Keilani
I ring the doorbell as I tap my leg on her door nervously. I wait for a response, and I get none. I rang the doorbell again and again, and when there was no answer, I sighed and turned my back against the door. I take a step down the stairs before the door opens. I spurn and see Mrs DADAH peep out the door. At the sight of me, she smiles and opens the wider for me to enter.
I enter into the house. The parlor is painted blue and white. There are three couches and a center table at the middle, a plasma TV and a picture of her and her mum hung on the wall. In the picture, Mrs Dadah has her hand around Celestia, her head resting on her mums shoulder.
"She is in her room. Please convince her to go to school", Mrs Dadah rested her hand on my shoulder, and I spurned to stare at her.
Mrs Dadah looks leaner than I last remembered. It seems she is still working three jobs. I try my best to ensure the pity I have towards her isn't visible on my face. Mrs Dadah is my second mum, a woman with a pure heart and virtue.
Mrs Dadah is dark skinned, on low cut, brown eyes, pointed nose, red lipstick on. She is wearing a nurse top and trousers on white snicker.
"I made breakfast because I know you didn't eat before you left", she walks to one of the couches to take her Black Hand bag.
"And please try to keep the key underneath the vase outside, not the carpet, and make sure you both eat before leaving", she tells me, and I nod.
She kisses my forehead and walks to the door. I hear the door open, and I spurn to see Mrs Dadah wait by the door before swirling to face me.
"Ignore Ethan, Aishat, and Kailea. They are bad news, and please continue to look after my baby. You are all she has", she sighs and then leaves the house.
I should have known she would blab to her mum about my recent encounters with them. I shake my head and walk towards the hallway. I open the door, and I see Celestia lay on the bed. Her back turned against me. I enter the room, and she spurns to look at me.
"You will be late to school-"
"You mean we, right?", I arch an eyebrow, and she sits up on the bed and pulls the pink duvet to her chest.
Her room is painted green her favorite color. On the wall are pictures of her and mum (different from the one in the parlor), I and Celestia, and a bigger frame of Isah. There is a small bed and a drawer at the right-hand side of the bed and a cupboard at the edge of the room. At the door of both the bathroom and entrance door is a green carpet.
"They are all jezebels. You don't need to pay attention to them. You know Aishat will always rub it on your face-"
"He likes me, and you could testify-"
"They are not worth it. They will only get you in trou-"
"Yeah! The rich never get in trouble", she rolls her eyes and frowns, and I can tell she misunderstood my earlier statement.
I didn't mean it that way.
"Celestia-"
"I am from a poor home, a girl who got lucky because of her best friend-"
"Stop it", I shun and walk to the bed and sit beside her.
"You didn't get the scholarship because of me. You earned it-"
"Aunt Tracy is the daughter in law of the owner of the school, and I know you spoke to he-"
"She saw your video from primary school, and she saw raw talent and recommended-"
"Yeah right"
"Stop it!", I shun her, and she pouts, and I sigh and look away..
I avoid eye contact with her and play with my hands and begin to think of a way to convince her to come to school. She is not wrong, neither is she right. I knew my aunt would appreciate raw talent, especially when they are young. After seeing the video, my mum spoke to her sister to please put a good word for her in the school. All I had to do was convince her to enroll into the school through scholarship, and she got in. But I made sure my aunt and mum never said a word to her, and neither did I.
"Ethan got into trouble yesterday, and Mr Bayo slapped him in front of everyone present at the court", I gossip, knowing she loves it, and it will get her in a good mood.
Ewww, gossip isn't for me.
"Really?", she arch an eyebrow and try not to laugh as she sits up.
"Yes. And I doubt Mr Bayo is going to let this one slide", I nudged her shoulder, and she burst into laughter, and I just grinned.
Seeing her happy is my priority. I am willing to do anything for her; I don't mind giving up my happiness for her. With what her and her mother have been through, I don't ever want to see her in pain.
"What did he do?" , Celestia sit out.
"He burst two juniors head open and had no remorse-"
"You need to be careful. They are bad news", she advice and put a straight face, and I nod.
"And Isah was stylishly looking everywhere for you yesterday", I stand up and walk to the door slowly, knowing she will stop me.
"Wait! For real?", her lips widen into a beaming smile.
"You know I won't joke with things of that sought. I am late to school, "I remind her.
"Do you know the tim- go-", she pushes me to the door, and I swirl and hold her arm, keeping her still and fake a smile.
I know she must have checked the time. I am going to get in trouble with dad if he knows I went to school late, but I am sure Mum would call the principal and cover up for me.
"I am not leaving without my best friend", I arch an eyebrow, and she hugs me as tight as possible and runs into the bathroom.
I shake my head and chuckle.
"I am in the kitchen eating the food mum prepared. Meet me there", I tell her and leave her room for the kitchen.
****
The bell for the next class rings, and the teacher walks to the desk to gather her things since her class has ended. Everyone grabs their bags, getting ready to go to the biology laboratory for the next subject.
The classroom is spacious and uses the prouve double sitter desk and chair. And we are not allowed to sit beside our friends during lectures; we are paired with random strangers to avoid distractions during lectures.
"Godspower and Uche stay behind", Mrs Odunze announces, and I halt and lock eyes with Ethan's brown eyes before looking away.
For I and Ethan to be called out together, it just means it is related to academics. I hope it isn't to attend an outside competition because they know I can't. My dad won't let me. All he is concerned about is for me to grow my spiritual life and nothing else. Left to my dad, I would have gone to a missionary school, and my mum fought hard to ensure that won't happen. All she had to do was call her mum and tell her about his intentions. My dad is terrified of my grandparents, especially my grandmother, so he had to enroll me in this school. If I want to have my way, all I need to do is call my grandma, and it is settled.
"See you in the laboratory", Celestia touched my shoulder as she whispered into my ear before leaving.
"Later bro", Eric says to Ethan, and they did their special handshake before he left with Amoris and Aisha.
"I will keep a seat for you", she pecks his lips and hugs him before leaving, and I roll my eyes in disgust.
Isah moves closer to him and whispers into his ears, and they halt and look at me in unison, and I look away. When I am certain they are not staring again, I look back at them. Ethan nods, and they did a brief bro handshake, and Isah left just I, Ethan, and our English teacher.
I hang my bag on my left shoulder and walk to meet the teacher, Ethan, standing beside me. The amazing scent of his perfume fills the air; it smells like vanilla sought of. I am forced to look at him, his eyes meet mine, and he immediately looks away. If he wasn't so rebellious, he would have been drop-dead gorgeous.
"So your essay was amazing and exquisite. It was evident that you both put effort into the assignment. So I showed it to the principal, and she was flabbergasted and decided that you both would represent our school for an outside essay competition", she smiles excitedly, and I looked away.
I honestly wish I could participate, but I can't afford to get my dad pissed.
I open my mouth to speak, but Ethan beat me to it, "She can't tag along because she sees such things at ungodly and filthy. As we all know, her perfect father is a pastor of a prominent church, so it is right for her to have such an irritating mentality. Didn't you watch the interview? Pretentious people, like them and their God, are any better-"
"Enough Godspower", Mrs Odunze shuns him, and I feel embarrassed and pissed that he would talk about my God and family like that.
"It is the truth. She has never attended an outside competition before, so don't bother. You just have to find someone else. I can talk to Isah or Aisha to tag along. Aisha is also good in essay even better than our church girl", I feel him and our teacher stare at me and I try my possible best to keep my cool but Ethan is slowly pushing my buttons.
"I will talk to her mother, and if she still refuses, then Aisha will take her spot", she says in disappointment, and I honestly bad.
"You can-", before he completes her statement, I walk out of the classroom, nudging Ethan's shoulder on my way out.
******
The last bell for the closing of the school is rung, and everyone runs out of the classroom. I sit on my seat and rest my head on the table, and let out a deep breath. I won't lie, Ethan's words got to me, and I've been known by the whole school as `the church girl` is heartbreaking, honestly. I don't consider outside competitions as filth or ungodly. That is my dad's opinion, not mine.
"Keilani", Celestia calls out as she taps me lightly.
I raise my head from the desk and look at her, and I see through the transparent window Ethan and his friends laughing and talking as they walk away. I look up at Celestia and arch an eyebrow, waiting for an explanation.
"You okay?", she furrow her eyebrow, and I nodded and grabbed my bag that was on the tiles and stood up.
"You have been moody since you spoke to Mrs Odunze. What did Ethan say?", I take a step forward, and she draws me back.
"You want to start keeping secrets, huh?", she asks with pain lace in her voice, and I sigh and confine in her.
"Outside competition-"
Celestia interrupts me, "Go for it then-"
"Stop it. You know I can't go-"
"Last time he told you not to participate was when you were in primary 6. You are in Ss3 now. You need to woman up and ask your dad and if he refuses tell your grandma, you know you are her favorite grand-child", Celestia reminds me of way to let me dad give his permission but I honestly don't want to go.
"I won't, just stop it", I shun her, and she takes a deep breath and chuckles.
She has this thing she does. When she chuckles like this, it means she is pissed and is about to explode. We can't be pissed at the same time, or we might say things we will regret. So I take a deep breath and try to calm myself down, but it doesn't work, I do the only thing that could work. I dig my nails into my fresh wound on my palm, and it honestly makes me feel better - it works like magic every time.
"Yeah I just remembered you can't because you are scared. And you want to know what you are scared of. You are scared of looking filthy and unclean in the eyes of your dad. But come on, it is just a matter of time before he sees you as such-"
I grit my teeth, "Stop it-"
"He won't be with you forever. It is a matter of them before you become filthy-"
"Enough!", I yell and mistakenly dig deeper and make a straight line, making the wound wider.
The student in the room stare at I and Celestia, and they are surprised I lashed out on Celestia.
I am so livid, and my body is vibrating in anger. I and Celestia stare into each-other's eyes in anger. What I so much avoided happened; I can see it in her eyes that she is just as livid as I am.
"Stand up to your dad for ones. Don't think you are special because you are a pastors daughter, because you are not. You are just as messed up as the rest of us. The earlier you realize that the better", she nudges my shoulder and walks away.
I stagger backward and fight the urge to draw her back and give her a piece of mind but decide against it. Every one's eyes are on me as they whisper and point at me. I feel really embarrassed and wish the ground can open and swallow me. I hang my bag on my shoulder and leave the classroom.
***
I enter the house and see my mum and Cyril playing blocks in the sitting room. My mum is on the blue sofa while Cyril sits on the blue carpet on the center of the room, the step by step center table behind him.
Cyril is dark skin, an amazing smile, pink lips, a pointed nose, and is on glasses. Cyril is the carbon copy of my dad. He is wearing a blue and white stripe long sleeve on black trousers. He is 7 years old and is autistic. He has been home schooled. At the sight of them, I smile, I drop my bag on the yellow couch and walk straight to my mum and hug her tight. She pushes me away to observe me, her eyes fall on my blood-stained hand, and it sends her in a panic mood.
"Man-", my brother runs to me and hugs me.
"Sister Mandisa, I misssh you", he struggles to speak.
"I miss my favorite brother-"
"I- I- I am - am y- your only brother", he finally says, and I smile.
I lift him up and swing him in the air as he laughs. I drop him on the carpet, and he staggers backward, feeling drowsy after spinned and falling on the carpet. Thankfully, he didn't hit his head on the tiles. I and my mum laugh. My mum pulls me to sit beside her, knowing I also feel drowsy.
"Can I go play with Emeka?", Cyril asks in a tiny voice, and my mum nods.
He squeaks and runs to play with our cooks' son, who is also his age mate. Seeing him run made me grin. My mum stands up and walks to the kitchen. She walks back a few minutes later with a first aid kit. She opens me hand and starts to treat it, I hide my other hand to avoid her finding out I self-harm. It would break her.
"Spill", she says softly, and I sigh.
"Our English teacher said my essay was amazing and decided I and my classmate, Ethan, to represent our school in a state essay competition. And my classmate insulted God, I, and dad. Celestia and I engaged in a little quarrel*, I explain, and my mum hiss.
"I don't like that girl. What do you see in her?"
"Mum, come on. Her mum and herself have been through alo-"
"And it is not your fault. You don't have to carry everyone's baggage. Sometimes, some people are not worth it. I just wish you could see her for who she really is and not who she was when she was younger. It is wrong to keep sticking around even after they have shown their true colors. Sometimes I wish you didn't take after your dad in areas like that, "she ties the bandage and holds my chin up and sighs.
"Celestia is not a good friend if all she does is pour out her ill feelings towards you when she is pissed. A girl from a lower class ought not to have such disgusting behavior", she kiss my forehead, and I nod.
My mum is not wrong.
"Do you want to attend that competition?", she asks, and I nod hurriedly.
"Ask your dad-"
"He won't agree mum-"
"Try your luck", she hugs me and then stands up and walks towards the backyard.
Tell dad? No way. I know his reply already, and plus, we all know what happens when I ask him for anything.
****
The dinner is set, and everyone is seated and ready to eat. Dad is seated at the end of the dining table, mum at his right hand, and Cyril beside her. I am opposite mum. The maids bring the food and drop it on the dining table and nod before leaving.
The dining room is long. The chair is leather, and the table is wooden. There is a fridge at the end of the room and a vase behind the door.
On the table are two big ceramic plates filled with chicken sauce and rice, one of Cyril's favorite. And in front of everyone are neat breakable plates and a spoon, fork, and knife wrapped in tissue paper beside the empty plate and two empty glass cups beside each plate. At the middle of the table are two jars of chilled water and orange juice. My dad has this strict disciplinary face that scares people. He has dark skin, huge brown eyes, black lips, long ears, a pointed nose, glasses, long lashes, and full eyebrow. He is wearing a blue t-shirt on brown trousers and a palm.
"Keilani say a prayer", dad orders, and I nod, and everyone close their eyes.
"In Jesus Name" , I start.
"Amen", they all respond.
"Everlasting Father, I thank you for making today a success. And I thank you for the provision of today's meal. I thank you, Lord, for your faithfulness. We are grateful, Lord. Amen", I end.
"Amen", they say in unison, and we all open our eyes.
"You can say a better prayer than that. You don't thank him for his faithfulness, how many times do I correct you and you didn't trace it to a bible passage", my dad corrects and I bow my head low and swallow hard. Nothing I do ever seems to impress him.
"Sorry sir", I apologize, and I can feel people staring.
I looked up and caught my mum and brother staring; they had this pitiful look on their face. I fake a smile, and my mum opens the ceramic plate and dishes out the food for everyone. The order of the day is white rice and chicken sauce. I stand up and pour a jar of water and juice into every ones empty cups beside their food and sit down.
We started eating, and my mind wondered to Mrs Odunze said about the essay competition. There's no need to ask dad he won't let me. He doesn't even let me participate in the school choir; there is no way he won't let me participate in an outside competition. But there is no harm in trying.
A leg hit my leg, and I jerk. I gaze at mum, and she arches an eyebrow urging me to speak. and I shake my head, refusing to speak up. She stares at dad and shakes her head to dads' direction, repeatedly signaling me to tell him about the competition, and I shake my head repeatedly in fear.
"Why are you not eating, Keilani?", my dad's deep voice sends shiver down my spine, and I am silent.
I look down at my food and notice I haven't started eating, I had no idea I was playing with the food all this while.
"She wants to tell you something", my mum spits out, and my heart beats faster.
"Go on", he stops eating and turns his neck to look at me.
"My English teacher said my essay was amazing and thought it would be nice if I-"
"No", he says emotionlessly and continues eating.
Mum holds dad's arm in an attempt to convince him, "Honey, hear her out-"
"It isn't up for debate-"
"But she wants to participate-", my parents bicker.
"Do you want to participate and waste the time meant to serve God on worldly, ungodly filthy thing?", his intimidating voice questions me, and everyone tint their head to look at me.
With their intimidating stare and angry stares, it made it hard to make a decision so quickly. If I say I want to participate it won't change anything because he will stand firm in his decision and if I say I don't want to participate mum will be hurt and they can stop fighting and it will make my dad less disappointed in me. What answer can I give that won't seem like I am choosing a side?
"I- I- I-"
"Cat got your tongue", dad growls in anger, and I fight the urge to dig my nails into my injury as I grit my teeth.
My hand starts shaking as I breathe heavily. Why am I scared?
"Stop yelling you are frightening her", mum defends me and dad hit the table and we all jerk in fear and a tear roll down my cheeks and I quickly wipe it off before anyone takes notice.
"Stop it, Zola", my dad warns my mum in a threatening tone.
"Or else what?", she dares my dad and looks him dead in the eyes, as if daring him to do his worst, and I widen my eyes in shock.
Things are escalating quickly. I didn't mean to cause a fight.
"Maria!", my mum shouts, and a young dark skin girl runs out and stands in front of my mum.
"Take Cyril to his room, take his food as well and feed him", mum orders, and the maid nods.
Maria holds Cyril's hand and carries him on her body and uses her other hand to carry his food and leave for the room. After they leave, I tint my head to look at mum and dad, and they glare at each other with so much hate. Why do they fight so much and find it hard to agree?
"She will participate-"
"Proverb says a woman should honor and obey her husband" , dad quoted a bible verse
"Oh you want to validate your opinion with a bible passage. I won't do that. My daughter wants to participate, and she will-"
"Last time I checked, I am the head of the family and not you-"
"Trust me, left to me I won't let you be the head of my family", mum spits out in anger and my dad's face soften and I know mums words hurt him but she doesn't seem remorseful.
She is determined to say her mind. I wish I had taken that from her. That's one thing I love about my mum. She is fearless and blunt. Her mouth has no filter, just like her sister and parents.
"This isn't the way to train a child-"
"I saw the way your parents trained you and I saw the way you ended up and I don't want the same fate for my daughter", dads spits back and my mum grits her teeth and scoffs.
They keep fighting because of me. They are fighting now because of a stupid essay competition, and I can't interfere in their conversation because I have been warned to shut up when they argue. I wish I had never said anything about this.
"Yeah and whose fault is it", she rolls her eyes in utter disgust, and my dad bows his head and sighs.
He tries to hold my mum's hand, obviously regretting his statement, and she pushes his hand away and wipes off her tears with the handkerchief on the table. Tears roll down my cheeks, and I look away. It is hard to watch my parents fight and worse knowing I am the reason. I push my food aside and rest my back on the chair.
"You know what? Do as you like, but if your decision hurt my only daughter, I will never forgive you", she stands up and throws the handkerchief on the table and walks away.
I look at my dad, and he looks like he is fighting back tears. He pushes his food back in anger and stands up and follows my mum. I clutch to my chest as it aches badly.