A/N: Poor Jane. SHIELD are just big mean bullies. Luckily her sugar daddy shows up to set them straight.
-x-X-x-
"You can't do this! This is my life's work! I have rights!"
Dr. Jane Foster had had a crazy couple of days. Scratch that, she'd had a crazy month to tell the truth. Three weeks ago, she'd been at the opening ceremonies for the first Stark Expo in more than thirty years. It had been a chance to finally meet with the man who'd been funding her research for over a year now, Tony Stark himself. She'd also gotten to meet his wife, the astonishingly beautiful Pepper Stark.
It'd been a short little meet and greet, what with how busy the power couple were. But it had still been great, as had been the next two weeks she'd spent hanging out at the Expo just soaking it all in. She hadn't realized she'd needed the break from her work honestly, and she found herself glad in the end that she'd let her friend, Dr. Erik Selvig, talk her into it.
But then a week ago, her and Erik's intern, Darcy Lewis, had contacted her from Jane's lab in New Mexico with reports of atmospheric readings that were… frankly everything that Jane had been waiting for. She'd taken the first flight out the very next morning, and a few days later Erik had joined the two of them in person as well.
Then, last night… something had happened. Something beyond just hitting that blond man with the chiseled jaw with her van. Jane didn't fully understand it yet, but she did know one thing… it had to be momentous.
Unfortunately, it appeared she wasn't the only one who thought so. Because after leaving the guy they'd hit at the hospital, Jane had returned to her laboratory with Erik and Darcy in tow, only to find a bunch of government spooks in suits were packing up her entire life's work into the back of a nondescript black truck to haul it who knew where.
A man with an altogether offensively bland smile stands between her and her equipment and data now, having introduced himself as 'Agent Coulson with SHIELD'. And in the face of her outrage and desperate fury, he has just one thing to say.
"I'm sorry Dr. Foster. I know this is hard. But we're the good guys."
Erik is already holding her back, otherwise Jane thinks she definitely would have tried to punch the fucker in the face for that sort of comment. Other than that though, Jane doesn't know what to do. Just as despair is settling in however…
"Yeah, Coulson? That what you're going with here? Because from where I'm standing, you don't look like the good guys. You look like a bunch of thieves."
It says something that everyone stops and turns at the sound of that voice. Not just Jane and her friends, not just Agent Coulson… literally everyone, including all of the nameless government mooks, turns and looks at Tony Stark as he grins and steps in from the sidewalk. Next to him, positively rocking her pantsuit like she was born to wear it, Pepper Stark has an arched brow and a phone in hand, almost like a threat.
"Mr. Stark. Mrs. Stark. This isn't your concern."
Is that a note of barely-there trepidation that Jane hears in the Agent's otherwise placid tone, or is she just imagining things? Hell, maybe she's even projecting. Just like back at the Stark Expo, Jane's heart tha-thumps in her chest a little as Tony and Pepper walk forward in lockstep, wearing more money in clothing than she's probably seen in her entire life.
Hope wells up in Jane's heart, because Agent Coulson is actually quite wrong about that statement. As Pepper is quick to explain to him.
"I'm afraid it very much is our concern, Agent Coulson. Doctor Foster, Doctor Selvig, and their intern Ms. Lewis are all part of a team being funded by Stark Industries."
Coulson's posture tenses up at that, and Tony grins, pouncing like a wild animal on that moment of weakness.
"That's right, Agent. You're not taking Dr. Foster's life's work here. You're taking my toys. And that, my bland agent, is a very, very bad idea."
Jane didn't even care that Stark was referring to all of her work and equipment, some of which she'd built herself, as his 'toys'. Sure, Jane had literally made some of the instruments she was using to record her data with her own two hands, but the parts had still been sourced from either Stark Industries itself or paid for with Stark Money. And so far, Tony had been a completely hands off investor… until now.
"SHIELD is already prepared to compensate Dr. Foster for her loss. We've set up an account with discretionary funds so she can-!"
Jane is just about to cut off the Agent and tear into him when Tony does it first.
"Don't be ignorant, Coulson. Especially not in such a painfully willful way. We both know this isn't about money. This is about SHIELD stepping in where it's neither wanted nor needed. Put bluntly… you're outside of your jurisdiction, Agent."
Jane furrows her brow at that, even as Coulson's eyes narrow. They were? But that implied this was Stark Industries' jurisdiction instead. How did that work? It's not like the company was a law enforcement agency… right?
"Care to elaborate, Stark."
Smiling wolfishly, Tony claps his hands together.
"But of course! Put simply, I've had Dr. Foster and her team out here monitoring things for quite some time now. The situation that has developed as of today has been brewing on my radar for months. The World Security Council has been briefed by yours truly as of this morning and Secretary Pierce gave me his full support at the end of our last conversation. Put simply, Agent… this is officially above your paygrade."
There's a pause at that, which Jane is grateful for because she's trying to parse everything Tony just said. Especially since… well, as far as SHE was aware, she hadn't been monitoring anything for Tony 'for quite some time now'! She'd just been continuing her research, which he'd been graciously paying for. And what situation was he talking about? Brewing for months?!
Of course, the moment Jane realizes she's probably looking absolutely bewildered by this whole exchange, she tries to school her expression into something more… well, something other than completely flabbergasted. Unfortunately, by the time she's done so, Coulson has already clocked how out of her depth she looks.
"… I'm going to have to call this in, Stark."
For a second, Jane worries that she's ruined everything, even as Coulson pulls out a phone and turns away to place a call. The other SHIELD mooks are all standing around them, watching them quietly. At least they're no longer moving the last of her things to the back of the truck, but even still… the tension in the air is palpable.
Except where the Starks are concerned. Tony has that same wolfish grin still on his face, while Pepper just rolls her eyes and places a call of her own. Jane doesn't think the call is even about this. From the way the woman is talking, it's about something entirely unrelated that Pepper can't put off any longer. A CEOs work is never done, Jane supposes.
Turning back around, Coulson holds out the phone.
"The Director would like to speak to you, Stark."
Tony scoffs.
"You know I don't like being handed things, Agent. Put it on speaker."
When Coulson's eyes dart to Jane and her friends at that, Tony preempts whatever the SHIELD Agent might have been about to say.
"I already told you they're my team, Coulson. Do you really think that they don't have the clearance for this conversation? They're my eyes in the area, my boots on the ground."
Somehow, that seems to placate the Agent. Or maybe he's just done dealing with Stark's antics alone. Either way, Coulson presses a button and puts the call on speaker.
"What the fuck are you doing in New Mexico right now, Stark? Don't you have an Expo to run?"
The voice that crackles through the phone is abrasive and foulmouthed, leaving Jane to blink in astonishment. This was… the Director? Whoever that was? Of course, Tony just grins wider.
"Just doing my job, Fury. The Stark Expo runs year long. Can't be there every single day of the year, not and keep up my obligations to the World Security Council."
"Bullshit. You expect me to believe that the WSC put you on this without even telling SHIELD?"
Tony just shrugs, completely unbothered and radiating supreme confidence all the way through.
"Feel free to call and check, Fury. I'll wait."
"Fine, I will."
Jane holds her breath as the line goes quiet for a moment that seems to stretch into eternity. Part of her still can't help but think this entire thing is one huge bluff on Tony's part. Is this where it finally all blows up in his face?
… But no. After a moment, this 'Director Fury' character comes back sounding deeply, DEEPLY unhappy.
"Agent Coulson."
"Sir."
"You and your men are to put yourselves under the command of the Civilian Contractor Tony Stark for the rest of this mission."
Even Tony and Pepper's eyes widen at that, but Agent Coulson definitely has the most pronounced reaction of the bunch. Or maybe that's just because he's had almost zero reactions up until this point.
"Sir?"
There's a long-suffering sigh that Jane's pretty sure they weren't supposed to hear from the other end of the line. When Director Fury finally speaks again, he sounds like he's regurgitating information from another source.
"Secretary Pierce and the World Security Council have full confidence in Stark and his team. At this time, the Civilian Contractor has been put in charge of the developing situation given… given his advanced knowledge on the subject matter and the legwork he's put in up until this point in preparing for this incident."
Jane can't see this Director Fury character. She doesn't know what he looks like, nor can she see the frustration that must be etched on his face since it's so clear in his voice. But she CAN see the look on Agent Coulson's face for the split second before he smooths it over and is back to being his offensively bland self.
"Understood, sir."
From a few feet away, Tony scoffs and arches a brow.
"And why should I entertain babysitting a bunch of your kids, Fury? I've got more important things to be doing, you know. Like science!"
Jane can't help but grin at that.
"Secretary Pierce's orders, Stark. Feel free to take it up with him. I'm sure the World Security Council would be interested to know why you wouldn't want even SHIELD Agents under your direct authority near this shit."
If the threat fazes Tony in the slightest, he doesn't let it show on his face. Chuckling, the incredibly rich genius just rolls his eyes and shrugs his shoulders.
"Ah well, can't be helped. Pep?"
Smoothly bringing her phone down from her ear as though she were just waiting for her cue, Tony Stark's wife looks cool as a cucumber as she speaks with an arched tone to Coulson and the SHIELD Agents surrounding them.
"I've just received word that the Site Facilities are up and operational. There should be enough room for a few extra bodies, I suppose. So long as SHIELD knows how to follow orders."
There's an outraged pause from everyone that's directed at for a moment before Fury's voice comes over Coulson's phone one more time.
"… Site Facilities?"
Tony jumps in at that.
"For where the unidentified satellite fell to Earth last night. Apparently… it's a hammer."
Jane blinks, even as the silence from Director Fury's end is deafening. Finally though…
"See it done, Agent Coulson."
"Yes sir."
Smirking haughtily, Pepper saunters forward without a care in the world.
"Come along then, Phil. I'll show you and your men to the Site."
She's so busy being impressed (and a little turned on by the extremely capable woman) that Jane almost misses the fact that they're getting into their truck, still filled with all her stuff, and preparing to drive away.
"W-Wait! My things!"
Tony places a hand on her shoulder though and gives her a reassuring smile.
"Not to worry, Dr. Foster. They're doing us a favor. See, we were going to have to transport you and all of the relevant equipment over to the new Site Facilities anyways. Now SHIELD is doing the gopher work. How nice of them, really."
Oh. That was… but what if…
"W-What if they don't go where Mrs. Stark tells them to?"
Raising an eyebrow at that, Pepper's husband scoffs.
"And kidnap the most powerful woman in the world? You tell me how you think that would go for them after everything you've seen in the last fifteen minutes, Dr. Foster."
That was… a very fair point. Jane feels her shoulders slump in relief as the adrenaline of very nearly losing her whole life's work finally starts to drain out of her. God she was glad that she'd taken Stark's money. Doubly so when her legs give out on her a moment later and he's there to catch her in his surprisingly strong arms.
"Whoa there! Easy now, take a seat… take a moment and get your head on straight, Jane."
She nods as she sits down, breathing slowly in and out. As she does so, Tony finds himself bombarded by Darcy.
"You know, when Jane told me she got to meet you and your wife at the Stark Expo, I wasn't even remotely jealous."
More amused than offended by her words, Tony just grins. In the face of his incredible charm, Darcy falters, blushes, and then sticks out a hand.
"That was until I saw you two in action today. Darcy Lewis, Poli Sci Major."
Taking her hand, Tony brings it up to his lips rather than shake it, placing a chaste kiss on her knuckles before letting her pull it back.
"A pleasure to finally meet you, Ms. Lewis."
Jane felt like it was a pretty good first impression, even with Darcy being Darcy. Which of course is when Darcy has to ruin it by doubling down and being even MORE Darcy.
"If you and your wife wanted to spirit me away to your fully kitted out sex dungeon and have your mutually wicked way with me, I would NOT be against it!"
Darcy immediately shuts her mouth the moment she's gotten that out, but of course it's much too late by that point. Jane groans and covers her face with her palm, but Tony Stark is Tony Stark. Meaning he has incredibly thick skin.
"Well now. Don't go saying that anywhere in Pepper's general vicinity."
Huh? Darcy blinks and asks what Jane is now thinking.
"Wait, why?"
Tony's grin widens to the point of almost inhuman levels of smug.
"Because she might just decide to spirit you away to our fully kitted out sex dungeon and rope me into having our mutually wicked way with you, Ms. Lewis."
Jane has never seen anyone shut Darcy up so damn effectively before. It's honestly kind of almost as amazing as watching Tony Stark run circles around SHIELD and their mysterious Director on the phone.
Of course, with Darcy rendered speechless, Tony moves on to the last member of their team.
"Dr. Selvig. Good to see you again."
"You as well, Dr. Stark. Though pardon me for being blunt… what the hell have you gotten us into here?"
Jane jolts, alarmed that Erik is taking such a confrontational stance with the man that just… that just SAVED them! But Tony still doesn't get offended.
"Nothing you wouldn't have gone and gotten yourselves into even without my help, Dr. Selvig. That I can promise you. Though, I have to ask…"
Tony looks at them all for a moment, brow furrowing.
"… Have any of you seen a blond man with shoulder length hair, a chiseled jaw, and muscles for days in the past twenty-four hours?"
Jane's eyes widen, as do Darcy and Erik's. None of them has what you might call a very good poker face. Still… how did Tony Stark know they'd hit someone with the van?! And was he going to rescind his funding because of it?!
-x-X-x-
A/N: The seeds of Darcy joining the harem are planted, fufufu. Meanwhile, Tony has swung around his big WSC-backed dick and made SHIELD bend to his will. I'm sure that'll be fine.
Just gotta go get Thor now.
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