"Why is it me? Don't you feel that way, Shuhei?"
"...You really get it."
"Yes, I do."
Sunny holds my gaze, her eyes locking onto mine with a clarity that seems to see right through me, making me instinctively look away. She glances up at the sky with a wry smile, closing her eyes as if trying to imprint the stars' glow on her memory.
The gentle breeze suddenly hushes, and the ensuing silence is punctuated by the sound of Sunny's breath, slowly drawing back the curtain on our little stage.
"As I said earlier, I wanted to rely on someone. But it wasn't just anyone."
Sunny begins to speak, and I sense that she might touch on something deep within her heart. So, I adjust my posture and listen intently.
"To cut to the chase, Shuhei, you are the one who fills the gaps in Sunny's heart. You are a special presence, unlike friends or family. That's who you are to me."
The word "special" slowly melts into my chest like snow.
"Sunny hates being alone. At school, there's always someone around. But when I get home, I'm all by myself. I can't stand that... because being alone is so lonely. In the empty sky, just me. It feels as if I've been left behind in the world… it's scary."
My body trembled, the shudder clearly transmitted from the small hand resting on mine.
Maybe if I squeezed it back, I could stop the shaking. But I simply accepted her hand without doing more.
"...Hehe. Shuhei is mean," she said, her dry laughter echoing along the riverside. Looking at our joined hands, Sunny smiled sadly. My conscience ached, yet I still refrained from returning her grip.
An uneasy silence wrapped around us again, the quiet almost painful in its intensity. Despite being together, it felt as though I were alone. The closeness we once shared felt like it was slipping away.
But through our hands, Sunny and I remained connected. The subtle rhythm of our heartbeats, the warmth of our touch—these were tangible bonds.
It's a lie that our hearts are drifting apart. If I truly believed that, I could easily shake off this connection. The reason I don't is simply because I genuinely care for Sunny.
To say I care is not the same as love. Perhaps it's more like a protective instinct. It feels similar.
I can't leave Sunny alone, so I want to be there for her. If she says she feels lonely, I want to be by her side. If she relies on me, I want to meet her expectations. That's all it is. Yet, it's precisely because of this that I want to understand: why me? Why does it have to be me?
"Now, let's go back to that first question. Why Shuuhei?"
Before I could ask, Sunny jumped in at the perfect moment.
"Weren't you saying from the start that it's because you're special?"
"What I'm about to tell you is how I arrived at that conclusion. Curious, aren't you? Your heart is asking that. It's obvious to me, Sunny knows."
"…Are you really Sunny?"
I felt as if I glimpsed a shadow lurking behind her smile, prompting me to ask her this.
Sunny smiled back at me. Her expression was the same unwavering smile I always saw, yet my heart remained unsettled.
"Sunny is Sunny. Just one of Shuuhei's cute juniors."
"Why are the girls around me so self-assured and mysterious?"
"Girls are always putting in the effort. If Shuuhei learns about a girl's heart, you'll understand. Girls want you to see the best version of themselves, and if there are secrets, they can spark your interest."
"Can you tell her that during the summer too?" I thought earnestly. I had never seen her act like a girl at all. On her days off, she would lazily sleep in until the afternoon, and when she finally woke up, she'd just lounge on the sofa. After a bath, she'd stroll into the living room wrapped in nothing but a bath towel, completely indifferent to my presence. There was nothing girlish about her.
"Well, that doesn't really matter right now. It's off-topic," Sunny said, fixing her gaze back on my Iris and beginning to speak once more. For some reason, I couldn't look away from Sunny's Iris, as if I were bound to it, unable to move a single brow.
"Even when she's with someone, Sunny is alone. Let's call it Sky white... how does that sound?"
"...Sky white, huh?"
"Loneliness can be distracted from, but it can never be fulfilled. No one can fill Sunny's white gaps. Around Sunny, there's always Sky white. Even though it's easy to write on, nothing remains—everything just goes back to being stark white, like it's been covered with correction fluid."
She could get along with anyone, but she could never move beyond that level of relationship. So what did that make me? The answer was obvious; it was what Sunny had said from the beginning.
"I must be special to her—that's how it is," I concluded.
"—Exactly."
"...Huh?"
My heart skipped a beat.
Looking back, there were many things today that struck me as strange. Without me saying a word, the conversation flowed seamlessly. Sunny spoke about exactly what I was curious about. Could it be that Sunny could read my mind?
The shock settled in my chest like a droplet, sending ripples of unease throughout my being. If Sunny truly could read my thoughts, then my anxiety must be evident.
...Calm down. This isn't a manga or anime; the idea of someone reading minds is just a fantasy. This has to be a series of coincidences.
"I can fill in Sunny's blank Sky. So, does that make it special?"
I thought I was maintaining my composure, but my voice wavered slightly. My hidden anxiety seemed to reach Sunny, who scratched her cheek, looking troubled.
"...Did I come on too strong?"
Her words eased my feelings a bit.
Right. If we're having this kind of conversation, it's possible to gauge each other's thoughts to some extent. Sunny just happens to excel in that area. It has to be that simple.
I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with fresh air, and released my doubts and worries. Gradually, I regained my calm.
"Ahaha... What on earth is Sunny talking about? This isn't like him at all."
"Yeah, it really isn't. It's like he's a completely different person."
"A different person, huh? I suppose that's true... Sunny, who used to shine bright, is now like this—"
"But—"
Before I could finish my thought, I cut in. Sunny looked up at me in surprise, tears pooling at the corners of his eyes before streaming down his cheeks.
"Even so, Sunny is still Sunny."
As I wiped away the tears that trickled down Sunny's face with my fingertips, I spoke clearly.
"Your greatest traits are your brightness and energy. But what does that mean? Does it mean you can't show your weaknesses? That's not right. In whatever form, Sunny is still Sunny. Both your strengths and your vulnerabilities make you who you are."
"Shuhei-san..."
"I'll accept Sunny, no matter what. And while I may be special to you, don't forget about Summer, Jasper, Kaba, and Aoiyuki. They're all incredibly kind-hearted. They'll definitely be there for you, no matter how long it takes."
I ruffled Sunny's hair playfully while still wiping away his tears.
"Hey, don't cry. Tears don't suit you."
"You're so annoying... Shuhei-san, you big idiot..."
"Yes, yes. I'm an idiot," I admitted.
"Why... why are you so kind?" Sunny's voice trembled. "Because of you, Sunny is... Sunny is..."
Gently, I pressed her head against my chest.
"Uah, aah... uaaaaah...!!"
It seemed that my gesture shattered the defenses she'd been desperately holding up. Sunny burst into tears.
"Sunny, you're still a child."
"But you're also... a child, just like me, aren't you?"
"Haha, that's true. We're both still kids. Being an adult feels like a distant dream."
"The future..."
"Sunny?"
"Oh... I'm sorry, it's nothing. Um, can I stay like this just a little longer?"
"Sure, I don't mind. If you're okay with this chest, you can borrow it anytime."
"Thank you... so much."
For a while, Sunny cried on my chest. I didn't understand what had bothered her a moment ago, but I figured it wasn't worth overthinking and pushed it to the back of my mind.
* * *
As I walked home after saying goodbye to Sunny, Jasper stood waiting, a soft smile on his face as he called my name.
"I can't overlook a girl being out alone at this hour."
"Sunny's fine, but I'm not? It seems Ethan has a knack for making girls cry."
"…Were you watching? Just like with Aoi Yuki, you don't have the best taste."
"Praising me won't earn you anything, you know?"
"I'm not praising you. So, why were you eavesdropping? You can't seriously claim you just happened to stumble upon me again, can you?"
That incident with Aoi Yuki—when I later asked Kaba for details, she said Jasper had suggested she might see something interesting, leading her right to that scene.
Jasper fixates on me without changing his expression. He resembles a doll, and those emotionless, glassy eyes of Iris make me uneasy.
"—I have something I want to ask Ethan."
How long had we been staring at each other? The doll-like Jasper slowly transformed back into a person. A wave of relief washed over me, breaking the spell that had bound my heart, and I exhaled gently.
"—Do you have someone you like right now?"
There was no time to calm down. Jasper's question sent my thoughts spiraling.
"If you like someone, just say so. If not, that's fine too. I don't intend to pry further."
"…What do you intend to do with that information?"
Jasper smiled at my question, relishing my confusion. Then, he slowly parted his lips to speak.
"Is it about Ethan's answer?"
Tap, tap—
Jasper approaches, the rhythm of his footsteps echoing in the silence. With each step he takes, my anxiety intensifies.
"Now, tell me. Do you have someone you like right now?"
Images of familiar faces float in my mind like soap bubbles.
They're all great people—no faults to speak of. If it were a simple matter of liking or disliking, I'd say I like them all. But that answer wouldn't suffice; Jasper isn't looking for that.
"…No, I don't."
The bubbles pop, one by one.
In this moment, I have no one I'm in love with. I care for everyone as friends, but I know my feelings can't evolve into romance.
"I see. Thanks, Ethan."
Jasper turns and starts to fade into the night. Before he completely vanishes into the darkness, I call out to him.
"What about you, Jasper? Is there someone you like?"
"—Yes."
He replies without hesitation.
"There's someone I've liked for a long time. I would do anything for that person. No, I have to."
"…Do what?"
"That's obvious—"
As he turns, Jasper's long black hair dances behind him. It's beautiful, fleeting and lovely like a black butterfly gliding through the night sky.
Jasper turned back and said just one thing to me.
"—It's a modification."
To be continued.
"Ahahaha! Here it comes!"
"Eep!? You did it! Flora, brace yourself!"
It was early June, with traces of spring still lingering. We had come to the riverside to enjoy our holiday.
Unlike in the city, the river in Nirigao Town was crystal clear, allowing us to see the riverbed. This meant we could play safely, with even the deeper parts only reaching up to our waists, making it relatively safe.
"Hey, Summer! You're splashing me, not Sunny!"
"Oops! Splash time!"
"Momiji!? That's cheating with the bucket!"
"I'm glad everyone is having fun."
"Jasper! Don't just stand there, stop it!"
"Haha, just watching is enough for me."
Sunlight poured down, warming us as bright smiles lit up the girls' faces. Water droplets sprayed through the air, sparkling in the light like jewels. But what captivated me most were the colorful swimsuits everyone was wearing.