Jake staggered into his presidential office, his mind still reeling from the press conference. As he slumped into his chair, his assistant, Clara, entered, clipboard in hand and an almost apologetic look on her face.
"Mr. President, your schedule for today," she announced, extending the clipboard. Jake reached for it, preparing himself for a "normal" agenda, hoping maybe today would offer a sliver of reality.
He read the first item: 9:30 AM – Debate With Galactic Ambassador Reevz from the Planet Xyloon.
Jake blinked. "Clara, what exactly is this 'Galactic Ambassador Reevz' business?"
"Oh, it's standard interplanetary relations, sir. Since the Intergalactic Treaty of 2055, Earth's presidents are required to meet monthly with neighboring planetary representatives. Don't worry," she added, seeing his expression, "Ambassador Reevz is relatively friendly, so long as no one mentions pineapples. They're a… sensitive subject on Xyloon."
"Of course they are," Jake muttered, sighing. "And what's next?"
Clara scrolled down. "After that, you have a ceremony to declare the Annual Dinosaur Stampede Season open. Your speech should encourage safety while also inspiring bravery and participation."
Jake's jaw dropped. "Dinosaur Stampede?"
"Oh, yes, sir. It's a tradition. Every November, the descendants of the great prehistoric creatures join in a stampede. Citizens place bets on which dinosaur will make it across the finish line, and local vendors sell souvenirs." She paused. "Try not to wear red, though, sir. Last year's president made that mistake."
Jake let out a slow, bewildered exhale. "Anything else?"
Clara flipped to the last item on the list. "Actually, yes. There's a proposal in Congress to mandate that all dogs be granted honorary human citizenship."
Jake's brow furrowed. "Dogs as citizens? How is that even a thing?"
Clara didn't miss a beat. "Apparently, there's overwhelming public support, sir. They say the bill was inspired by Lucky, the pug who singlehandedly apprehended three would-be burglars last month. The slogan is, 'If they can guard our homes, they deserve a home in our hearts.' The public is quite stirred."
Jake ran a hand over his face, trying to process the day's absurdity. "Alright, Clara. Anything else I need to know?"
Clara hesitated, as if debating whether to say more. "Well… rumor has it that you've been invited to a council of intergalactic leaders. They want you to weigh in on an impending crisis with an asteroid named Freddy that's on course with Planet Zog. They'll want your opinion on whether to detonate it, redirect it, or make first contact. Apparently, Freddy has expressed an interest in diplomacy."
Jake's head was spinning, but he took a deep breath. "Alright, Clara. Let's start with the alien ambassador and go from there. I'll take this one cosmic crisis at a time."
With that, he straightened his tie, braced himself for whatever intergalactic protocol he'd stumble through, and prepared to lead a planet and maybe a galaxy with as much dignity as he could muster. This was, after all, the presidency like he'd never imagined.