Chapter 6 It's Still There Part 1
It's Still There
'Are we not friends? Ran... I love you.'
'Don't leave me...'
'No matter where you run, I will always find you...'
Those lifeless words and tones have haunted me for years. All I know is that when I hear that voice or feel this presence, I need to get out of that spot before I lose what I love again.
I'm tired...
So tired that sometimes I think it would be better to let it all end right here.
But another part of me, the one that wants to live like a normal person, keeps me from giving up. Yet at the same time, I feel confused. Why do I even try so hard?
When what I love is already gone...
'Thud, Thud, Thud' My footsteps echo with each step I take.
I try to run away from her, but this time something blocks my path, and I can't escape.
"You can't run away from me."
"PLEASE, JUST DON'T FOLLOW ME!" I scream with my eyes tightly shut.
"One day... I will come for you..."
"GASP!!"
"Khun Ran! Hey!! Are you okay?!"
"..." I gasp for breath as I wake up to the persistent nudging of the ghost beside me.
My face and body are damp with sweat, as if everything that just happened was real. My heart pounds with fear, threatening to leap from my chest.
The clock on my bedside table reads four a.m., more than two hours before my usual waking time. But despite that, I feel no sleepiness left—only the shivers of terror from my nightmare.
"Are you alright? You seem—" She reaches out to touch my shoulder.
I jerk her hand away. "DON'T TOUCH ME!"
"…" Her expression immediately shifts to one of shock at my harsh rejection. She tries to compose herself, speaking in a calm tone.
"It's okay, I'm here now..."
Strangely enough, her faint smile manages to ease my trembling. Once I regain my composure, I try to act normal and steady my voice.
"...I told you not to enter the room."
"It's just that you look so worried…"
"...? Have you been peeking all this time? That's scary!"
"Hmm? Normally, ghosts like to watch people all night, don't they? What's wrong with you, Khun Ran? When I act like a human, you complain, and when I act like a ghost, you complain too." She pouted at my complaints.
She has a point... but it doesn't apply to me.
"Sigh... Enough already. If you don't stop popping into my room like this, I'm really going to kick you out of the house! Can I at least have a little privacy?"
"What do you mean? You're hurting my feelings! You don't say anything when other ghosts pop in." She looked down, pouting while speaking in a sulky tone.
If I tell them, they'll actually listen to what I say! I'll talk just like I do with you! Even if I talk until my mouth is sore, they still won't pay any attention! And the worst part is, if I just go around talking carelessly,
another spirit will start following me!
"…sigh, I won't say anything anymore. Just try to understand."
She looked at me as if she didn't understand Thai, even though she spoke it perfectly well herself, despite having a mixed heritage.
"Just go away already."
"…Hey, Khun Ran, by the way, there's one room I can't go into. What is that room? Just touching the door makes me feel hot."
"...Don't bother. Just get out already."
"Wow, I just asked a little! No need to make that serious face. I can stay out of it. Oh come on." She leaned down to lie beside me. "Go back to sleep. Why are you awake at four in the morning?"
"I'm awake now. If you don't leave, I'll go myself… Hey! What are you doing? Let go right now!" I yelled as she pulled me into a hug.
She gave me a cheeky smile. "If you can't sleep, I can be your pillow."
With that, she giggled with a cheerful face, her arms hugging me tightly, making it hard to escape.
"Let go! I told you I'm not sleeping…"
I slowly lowered my voice, feeling incredibly calm. It's strange that I don't want to get up and escape from her embrace. It's warm, even though she's not warm like me. Plus, she smells faintly like white lilies.
The hug, which invited me to drift off, made me close my eyes without realizing it. The laughter in her throat told me she was enjoying it, so much so that she couldn't contain her laughter, making her body shake.
I opened my eyes and asked, "What's so funny?"
"Nothing. I just think you look cute when you're not yelling."
I immediately looked up at her. "Cute? ...That's kind of strange, coming from a ghost."
"Hehe, it's been strange since we first met."
"That's true…"
The smile on her face made my heart race oddly. Her light brown eyes gazed at me gently, providing a warmth that calmed my heart.
"Let's sleep, Khun Ran. I'll wake you up at six."
"Mm…" I closed my eyes under the embrace of the brown-haired ghost.
I'm surprised at myself for obediently doing what she said...
"Hey, you crazy ghost! Didn't you say you'd wake me up?!" I turned to complain at the ghost, who was sitting forlornly on the bed while hurriedly buttoning her shirt incorrectly.
"Aw… I'm sorry, Khun Ran."
"Good grief... I got haunted by a ghost first thing in the morning!"
She didn't argue back, which meant she genuinely felt guilty.
"I messed up..."
Once everything was sorted out, I whipped around to yell at her one last time.
"And don't follow me!"
I quickly ran out of the house without caring what kind of face she was making. Out of the corner of my eye, I only noticed she was sitting quietly on the bed, unmoving.
Before I could run out of the alley, I saw that the traffic was jammed from the alley all the way to the main road. If I took the bus, I'd probably choose to get off outside the stop because it was so stuck; running to the university would be better.
"Hey! Where are you running off to, Ran?!" Aunt Miao, seeing me rush past her shop, shouted while her hands were busy with pork on the stove.
"I'm late, Auntie!"
"Be careful not to fall!"
"Yes!!" I kept running while dodging the broken pavement ahead.
The loud conversation between Aunt Miao and me attracted the attention of passersby and people stuck on the bus, looking dazed.
That ghost is really haunting me!
"Huff, huff"
I stood there, catching my breath for a moment, before sliding the classroom door open, fully braced for a lecture from the professer.
"…Huh?"
The scene before me, which should have been filled with classmates diligently studying, was completely empty—no sign of life, not even a mosquito. The lights and a/c were dead silent, and I began to feel a nagging sense of unease. Curiosity piqued, I pulled out my phone to check what was going on.
[Humanities and Religion Class sec1/66]
Dr. Sakchai: "Class is canceled today, okay? I'll send the slides later." [06.38]
"…" I clenched my fists immediately after reading the message on my phone.
Huh!!
If I had known class was canceled, I wouldn't have rushed here! I haven't even showered or washed my face!
What should I do now? The next class doesn't start for hours... Four hours, to be exact!
No more thinking! I'll go find something to eat.
As I was about to turn around to leave the classroom, a wave of bad feelings suddenly hit me out of nowhere. I thought I was just imagining things, but when I tried to open the door, it didn't turn out as I had hoped, even though I had just stepped in less than two minutes ago.
"Ran..."
The sound of my name, accompanied by a creepy and disgusting laugh, was the source of the bad feelings that had just engulfed me.
That voice was raspy, like someone whose vocal cords were damaged, and the stench was so repulsive that I wanted to vomit. It was something I had tried to avoid and keep buried deep inside. No matter how many years passed, my brain immediately recognized it the moment I heard it.
The sound of it...
"…" When the door wouldn't open, I took a step back and didn't dare look at what was standing behind me, even though it was laughing.
I had no idea how long it had been there. I only knew that its disgusting hands were now pulling me into an embrace from behind, whispering in a chilling voice,
"I know, Ran... that you can hear me. No need to pretend you can't..."
"Leave me alone already!"
I shouted what was in my heart, tears welling up. Whenever it was about it, I couldn't control my emotions like usual.
Because it was the thing I hated most in this world.
"We used to love each other, remember?" It began to caress my body, and finally, both of its hands were around my neck. "Why, Ran? Why?"
I choked on my own saliva as its hands squeezed my throat. It was squeezing so hard that I had no strength left and fell to the floor. "UGH! COUGH! COUGH!"
All I could see now, aside from the ceiling, was its face stretching into a victorious smile. I looked at it with confusion, hatred, and disbelief. I couldn't understand why it had reappeared before me.
It had been gone for so many years... But why was it back now?
"Why, Ran... I'm just doing this for you... for us... Why don't you like it?"
"Stop bothering me! I didn't ask you to do that!!" I glared at it with anger that had been bottled up for years. It had built up in my heart all this time.
"Ran... didn't you say you wanted to be together back then?"
"…" I immediately fell silent after it hit me with those words, as what it just said was true. I remembered well that I had said I wanted to be with it.
It crouched down and sat on my body lying on the floor. Its disgusting fingertips brushed along my jawline and tilted my chin up to make me look into its eyes.
"You... are mine, Ran. Hehehehe."
"Get off me!!"
My body couldn't move at all, as if every part of me was bound by something invisible. It grinned at me, and the bad feelings grew heavier as I saw the joy on its face. I felt so sick I wanted to vomit.
"...Ugh, let me go!" Tears flowed as its filthy tongue licked along my jawline. It laughed in its throat at my struggles.
"Ran..." That disgusting voice called my name, grinning widely. Those eyes drooped slightly before it used both hands to rip apart my student uniform, revealing only the bra covering my body.
"I wonder if your heart still has me in it?"
Its sharp fingernail pressed against my heart, a feeling of pain shooting through my body. I screamed in agony.
"It's time, Ran. From now on, we'll be together." That voice struggled to contain its joy, which was the opposite of my emotions.
"Ah, I love you so much, Ran! I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU the most! Your voice sounds so beautiful right now, Ran."
As I screamed, it just kept repeating itself.
"Cough!!" I coughed after tasting blood in my mouth.
It hurts... I hurt so much I couldn't hear anything anymore. My brain felt numb.
Is this how I die? Just like this?
That's fine,
I suppose. It'll finally be over.
In the end, I'll finally be able to follow them...
It made me hate myself even more. I had no idea if it was truly my fault for saying that. I never thought it would spiral out of control like this, but…
there was no way to go back and fix it now...
'Bang!'
I couldn't open my eyes, but I heard the loud sound of a door opening. I didn't even know who had opened it, only that it was sitting on me, screaming, and then it vanished.
My body became free again and was soaked in water that smelled of Thai scented water. I didn't know what it was because my mind was hazy...
"Hey!! Are you okay?!"
That shouting voice sounded so familiar to me, but my fading consciousness couldn't identify who was calling me.
But right now...
I can't take it anymore...