Summary:
Good intentions … and all that Jazz
Chapter Text
Pearl smiled brightly as she pulled out the chalkboard. "I will now introduce you all to everything about gem culture." Finally, they were interested! Now she could be a proper influence and convince him to abandon that horrid Demon Realm. "Gems are a long aged species, existing from near the beginning of the universe itself."
"So what type of cells did you guys come from?" Luz questioned. "Or whatever the Gem equivalent is … crystalines?"
"There is much speculation on that, though long ago it was believed that the first gems to ever exist, the diamond's, were formed and sculpted from the first moon to ever sustain life, thus you'll find much of our culture and architecture has been dedicated to worshiping and celebrating the moon goddess, though within the last ten thousand years, that has been relegated to the background in comparison to the worship of the Diamond's themselves."
"Wait, so Lucci's mom was a deity?" The girl with glasses asked.
"Yes Pearl." Garnet's voice spoke. "I would love to hear the story about that." So Garnet refrained from being silent to making jabs at her…. lovely.
"I wouldn't say…deity..but she was powerful." She rectified."Rose Quartz … or Pink Diamond … strongly disagreed with the modus operandi of the Gem Homeworld." Pearl began explaining the misunderstanding. "Earth was designated to be her first colony, as each Diamond owned a plethora of planets that they've terriformed for the sole sake of producing more gems, a process that in exchange killed off the planet's inhabitants."
"... What?" Connie asked, eyes wide along with the imposter.
"So let me get this straight." Ste-Lucifer spoke. "They tried to grow children, but it killed off planets, so they decided to just do it to everyone else?"
"Pretty much." Garnet answered for her. "Homeworld itself is a decayed, broken world painted over to look superior to others."
Most of the children shivered at that."Well … that's news to me." The imposter spoke up. "But Rose was different, right?"
She didn't want to acknowledge the imposter…but she needed to create the best picture of Rose as possible. "..Yes. When colonization began, Pink Diamond personally went down to the planet and began to see the beauty of its inhabitants and lifeforms. Not wanting to let something so beautiful die, she hid under the guise of Rose Quartz and rebelled against her own people."
"So my womb doner didn't like how everything was going, so she gave up her cushy life and decided to start a double sided revolution in order to force Gems to back off.." Lucifer smirked. "Okay, that's literally the first good thing about her I've heard amidst the sea of crap."
"Tell me Pearl…. why didn't she stop it herself?" Garnet growled. "If she was a diamond…. why didn't she stop?"
"She tried, but the other Diamond's wouldn't give her a chance. She was the least powerful of them, and if she stopped, another one of the diamond's would've finished the job. That's why faking her shattering was the only way to stop the colonization." Pearl sighed.
"..She faked her own death….nice." Lucifer smiled even more. "So I come from an intergalactic criminal, fitting."
"I wouldn't say criminal.."
"That's exactly what we are, Pearl." Garnet interrupted her. "Criminals from our own world. We rebelled, we broke the law of our society, we're criminal's through and through."
"Yeah, criminal's for life!" Amethyst cheered. "Let's rob a bakery!"
"Finally, someone gets it!" The child they were supposed to guide shouted. "Vee, you in?"
"I'd rather not have my reputation ruined further, please." The imposter pouted. As if she deserved a good reputation. "Oooh, tell them about the warp pads! Those are always fun."
"This is a history lesson, not a study on architecture." Pearl snidded.
"No, that sounds cooler." Lucifer brought up. "Talk about those, or I'm walking." Great, sidetracking, just what she needed.
"They're little pads that can warp you to any pad on the planet if you think about it." Amethyst explained.
"Teleportors…you have teleporters!?" Luz exclaimed. "I want to go on one! Please, let us teleport! Teleport! Teleport!"
"Human's can't use them, only gems can." Pearl shot down "It at least explained why they never developed the ability." They sent a glance to the imposter.
"So what you're saying is, as long as I have a gem, I can teleport anywhere." Lucifer smirked.
"Anywhere on Earth, that has a pad you can warp to." Garnet clarified. "We have a personal pad right by the temple door."
"Sweet, now I can teleport to places even the golden fool can't go to!"
"I'm going to push you off a cliff one of these days." Hunter growled
"And I'll survive it." The boy grinned back, hopping on the pad. "So, where do I go?"
"Just imagine the place in your brain, and you're there." Amethyst explained.
"Alright then!" The warp pad lit up, and began emitting the beam of light … as Lucifer continued to stand where he was. "..."
"You don't know any places on earth." Garnet explained, getting on. "I'll help you out. Everyone, hop on."
"Road trip!" The imposter ran forward, ignoring the fact Garnet paid her no mind.
"A chance to see more of the human world beyond Gravesfield, I'm sold!" Augustus ran up as the others followed.
Pearl stepped on, waiting as they began their warp. "Cool …" Luz muttered in awe, moving to the edge. "We're moving like light." She moved her hand inside the light, pulling out a frostbitten hand. "... AAAHHH!!"
"That was the cold void of space!" Pearl shouted. "You're lucky you only had it out for a second. Any longer, and you would've turned your arm completely brittle like glass!"
"Really? It's just kind of chilly to me." They turned to see Lucifer, who's entire face was covered in frost. "Definitely colder than the Knee back home, but nothing to write home about."
"You could have died!" Pearl shouted in horror.
"Nothing too serious." Lucifer went forward and planted a kiss on Luz's arm, which had its skin return to a normal shade with minor frost still present. "My spit heals, and I heal faster. My flesh has been sliced, diced, pierced, melted, practically anything aside from dismemberment and beheading I've healed from."
"Sounds like you're pretty much immortal." Connie noted with an appropriate level of horror.
"Don't bring it up too much, it makes him moody." Boscha said as they landed at the galaxy hub. "...You landed us in the middle of the ocean…..how is that not terrifying to you people?"
"This is the main warping station. We come here to map out most of the earth and any gem related areas." Pearl explained. "With Garnet's future vision, we're able to detect when and where corrupted gem activity is, or whenever a gem artifact is creating chaos."
"It's the best, right Garnet?" The imposter asked, only for the gem to walk forward. "... Right."
"What about that one?" The witch boy Agustus pointed to the giant broken one.
"That's the galaxy warp. It's non functional." Pearl explained.
"What if I spit on them?" Steve-Lucci questioned.
"Bad idea." Garnet answered. "We broke them because as long as they're inoperable, Homeworld won't be aware someone is here."
"If Homeworld realized that they were still gems active on the planet, they'd see that they failed to wipe out the rebellion and finish what they started six thousand years ago." Pearl explained.
"Don't touch the galaxy portal, got it." Amityity nodded. "… Anyone know a place to visit?"
"Oh, I've always wanted to go to Paris." Connie smiled. "Is there any warp pads near there?"
"We have one or two pads stationed in Europe." Garnet answered.
"Then let us go to the city of a giant tower, fancy bread, and romantic architecture!" The imposter shouted.
"A city of romance….ugh, please don't make this a mushy expedition." Willow groaned.
"There there, I'll suffer to." Gus rubbed her back.
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Ghost licked her fur as the children wrote along the walls. "Operation portal door is under way." Lucci stated as he bit into something that gave up a stench. "May I say beforehand, these French people know how to make good cheese."
"Can't you eat your camembert somewhere else? You're stinking up the cabin." Luz held her nose
"Meow." Clearly someone with a lack of taste.
"See, she loves it." Lucifer handed her a piece that she gratefully accepted. "Huh. I thought mice were into cheese more than cats."
"Not like mice are much of an option around here." Amity stated. "So I have enough abomination goo for one more portal door if we're going to make a way home. We need to get everything right or I won't be combat ready on the second try."
"Exactly what I was thinking, which is why we need to start looking for alternatives to titan's blood." Luz stood up, going over a chart. "Palisman magic only goes so far, and I'm unsure about going nuclear without risking cancer and atomic annihilation." Definitely not around her master.
"If we made a battery of some sort we could just store up magic." The other human suggested. "That would just take a year or so to fill up, and by then you'd have the door section down pat."
"We can't afford to wait a year; we don't know what the Collector will do to the Boiling Isles by then." Lucci groaned. "By that point, he might just get bored with the place and blow it up."
"If you're looking for a power source, you could always use Rose's tears." The Basilisk offered.
"Bad idea." The grimwalker said. Flapjack asked around for advice on that … which no one could really answer because it was just a fucked up existance in all reality. "Last person who used Clawthorne's body fluid to make a key was completely incinerated."
"Wouldn't that mean it doesn't work for anyone but me?" Lucci questioned.
"Either that or it only lets the gem through and nothing else." Amity brought up. "And that's assuming it's capable of breaching the barrier between worlds." Her master grumbled. "As long as we're looking at hypotheticals, we're not going to get anywhere."
"All we have are hypotheticals." Boscha stated. "We don't have enough materials to experiment endlessly, and any option that isn't liable to get us all killed would take too long."
"Maybe you need to start a little smaller and work from there." The glasses human brought up. "Does anyone here know teleportation spells?" The grimwalker raised his hand. "Alright, that's step one. How far can you teleport?"
"Well there's multiple factors." He stated. "I do it by using a series of mental adjustments through a magical channel into a small breakdown of my essence into a super small level, then I move to what I see through a warp of endless yet instant light, and finally reform myself or whatever I carry with me."
"..He thinks hard and flapjack channels it to transport him into places he can see or already knows." Luz explained for the two in the room that were confused.
"Actually that sounds less like teleporting and more like FTL." The other human said. "Separating himself down into atoms and moving faster than light."
"Aka, super speed cheating." Lucci rolled his eyes.
"Whatever the case, if it works on memory or knowing the place beforehand, if we can recreate that process for dimensional travel, then we might be able to find a way home." The other human concluded.
"I might have something for that." Her master's mate spoke up. "Back when I…" Luz hesitated for a second, before shaking her head. "...I…was going through Philip's journal, he had a really complicated glyph combo that allowed him to teleport. I haven't been able to complete the details, but I should be able to fix it."
"Even if we understood it, that wouldn't fix the power problem." The grimwalker reiterated. "We'd need something capable of putting a hole between reality, and I can only go up to thirty feet max with Flapjack."
"Chirp." It sucked to be the only one to pull weight.
"What about those warp pads?" Lucci suggested. "They're suppose to bend space to get people to other planets in a blink of an eye."
"They can't go to other planets though. They can only go to warp pads on earth." The basilisk reminded them.
"The ones that are broken can. If I spit in them, I can fix them."
"There are so many things wrong with that sentence." Gus stated. "First off, when could you heal inanimate objects?"
"I once put King's toy Francois back together when Centi got some of her acid on it." He said.
"Second, wasn't that supposed to keep away the invaders from trying to kill earth?" He reminded them.
"I'm taking what those crystal gems told me with a grain of salt. Did you see how clingy bird nose was whenever Rose was mentioned?" Lucci responded. "Drama queens."
"Umm …." The basilisk looked awkward. "I think we should … listen to them."
"Vee, I get that you're emotionally attached to them, and I'm not going to argue with you over it, but we're stretching for ideas here." The boy said. "If we don't try something, we're just going to sit around here all day while a mad child god wreaks havoc on our families."
"Besides, it's not like anything important will be lost if those crazy ladies are right." Boscha rolled her eyes.
"They said the entire earth could be gone." Luz reiterated.
"I stand by my statement."
"How are you people friends with her?" The glasses human asked in disbelief.
"Friends is a … strong word." Amity winced. "It's more of a respectable tolerance."
"Look, how about we test it out once, and if it goes wrong, we smash the pad before anyone notices." Lucci suggested. "No more gems come to earth and we move on into the next idea."
They all looked at each other. "... Seems reasonable." Willow nodded. Why did Ghost have a bad feeling about this?
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Willow gazed out on the water as her friends prepared the test. "You know, without the fog and the steam constantly boiling out, I've never noticed just how blue water can be."
"I always thought that water was clear." Gus said. "You know, with cups of it being drunk all the time."
"Must be another earth thing." She dipped her hand in it. "Saltiness aside, I'd almost be tempted to drink directly from it."
"Probably not the best idea, you'd just dry out from the dehydration ironically." They turned to Vee, who was sipping a cup of ocean water. "..I'm an amphibious reptile that shapeshifts; it's okay when I do it."
"Aren't amphibians purely a freshwater species?" Hunter questioned.
"It might have to do with the fact I grew up near the beach. My body shifted subtly over the years to adapt."
"My stomach's probably the same way." Lucci said, working on the portal. "Did you ever figure out the stretching issue?"
"That's just a gem thing. The more you expand yourself beyond the base the more stress you put on the gem." Vee explained. "Meanwhile I just shapeshift into things … don't actually get their powers though, that was Twicepta's territory."
"Yeah, I noticed that all the basilisks seemed to have their own powers unique to them. Is it the same with you?" Gus asked.
"If it is, I haven't found it yet." Vee said. "Laser eyes! … Ice breath! … Telekinesis! … Nothing." She pouted.
"Shapeshifting is still a pretty cool power." Connie assured them. "Being whoever you want whenever you want, changing yourself into someone less nerdier or awkward.." There were stares given to her. "…I say purely for example."
"But nerdy and awkward is fun." They groaned. "Who wants to be famous with money when you can sit back and eat a donut as you talk about books with your friends?"
"Thank you!" Luz shouted. "How is it that the most relatable human on earth isn't even human at all?"
"I think that's more of a credit to how much your species sucks." Boscha rolled her eyes.
"Hey!" Connie and Vee called out.
"Ignore her, that's what I always do." Willow chimed in. If Lucci wasn't here, she would deeply consider stranding the three eyed girl in the middle of the ocean. "So what exactly is the plan here?"
"Well, glyphs don't exactly work in the human world, but from experimenting with the first portal door, I know that magic flows through them like a circuit." Luz explained as she laid down a large sheet of paper on top of one of the pads. "So with the teleportation glyph I learned from Philip, we're going to use Hunter's teleportation spell to channel through it
"How come we didn't use this before?" Amity asked.
"I didn't memorize the glyph, so this is pretty much a guesstimate." She sighed. "I'm hoping the palisman magic combined with the warp pad, plus the fact Lucci spat on it will compensate with enough power to breach where we need to go."
"HHsss."
"What, it's about as plausible as everything else we've ever tried before." Lucci responded to Sugar. "Compared to aliens, immortal humans, god's with the minds of children, there's literally no threshold that isn't possible."
"If you don't mind I'm just gonna …" Connie pulled at Vee's sleeve, pulling them away to a corner as they watched from a distance. "Safety first!"
"Chicken." Amity grumbled. Guess she wasn't going to like Connie anytime soon. There was a lot of that in this group. This, Lucci and Hunter, her and Boscha. It was a miracle that hasn't broken apart this circle of friends yet. "So, are we ready to do this?"
"Just about …" He poked one more spot as it sparkled. "All fixed up. Let's start it up folks!"
"Come on glyphs, this is your time to shine again, don't backfire…please don't backfire." Luz pleaded as she layed out a giant sheet of paper, one with probably the most complicated looking glyph she has seen yet. "Hunter, do your thing."
"Chirp."
"Relax flapjack. I'm sure you won't blow up." Hunter reassured, before pausing. "..We won't blow up, right?"
"... A very likely chance you won't blow up." Luz clarified. "If anything, the warp pad would be the main thing that blows up."
"...But we're on the warp pad in the middle of the ocean." Gus brought up.
"...Let's just get the test over with." Luz chuckled hesitantly.
"This is why we're at a safe distance!" Connie yelled from the back.
"Whatever, just do your job Golden Boy!" Lucci called out.
"If you keep up those nicknames, I'm going to go back to calling you devil." Hunter grunt as he slammed his staff on the glyphs laid out, channeling Flapjack's magic into it.
The yellow magic actually seemed to follow along the path of the glyphs, gleaming as each circle lit up. "So far, so good, flowing like a circuit, my glyph knowledge hasn't been rendered completely inert.." Luz sighed in relief…before the yellow light became white and sparks began to fly. "..That can possibly be a good sign."
"Luz, if we die today, I'm going to strangle you forever in the afterlife." Boscha threatened.
"Everyone back!" Amity shouted, reaching for Luz.
"Don't have to tell me twice!" Lucci shouted as he began getting off, only for a bright light to engulf them all and shoot them upward. "Damn it—AAAAAAAHHH!" The light began to shake and flicker as they flew through the warp, splintering off away from the rest of the group.
"LUCCI!" Bochsa cried out as she tried to reach out for him, only to bump into Willow, and make the two of THEM warp off in a different direction. "Damn it, half a witch!"
"This is in no way MY fault!" She shouted as they went flying through space and time, before the light show stopped … on a purple sky.
"You got in my way and…and…" Boscha began to take note of their surrounding's. "What the fuck?"
"The warp pad must have messed up, and sent us … somewhere." She groaned. "Great, as if it wasn't bad enough I work with you, now we're stuck on a completely unknown planet together." Willow grumbled, looking around. "At least there's plenty of plants around." She looked. The grass was blue, as well as most of the trees. "Red grass, Green grass and now Blue grass….nice."
"Mumph." She heard something moving from the grass. Preparing for anything, she began to reach into this planet's core to prepare to attack anything that came at them…and saw what looked like a walking flower bud on all fours like a dog. "Mumph."
"Aren't you the most adorable thing of all time?" Willow asked in awe, getting on her knees and petting the little guy. "Only second to my Gourdie."
"Mumph." It nuzzled in her arms, rubbing against her neck.
"Aww, aren't you so precious." She kept cooing.
"Great, another plant for you to make your friends, lovely." Boscha rolled her eyes. "As if you don't already have enough.
"They're much more pleasant company than you, I can definitely say." Willow huffed, noticing a pack of the little buds walking along. "This planet must be full of them." She wasn't really into the alien thing beforehand, but if there were more creatures like these guys, then she wouldn't complain.
"Which means nobody that can take us off the planet nobody knows about." Boscha stated. "Which means we're STUCK HERE!"
"Relax, we survived a death temple, another planet with no hostile life isn't that bad." Willow countered. "One of the other's will figure out how to find us eventually." She went back to petting the little guy in her hands, watching the pack march by.
"They better." Boscha leaned back. "Damn it … there really is no good way off earth."
"It's not that bad." Willow stated. "You're just letting your hatred of Luz get in the way of actually enjoying yourself."
"No, I'm being practical and not getting attached to what's essentially a planet sized cell." Boscha argued. "The entire situation is horrible and if we could take it back, if we had the chance to stay in the Boiling Isles, we would've."
"Yeah, except we didn't, and we can't, so stop complaining and deal with it." Willow growled. "We're on a planet where nothing can kill us. At least acknowledge that upside.
"Mu-WAAAAAAAAAH!" Willow turned her head to the cry of the marching bud animals … which had water ripped from their bodies…leaving them withered….dried….and dead .
"Wha .." Willow trailed off in horror as she watched it fly up to … two Lapises.
"And that my friend, is how you suck all the liquids out of an organic." The darker Lapis spoke. "It's a bit boring on flora, but when it's a fauna, their screams rule."
"I don't know, I think we could've made their screams a bit louder." The one with freckles chuckled.
"Wait, isn't that one of those gem ladies back on earth?" Boscha asked. "Why are there two of them?"
"They said there's multiple types of the same gem....but I'm going to cu t down the numbers." Willow growled, setting her bud off to the side so it could hide.
"Hmm?" The darker one looked down. "Oh look, not floura. How lovely." She chuckled. "I say we take our time with-" Willow sent a tree into them, slamming them into the ground.
"What the fuc-" Willow grabbed the freckled one by the neck with a vine and slammed them down into the ground.
"This planet is full of life…full of lush, vibrant life." Willow growled, tightening her grip on the Lapis. "If you think I'm gonna let you suck out that life out over some sick little game of yours…then you're sorely mistaken."
The vine began to wither and die. "Wow, someone's got a nice temper." She turned to the darker lapis, who spun multiple blades of water. "Let's see how good that survival instinct is against an inevitable death."
"Knock it off, you shoddy rock!" Boscha sent forth a fireball, turning the water into steam.
"Wow, impressive." They spun their hands, turning the steam back into water. "Hey, could you actually get up? Just sitting on the ground is lame you know."
"Hey, she caught me by surprise, pardon me for being shocked." The freckled one pushed herself up. "I thought she was just a regular lame organic. They're usually boring to kill when all they do is run for their lives."
"I'm not the one who's going to be running." Willow grunted, summoning vines to slap the Freckled one away.
"Ugh, I really do have to do everything myself." The darker one grew water wings…only for Boscha to evaporate them into steam, before chucking a large rock into her face.
"No one wants to see half a witch die more than me, but if you think you can fly in here and claim superiority by species…then you need to prove it." Boscha's feet, hands, and head all lit up on fire."
"Very well … let's prove it then!" They raised themselves into the air, spinning around as the very sky began to get cloudy … and soon, watery spikes began to rain down, freezing into ice.
"Oh, this is going to be fun." Boscha grinned, summoning her palisman, and shooting up like a cannon, the ice melting back into water as it touched her as she collided with the darker lapis.
Willow brought out Clover, doing her best to defend against the ice raining down on them. "Hey there, sorry we have to do this." The freckled one spoke as they raised an icy hammer. "But it is our job to raze the planet for colonization."
"Then you won't be offended when I say it's going to be my job to annihilate you!" Willow wrapped thorny vines around her right hand, creating a spiked gauntlet as she collided into Freckles's face. No one destroyed forest life on her watch… no one.
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Luz groaned as she stood up. "Did we take the first Star on the right, or on the left?" She asked.
"I don't know…I was too focused on being hurled through space to really take notice." Gus responded as he twisted his neck. "I think we're the only one's here. I don't see the others."
"Great, so either they're lost…wherever we are, or someplace completely different." Luz looked up to see…a brown sky. "Either earth pollution is worse than I remembered, or we're on a different planet."
"Is pollution on earth really that bad?"
"Both yes and no, it's a long and political story that's best left unsaid." She explained, before sighing. "So my Glyph messed up, and now we're stuck here … just great." She looked at the place. It looked like a jungle, so there was a chance they could survive here. "Lost on the wrong planet in the wrong dimension….is there any other ways I can top how much I screwed up?"
"Gggrrrr."
"..Tell me that aliens are usually nice and friendly and welcoming to other species." Gus pleaded.
"Not when they make animal growling noises that suggest we're a convenient food source." Great way to fuck everything up Luz.
"Grrrrrraaagggg!" The animal popped up in front of them, looking like a red wolf with black stripes, foaming at the mouth.
"RUN!" Luz shouted as she and Gus fled from the scene. "Gus, tell me you can use your illusion magic to distract it!"
"I've been working on making illusion scents, so we might have a chance if I focus hard enough!" He shouted, beginning to use his magic circle. "Just give me a minute, and…try to be less delicious looking?"
"Oh sure, because I can naturally do that!" Okay, at least she brought the sword with her, so she had a chance this time around. Luz pulled it out, aiming at the wolf. "Back off big guy!"
"Rrragg!" It rushed forward with massive jaws, clenching her blade as she tried to keep it back, barely avoiding the jaws.
"Gus, you almost done?!"
"In a second!"
"I don't have a second!" She yelled. The only things she had were her glyphs, but those were useless now. What was she going to do, slap this thing with powerless paper? Well, it's not like she had better ideas. "Just…stay….BACK!" She shoved one of them right into the wolf's eyes
Fwosh
And now both its face, and her hand were on fire. "... AAAHHH!"
"GRAAA!! " They both screamed.
"Stay back Luz, I got this now!" Gus sent force his spell, creating two body doubles of them, catching the wolf's attention, even if their eyes looked severely damaged.
"Arrrggggggg!" It howled again, as it sniffed the air, beforing running off after their illusion doubled.
"That should keep him busy long enough for us to find a place to hide." Gus panted. "How'd you start a fire? Is Lucci's pyromania rubbing off on you and you carry matches everywhere?"
"No…though that actually seemed practical now." Luz noted.
"... Are you gonna put the fire out?" Gus asked, pointing to her still flaming hand.
"AAHHH!" She screamed, dropping and rolling on the ground. "Come on, come one, if you work once, you can work again!" She grabbed another glyph, and slammed it on her hand, and instantly felt cool ice wash over it. "Aaaa…that's better."
"... You used Glyphs?"
"Yeah, that's what I….do…" Luz paused. "There's…magic in space….?" Luz looked at the glyph…it was only semi activated, with only bits of frost coming out of her ice glyph.. "Lilith said the magic in the temple was too complex for a normal glyph."
"We're in a completely different plane of existence than the Boiling isles." Gus pointed out. "Maybe it's not a matter of complexity….but having a different system altogether. Different world, different elements…"
"Different bases for Glyph combos!" She grinned. "... So I need to relearn everything …" That was gonna be difficult. "At least this means there's something for me to do…of course that also means I have to be in space to do it….dang it, learning this stuff on the boiling isles was so much easier."
"RRGGGGGRR!"
"Lets figure that stuff out later before the red guy realizes he's been duped!"
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Lucci stared at the stars in the sky. "... It failed …" Complete and utter failure, alone on a deserted and dying planet. "... Maybe it was …" He needed to get back, he needed to go back to the Boiling Isles and save them. "I could…" Something, anything!
He got up...only to slump on his face and trip over some old and dusty covered stairs covered in weeds. "Yeash, this place could use a gardener." Lucci said to himself, looking at the decaying roots all over the place. "...Boy, Willow would hate this place." A planet covered in death and emptiness … "So this is what the gems are like." Ruthless and uncaring. No wonder the Crystal weirdos were so against him reactivating the Galaxy Warp.
Nothing but dead plants and an endless night of stars. What a sorry looking place. "No point in staying here I guess." He looked back up to the stairs. "Guess I can just hope back on and get home…wait…the others were in the warp with me, and if they didn't land with me…they're probably somewhere else." Great, more problems, not like he needed any more.
"H-hello?" A quiet, raspy, but high sounding voice popped out from the middle of this place.
Lucci turned his head slowly to see a pink woman with a crystal heart in her chest. Quickly, he remembered any encounter with the color pink, a gem, and the harmony core's heart shaped nature … He needed to get out of there now. "Goodbye."
"W-wait..don't-don't go!" The woman shouted, her cracking as her arms stretched out to grab his shoulder…like…REALLY stretched. Farther than he's seen himself, gems, or Basilisk alike stretched.
"Huh?" His initial confusion caught him off guard, sending him back right at the gem, who's appearance he got a closer look at. Her hair…or were those ears…were in the shape of hearts and she had a childish looking expression on her face that looked almost cartoony, except her entire body was covered in dirt, grime, and vines..vines that seem to be growing all over her body. "...I think you need a bath."
"Heh…heh…" The gem laughed weakly. "That's the funniest thing…I've heard in six thousand years….also the only thing I've heard in six thousand years."
"Only thing." He asked. "Don't you … you know, have anyone around here?"
"Oh, I do have Mr Petal." She pointed to a wilting flower … that had its last petal fall to the ground. "... Mr Petal is gone now. Hope he's in a better place…"
"So…you've just been by yourself this entire time?" He asked, looking at the ground. "Have you been standing in the exact same spot for all those years?" Lucci asked in horror.
"Yeah…that's how you play the stand very still game." The gem smirked. "You don't move your feet from a single spot and wait for the other player to come back."
"That game is the worst … but it should only last a few minutes!" He shouted. He's seen many friends do it back when he thought friendship was a con. "What kind of heartless monster would leave you alone for six thousand years?!"
"Hey, Pink Diamond isn't heartless!" … Well, that was one more reason he was glad his womb donner was no longer around. "She promised me she would come back and we could start a brand new game. Maybe when she does, I'll finally win one for once."
"You don't say…" Lucci narrowed his eyes. He could forgive…okay, he could wave off a lot of things. His womb donor being a tyrant that killed planets was one of those things..as long as it didn't harm his own planet…but she had the GALL to string this woman along under the guise of friendship…to abandon her…trick her… .con her at the cost of living her own life. That was unforgivable in Lucci's eyes. "What if I told you that she was … doing something else?"
He watched as her face turned dark. "Are you calling my best friend a liar ?" She asked, squeezing on his shoulder tighter.
"...No…." He needed to watch his tone here. One wrong move and she'd probably try to kill him. "I'm just saying…six thousand years is a long time…she could be…doing stuff WHILE playing the game.."
"Ooooooh. That makes sense." The gem scratched her head. "No wonder she's taking so long. The other Diamonds must be making her do things." She smiled. "Pink, hah, she begged and begged for them to give her own colony, and she always pouted and destroyed half the garden whenever they said no. Her tantrums could be heard across the galaxy. She made a planet crack just from her complaining once, cool right?"
"... Did she now?" He could crack a PLANET!? Where the hell was that power when he was fighting Belos? "So since she's off, probably doing boring space stuff, why don't we get you out of here.."
"NO!" She screamed, grabbing both of his arms. "She told me to keep playing until she came back. I have to keep playing."
"Really? If she told you to jump into a pit of Lava, would you do it?" Lucci asked.
"Of course…I mean, my gem would probably melt since I'm not that heat resistant, but if Pink found it fun, then everything would be alright!"....Okay…so recklessness was just a thing with gems. "It's my job to make her smile after all. With Blue making her cry whenever she messes up, Yellow hitting her whenever she acts up, and White doing unspeakable things to her gems to make them act right, I'm the only light in her life."
"But is she making you happy?" Lucci argued.
"..Huh?" The gem tilted her head.
"Friends are about making each other happy, making sure each other is okay, taking care of each other, you know, mutual respect."
"No, no that's not how gems work at all." She shook her head. "Everyone has a purpose, and if they don't do that purpose, they die." What the hell? "Watching Pink smile makes me happy, because it means I can still make everyone happy."
Dang it, the denial was deep rooted into this one. It probably be better if if cut his losses and tried to find his friends….but seeing her all alone…all without friends…or happiness….because that pink bitch tricked her in the name of 'friendship'....he wasn't going to end the day without get this girl out of here. "Well, that's not how friends work for you, but for me, that's how it is all the time, and I guarantee you it's much more fun."
"Hah, I'd like to see you try!"
"You bet I will. I have over a hundred stories about how friendship is supposed to work." He smirked. "They're fun, funny, and heartwarming at the same time…of course…you probably wouldn't want to listen to them. You're too busy playing your game." Hook her in, hook her in. "I guess I'll just go and.."
"Wait! There's…nothing against the rules saying you can't tell me stories while I wait…" Hah, he got her.
Lucci began narrating. "Then let me start with a tale of the Boiling Isles. A land of magic."
========================================================================
Hunter groaned. "How come you got the bush, and I fell in the tree?" He asked.
"If Luz was here, she'd say it was Karma working its magic." Amity said, looking around and shaking the leaves out of her hair. "Sent into space in another dimension and I couldn't even land with my girlfriend. Today sucks."
"You're telling me." Hunter agreed as he checked on Flapjack. "Do you remember any of the constellations Luz showed off or talked about? Maybe we can get a reference point when night hits."
"She told me about the big dipper once. It basically looks like a giant ladle or pan."
"We'll work our way from there then." He said as he looked at their surroundings. "Green grass … I think we're still on earth." That at least would lessen the severity of the situation. "Mixing magic and crystal devil artifacts, I should've known something would've gone wrong."
"I think we were all half expecting it to go sideways either way. " Amity brought up. "Better to try something than nothing at all."
"Fair enough." He looked around. "Given we were in the ocean, we must have scattered globally. Maybe we can find the locals for a map."
"You mind taking the lead there? The most communication I have with humans that aren't Luz are swety middle aged men that I throw out of a wrestling ring." Hunter probably wouldn't prefer that job over the donut shop.
"No problem. Working at the big donut gives me a few pointers. Apparently you're not supposed to bow to everyone that shows you gratitude. And Lars told me that taking over people's shifts are a sign of strong friendships."
"… Yeah …" She nodded awkwardly for some reason.
They began walking, eventually hearing sounds of splashing. "That might be them, we should wait a few minutes until we introduce ourselves."
"Why?"
"Because I'm not sure how clothed they are when this is probably a bathing area."
"REALLY!? Don't tell me we have another skinny dipping trip gone wrong, because if we have to fight another moss monster, I'm going to lose it!" She shouted.
The sounds stop. "Does the voice sound weird to anyone other than Jay Ten?" Someone asked.
"..This is why I was asking you to take the lead." Amity blushed in embarrassment as they both ducked.
"The voice was not the voice, but we have voices that are not the voice, maybe one of us had a new voice develop."
"Maybe the voice is going through awkward grow up things. Should we reassure the voice like it reassures us?"
That did not fill in any holes for Hunter. Just opened up way too many questions. "This could be just my lack of human understanding, but do these people seem…off to you?" Hunter asked.
"Luz did tell me that there are some parts of the human world less advanced and developed than the others, but I am getting a weird vibe off of them." The blight girl observed. "Maybe they're an isolated tribe of cave people that never developed."
"And why does the voice that does not sound like the voice sound like it's coming over from those bushes?"
"I used to work in a library. How is my inside voice this bad?" Amity groaned.
"No point in trying to hide now. Let's just pray to the titan they aren't hostile…or really strong." Hunter took a deep breath, and stepped forward. "Please don't hurt us, we just want to talk."
"Hurt?" One of the people, a fairly dark skinned man with a big poof of hair approached. "What is this 'hurt' that you talk about? Is it a gift you give to us?"
There was a moment of silence before he leaned in close to Amity. "As a librarian … translation error?"
"Honestly it's a miracle we both speak English as it is." Amity responded. "Hurt is when you feel … pain." They both still looked confused. "Bad?"
"Bad? What is bad?"
"And here I thought Lucci was the only one who ever asked that question." Amity mumbled. "Bad, as in..not good."
"Ooooh, bad, like when you fall asleep and never wake up." A blonde woman nodded. "That bad. That only happens to old people. Their bodies disappear and then they get replaced by newer, young people."
"… Do they not know how …"
"People grow on trees. Yeah, I thought that was an adult thing." Yeah, just like Belos told-… He might need to double check that. "I don't suppose you happen to know where we are?" Hunter asked.
"Your in home. Voice calls it Zoo. We call it perfect." The man said.
"...Did you just say Zoo…as in…trapped in a cage stuck in one place…zoo?" Please let that be a translation error.
"We are not stuck. We like it here. Why would we ever leave?" They asked. "Oh. I am Jay Ten. This is Wy Six. Who are you two?"
"I'm Amity, and this is Hunter." She introduced them
"Ami-Thy and Hun-Tar. Funny names." Jay Ten laughed. "Welcome to home! You come at good time. It's almost time to roll down the hill."
"Why would you roll down a hill?" Amity asked.
"Because the voice tells us it's fun." Wy Six laughed. "We roll down the hill when she says roll down the hill, and we eat when she says to eat, and we do choosening when she says to do choosening."
"Choosen-I'm afraid to ask." Hunter shivered. "Have you people ever tried to…you know… not do what the voice says…titan I can't believe I'm the one saying this." This must've been what Luz and Clawthorne felt in this position.
"Why would we ever go against the voice? It makes us happy and feel nice."
"Oh titan, it's like Belos but a million times worse." Amity grimaced. "They're too dumb and simple minded to take any of this seriously."
"Great, of course." Hunter groaned. "Would you happen to-"
The earrings on the two dinged. "It's time to roll down the hill."
"Yay! This is my favorite thing ever to do! Right next to eating, bathing, and sleeping!" Wy-Six cheered as she rolled down the hills along with all the other humans.
"I think we're better off just flying away on our own." Hunter groaned, grabbing onto Flapjack and flying over the trees….
THUMP
"Ow …" He winced, looking at what he crashed into … and the position of the … "The sky is fake!" He shouted.
"What!?" Amity exclaimed, rushing over to him, and feeling the wall. "A fake sky….this is what they meant by a zoo. A cage that looks like the real world…they probably lived their whole lives in this place without ever knowing anything else. It's just like the cult in Azura four! A fake world that everyone's deluded into believing is real!"
"We have to do something then. If it's a cage, then there has to be maintenance. Someone on the outside must want these people alive." Hunter thought for a second. "We just need to cause a disturbance big enough for someone to come in."
"I got it, we set the place on fire." Amity prepared a fire.
"… Didn't humans invent the sprinkler system … which would double as rain water for the vegetation?" He asked.
"Right…I think Lucci's pyromania rubbed off on me a little." Amity shook her head. "Okay, second option. I beat up one of the humans for them to send a doctor or something."
"Okay, that actually sounds a little more plausible." He nodded. "Which one should we go for though?"
"Tough one..beating them up would be like kicking a kitty…"
"I think you forget I was the Golden Guard for a few years." He said. "I learned how to take my guilt and bottle it so deep that it only pops up in my nightmares every few months." Flapjack was a big help there.
"..." Amity stared at him for a second. "I just realized…you probably have a bigger pain threshold than them." She began summoning her abomination gauntlets.
"Wait …" He began backing up. "Wait wait wait!"
"Nothing personal Hunter….except I AM still a bit peeved about Eclipse Lake…so…lets just call ourselves even after today."
========================================================================
Peridot looked over the current output. "Colony Theta is proceeding less than expected. Ruby soldiers are forming at a steady rate of thirty per ten years. Recently a vein of Nepherite was found along sector F. Request to send injectors into that area is pending." She told her log. "Gem production is still at unsatisfactory levels. Quality of gem life remains inadequate to the standards of Era 1 gem production."
She didn't hold that against her Diamond's, they were the perfect ones, providing their perfect essence to create the life they have today. That just meant Era 2 gems such as herself had to work a hundred times harder to strive for perfection if they were to call themselves worthy gems.
"Injectors are functional at the moment, but the atmosphere causes extreme rust to develop along the metallic components. Requesting Angelite to create a more suitable air quality for colonization." Not that they needed to breathe, but the environments were easier to manage if all foreign elements were depleted, even down to the micro level.
"Update on the progress of the Cluster has been…inconclusive. Red Eye probe has been destroyed. Source of destruction unknown. Current workable theory is dissemination from entering atmosphere. Details of Earth's status remain unknown, other than the lack of gem life." Which was a definite plus.
Peridot checked on the local galaxy warps, as to ascertain if any valuable gems have either entered or left Colony Theta to check on progress or leave her to work. It looks like an Emerald entered, having moved to the same location as the current Hessonite overseeing the planet. Garnet's had a habit of being a little…very…annoying, but as long as they did their job-wait..
"There's warp activity…in the failed earth colony?" She read over the scans. Not just that…galaxy warp…on a planet that was supposed to have no gem activity at all. This wasn't good, especially for the Cluster project.
She activated an emergency line to Hessonite, waiting for a response as she saluted. The communication was answered by the angry looking gem. "I am in the middle of a meeting." They growled.
"This is Peridot Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG." She saluted.
" Ugh, Era 2 type. Just what I needed today." Hessonite rolled her eye. " I'm about to secure two whole planets for colonization, this better be important."
"I wouldn't call this line if it wasn't an emergency." She stated. "There is warp activity on earth ."
That got the Garnet's attention. " The failed colony, the one supposed to be devoid of all gem life?"
"I double checked the report myself mam." She nodded. "The red eye was destroyed. It reported no gem activity, so I put in that it was reentry damage.But if there are Gems still on earth …"
The higher caste gem nodded. "Remain on Standby, I will report this to Our Diamond's Pearl."
"Will do." She saluted again. She needed to get the progress on the cluster pronto. Time to send out the robonoids.