I left my old self behind the day Christian walked away with my stepsister Melissa. But I hold no grudges, no bitterness. It made me stronger.
It shaped the woman I am now. And, to be honest, I love myself more than ever. So, I guess it doesn't matter anymore.
.
Or maybe… sometimes it does.
.
Just a little.
"Don't zone out now, Andria," Sarah's voice cuts through my thoughts, pulling me back. she knows i am drifting apart. Her grip on my arm is firm, grounding me in the moment. she's so caring as a mother i never had.
"Yes, I won't. You don't need to worry so much, Sarah. I'll be just fine," I reply, trying to sound convincing. pretending the past no longer holds any weight. pretending is my talent, this shit always saves me from situations i don't wanna be in
Sarah isn't fooled for a second. "Well, I don't believe you, bitch," she says, her voice sharp but layered with concern. "I can see right through you." her eyes, they are searching inside me. if i show any signs of breakage
I sigh, her words cutting deeper than I want to admit. "Don't start now. Let's just get through this," I murmur, brushing off the vulnerability rising in my throat . I'm not in the mood to be a weak bitch now, at least not in this fucking hell.
The party grows livelier as the night deepens. Laughter mingles with the clinking of glasses, conversations buzzing like background static, i don't understand why these people talk so much, i mean y'all meet almost everyday just shut the fuck up , bad music choices from the organiser though. People are lost in their own little worlds, absorbed by wine, wealth, and status. Meanwhile, Christian still stands on stage, surrounded by CEOs and powerhouses, congratulating Mr. Barnard for his brilliant success.
But for some reason, it all feels so… silent. Despite the noise, despite the crowded room and the clamor of voices, none of it reaches me. It's as if I'm encased in my own bubble, a thick wall of silence blocking out everything around me.
And inside that bubble? There's nothing. Just emptiness. The hollowness presses against me, growing stronger with every passing second. It doesn't matter how much I tell myself I'm strong now. That I'm whole. In this moment, I feel like nothing at all. i feel so zero; i feel so blue and black.
The world moves around me, vibrant and alive, colourful outside, grey inside. but I'm stuck in this space of nothingness—untouchable, unreachable. Maybe that's what Christian did to me, or maybe that's what I did to myself. i don't want to blame him, he still looks colourful like he always did. i'm still grey, with just some temporary marker paints on top of my shell , Either way, I can't feel a thing. no noise bothers me for some reason.