One month ago, at a bar in City X, an incident occurred involving a pair of same-sex "partners" in the unisex toilet after consuming alcohol. Three weeks later, one of the individuals (alias Little A) tested positive for HIV infection markers. Given the transmission methods of the HIV virus, Little A carefully reflected on the past three months of their life, considering two possibilities: one being the lack of safety measures during a one-night stand at the bar that evening; the other...
After much contemplation, Little A approached Little B through a mutual friend and wordlessly placed the test results in front of them.
The test results burned his eyes, causing a sharp pain. Little B did not shed tears but struggled to discern whether the anger or regret in their heart was more prominent. Gripping Little A's collar tightly, hands trembling uncontrollably, eyes bloodshot, Little B questioned, "What was your intention?"
"Adults' ONS, what intention could there be? It was merely a consensual act between us," Little A half-jokingly responded, although his true feelings were far from lighthearted. He lowered his hand, his eyes drifting aimlessly, and revealed a grim truth, "I was infected by a discarded needle at the hospital, I had no idea I would be infected..."
Upon receiving the test results, he collapsed to the ground, unable to cry out.
He too was innocent...
Employee A at a certain hospital is primarily responsible for collecting medical waste from various departments on a daily basis. Waste from the HIV laboratory, including unused samples, cultures, used disposable gloves, and work clothes, should be treated as infectious waste. These items should be placed in specially sealed leak-proof containers, safely transported to the disinfection room, undergo high-pressure disinfection, and then be processed or disposed of.
A month ago, while handling medical waste from the injection hall, Little A accidentally cut his hand on a dropped disposable syringe. It turned out that the patient who had used the syringe was already infected with the HIV virus but had not been tested yet. The probability of such an event is as minuscule as dust, yet it happened with seemingly playful precision.
Little B's world turned upside down, his hand hanging loosely on one side suddenly tightened, and he threw a punch towards A's face. "Do you have no idea what you did that night?"
The excruciating pain of the night when he went to the bar alone and indulged in a frenzy of revelry suddenly engulfed him. He knew he was somewhat erratic in certain aspects, but that didn't mean he had no boundaries.
Little A remained silent, his dry lips quivered as he struggled to produce a few words, "I'm... sorry."
Little B couldn't shake off the extreme panic in his heart, wildly punching the air a few times, then suddenly clutching his head, crouching down, trembling all over. Tears streamed down his cheeks onto the marble floor as he wailed and sobbed, "I'm only 19, just 19... What good is your apology? Why did this probability fall on me, Jesus, why?"
The desolate and mournful emotions lingered like endless mountain ranges. Little B forgot how he had gone to the hospital for the check-up and how he returned home from the hospital.
This residence, merely a 30-square-meter rental unit, is situated not far from both his and Little C's school, with every corner brimming with vibrant memories.
He and Little C are high school classmates who first met over a mistakenly swapped school uniform. Throughout their carefree three years together, only Little B truly knew Little C's "true self", possessing a strong sense of ownership and underlying pride, he had led Little C down a path of love, reciprocating just the same. Their love existed beneath societal norms, yet society imposed an ending upon them before they could resist.
Fair? Far from it.
Closing the door behind him, his body weakened, Little B slid down the door, propping one leg, leaning back, and looking up. The morning following his wild night at the bar, he had a heated quarrel with little C, not their first disagreement, but it had never escalated like that day, shattering numerous items in the house.
How did the saying go?
Ah, youthful recklessness.
With fiery eyes and a trembling voice, he pointed at Little C, blurting out words in anger. "Who are you to control me?"
"Everyone faces pain and moments of struggle, isn't life about enduring these and moving forward to live well?" Little C stared motionless at Little B, lips pursed, "You're just a coward! You've disappointed me."
Little B froze, breath quickening, his gaze stubbornly fixed on Little C.
After nearly two years of loving each other, yet they had never disclosed their relationship to anyone. Six months ago, his father passed away. Little B vividly recalled his father's hollow eyes suddenly brightening during his final moments, whispering, "Son, you make me proud."
Little B knew the reason behind his father's words and pondered, if he were to confess his love for another man, would his father still be proud? The unasked question lingered within him.
After his father's passing, he was deeply affected, but Little C never blamed him in the slightest. He always took good care of him. Until their accumulated conflicts erupted on that fateful morning.
Upon reflection of the years they had known each other, what was wrong with Little C? His words that day made sense; he, Little B, was just a waste of space. If he was on the verge of giving up on himself, why would such a good person stake his future on him? Yet the thought of him being someone else's caused him unbearable pain. Fortunately, after that day, they never kissed again.
In the frame, the young man with red-rimmed eyes struggled to hold back the pain in his heart. Uncontainable tears streamed down his cheeks, falling onto his heart, and chiselling out numerous painful holes.
He forced a smile, a shallow dimple appearing on his lips, as Little B faced the camera and said, "After confirming my own orientation, I learned about this illness. I don't know if I have a few months or years left, but it seems to not matter much. In this journey on earth, I have experienced a harmonious family, deep love, and witnessed the helplessness of relatives as a patient's life ebbs away. So, I don't plan to seek treatment, nor do I want others to worry about me. I made this video to come out of the closet and fulfil a wish."
After a long silence, so long that people thought he was just staring blankly at the camera with a whale pillow in his arms, Little B opened his mouth again, his voice hoarse, "In my next life, I will still love you."
Twelve hours later, the author's comments were pinned below the video.
"I am the 'C' he mentioned, also his lover. B passed away three days ago without successful rescue efforts, and tomorrow is his funeral. While sorting his belongings, I discovered this account, realising he had been documenting our love in his own way. His final video before his passing was scheduled to be posted.
These days, as I watched him, I seriously considered that if the situation were reversed, I might have made the same choice, so I do not blame him. There is a saying, 'Deep emotional investment leads to short-lived relationships,' which seems to fit him perfectly. In my eyes, he was always passionate, unhesitatingly giving his whole heart. He allowed my dull heart to glimpse light, and as for how we met and loved each other, the experiences we shared, I won't dwell on it. What he and I know is enough.
But that fool underestimated my love for him in the end. If not for an uncontrollable love, why would I have chosen to walk this path with him? It doesn't matter. The boy I loved will forever remain at 19, but I will love him forever, in the next life, and the one after that... How I will cherish and live with his memories in this life, I do not yet know.
He enjoyed lively atmospheres, and seeing your comments would probably make him happy. If you have time, come visit him more.
This account will not be deleted. If there are future updates, it means I have looked at this world on his behalf."
Netizens tried to find C's social media accounts but to no avail. In the vast sea of people, he did not want to be familiar with anyone, yet he still understood why little B chose to leave this way. It's not that he didn't want to live on, but he didn't want him to see himself withered by illness.
Too unsightly. But how will he continue along with that part, in this vast world of people? C doesn't know, and he dares not think about it.
It's difficult, too difficult.
As the plane lifted off the ground, Little C touched the pendant on his neck. Inside it lay a portion of little B's ashes."