The empress pull with all her strength. However, she received a blow on her head. She release the scarf and falls on the floor.
By the time she wakes up, she sees the man she long to see but why is he dress like a monk. The empress try to get up but she finds her hands and feet are tie up. Her mouth is gag with the scarf. Xian Wen who is siting on the chair is in mediating. For along time his eyes are closed. The empress look around but the dowager is no where in this room. She perspire and keep making noise. She attempts to push out the scarf with her tongue unfortunately he had stuff quite a lot in her mouth that it is impossible to push out. After a long time, he open his eyes. There is calmness in his eyes. She breath in deeply and keep asking to remove the gag. He got up slowly. "Before i remove the gag, i want you to remain calm." She nod her head. He slowly walk near her and pull out the gag from her mouth.
"Xuan Wen..." He ignore her and walk a distance from her.
"Shi Chun Feng, did you know what you are doing?"
"Xuan Wen, please ... " She cry nonstop.
"Killing your mother-in-law is a crime. Punishable by behead in public, you do know, do you."
"She tried to kill me first! It's not the first time!"
"Shi Chun Feng, we grow up together. I know your character. You won't do something like this..." She begin to smile. Only Xuan Wen knows her well enough.
"I don't know why are you doing this..."
"Xuan Wen, i told you, she tried to kill me without dirtying her own hands! I can't stand it anymore, i have to do something!"
"Empress, you do know that in buddhist law, we don't kill, murder nor have any killing intentions. You have been in temples every year. Praying and asking for right path to enlighten. Is this what you want in the end?"
"No... Xuan Wen. Please... I am not like what others say. I ..."
"I saw what i seen a while ago. However Shi Chun Feng, i am not here to judge you. I am not that a saint. I have killed many men too when i was a mortal man. Now i have decided to be leaving those behind so i pray for the souls that i had taken and pray that they will forgive me. If the next life, i need to repay them all, i will return again and again to repay all the debts."
He look at her who is laying on her couch in a pitiful state. He sigh.
"I can never kill again but i warn you, you have to conduct yourself. I will take care of the dowager. She will never bother you again. I will leave you in peace."
"Xuan Wen, please take me with you... I cannot stay here..." She cry hard and watch him as he release the ropes on her wrist and her feet.
"You have to stay here. You are the only person that keeps the emperor sane."
"What about me?! I am not a person not his toy!" She scream in frustration when everyone is blaming her and asking her to give in to the man she dislike.
"Shi Chun Feng, you are still his wife. Until the bond is resolve, it is best that you talk with him with your heart. Then you can walk out of this room with your own two feet."
She sits in the room alone after he walk away. She is at a lost. There is no where she can escape. There is no room to move. Like playing a chess board, she have lost. The scarf remain on her couch as she walks in circle in the room. She is now thinking the best way to escape from this cold room. Her eyes is fixed on it. Her breath and heart beat is slow and steady. She walk near it and stare at the white scarf. Is it worth it? With her trembling hands, she pick it up. She look over tot he beam. Maybe that is the only way out. She push the chair near the beam. She loop it over easily without a problem. The empress swallow her saliva hard and breath in deep. The node is tied, it's time. With her toes on the chair, she tell herself to be brave. Just a step, everything will be over. She close her eyes and bravely push the chair. As she try not to struggle too much, her vision and hearing beginning to be blur. Is this how everything ends? She ask herself and tears roll down. She ask herself, why can't anyone sympathise with her? Why is everyone asking her to give in to the man she lived with most of her life? Why can't she choose her own life? Why and why and why. As her breath is cutting off, her body becomes numb. She doesn't know and doesn't care what is happening. She is seeking a way to escape.
Suddenly there are bright lights when she open her eyes. She is thinking that she is now in an afterlife. She must be going to somewhere to be questioned what she did in the life as the empress of a nation. 'what should i answer?' she mumble softy to herself. Instead of seeing the face of the bull head or horse head, the hell receivers but instead she sees the emperor in front of her face. Her stomach feels sick and she feels like she need to vomit. She retching while trying to get herself sit up. A hand help her up. She look around and see that she is still confine in her room. She did not die at all, she cry. Even a simple way to go, she did not make it. She feel so useless and hopeless. She cry harder and choke on her own saliva. He try to clam her down. After an hour, she did not cry but she still sob on her couch. His heart is not comfortable to see her hanging on the beam. All he wanted is to keep her near him. Now she choose to kill herself to run away from him. He cannot understand, why she is doing this.
"Here drink some water. " She take the cup with her trembling hands and slowly drink the entire cup of water. She look at him with her blood shot eyes. He feels sorry for her at that point.
"Why are you doing this? Is it because the order of my mother? You don't have to do what she say. "
"I ... i am doing what i want to do. I am tired Ning'er. Please, let's just stop. Don't play with anymore. We have been going in this cycle most of our lives."
"Go to sleep. We will talk another day."
She cling on his legs as he try to walk away. His eunuch comes in and try to remove her hands that are holding on to the emperor's leg. She keep begging till the door is closed on her. She slam with her hands calling his name. She is indeed tired and she walked like a zombie to the window that have a small peephole. She look outside the moon is hang high outside. She moved back and goes down on her knees. Begging and asking god to listen to her one more time. She will accept all the conditions to step out of this room.