Every crackle from outside, even the sound of the wind, makes me afraid, staring at the door with terrified eyes. Luke is unresponsive, asleep in bed, and I'm not going to wake him up because I know he needs to recuperate. He felt bad all the way, but he bravely made it to his destination, for which I admire him.
I'm so scared that I can't sleep a wink. I sit hunched over on the floor, keeping an eye on the house we are currently staying in.
Luke says it's a safe place and Alexander is sure he won't find us here in the coming days, but I can't be 100 percent sure.
If he gets us.... it will be worse than a nightmare.
I hug my knees tighter, swaying gently and keeping my eyes on the door. I am so alert that I literally hear every sound.
Every minute is critical to me because it could be a moment as I lose my life at such a young age.
Why was I born under a dark star? Why did my life turn into hell so suddenly? I would give a lot to turn back time and run far away from here, where no one would find me....
I look around the interior of this wooden house, which is located on the outskirts of the city. It is the perfect place to relax, especially since it is located on a lake. It's quite cozy here, and I would probably be happy to relax here, but not in this situation.
I'm nervous to the point of shaking on the inside.
- I assure you that we are safe this night. Lie down next to me. We need a lot of energy to run. Tomorrow you won't be able to stand up straight. Get some sleep, Solar.
I lift my head and look sideways at the boy, who is propping himself up on his elbow.
- I am unable to squint. I am worried.
- I assure you that with me, you will fall asleep right away.
- What makes you so sure?
He pats the place next to him, and I consider for a long moment what I should do. Eventually, I give up and get on the mattress. I lie down next to him, but use my finger to warn him to keep his distance.
- I am no longer under the influence of drugs. I don't have a split ego, so I won't hurt you.
I feel like shouting at him as he forcibly takes me into his embrace and, lying facing me, tries to fall asleep. I try to get off, but he doesn't let me.
- It will be easier for us. You will see that you will fall asleep right away.
I let go of him.
I close my eyes, feeling a pleasant warmth that allows me to calm down. Lying in his arms, I can really be calmer.
- It will be fine, Solar - he purrs in my ear.
- If something doesn't go according to your plan, I promise you that you will die at my hands before Alexander gets us - I answer him, not intending to open my eyes.
- I will take your words to heart.
*
This man is not serious. We are in mortal danger from the Mafia, and he is lying next to me as if nothing, leaning on his elbow and playing with my hair.
It's early morning, he stares at my face, not intending to move.
- What are you doing? - I ask him in greeting, bringing a smile to his face.
- Good morning, Solar. What can I say, since I met you, every day I have dreamed of waking up in the morning in your company?
- Can you really be so relaxed, knowing that we have Alexander on our backs?
- A pessimistic attitude will finish us off sooner than he manages to do so. Why do you think you fell asleep like a baby in my embrace at night? It was my positive energy that had such an effect on you.
I roll my eyes and rise from the bed, not intending to listen to the nonsense he is pushing on me. I feel his intense gaze on my back.
- Yesterday you vomited blood, and today you feel like joking. You are admirable, Luke.
- Everyone keeps telling me that.
I use the morning toilet, and when I return to the living room, I lift the corners of my mouth upward, as the disheveled boy sits at the table, waiting for the Chinese soup to be ready to eat. One cup is prepared for me.
- At least you can take care of me, even though we have to feed on junk food - I say back to him as I sit down next to him.
- These men's clothes look quite sexy on you - he announces, mirroring me with his eyes.
Well, yes. I don't know who owns this house, but there are things of the opposite sex in it. I suspect that's how I'll turn into a man in a few days, considering that even the shower gel I have to use is inappropriate for my skin.
- Then why don't you finally tell me who we stayed with? I'll be a little calmer? I'd rather know who I'm borrowing clothes from.
Luke smiles broadly.
- From the gentleman who tipped me off that your friend sold us.
So this is the house of a man who was a friend of Luke's father.
- And you really think we are safe here?
- Alexander doesn't know that he is helping me.
- What if something happens and he falls in? This will be the first place this psycho will visit.
The boy stirs the noodles in the cup, ignoring my concerns.
- Well... actually. This is the house he got as a gift from Alexander, so the boss will definitely stop by here for coffee.
I feel like killing him for pulling a prank.
I watch him as he pulls noodles into his mouth, and I for a moment feel sick of eating because my stomach comes up to my throat.
- I really don't want to die at such a young age. My whole life ahead of me.
- I know, Solar. No worries. By the time I stretch my legs, I will have managed to make you a baby and provide you with a future to make you happy.
I rise from the chair and hit him on the head with my palm.
- Your jokes are tragic. You are teasing me.
He merely shrugs his shoulders in response, busy pulling noodles into his mouth.
*
I usually like autumn. I love the varied colors of the leaves on the trees, the rainy days.... now, however, this season does not make me happy.
I am standing on the pier, gazing at the lake. The wind blows away my long black hair. I wrap myself warmer in a large men's fleece I found in the closet. I'm tired of sitting at home, I need air.
I feel him standing next to me, also looking ahead.
- I wonder if, when I am reborn in the next life, God will compensate for all my pain so far, and I can finally be happy? I would then like to live a trouble-free life like some people and enjoy every moment.
I shift my gaze to him and smile slightly.
- Do you believe in reincarnation?
- I don't know what I believe in, but I would like to believe in it. I hope that every person gets a second chance after being reborn to lead their life differently.
- Do you think we will meet then too?
- If we are to suffer again, it would be better if we don't meet - he replies, and I shift my gaze to the lake once more.
- I think you're right.
Luke crouches down and hides his face between his knees. I can see that his hands are trembling.
- Are you feeling bad? - He doesn't answer me. I lean over and put my hand on his back, massaging him. - How can I help you?
- My body reacts like this because it needs the drug. Alexander made me addicted - he replies with pain in his voice.
- Well, yes, if you have been taking it for so long, your body has become accustomed to it.
The boy squats on the ground and lifts his pale face, looking at me with fear in his eyes.
- I'm worried about you.
- About me?
- Because it's a matter of time before drug cravings get me. I dread to think what I might do to you then.
Well, yes. That's something we both haven't thought about. Any drug addict who is in rehab, especially if he immediately puts off the entire dose, can become unpredictable and dangerous. This can persist even for several days.
- Nevertheless, I won't leave you, Luke.
- What if I'm the one who hurts you? I'm already starting to feel the rebellion of my body, so maybe it's better if I leave you here for a few days and disappear to keep you safe?
- Are you crazy! - I yell at him, terrified at the thought. - Don't you dare! I will not stay here alone!
- I repeat to you that you are safe here. You will be fine, Solar. I'm the one who can inadvertently hurt you.
- No!
The boy massages his forehead, then unexpectedly explodes:
- You have to do as I tell you!
I take three steps back, horrified by his behavior. Despite everything, I swallow my saliva and try to maintain a brave attitude. Don't let him think he's scaring me at this point to get his point across.
- I've heard that drug addicts in rehab can also become depressed and commit suicide. There's no way we can separate.
Luke energetically rises from the ground and grabs my shoulders.
- So is it better if I hurt you? Think about what you're talking about, Solar. I may not be able to control myself. You said yourself that I was dangerous after drugs, so how do you know how I will behave when I'm starving?
- We won't be separated. We're in this together.
He lets go of me and turns his back to me, putting his hand in my hair.
- Solar, understand that I'm worried about you. I want you to be safe.
- I want you to be safe too, and it's not even that I'm terribly afraid to stay here alone anymore. It's just that I'm worried that you might get hurt when I'm not next to you.
He looks over his shoulder and looks at me with puzzled eyes.
- After all, you hate me, so why are you worried about me?
- I hate the man who was under the influence of drugs. I'm worried about the man I met on the island - I reply, crossing my arms on my chest. - It's not your fault that you were stuffed with this pig. You were forced into it, just as I was forced to marry that cruel guy.
The boy stares at me with sad eyes. I walk up to him and hug him, which is surprising to him. He stands like a pillar, not reacting in any way.
- I know you won't hurt me, even if you're on a drug binge. And if it comes to that, it's hard. I'm stubborn, and I know you wanted good for me, so don't worry about it, okay? In defense, I can knock you on the head with something heavy, but I promise to take care of you after that. Let's support each other, please. These are tough moments for both of us.
After these words, something changes in him, and he also embraces me, cuddling his face into my hair.
- Just remember, if you get the chance, hit Alexander's head with heavy objects as well.
- I suspect that he, however, will be the first one on whom I will test it.