The girl sits with her legs curled up on the ground, her back leaning against the wall of the building. In her mind, she keeps repeating the phrase she heard from Solar. She can't get it out of her head. As much as she wants to believe that it's manipulation for the spirit, lies with which it tries to destroy her for some reason. However, a part of her feels the fear that there is a grain of truth in these words after all.
If it's true that she and Joseph....
— I'm sick of your behavior lately. What are you doing, Hannah?
The brunette lifts her face, noticing her beloved in front of her. He looks at her with furious eyes, unable to believe that she actually came to Horace Mann to find the diary. She did so even though last time she repeated how much she trusts him.
— Joseph — she says in a weak voice, feeling tears gathering under her eyelids. She has been crying too often lately. — It's not because I don't trust you. It's just that Johnny wants to know the truth, to find out what drove Solar to suicide. He would like to know if it was actually Danielle who contributed to her death, or if there is another reason.
The boy grabs her hand.
— Get up from this ground, for God's sake, it's not summer. — His voice still sounds harsh. — I've had enough problems with you lately.
He helps her to her feet, looking over her head at Danielle and the boy accompanying her, who are trying to explain to the boarding school supervisor why they broke into the building. They want to smooth things over, so long as the police are not called.
— She was there. She locked me in the room — the girl whispers, feeling chills run through her body.
— Stop it, Hannah — he says through his teeth, feeling anger rising in him. There are no ghosts. It's an illusion. You have made up your mind that she is appearing in front of you again. How can I make you realize that this is not real? Have you already forgotten what you went through seven years ago!!!?
Danielle looks back in their direction, hearing Joseph's raised voice.
— So how would I know that, before she died, she shouted in your face that you had no heart? — Joseph opens his eyes wide. — She revealed to me that she was your neighborhood friend. You played together, you grew up, you followed her to Horace Mann, and then you started treating her like air. Something in you suddenly changed. Was it because you became the most popular student in school? Because people thought you had charisma, and you were ashamed to admit that until now, you were friends with a gray mouse? The quiet, quiet girl that no one paid attention to? Didn't want to be laughed at, or was it a matter of damaging your reputation?
— You don't know what you're talking about, Hannah. You don't understand anything, and the worst thing is that you judge me all the time without having a shred of confidence in me. You make no effort to understand me. You're not even going to give me time to get my act together and one day tell you everything. You act as if I am not your boyfriend, but a degenerate who you need to judge as soon as possible. All the time, you try to mix me up with mud, or should that be the case? I don't think so.
He looks at her with pain in his eyes, becoming more and more convinced that she does not feel safe with him. She is suspicious of him at every turn, yet in a relationship partners should trust and support each other.
Currently, she is acting as if she is trying to spurn him at all costs.
— So explain everything to me before I open the diary and learn the story written by Solar and not told by you.
— If you are so curious and can't wait a while longer, then do it. Show me that you don't trust me, and then we might as well part ways. I see no future for this relationship. — He looks into her eyes, seeing disbelief in them. — Her story is probably different from mine. She judges me, not knowing the answer to why I did it. For some reason, after all, I don't want you to read this, do I? The decision you make is already up to you.
The brunette doesn't take her eyes off him as he turns on his heel and walks away. He gets into his car and drives off with a squeal of tires, pulling out right in front of a white Toyota, which honks at him a warning. He ignores this, however, and in a fairly short moment disappears from the girl's sight.
— I can see that behind the wheel he is just as crazy as I am. I see more and more common features between him and me, so I can't understand how you fell in love with him? People of our kind don't like polite, arranged ladies. For us, they are too boring company. — Danielle puts her arm around her sister, smiling from ear to ear. — Well, then, I'm not surprised that he finally decided to dump you. It was to be expected, but don't worry. Now I will take care of you, Han. I'll make you an equal grandmother, which entails that you'll also regain your sanity. No guy will take you if he finds out that you have an uneven ceiling.
— Get lost, Danielle. — The brunette shoves her off and walks away a piece further, feeling her left breast ripple.
She is heartbroken.
— Solar was just like you, and look how she ended up. All that's left of her is a diary. Exactly... do you have it with you? — The redhead seems to be excited. — I know you have it. Don't make me take it from you by force.
— I don't have it! — Hannah is sick of her chattering over her ear when she has other problems on her mind. — Do you think that after what I just went through in that room, I remembered to take the diary with me!!!? If you want it, then go back there and take it yourself!
She feels bad, and the worst part is that her relationship is falling apart. What will she do if Joseph actually leaves her? She can't imagine it because she can't see the world outside of him. He is the most important thing to her.
— Give the go ahead. You were the one who cared more about reading the posts of this suicidal woman.
Hannah ignores her and walks away. Around the corner, she leans with her back against the building, feeling herself getting weak again. She lowers her head, trying to recover, but this time the dizziness is stronger, and she faints on the sidewalk.
Walking behind her, Johnny, who wants to ask her what happened in the room, crouches down next to the girl, trying to revive her.
— What's wrong with you? Can you hear me?
The brunette is unresponsive, so, having no choice, she eventually calls an ambulance.
*
As it turns out, the malaise is due to constant stress and lack of rest, which is why Hannah has been experiencing constant dizziness lately, until she finally passed out.
The doctor recommends that she rest so she can recuperate. Her mother is so concerned about this that she keeps Hannah in the hospital, making her do all the tests. The girl does this to have peace of mind.
— What's going on between you and Joseph lately? — The woman carefully mirrors her daughter with her eyes. — He was at your place, but he didn't come inside when I told him that you had already recovered, that you had fainted due to stress. I could see that he was concerned, and when I asked why he didn't want to come into the room. He said that he was the main reason for your stress, and it would be better if you didn't see him for a while.
Hannah looks at her mother with pained eyes.
— We both bear the blame for what is happening in our relationship. But the worst thing is that things are getting worse between us. Lately, we can't come to an agreement.
The mother embraces her hand and squeezes it tightly to give her daughter encouragement.
— Every relationship has to go through turbulence so that the black clouds go away and there is a bright dawn. If your feeling is true, you will see that your love will become stronger afterward, and if not, you will know that this is not the man you are meant for.
— Why do you say that?
— I know this from my experience. Your father didn't go through with it and proved to me that, he doesn't care about me at all and that he doesn't love me anymore. Now I know that he was not the man intended for me. I probably passed him by once, choosing your father.
The girl smiles through her tears.
— I hope Joseph is meant for me because I can't imagine life without him, even though he can be nasty occasionally.
— You are still young. You have your whole life ahead of you, so it's not worth losing your health this way. You can still change a lot, dear.
Hannah nods her head.
— You're right, mom.
The woman strokes her hair, then gets up from the chair.
— Get some rest, and I'll look in on you in the evening. I have a meeting soon, which is why I recently arrived in New York. It's lucky that I just got here today. I guess it's a premonition...
As she leaves, she smiles at his daughter, and the girl leans more comfortably against a pillow and takes out a diary from her bag, which is the property of the late Solar.
The girl fooled everyone so that she could read it alone, but she is the first to want to find out what happened a few years ago and what was the main reason that Solar decided to commit suicide.
First entry.
It seems to me that I don't fit into this environment. In this school, everyone is so cool, well-liked, and me? In front of them, I feel like a gray mouse, maybe because I don't have that special charisma? My roommate is a goddess, her beauty is captivating. She can easily approach anyone, she is well-liked by her peers, and I think she only pretends to be fond of me. What hurts me the most is that she won the heart of the most popular boy in Horace Mann, I can't stand that she is so cool.
Do people change? Yes. He is a real example of this. He treats me like air. At first, it hurt me terribly when, after joining the school, one day he started avoiding me. I became like a stranger to him. Why? Because I'm not cool enough for him to hang out with me?
Never mind. Now I just try to ignore it. I don't even give a damn that he's friends with a boy I'm incredibly attracted to. I feel so dirty, since I quietly sighed to a younger student. It's not right, but maybe if they found out that I can sin, too, and I'm not at all a virtuous, arranged student, I'd be cooler to them?
Second entry.
It's another day when he passes me by, treating me like air. I try not to think about it, to ignore it, but it's hard for me. It hurts terribly, since we are separated by years of acquaintance. I was the one who witnessed the embarrassing situation when, while playing chase, he tripped and fell into the dog's poop.
I laughed until I burst into tears, while he scoffed and told me to stop, threatening to smear my face with that poop.
I believed him. I got sand in my eyes many times when we played in the sandbox, but I was used to his humor. He usually did it out of jealousy because I spent time with other children when I was his playmate.
I smile at the thought of the past, but that smile goes away as soon as I think that we have nothing in common now. We are strangers to each other who were friends in the past.
Why did he become such a monster after joining Horace Mann? I regret that I talked him into this school. I sincerely regret it.
Third entry.
I will no longer pour out my regrets about how I suffer from this emotionless bastard. It's a waste of pages in the diary. Since he has started a new life, changed his friends, has the prettiest girl in school, I will just focus on myself.
Johnny is a great guy, maybe because he is older than I? I don't know, but the worst thing is that even though I have feelings for him, I'm not excited about meeting him. How is it possible that I feel butterflies in my stomach every time I pass a younger student? This boy is wonderful in every way, and the hottest thing about him is that of their popular four, he seems the most mysterious. I like him. Probably not only me, since most of the girls at school sigh for him, but what am I even talking about? If any girl were to get his attention, it certainly wouldn't be me. After all, I don't stand out in any way. To them, I'm a gray mouse, a shadow not worth being interested in.
Fourth entry.
It's incredible, but I swear that today a miracle happened. He looked at me as I walked down the corridor, and I think a faint smile appeared on his face. I don't know if I'm just adding from myself at this point, but my heart is beating so hard with excitement. I burn internally at the very thought of him. Why don't I feel this when I meet my boyfriend? When Johnny touches me or kisses me? Why don't I get butterflies in my stomach? How is it possible that they appear just when I look at a younger student? If there was a possibility that he would kiss me.... I'm sure I would burn with delight.
Is it love or an illusion?