I wound up sprinting through the first floor hallway and made my way out of the school building before arriving and stopping at the vending machine area right beside the secondary building.
This is now the third time I've had to run today and I'm honestly getting really sick of all these physical activities. My body is just not built with athleticism in mind. Come to think of it, if there is a God, why didn't he give me at least a little bit of strength and constitution in my character sheet? Or maybe I just started out with only one skill point to my name?
I lean by the coffee vending machine and take a few more moments to recover from that intense workout. From here, I could see the baseball team doing laps around the school yard. A group of girls have gathered on the side, cheering the players and squealing in delight whenever they wave back at them.
I could also see other students walking on the side path, likely making their way home. Some of them are alone, while others are talking, laughing, and messing around with friends as they go.
Such a typical high school setting that showcases all the wonderful moments of youth makes me sick to my stomach. Sure, during my days as a first year, I yearned for those types of moments. But now, I really don't have any such desires anymore. I've already resigned myself to death. Exposing myself to such frivolous things would only make my death more difficult than it needs to be.
I don't need it. I don't want it. It is to the grave I go.
Though if I'm being honest, there might still be some part of me that craves to have those moments. To experience going home together with a cute girl I like, go out on day offs and sing karaoke with friends, and maybe spend the night at school to work together with the entire class to finish our booth for the cultural festival. After all, I'm still only a high school student so it's only natural for a miniscule part of me to want those things. But those youthful moments are nothing but a fantasy tucked away behind the deepest recesses of my mind. For me to experience them would be a contradiction to reality.
I don't deserve any of it.
Before I can get even deeper into my train of thought, a sudden gust of wind carrying sand and dirt wallops me right in the face. Looks like even nature won't cut me some slack. Though what did I ever do to earn the wind's wrath? I've always loved the wind as an element, and even picked it as my main magic in any RPG games I play.
As I wipe away the sand from my eyes and cheeks, I catch a familiar figure walking to the school gate. Her hair sways ever so elegantly against the fierce wind, held mostly in check by her headband. Kurebayashi, the on-going enigma in my life. Going by the pace she's at, she will reach the school gate in about 2 minutes or so. If I run to her now, I could catch up to her and clear things up. "I'm sorry, I didn't really mean it when I said I want to continue as a volunteer so I could pay you back for the meal."
Something along those lines. But then, what if she just asks me what my real reason is? If I say I don't know, then she's just going to get even madder, I think. Given what I now know about her, I doubt she's going to accept any half-assed reason for joining the club. So then, what do I say to her?
That talk I had with Mr. Hirashi was supposed to bring me some clarity, but it barely did anything. I'm just as clueless and confused as before.
She's now a minute away from the gate.
… Wait. Why am I trying so hard for this? What could I possibly hope to gain from it? Is it even worth the trouble of figuring out my reason and convincing her?
No, it's not.
As someone who is bound to die, there's no point in even trying to do something that takes this much effort. Afterall, it's not gonna matter once I'm dead. I doubt Kurebayashi will still be mad a year from now, so might as well just let time slowly tick away until that point. With that said, there's only one course of action to take.
"I give up."
I immediately feel an overwhelming sense of relief as I mutter those words. It's like a terrible back pain that's been bugging me for a month has suddenly gone away. And just like that, my mind is cleared up.
Crazy how three simple words could dramatically change your mood.
I take a deep breath and one final look at Kurebayashi, who has now gone past the school gate and out of sight.
And so, I turn back around and go about my way.