Chapter 25 - Chapter 25

 Li Ling came out of the dressing room and bumped into Xiao Liu. Xiao Liu stared at her for a moment and suddenly said, "Whoa, you look really scary right now." Li Ling was taken aback. "What's wrong?" "It feels like I haven't seen you in a few days, and your state is just... I don't even know whether to call you A-Ling or Li Ling anymore," Xiao Liu said. "You've really immersed yourself in the role," he remarked. Li Ling replied, "Isn't deep immersion a good thing?" "Maybe," Xiao Liu scratched his head, "but your change is too drastic, it's like you've become a different person." "Is it that noticeable?" "Very noticeable," Xiao Liu said confidently, "If you don't believe me, ask others, they'll all say the same." He racked his brain to describe it: "When I first met you, you talked a lot. Don't you feel you're becoming more and more silent now? And your eyes, your posture... Ah, I'm not a professional, I can't explain it." Xiao Liu bent down and seriously examined Li Ling's face. "Can acting really be this magical? Even after the director yells 'cut,' you're still exactly like the character. Did this happen in your previous roles too?" Li Ling said, "It did happen once. I couldn't snap out of it for months after we wrapped up filming." Xiao Liu's eyes widened. "And then?" "Then, my dad was dying, and I went to the hospital to see him off. He died, and I got better." Xiao Liu: "..." Such a brief and powerful sentence. The piercing cold wind howled through the corridor. After a long silence, Xiao Liu finally said with difficulty, "My condolences." "It's okay, don't be scared," Li Ling comforted him, "That was the plot of the web series I acted in before this one." Xiao Liu: ??? He stared at her dumbfounded. "But when you talked about your dad just now, you looked like you were about to cry..." "Maybe my acting is just that good," Li Ling said smoothly. Xiao Liu: "..." He decided to take back what he said earlier. This wasn't A-Ling; it was still the con artist Li Ling. "Actors are really scary," he muttered, quoting the famous line from Jin Yong, "The more beautiful a woman is, the better she is at lying." "Thanks for the compliment," Li Ling said. "What about your cousin? How do you think his acting is?" Xiao Liu shivered, still a bit shaken. "He's always like that, always acting like a murderer." "Right," Li Ling said naturally, "So, how's the thing I asked you about last time?" Xiao Liu: "...Isn't this topic change a bit too fast? You've been planning this, haven't you?" She blinked innocently. "I'm still looking into it," Xiao Liu said through gritted teeth, "Don't worry, Teacher A-Ling." Li Ling wanted to put a bit more pressure on him, but a staff member called her back to the set. Although she didn't know how the script had been changed, the next scene seemed to be on stage. Director Jin was testing the lighting with someone, and he had called Li Ling over early to be his lighting stand-in. In other crews, the lead actress could relax in the nanny van when she had nothing to do, but Li Ling never had such treatment. The theater lights flickered on and off. In the dim and bright light, she turned her head and curiously watched the young director's focused expression. Too deeply immersed in the role? Maybe. Since her injury, Li Ling could feel that she was getting closer and closer to A-Ling. Perhaps everyone has an A-Ling inside them. She is fragile, pessimistic, sensitive, yet covered in thorns. She turns her despair into immense aggression, hurting others and herself. Zhou Jing needed A-Ling, and didn't A-Ling need him just as much? She probably didn't know how to love others, so her love manifested as fear and anger. She was afraid of losing him. Looking at Jin Jingyao not far away, Li Ling couldn't quite distinguish whether this person was Zhou Jing or the director. A strange, mist-like emotion surged in her chest. The unfinished scene was like an incomplete puzzle. She really wanted to kiss him. - At this moment, the assistant director passed by her and suddenly said, "Ms. Li, why do you look so nervous?" Before Li Ling could answer, another person from the director's team said, "Actually, I think the director's revision is correct. There shouldn't be a kissing scene between Zhou Jing and A-Ling." Assistant Director: "Why?" "How should I put it, maybe I'm just a purist when it comes to love. I think their current relationship can involve sleeping together, but kissing... Kissing is like a ritual of love, very sacred and beautiful, not suitable for them." The assistant director sneered, "You mean to say that kissing is for elementary school kids, and this film, being so adult, should go straight to R-rated, right?" The other person smiled shyly, "What's the point of R-rated? I suggest going straight to NC-25." Li Ling: "..." What a terrifying purist. What a terrifying crew. At this moment, someone else curiously asked Li Ling if she had ever filmed a kissing scene. In such an atmosphere, Li Ling refused to be outdone and said, "Kissing scenes? What's the big deal? I've filmed at least eight hundred of them." Everyone was shocked and looked at her with great admiration, as if looking at a heroine, then their expressions changed, as if the heroine had heroically sacrificed herself. Li Ling sensed something, turned her head, and sure enough, saw Director Jin holding a camera, looking at her. The air suddenly froze. The young man's lips moved slightly, looking at her with interest but no emotion in his eyes: "So experienced." "...All camera angles, just camera angles," Li Ling quickly added with a strong survival instinct. Although Li Ling didn't know why she felt the need for such a survival instinct. We're all in the film industry, can't we be a bit more generous? Jin Jingyao said, "That's really a pity." The others couldn't withstand the director's pressure and scattered like birds and beasts. Li Ling blinked: "Director, can I ask you a question?" "No." She continued on her own: "Why didn't you finish filming that scene just now?" Jin Jingyao: "I already told you." "Uh, is it really just because a line was missed?" Li Ling secretly looked at him, but her tone was somewhat malicious. Jin Jingyao was a bit impatient: "What exactly are you trying to say?" Li Ling said, "Director, I just think your performance was a bit off. Zhou Jing wouldn't be like that..." She paused, "You haven't filmed a kissing scene before, have you?" Their eyes met. Li Ling's heart pounded, inexplicably excited. Maybe because Jin Jingyao had always been such a good actor, such a formidable opponent. This was the first time he showed such an obvious flaw. And it was because of a kiss. The actress's face lit up with a bright smile, so bright it was almost reckless. Jin Jingyao lowered his eyes, his eyelashes fluttering, still looking very calm. It was the kind of calm filled with oppressive tension, like before a volcanic eruption. The next second, he abruptly pressed down on her wheelchair, lifted the heavy deep red stage curtain, and forcibly pushed her behind the drapes. The movement was so fast it almost made Li Ling dizzy. A huge shadow was cast on the curtain, like a swaying crimson candle flame. "So, what now?"He leaned down, looking at her word by word, and said, "You teach me?" They were very close, his gaze like a net covering the sky. His voice also carried a dangerous hoarseness. Li Ling immediately cowered. "This is not easy to teach," she said weakly. Jin Jingyao: "Aren't you very experienced?" Li Ling: "Haha, haha." She finally felt a sense of fear and couldn't help but reflect on herself, wondering why she had suddenly spoken so out of turn. Maybe she was really too deep into the role, thinking she was A-Ling. And A-Ling was always reckless with Zhou Jing. Thinking this, Li Ling stared at him blankly for a while before saying, "Director, I was wrong, I take it back." The other party seemed unmoved, even colder. Li Ling added, "Um, my leg hurts." She said it casually, as a stopgap measure, but it turned out to be quite effective. Director Jin made an impatient "tsk" sound and actually squatted down. Without a word, he directly rolled up her pant leg. Caught off guard, his face suddenly turned very ugly. The wound on her ankle was severely swollen. It had barely healed a bit before, but now it was back to square one overnight. They had changed the dressing after the shoot, but Li Ling had always been careless. The milky white ointment was dotted here and there, sticking to the hideous flesh, looking like a dirty, trampled snowy field, making it seem even worse. "Why didn't you say anything earlier?" Jin Jingyao asked. "I was afraid it would affect the shoot." "Do you think it didn't affect it?" he said coldly, almost in a scolding tone. Usually, it wasn't noticeable, but once he put on a stern face and adopted a serious tone, he really had some director's authority. Li Ling looked at him a bit timidly, "So what should we do? Do we need to reshoot?" Jin Jingyao raised his face, staring straight at her, and suddenly said, "All you think about is this." Li Ling: ? She was stunned for a moment before understanding the implication of his words. She wanted to shoot, but not for the reason he thought. "No..." Li Ling blushed a bit, "Director, don't overthink it, I really have the shoot in mind." Jin Jingyao: "Oh." "On the contrary, it's you." She held back and finally said, "I wasn't wrong just now, was I? The reason you called 'cut' was because you didn't want to shoot, right?" Jin Jingyao remained silent. "If you can't even touch others, why did you personally act in this film?" She paused, "Can't you find someone else?" "Who else do you want to find?" he immediately retorted. Li Ling: "..." Is this the point? "Who I find doesn't matter," she said. Jin Jingyao nodded, lightly translating for her, "Anyone will do." Li Ling: "..." "No." She blurted out, "Director, of course, I want to shoot with you." The air was silent again for a while. Jin Jingyao said, "You finally spoke your true feelings." Li Ling: "..." Really want to kill him. - Outside, someone suddenly asked, "Where's the director? Wasn't he just here?" Jin Jingyao stood up and said, "I'll go out for a bit." Li Ling sat in place, feeling a strong urge to curse the director. She opened Weibo and, feeling very aggrieved, said to 9787532754335, "Boohoo, I am such a happy person." "In my current crew, the director is especially nice, always explaining the scenes to me, and never NGs during shooting." "The actors' acting skills are also superb, very experienced, always showing concern for me, you have no idea how much they care about me.""I really love them." 9787532754335 was silent for a moment and then said, "As long as you're happy." After a while, he asked again, "How's the filming going for the play you mentioned last time?" Li Ling pondered the progress on Jin Jingyao's side and confidently said, "We probably don't need to shoot it anymore." "You're right, actors should maintain their integrity." 9787532754335 sent a question mark. What a strange reaction. Li Ling was stunned and asked him, "Why did you send a question mark? Are you implying that I haven't maintained my integrity?" 9787532754335: . Li Ling: "..." With a swish, the curtain was lifted, and Jin Jingyao walked back in, holding bandages and ointment. Li Ling met his gaze and said somewhat awkwardly, "Director, I can do it myself." Jin Jingyao ignored her and directly squatted down. The swaying light cast dim shadows. The young man was almost lying on her knees, his voice low, the corners of his eyes slightly raised. From this subtle, downward-looking angle, she couldn't help but think: He really is... very good-looking. Perhaps this great director's usual imposing manner overshadowed his appearance. From this angle, his features were indeed quite delicate, even beautiful. She asked impulsively, "Director, so what are we shooting next?" Their eyes met. Jin Jingyao said, "Your mind is filthy." Li Ling: ? Without much expression, he lowered his head, and Li Ling immediately let out a scream, "Ah—" Jin Jingyao had pinched her wound hard. The pain almost brought tears to her eyes. "Was that necessary?" she said, her voice choked with tears, "I was just asking." Jin Jingyao let out a cold laugh, but his movements were swift and silent as he re-applied the medicine and re-bandaged her wound. Just when she thought it was over, his hand pressed down on her stiff calf muscle. Li Ling was utterly shocked and somewhat panicked. She wanted to bend down but didn't dare move, so she could only say tearfully, "Director, what are you doing?" Jin Jingyao said, "Bear with it." He then followed the twisted, stiff tendons and pinched hard again. He was actually giving her a massage. To be fair, his technique was quite professional, and his movements were very patient, but his strength was just too much. It hurt so much. His broad palm moved inch by inch over her calf. It was too hot. Like sticky glue, lingering candle flames. Li Ling could almost feel the startling burn of wax drops falling on her skin. At this moment, Jin Jingyao suddenly lowered his head and said in a rather casual tone, "If you want to know something, you can ask me directly." Li Ling: ? She had a vague sense of foreboding but decided to play dumb to the end, "Ask, ask what..." He lifted his eyelids and glanced at her, speaking slowly, "No need to ask Xiao Liu." Li Ling: "..." Damn it, Xiao Liu. So reliable in his work. Did he just sell her out? She tried her best to act nonchalant, but her body betrayed her inner turmoil, almost kicking him. Fortunately, Director Jin was prepared and easily caught her ankle. "Kicking me won't help," he said in a lukewarm tone, "Kick whoever you need to kick." Li Ling: "..." I'm kicking you, alright. Caught off guard, she was almost stuttering in fear, "So, Director, what did Teacher Liu tell you?""He said you admire me a lot and want to know about my life," Jin Jingyao said flatly. Li Ling let out a long breath. Thank goodness. Young Master Liu wasn't that insane; he had a bit of emotional intelligence and didn't directly mention He Wei's name. She forced a laugh, "Mr. Liu is right." Then, somewhat awkwardly and aimlessly, she asked a few random questions. She didn't realize that by doing so, she had indeed confirmed her identity as a "fanatic fan" who "idolizes Director Jin." Jin Jingyao stared at her for a while before lowering his head and continuing to play the role of a diligent masseur. "I went abroad when I was very young. Before returning to China to make films, I studied in the UK," he said, pausing for a moment. "Can you be quiet?" Li Ling: "I'm sorry, Director, I didn't mean to." She wanted to be quiet, but his hands were getting stronger. She tried hard not to let out a scream that could be misunderstood, but it was obvious she wasn't very successful. Then, Director Jin mentioned the name of an elite boys' school. Li Ling didn't really understand, but she thought his English pronunciation was indeed beautiful. She awkwardly praised his English skills and pretended to be interested, asking, "How did you spend your summer and winter vacations?" "Stayed at home," Jin Jingyao said indifferently. "We have a few houses in London." Li Ling: "..." How infuriating, to say something so pretentious in such a casual tone. Damn aristocrat. However, He Wei had never filmed in the UK. After his death, his wife had been living in London, but that had nothing to do with her. It seemed unlikely that Director Jin had ever worked as a camera assistant in He Wei's crew. Li Ling felt relieved. With her mood lifted, she became more carefree. With a bit of a vengeful spirit against the aristocrat, she asked Director Jin with some enthusiasm, "Can I see a photo of you in a dress when you were four?" Jin Jingyao was taken aback, then smiled at her. "You're really not afraid of me," he said. Li Ling: "..." "I'm still afraid, Director," she said unconvincingly. "By the way, are you done filming?" Jin Jingyao was momentarily stunned. "Filming what?" "Well... you massaging me, wasn't it to gather material for filming?" Li Ling said as if it were obvious. "Just like last time with the makeup." For some reason, Director Jin's expression turned unpleasant again. But he didn't say anything, lowering his head to finish massaging her ankle. His palm was very warm. His fingers gently brushed over her slender ankle bone, the heat seeping into her bones like a dangerous fire. Then, the young man stood up. Because of his elevated posture, the faint smile on his face took on a predatory danger. In the dim, warm yellow light, her skin appeared so delicate, almost like flowing honey. And his calm gaze swept over her face. Slowly, deliberately, as if measuring his own territory. Li Ling tilted her head back, feeling a bit parched, and looked at him, hearing Jin Jingyao say lightly, "Make sure to film well later." - Li Ling returned to the set to find, for some reason, everyone else seemed to be on high alert. "What's going on?" she asked the assistant director. The assistant director, looking worried, said, "The director said there's no script for this scene." Li Ling: "Huh? How do we shoot without a script?" Actually, Li Ling didn't think it was a big deal. She had performed in those free-form stage plays before and could act without a script. However, for someone as controlling as Jin Jingyao to suddenly go for such an experimental approach was very strange. "Who knows what the director is thinking..." "So strange, isn't he always the one who hates improvisation the most?" The photographer set up the camera nearby, and the other unrelated staff members were preparing to leave. Not only was there no script for this scene, but the director also demanded a clear set. Of course, he never liked having too many unrelated people on his set, but having so few people was a first. Li Ling couldn't help but ask him, "Director, how exactly do you plan to shoot this?" Jin Jingyao said, "Just shoot it like that." Li Ling: "..." - The camera started rolling. The show ended, and the stage became empty once again. Li Ling deliberately tried to mess with Jin Jingyao, making up her own lines as soon as she started, saying, "Are you done yet? I'm tired." Jin Jingyao said, "Just wait a little longer." Li Ling sneered, "You don't think that just because you showed me a boring performance, I should be grateful to you, do you? I've never seen such a lousy dance. Your troupe is full of useless people." Jin Jingyao said, "I know. They're not as good as you." Improvisation really tests an actor's ability to react on the spot. If even one line is missed, the whole scene can fall apart. Li Ling thought that someone like Jin Jingyao, who was usually so rigid in his acting, would soon be unable to handle it. But he got into character quickly, and even without rehearsal, he completely became Zhou Jing. He gently tucked her hair behind her ear, looking at her with a kind of oppressive tenderness. He said, "Just wait a little longer." They hid in a dark corner, quietly waiting for the last security guard to leave the theater. The door was locked. Clang, clang, the chains shook and clattered violently. The faint sound of footsteps was swallowed by the darkness. All was silent. The world fell into deathly stillness. Jin Jingyao said, "Alright." He pushed Li Ling's wheelchair out. Having lived in the theater's basement for so long, A-Ling had never thought about seeing the outside world again. Li Ling precisely portrayed A-Ling's inner unease masked by a fierce exterior. She looked back at him, seemingly angry but actually somewhat frightened, gripping the wheelchair's armrest. "What exactly are you trying to do?" Her tone became sharp. Zhou Jing caught her gaze and smiled at her. "Don't be afraid," he said. Li Ling was pushed to the center of the stage. The sound of the wheels on the wooden floor created an unsettling tremor, as if the floor might collapse at any moment. Facing the empty audience seats, her breathing gradually became rapid. This scene was too long-awaited and too deeply desired. A-Ling and the pain, and Li Ling's pain, merged into one. They had both been deeply hurt by the stage, yet not for a single moment did they stop hoping to stand on it again. Jin Jingyao—or rather, Zhou Jing—bent down and meticulously helped her tidy up. He combed her hair, smoothed the wrinkles in her clothes, and wiped the dust from her cheeks and hands, making her radiant once more. He had severe obsessive-compulsive disorder, following the same routine every day to clean and organize her. She always felt that she was just part of the routine, an object, a procedure. He satisfied his ridiculous need for control through her. But never before had he looked at her with such eyes. She even read devotion in his eyes. "You can dance now," Zhou Jing said to her. "Dance." Those amber eyes, hidden in the moonlight, gradually became bright. Time floated in his eyes. He watched her, his eyelids trembling slightly. It started to rain. Oh, that wasn't the sound of rain—it was the piano. The piano was flowing.Zhou Jing sat at the piano in the depths of the shadows, his fingertips like withered leaf butterflies, falling on the keys. No lights. No audience. No applause. Only him accompanying her. He couldn't give her legs. Couldn't let her be reborn. Couldn't turn her into a big star. All he could do was secretly move her onto the stage after all the performances were over, letting her dance in the darkness. But this was already the best he could do for her. Li Ling vaguely felt that this scene was wrong, not only deviating from the script but also from the entire movie. Because Zhou Jing doing this completely overturned his own character. How could he possibly let A-Ling stand on the stage? He should have hidden her forever, hidden her in his basement. Yet, she also felt this scene was beautiful. At least in this moment, he was willing to betray his own principles for her. Perhaps this is what love is. True love. Li Ling suddenly understood why Jin Jingyao chose improvisation. She also knew that regardless of whether this scene could be filmed well, she would only have one chance. The piano played, her arms lifted, palms up, slowly and heavily, making the first move. She was not just herself. In this moment, she was loved. All the loved souls inhabited her body, completing this dance together. She saw A-Ling. She clung to the wheelchair like a deformed flower. She could no longer "dance," she could never again have that lightness and freedom of leaping. She felt so inferior, she thought she was a monster, her body connected to the earth, she was a rose poured out of cement. But she still wanted to bend, to sway. Of course, people without legs can also dance, she still had hands, she could reach for the sky. She wanted to leave a mark in this world, even if it was clumsy, ugly, pale. Even if that posture was futile. No one has the right to define beauty and ugliness. She also saw herself, the nineteen-year-old Li Ling. Nineteen, such a beautiful age. She thought she would stand at the highest point in the world, becoming the person shining brightly on the stage. She never thought that her future would be a blank, her name erased, endlessly down, down, down. Why remember. Memories only have sweat, tears, torn wounds. Only humiliation, blood, endless pain. If names can be erased, memories can certainly cease to exist. She didn't care about the imperfections of life. Didn't dare to care, couldn't care. Not looking, not thinking, was the only way to survive. But in this moment, in the long piano sound, under Zhou Jing's gaze, the world turned into a giant white thread, pulling her, regrowing bones and blood, receiving baptism and self. Everything lost came back in this moment. The empty audience seats. Someone would see. Someone loved her. The moonlight would remember. Li Ling didn't know when the piano stopped, she couldn't hear it at all. She was still waving her hands. Invisible threads connected her body, turning her into a puppet of memory, putting on the red dance shoes of branding iron. She didn't want to stop. But he held her tightly, as if afraid she would hurt herself. His embrace broke the spell, bringing her back to the present. His body was so warm, like a golden rain, the branches and leaves of the laurel tree, passionately entwining her limbs, pulling her into his bones and blood. Gradually, they grew together. Li Ling didn't cry, she wouldn't cry. It was raining. In the boundless rain, the theater turned into ruins and dust. She saw the dim sky. The sky fell. Air, clouds, wind, the world, all fell into his eyes. And in his eyes, there was only her, always. He reached out to wipe away her tears. She cupped his face and commanded him imperiously, "Kiss me.""