Chapter 319: Shikaku's Brilliant Plan
After having breakfast with Kakashi, Haneda teleported the two of them to the Hokage's office using the Flying Thunder God Technique.
Inside, Shikaku was buried under a mountain of paperwork, stacks upon stacks forming a veritable fortress around him. These documents encompassed the affairs of every department in Konoha—files that neither Haneda nor the other senior leaders wanted to handle inevitably ended up here.
Haneda and Kakashi exchanged a knowing glance, and without a word, turned to leave. They silently agreed to seek out someone else to burden with their presence.
But just as Haneda's hand touched the door handle, Shikaku's voice, laden with a mix of exasperation and resignation, rang out.
"Hokage-sama, Kakashi, aren't you forgetting something?"
Feigning ignorance, Haneda replied, "Forgetting something? Me? I've never left anything behind in this office."
Kakashi joined in, matching Haneda's tone. "Same here. From childhood until now, I've never lost track of anything."
Shikaku slapped his hand down on the mountain of files, his meaning crystal clear.
But Haneda, having long since developed a thick skin, remained unperturbed. And since Haneda was unfazed, Kakashi followed suit, staying perfectly calm.
After a brief stalemate, Haneda's slight pang of guilt prompted him to offer an explanation.
"Shikaku, I told you this the night before last. Kakashi and I went to the moon with Itachi and Shisui to find a way to break the Caged Bird Seal."
"I've already made progress on that front, but now Kakashi and I need to leave the village for a bit."
Realizing he couldn't stop Haneda, Shikaku set his sights on Kakashi instead. Clearing his throat, he interjected, "Hokage-sama, Kakashi is the commander of the Anbu. His primary responsibility is to remain in Konoha to manage operations. How can he just leave on a whim?"
Kakashi nervously tugged at Haneda's sleeve. Sighing, Haneda took the lead in offering an excuse.
"Shikaku, you know as well as I do that protecting the Hokage's safety is the Anbu's duty. As Anbu Commander, Kakashi should ensure my security."
Shikaku glanced at Haneda, unimpressed. With Haneda's nation-shattering strength, who would dare to assassinate him? Even the most foolish of enemies would only dare throw a shuriken from hundreds of miles away.
Clearly, the Hokage was being disingenuous. He wasn't looking for protection—he just wanted Kakashi to join him on a mission that was probably a thinly veiled vacation!
Suddenly, Shikaku had a flash of inspiration. Realizing it was nearly impossible to stop Haneda and Kakashi from leaving, he devised an alternative plan.
"Hokage-sama," Shikaku began, "I have an idea that will restore order to Konoha's administrative chaos."
"Why not drag Tsunade-sama back from the gambling dens and into the Hokage's office? This will undoubtedly bring Jiraiya along as well."
"Additionally, summon Asuma back. He'll be thrilled to take on responsibilities and will eagerly return to the office."
"With the Three Great Elders back at their posts, the workload for Konoha's departments will be handled in no time!"
"This way, you and Kakashi can leave the village without any worries and focus on your mission."
Shikaku's plan was brilliant—sacrificing others to save himself.
At Kakashi's urging, Haneda reluctantly agreed to Shikaku's proposal. With a quick teleportation, he began visiting the major gambling establishments to track down Tsunade.
The moment he found her, a stunned Tsunade could only gape as Haneda whisked her away to the Hokage's office.
"Tsunade-sama, I'm counting on you," Shikaku said with a grin as Tsunade materialized in the office.
Taking a moment to process her surroundings, Tsunade turned her head toward Haneda, who was already halfway out the door.
"Don't even think about running, you conniving Uchiha brat!"
But before she could act, Haneda teleported away with Kakashi in tow.
He was confident that once Tsunade was in the office, Shikaku's quick wit and determination to avoid his wife's wrath would keep her in place. After all, the sooner Shikaku cleared the backlog, the sooner he could go home without getting scolded.
Just before disappearing, Haneda couldn't resist one last remark: "By the way, Tsunade-sama, I'm a 'naturally noble Uchiha genius,' as the Second Hokage once said!"
After Haneda vanished, Shikaku turned to Tsunade, his smile widening.
"Tsunade-sama, I happen to know you owe the Lucky Fortune Casino fourteen thousand five hundred thirty-six ryō. You wouldn't want the owner chasing after you for unpaid debts, would you?"
Tsunade grimaced but managed a forced smile. "Fine, fine. I'll help you with your paperwork."
But then, she remembered a certain shameless pervert still enjoying his freedom. Gritting her teeth, she growled, "Shikaku, there's someone else we should drag into this!"
Feigning innocence, Shikaku asked, "Who might that be?"
"Jiraiya!"
Ten minutes later, Tsunade returned, dragging a battered and bruised Jiraiya by the collar into the Hokage building.
As they neared the office, Jiraiya muttered, "Come on, Tsunade, don't embarrass me in front of the juniors. Have some mercy, will you?"
Tsunade snorted and dropped him unceremoniously outside the door. "Next time I catch you at one of those places, you're dead!"
"Alright, alright, I promise I won't do it again!" Jiraiya replied, though inwardly he lamented how difficult life had become for a best-selling author. All the new hot springs were far too private, leaving him no inspiration for his novels.
After Tsunade healed his injuries, Jiraiya stepped into the office, putting on a brave face.
Inside, Shikaku was busy persuading Asuma to take on some work, using Haneda's name as leverage.
"Don't slack off, Asuma," Shikaku warned. "Hokage-sama will be back to inspect your progress!"
Inspired by this, Asuma's face lit up with determination. Fueled by newfound enthusiasm, he tackled the paperwork with zeal.
Watching Asuma's relentless effort, Tsunade occasionally slacking off, and Jiraiya scratching his head in frustration, Shikaku couldn't help but feel a sense of accomplishment.
Finally, he thought, he'd get to go home early tonight without earning his wife's ire. Perhaps he might even… reclaim his pride as a husband!
...
Meanwhile, outside Konoha, Haneda and Kakashi arrived at a massive mining site near the village.
The area was rich in clay and expansive enough for "artistic performances."
Sure enough, Deidara was hard at work.
The moment they stepped closer, Haneda could hear the echoes of explosions reverberating through the ground.
Inside the mining cavern, Deidara was surrounded by a group of miners showering him with praise. He was utterly absorbed in his work, basking in their admiration.
Haneda hesitated briefly but eventually approached Deidara.
"Haneda-nii! Look at the masterpiece I've created! This entire section was shaped by my artistic vision!"
"Doesn't this place feel like the epitome of artistic brilliance? Hmm?"
The miners, eager to please their unconventional helper, chimed in enthusiastically:
"Deidara-sama's fleeting explosion art is second only to Hokage-sama's magnificence!"
"The aroma of clay lingers in the air—it's intoxicating! Deidara-sama's artistry is so profound you can smell it!"
Haneda's lips twitched. It was clear why Deidara preferred staying here rather than returning home. This cavern was full of "kindred spirits" who truly appreciated his art!