— Hannah, something terrible has happened! I swear, it's the end of the world. — The girl raises her head from the pillow and thunders with her eyes at her friend, who rushes into her room without even knocking on the door beforehand. — You've got to help us because I swear we're going to go bald in our twenties.
Tom throws himself on the floor and makes strange figures, and it looks as if something has possessed him. He grabs his throat and pretends he can't catch air.
— What's the matter with you? Why do you come to me at such a late hour, when I've already settled down to sleep? I am tired.
— I beg you. If you don't help us, we won't get a wink of sleep all night. We've already been through this once. — The boy falls to his knees in front of her and folds his hands imploringly. — You are our only hope for rescue.
— Tom, start talking more concretely, or I'll put you out the door in a minute. I'm really not in the mood today to watch your foolishness.
He makes an offended face.
— The point is that Joseph is sick. He has a fever. — The girl looks at him with concern in her eyes. — And when he gets sick, it's unbearable. Since he can't sleep, he doesn't allow others to do so either.
— Because he is selfish — mutters Hannah under her breath. — And what should I do? Take him to the doctor.
— He won't move from his bed! You know how stubborn he is. — Tom begs her for help so much that his gaze begins to resemble the popular cat scene from "Shrek." — Only you can fight him. We no longer have the strength.
— Do you think I'm going to go play with his doctor after he's gone and left me alone to die? — She clenches her fists as she recalls his earlier behavior. Halsey's presence is no excuse. He would have acted the same way if she hadn't been there. Egoists already have it that way. — No way. I promised myself that one day I would get brave enough and kill him, but apparently nature wants to bail me out. Let him die in agony.
Tom looks at her with disbelief in his eyes.
— And if he dies, who will you be angry with every day? Me, Jin, Bella... we already know that both of you are mad at each other.
The teenager pretends to be indignant.
— I don't know what kind of crap my roommate told you, but for the sake of sanity, I'll just ignore it. — The boy rolls his eyes. He is bored with the fact that Hannah insists that she has no feelings for Joseph. It can be seen with the naked eye, and lately even the whole dormitory is rumbling about it. — You ask me so nicely, why don't I sneak surreptitiously to your room and with great pleasure beat, this egotist so that you can sleep? What do you say?
— Anything, as long as it has an effect. I don't intend to be unconscious at tomorrow's lectures.
*
Before she enters the room, she carefully looks around the corridor to make sure no one can see her and, like a mouse, slips inside.
The girl rustles the commercial in which she has prepared medicines. Her dedication is astounding, since she even jumped to a nearby pharmacy to get the boy back on his feet fairly quickly. He may be selfish, but her mother taught her to help even those who don't deserve it.
Even though Joseph has been acting like a shoo-in toward her lately, she's not about to leave him like this. She wouldn't sleep through the night worrying about him. That's just his character.
— Show how sick you are, rascal — she turns to him as she squats on the edge of the bed and puts her hand to his forehead. He has a fever, besides, you can see that his face looks dreary. — I told you that you would definitely not be healthy when you decided to go outside with wet hair. Autumn is the fastest time to get sick. You're supposedly so intelligent, yet dumb as a donkey.
The boy looks at her with half-conscious eyes.
— I knew this would happen. You ended up pretending to be a doctor — he says in a hoarse voice.
— Where are the boys? — The teenager changes the subject, ignoring his answer.
— Jin stated that he was the last person you wanted to see right now, so Tom took advantage of this and took him to a party to some friends from the direction. They figured that since I was being provided for, they wouldn't bother us.
Hannah shakes her head. She realizes that this was the point all along. They wanted to go to the party, but they couldn't leave their friend in such a state, so they found a silly girl who decided to take care of him.
— Bella will be happy when she hears that Tom is having a great time in the company of other girls.
The teenager sighs. She takes out medicine from a commercial and gives it to the boy, although she gets the impression that at this point he is playing the role of a child. It's true, however, that when a man is sick, he acts like he's dying, so a woman has to jump around him like a bee.
Hannah smiles mischievously as she takes out cooling baby patches from the box to help him lower his temperature. She thinks that currently he's no different from a kindergartner, so she sticks one of them on his forehead.
— I'm sorry to leave you alone. — Hannah doesn't know if Joseph is already starting to get delirious, but it's wonderful that such a beautiful word as "sorry" just came out of his mouth. — I knew Halsey would drive you to the dormitory, that's why I did it.
— What then did I offend you with? — she says, looking at the dark painting that hangs by his bed. — You didn't think I meant all that, did you?
— You offended me when you said you were not jealous of me. That hurt me the most.
The girl lowered her gaze to his face, surprised that he was able to speak openly about it. He was not like this before. He didn't talk to her about similar topics. He kept everything inside or only reacted with anger.
- I said yes in the presence of Halsey. After all, she is your first love. I felt stupid.
— She helped me understand something.
Hannah pulls his quilt up to his chin, while he doesn't take his eyes off her.
— What's that?
— Lately, I've begun to wonder why I'm behaving so rudely toward you. — The teenager swallows her saliva nervously as she has a bad feeling. What if he tells her now that he has finally realized that he doesn't care at all and that he doesn't give a damn about her? — Halsey made me realize that I'm like this because I'm afraid of letting you too close to me. She is right. I don't want that, and I'm defending myself, do you know why? — Hannah feels that another moment, and she will shed tears in front of him. Her gut never confuses her, and she realizes what he just wants to tell her. — Because every day I like you more and more, and this is not like the previous relationship we had.
— What do you mean?
— Everything started to change when you moved into the dormitory. Your daily presence made me realize that I started to get jealous of you. It stopped resembling our, as it were, friendly relationship.
The 19-year-old doesn't know what to say. She has no idea what he means? What is he so afraid of?
— So that's the reason you've been so judgmental to me lately? What are you defending yourself from?
— You are exactly like your mother. Not only in appearance do you resemble her, but also in character. You are sensitive. You can't even be angry with me, and I'm afraid that I'll hurt you in some way, and it will lead to tragedy again. You resemble her too much, Hannah.
The girl can't get the word out. She is devastated. So what? Joseph is trying to push her away at all costs because the past has led her to the point where she now fears the same thing that will happen to her mother?
— I don't know exactly what kind of person my biological mother was, but I would never in my life bring about such a situation. I would rather not judge anyone at this point, but the biggest fault lies with your father.
— That's what I'm talking about. I'm doing the same thing as him. I'm getting mad at you, Hannah. That's why I was so mad when you said you weren't jealous of me.
Another moment and the nineteen-year-old will cry. She is sure of it.
— You have a fever and that's why you're delirious, Joseph. If you were healthy, you wouldn't even dare to start this topic.
— No. The situation with your sister confirmed how weak you are. Because of her, you needed treatment.
— Let's not talk about it anymore. You are sick. Just go to sleep because I can see that you are getting tired, and I will take care of you meanwhile.
Joseph notices that her eyes are glazing over, so he would rather not pursue the subject any further. He closes his eyelids, trying to fall asleep, and then Hannah tightens her lips. Tears run down her cheeks, which she quickly wipes with the top of her hand.
He is right. She is sensitive, especially when it comes to him.
At this point, she is heartbroken because she realizes that Joseph will try to stop all this at all costs. He is mentally strong, so he won't let anything happen between them.
Why did she turn out to be his mother's biological daughter? Is this a curse that will never allow them to have a relationship, and she will have to disconnect from him or suffer until her feelings fade?
*
December has come. Not much has happened during this time. Hannah and Joseph act as if the conversation they had that day never happened at all, yet the girl has taken his words to heart. She realizes that she has nothing to look forward to and can still only be his friend.
It's hard for her. After the incident at the hotel, when they narrowly missed kissing in the shower, from that day on he rips her left breast every time Joseph gets too close to her. He tries not to show from himself that something is wrong, yet Bella is no fool and rapidly sniffed out that something had changed between them. Their relationship does not look the same as before. They both keep more distance from each other.
He is strong, she is weak, which is why she suffers the most.
The girl stands in front of the university, sadly watching the first snowflakes. In the distance, she sees Tom fooling around, chasing her roommate.
The first argument had already occurred between them, when Bella found out that he was partying with other girls. She then made things clear and asked him what he really expected from her. She made it clear to him that he had to choose whether he wanted to get close to her or continue to live an exclusive student life. He decided to her, and since then, the blossoming feeling between them has become more and more apparent. Although, Hannah still doesn't know if they are a couple. For the moment, they are both silent on the subject.
She pulls her scarf over her face and crosses her arms over her chest, as she starts to get cold. She sees Jin heading for the building. They seemingly still talk to each other, but it's completely unlike the relationship they had in high school. The boy is hiding too much from her and apparently can no longer look her in the eye himself. Secrecy is destroying their friendship, if indeed they can still be colleagues. Hannah herself no longer knows how much she hates him for not being able to reveal the truth to her. He protects someone all the time, claiming that he is beginning to be powerless. Lately, he has been looking miserable and paler than usual.
— Are you all right? — She asks him when he passes by and doesn't even notice her. — Are you feeling well?
The boy looks at her with absent eyes.
— I couldn't sleep that night. It's because of tiredness. — She forces a smile.
— These secrets are destroying you, Jin. I see that you look worse and worse every day. You should complain to someone. I'm not saying exactly to me, but you'll bring yourself to the point of exhaustion.
He looks as if he regrets that he still can't tell her the truth.
— I swear that in the end I won't be able to stand it, and one day I will reveal to you every detail of the burden that rests on my shoulders.
Before he leaves, Hannah notices the tears in his eyes. The boy hastily disappears behind the colossal doors of the building.
The teenager has no doubt that he is in pain. You can see how tired he is of worrying every day. Who is he protecting so strenuously? Someone undoubtedly has a connection to her sister's death, and of this, Hannah is certain after overhearing his conversation in the bathroom.
*
So what if Joseph isn't rude to her, when after that conversation something has gone wrong, and he treats her exclusively as a younger sister, even though he had previously denied calling him brother. The girl sometimes wonders if he is having his period, since his mood changes are unpredictable.
Hannah has already completely stopped understanding him. I think she would rather have him continue to tease her than treat him with the kind of detachment he does now. Should she start blaming Halsey for making him unnecessarily aware of the truth? She would have liked to clock all the blame on her, but that day she changed her mind about her and admitted to herself that this girl was okay.
With furrowed eyebrows, she watches Joseph, who is sitting in the cafeteria in the company of a pretty female faculty colleague. The gray-haired girl laughs radiantly as he explains something to her. She puts her hand to her mouth, while with her other hand, she pokes him accusingly when the boy jokingly talks about something. He glances in Hannah's direction, realizing that the teenager is not taking her eyes off him.
— Don't take it out on the food. It's not to blame.
Bella squats down next to her roommate and looks at her with compassion in her eyes when she sees what is causing her anger.
— You were right all along, and I only realized it now when this idiot got something in his head. I completely freaked out about him. I don't understand why? In high school, I hated him. Okay, later he helped me. I became friends with this selfish man, but how did it happen that he was the one who won my heart? After all, he's a selfish boor who loves to oppress people.
The blonde looks at her with a sidelong glance, and her eyes are amused when she sees how Hannah is experiencing this a lot.
— You listed his disadvantages. What are the advantages besides the fact that he helped you through a difficult time?
Hannah grimaces like a child.
— I'm not going to say that he is handsome. That's obvious. If he were ugly, he certainly wouldn't be so cocky and confident — she mutters, burying her spoon in her food. — He is caring. He can take care of me, especially when I need it. He has something about him. It's not just his looks that attract other girls to him. He is charismatic.
Bella stifles a laugh when she sees the look on Hannah's face when she talks about it. She has completely lost her head for him, and it shows with the naked eye.
— On the one hand you're lucky, but on the other hand you're screwed that he's the one you fell in love with.
Hannah's eyes look pitiful as she looks at her roommate, searching for help.
— How lucky am I supposed to be? You can see that I'm suffering because of him.
— Don't you know? With the naked eye, you can see that he also has a freak-out about you. Okay, something has recently gone to his head, but believe me he won't last long behaving like this. You'll still remember my words when he unexpectedly throws himself at you and kidnaps you into a vortex of fancy love.
— Bella! — she shouts at her, feeling her blush. Her roommate intimidates her with her lush imagination.
— Well what? What are you ashamed of? — The blonde rolls her eyes. — It's normal. Tom and I have had it up to here. Lately, I've been getting too hot for him. I revealed to him that he needs to tag me.
Not much short of Hannah choking on the food she just took in her mouth.
— What, so you guys are in a relationship?
— I don't know if we're in an official relationship myself, but he's too divine for me to leave alone. Anyway, he's mine.
She shrugs her shoulders, and Hannah can't accept that Tom is already at this stage of the relationship. This cheerful, crazy boy whose jokes stick every day... Is he really in love?
— Hannah? — The girl lifts her face and looks at Joseph, who is standing beside her, with astonishment in his eyes. — Last night I was talking to the guys, and we came up with a good idea.
He squats down next to her, and Bella moves her eyebrows eloquently.
— What idea? — She asks and swallows her saliva harder as he places his hand on the back of her chair. He acts as if her proximity doesn't make him uncomfortable or masks himself well.
— The month-long holidays are fast approaching, so how about we all go to the mountains? Your friend will surely agree, since Tom is going with us. — He looks eloquently at Bella, whose eyes begin to shine with happiness. — Right?
— Of course she will. I'm not going to spend the whole month with only my family. Hannah, here there is nothing to think about — she says in an animated voice, happy that she will be able to spend more time with her boyfriend again.
But the 19-year-old thinks otherwise. She looks at Joseph's face for a long moment, and it makes her tighten her chest at the thought of having to endure his presence all this time. The moment he made her realize that he didn't want there to be anything more between them, then she realized that she didn't stand a chance because Joseph is tough and certainly won't break.
How then can she bear his closeness, suffering?
— I don't know if I will feel like leaving. For the moment, this proposal does not please me at all.
He gets up from his chair and walks away from the table, and Joseph looks at Bella meaningfully.
— Do you like a challenge? Great, because you have to persuade her to come with us.
— Me, why me? You seem to be the reason for her reluctance.
She pales when the older boy throws her a sharp look.
— Do you want to spend some time in the mountains, or should I talk to a friend about you?
The blonde nods meekly.
- All right. I'll do my best to persuade her. I also want her to come with us.