy old lady that wants Rose Quartz dead!"
There was a pause. "Could you be more specific?" Ruby asked. "She had as many enemies as friends."
"There's some crazy warrior chick from Mewni named Mina Loveberry, and she almost completely snapped when the name 'Quartz' was mentioned."
"Mina Loveberry!?" Pearl shouted in terror. "That should be impossible, it's been centuries!"
"Not again not again not again." Ruby went into a ball, Sapphire reassuring the gem.
"… Don't look at me." Amethyst shrugged at Marco's confused look.
"The woman is well known for being Solaria's top enforcer, as well as her most devoted and loyal. She had it as bad for the woman as Pearl did for Rose." Sapphire deadpanned. Pearl would take offense if it wasn't accurate.
"That crazy lady took on Sardonyx with her bare hands!" Ruby shouted in terror. "Who DOES that!?"
"A knight who lived for nothing until someone was able to give them a purpose." Pearl unfortunately understood the mad woman's feelings all too well. "Woman absolutely detested Rose for the death, would murder anyone and anything close to-"... Pearl stopped talking. "If she sees Quartz's gem …"
"We're not going to lose our baby to some crazed gumball that needs to get a life!" Ruby lit herself on fire.
"So are we forming Alexandrite and going toe to toe with her?" Amethyst asked, not understanding the severity of the situation.
"Amethyst…even Obsidian would barely begin to put a scratch on her." That finally put the fear of god into the purple gem. "Solaria used her as the basis for a line of magically enhanced super soldiers, all of them living for nothing but battle, and never satisfied until their enemy's blood flowed through the streets like a river."
"And she's currently loose … on earth." They all stood quiet at that. "Let's gear up people, we have a battle to fight and no time to prep!"
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Centipeetle watched from afar, listening to the two legged creatures that made no sense. "Fear not world, once your government is demolished, I will bring this planet under glorious and controlled rule!" Shouted the old woman she was told to avoid. Centi had no clue what they were saying, none of them, except the Provider.
"Mina, don't you think this is a bit much?!" [Worry. Stress. Fear.] "Earth is its own dimension with its own way of how life works! They're…" [hesitation. Disgust. Regret for words.] "They're not like the monsters Solaria had you fight!"
"Exactly, it's a dimension that has never experienced the true way of living!" The old one explained. "They lived without monsters and have no structure for it! We will provide it to them! After all, I'm free to do what I want in a world without a Queen! That's why I must take over the lands and begin my cross dimensional Mewman expansion plan!"
"Ah..as the future queen of Mewni…!" The blonde raised a hand in protest. "I don't think that's such a great idea!"
"You're young, you have to wait until your brain grows old and stops absorbing bad ideas before you can appreciate the gift I'm going to give to you and future Mewman generations. " Centi had a distinct feeling this lady was a tad deranged. "Like, could you imagine if someone tried to advocate for peace with those horrendous and filthy monsters like Rose Quartz tried to do? Or be like Solaria's traitor of a daughter and fall in love with them!?"
[Fear. Terror. Horror.] The caregiver was panicking now. If he acted or said something wrong, he feared he would die at the hands of this horrid woman. What could she do, she feared for her life just as much as her caregiver did.
Centi wanted to come out of hiding, but she felt there was no need to. So far the provider had been safe c and that was all that mattered. " Get away from him! " A shouted from the sky said as a multi colored large figure crashed down to earth, breathing bright pink fire at the woman
"Wow, a Giant Monster!" The lady shouted, completely unphased as she stared wonder. "And you said there were none left on earth." She took a breath, before screaming. Centi felt nothing but danger as the crazy one bulked up considerably. "I shall demolish them myself!"
"Not that I'm complaining, but who the flippin corn is that!?!" The girl in a green cap shrieked.
"She's…she's called Alexandrite.." the red hooded one came back, breathing heavily. "She's…all the gems fused together."
"Wait, that thing is all the gems?" The blonde one looked relieved. "Well, problem solved,'right? All of them together can beat one lady that lost her marbles."
The giant woman threw the crazy one into the air, forming a hammer and slamming it into them, creating a crater in the ground. "… This is Sardonyx's hammer …" The crazy one pushed up against their strength. "You're the Crystal Gems …" The crazy one growled. "I will shatter you to pieces, you worthless jewelry pieces!!"
"According to Pearl all of them fused with Rose would be enough for an 'even match' the hoodie one stated. "So you two might want to try throwing something else at her while we're here!"
"I will hang your shards above my fireplace!" The giant lady formed gauntlets and got into a punching match with the crazy one. "And once that's done I'll find your cowardly leader and shatter her too!"
"Steven, we gotta get you out of..Steven!" The blonde one shouted as the caretaker charged forward towards the dangerous woman.
"Hey, Mina! Rose is dead!" [Target. Vanish. Passing.] Her caretaker shouted. "I'm the only thing left of her in the entire universe!" [Memntos. Self.] He lifted his shirt up to reveal his stomach to her. "I'm the Son of Rose Quartz….Steven Universe!" [Decendent. Title.]
" Steven No!" The giant one shouted, trying to squeeze to death the crazy one, that remained silent.
"… So … you really ARE a coward, aren't you Rose!?"
"Steven, get the hell out of there!" The blonde one yelled as the hooded one grabbed her from behind.
"Behind your 'peace'." They walked forward, ignoring attacks and giant hands trying to hold them in place. "Behind your shield." Closer they came to the provider. "Behind your soldiers." They came face to face. "And now you hide in the body of a child."
"No!" [Negative.] "I'm not Rose, I'm her son!" [Misunderstanding.]
"Hah, keep telling lies, like you always do!" The laughter was grating and horrendous to hear. "Maybe I'll believe it if there's anything left of you when I smash that rock into pebbles!"
The danger was flying towards her provider, her friend, her only friend, the only one that cared for her after centuries of pain! She couldn't let him get hurt! She charged right at the danger, getting in front of her friend as a fist pierced through her body.
"Centi!" [shock. Sadness. Confusion. Anger. Gratefulness.]
She let him know it was fine, she would be all right … before it all faded to green.
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Mina Loveberry, her idol, just tried to kill her brother, and poofed his Centipeetle … and she was going to try again. She aimed at the lady with her wand, sparking green and pink … and dipped down . "Go away!" She shouted, blasting the soldier square in the chest.
"What in the downtown hat wearing bell do you think you're doing!?" Mina managed to punch away some of the magic blats and deflect it. "I'm trying to kill that traitor Rose Quartz!"
"You are trying!" BLAST! "To kill!" BLAST! "My brother!!" BLAST!
While she was working on that front, Alexandrite continued to try and fail to destroy the woman with brute force and flames. "Don't you get it!! This is how the woman works! She lies and sneaks her way to the top, and WHAMO! She'll stab you in the back like she did Solaria!"
"I have grown up with Steven all my life, I ate with him, and played with him, I even shared a bath with him when we were both babies!" Her hands were encased with pink fire as she charged in close and started striking at the maniac's head. "I don't give a rat's butt about what his mom did to some random grandma I barely have time to remember!" She summoned fireworks to blast the jackass backwards, but she still looked barely scratched!
"… You've already been infected." The nut job was actually crying! "It seems I have to kill you both now." The woman approached her, cracking knuckles as they probably planned on turning her to paste. There was a tap on the shoulder, turning to see no one there … only for a pink fist to hit the back of her head, even if it did nothing.
"Whoa, slow done everyone, things are getting a little heated, if ya know what I mean!" A familiar chipper voice echoed in the air as a pink figure stood defiantly against the warrior woman. "If we're gonna have fireworks, take out a couple of sodas at least."
"And who in the infinite realms do you hide behind now, Rose!" The warrior shouted, anger obvious.
"My name is Quana, you poofed my Centipeetle, prepare to die." The fusion stretched itself to make them appear taller. "I've taken a lot of time out of my schedule to book you an appointment with the grim reaper, the least you can do for me is be a good girl and comply without hesitation."
"You're speaking even more garbage than you usually do." Solaria punched Quana right into the face, only for their neck to stretch out about twenty feet before head butting the fanatic back.
"And your twice as unpleasant as I always imagined you would be, so I guess we're both disappointed!" The fusion crossed their arms, even as Mina tried to strike them.
"Hold still you little pink noodle! You're nothing but a cowardly snake!"
"Oh, a snake am I?" The eyes got sharper and the bottom half of their body resembled a serpent. "Let's see how snake-like I can be!" They wrapped themselves around Mina's body and squeezed as hard as they could.
It was ineffective, as she swung them around and slammed them into the ground. "Give it up and let me shatter you!"
The now semi flattened figure raised a thumb to their mouth and blew, blowing themselves back up and creating a giant hand. "Or I can give ya a wallop!" Stretching it high in the, they twisted it, and smacked Mina, doing absolutely nothing. "With change." Quana pulled out two quarters and poked her eyes with them.
"Did your brain change as much as your body, Rose, you seem to be forgetting one simple fact.." Mina ripped apart the ground, and began beating the fusion down like a hammer repeatedly, making them resemble an accordion, sound and everything. "You can't hurt me, but I can hurt you! It doesn't matter how good your shapeshifting is, you can't change your gem! Once I shatter that you're gone!"
"True … but you seem to be forgetting … to look behind you." They pointed.
"What? Another fighte-" When distracted, Quana shoved the soldier into a dimensional rift, twirling a pair of dimensional scissors as they closed it right back up.
"Th-th-ththaats all, folks! Enjoy your one way trip into the void!" Quana's face imitated a pig before laughing. "Mewni's strongest warrior, what a joke!" They chuckled as they separated back into Steven and Jana.
Alexandrite stood silently at the fusion. "Why didn't we ever do that?" They asked aloud, before separating back into the four exhausted looking gems.
"Is everyone okay?" Star asked, looking around at the damage.
"I'm fine but …" Steven looked down at the small round orb. "Centipeetle …" He held it up. "How long does it take to regenerate?"
"It depends on the gem, sometimes it takes seconds, sometimes it takes months." Pearl explained sadly. "But with corrupted gems, there's no telling how they'll act when they form. Chances are…the Centipeetle you know won't come back."
Steven stared at the gem, tears forming. "I'm sorry." He spoke. "I'm sorry it had to be this way." His gem began to glow pink, as a rose colored bubble covered the corrupted gem.
"Steven, it's pink." Ruby said in awe. "You actually bubbled it. Tap the top, you might be able to transport it safely."
"Yeah, I guess I will." Her brother tapped it, and it disappeared. "Bye Centi. I promise to heal you someday…" He stopped when it appeared again right in front of her face.
"Wait..isn't this supposed to go to the temple?" Star asked.
"AGH!" Steven shouted with a groan. "I can't do anything right!"
"Actually, teleporting the bubbles works by sending it to the place the user feels the most safe and secure." Sapphire explained. "It means it works perfectly if you see Star as your home."
"Aww." Star smiled, holding onto the thing. "Don't worry bro, I've got the perfect place to keep it safe." In the closet. "Wait, where did Quana send Mina anyway?"
"The void where Buff Frog sent Ludo." He spoke. "I doubt she'd do any real danger there." Steven kept his head down. "Sorry, but I don't think we can help her."
"It's fine, bro. The moment she threatened you is where I stopped giving a damn." She let a little laugh out. "I mean, how crazy does she have to be to actually confuse you for Rose?"