Summary:
How hard could it be?
Chapter Text
Gus clung to the girl. "Take me with you! I wanna go to human school too!" All the lessons, the social interaction, the ability to interact with a full hive of humans. It was everything the boy had ever dreamed of!
Unfortunately though, it seemed life had other plans for him. "Gus, that's not a good idea." Amity pulled him back with her abomination goo. "The situation for us isn't the same as it was for Luz. If we're discovered, then human's would freak out…leathelly freak out."
"But … but information!" He cried out. "So much knowledge being taught for free!"
"If we could switch out, I would." Luz groaned. "I mean…unless Vee is willing.."
"Mija." Mrs. Nocdea gave her daughter a look.
"Yes mama, it was just a thought." The girl sighed. "Don't worry, the second I get back home, I'll get straight into getting that portal door running."
"There's also the makeup work." The woman pointed out. "And the credits that need to be made up for not going to camp."
"Right … better give me a week to catch up, but soon after that, I'm fully dedicating myself to that portal!" She gave a pained smile.
"School doesn't seem so fun now, does it?" Lucci snickered.
"Human school always sucked. Magic school at least there's something new to learn." Luz rolled her eyes. "Bye guys, take care, don't turn on the microwave, the stove, the thermostat … in fact, just be safe and don't turn anything on unless Mom's home."
"Sure thing Luz." Hunter spoke, taking a look through the cabinets. "I'll make sure everything is in order when you get back, Ms Noceda."
"Thank you Hunter, but just as long as no fires start in the house, I'll be satisfied." She smiled before both humans walked out the door.
"You hear that Clawthorne, she said she doesn't want you starting any fires." Hunter spoke out, knowing he was second most likely to set the house on fire, being tied with Boscha.
"I can go a day without setting something on fire." The boy rolled his eyes. "So what are we doing for lunch? Dry stuff, going out?" He looked under the kitchen sink. "I can probably hold myself with a little bleach and window cleaner."
"You're already thinking about lunch?" Boscha asked.
"Human food tastes good but it doesn't fill up well. At this point I'm considering going to the zoo and grabbing something if it wasn't for the fact that giraffes live there." He shivered.
Gus's eyes widened. "That's what we should do today! Finally talk to the giraffe's and learn all of their wisdom!" He WILL learn something today!
"Actually Lucci has a point about the food." Willow spoke up. "We're eating over half the fridge just to be satisfied and Luz's mom is already spending a fortune just taking care of us."
"I get what you're saying. We rob the nearest bank and live comfortably for the next year." They all stared at Lucci. "Oh like we haven't done anything worse before."
"Fair." Boscha nodded.
"Let's save that for plan z." Amity said.
"Plan z?" Hunter asked.
"As in zero way we will every consider it unless we have no choice. The point is to lay low, not call attention to ourselves."
"Aww, I can totally do it without getting caught." Lucci pouted. "Maybe we can knock out the guy who owns the bank and have Vee transfer the funds …"
"We're not going to rob a bank." Willow put her foot down. "I think the only way to get enough money…. without doing something illegal, is for all of us to get jobs."
"Jobs?!" Lucci shouted.
"Wow, and here I thought I would have to put in effort to scare you on halloween." Hunter snorted. "Now I know I just need a job application."
"Jobs are worse than school! There they suck the life out of you by learning and repeating the same things over and over again, only now they hold money of your head, slowly trapping you in a endless cycle that you're incapable of escaping, because before you know, your life slips by and you're stuck relying on whatever minimum wage crap they hold over your head."
"You do know our parents all have jobs, right?" Gus asked.
"Blight Industries." …Okay, that went unsaid.
"Lucci, this isn't just about helping ourselves, this is about helping Luz." Amity pointed out. "She's stressing out and bending over backwards trying to find us a way home. The least we can do is pull our own weight for like a year at most."
"We aren't staying here for a year-" The boy sighed. "Alright, fine, we'll get jobs."
"So what's the biggest emporium near here?" Boscha asked. "I can use what my moms taught me about mixing ingredients."
"..Uh…" Gus began looking into a newspaper (real life human paper mache…so AWESOME!) "There's a couple help wanted ads for a few restaurants here in town."
The girl began laughing. "Alright, nice joke, now seriously. Where are the actual high paying jobs?"
"Heheh…yeah…..here's the thing…" Gus said. "We're teenegers…so there's only so many jobs we can actually have available to us without disclosing into ID'S, passports, Visa's, birth certificates, education, social security…'
"I don't even know what half that stuff is!"
"Which is why we have to take jobs that don't ask too many questions." Hunter explained. "No matter how much law enforcement training I actually have. So, what's up first?"
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"Jenny, Kiki, three pepperonis with mushrooms!" Kofi shouted to the back as he took orders.
"We're on it!" Kiki shouted, always the one to do her best for the family.
"In a minute, gotta apply my eyeliner." Jenny replied, hardly paying attention to her situation. He really needed to discipline her one of these days…that or make her spend the day with Nana. That ought to set her straight.
The doorbell chimed in, as he turned to see a familiar child look around with hat wearing children. "This is the place. Fish Stew Pizza." He told them.
"I thought it was just a pizza place." The shortest kid looked confused.
"Maybe it's a topping selection?"
"Ah Steven, one of my best customers." He greeted the boy as he walked in. "New friends, I take it?"
"...Yes, that's….exactly it." The boy nodded slowly.
"I take it you want the usual." He assumed. "Do you want to pay with deliveries, or dollars this time around?"
"Actually, my friends and I saw your help wanted ad, and we're a bit low on money at the moment."
"I see." He nodded, moving them to a table in the corner, pulling out glasses of water for them. "Unfortunately, I only have two available positions. One of them is deliveries because SOMEONE is very flakey on that front."
"Not my fault. Beauty sleep takes a full nine hours tops. I've been very clear on that!"
He sighed, ignoring his daughter and going back to the conversation. "So whoever takes that position should be well aware of the town's structure, along with being willing to spend the entire day running from customer to customer. Thirty minutes late and they get their pizza free after all."
"...Duly noted." Steven's face had an air of mischievousness that was VERY uncommon for the boy. That and the boy actually had a neck now? Did he finally go through puberty?
"I can take care of it in Fifteen max." The girl with glasses raised her hand. "I didn't earn these muscles for nothing."
"Let's test that." He handed her a box and an address. "Deliver this to the other side of town in thirty minutes or less. If you're back before then, the job is yours."
She saluted with determined eyes. "I won't let you down sir …"
"Mr Pizza." He told them.
"...Is that an ironic name…" The blonde kid questioned.
"When I came to this country, I changed it to something I thought Americans would like." He explained. "It actually opened a lot of doors for me, so it stuck." He always told Nana that keeping the 'Barkeep' family name would've lowered their prospects had they kept.
"Changing my last name … I'll be looking into that." The purple haired girl said. "So what's the other position?" .
"I need an extra pair of hands in the kitchen, preferably anyone that's good with multitasking and fire." He explained. "Now for this one, I'll have to see it personally, so gather around in the kitchen so that… where did Steven go?" He blinked, noticing that the curly haired boy was gone.
"Wow, cooking human food is even easier than I thought!" The steven boy held a pizza… that was completely on fire. "It's extra crispy, extra spicy, extra hot, everything that goes well with Pizza."
He stared in horror, which intensified as Nana walked to the boy with a dissonant smile. "Steven, can I see you in the back?" Kofi tried his best to signal them to run.
"Uh… sure." The boy was doomed. Gloom and doom entered the air as the boy who once held so much innocence was obviously about to get it drained away in the most painful way possible.
"We'll wait half an hour until she's done." Kofi nodded slowly. "… Also, your time is down to twenty eight minutes-oh she already left." That was two times he couldn't see something right in front of him. Maybe he needed glasses. "Anyways, any of you good at working with ingredients and fire?"
"My specialty sir." The girl with a tan that looked almost pink. "I just need some instruction on how to make the dough."
"Jenny will review your progress." He nodded. "Jenny! We got a potential trainee! Show the young lady the ropes!"
"Just a minute … Nana's pulling out her 'tools'!"
"Wait, what are you doing with that whisk-AAAHHHHH!!!"
"...Is he going to come out of this alive?" The purple haired girl asked.
"There's no telling." Kofi sighed solemnly. "Steven's a good kid, but Nana's punishments are merciless."
"… You know, with a woman like that to learn from, I could get used to minimum wage." The pink tanned girl smiled with a silent ruthlessness in her eyes.
"Just don't text your friends while you're working…like SOME PEOPLE IN THE KITCHEN…and everything should be fine."
"You keep saying some people and we all know you mean me!"
"That's precisely the point!" Kofi yelled, before turning to the others. "Now if you feel confident, perhaps I can test you for deliveries just like your friend…"
"I made it!" The door's burst open, the girl with glasses heaving into the doorway. "Under ten minutes, new record!"
"… Did we even give her a map of the town?" The blond one asked.
"She said her plants give her more awareness of her surroundings when she concentrates." The short one said.
That was a strange sentence, but Kofi wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. "You're hired."
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Mr. Fryman groaned. "Rholnado, for the last time, you can blog when your shift is over!" Ever since his oldest son quit his job at the Gravesfield historical archives, he's been working at the stand, at least until his blog was 'monetized', whatever that meant.
"But dad, the truth must come out!" He shouted. "Otherwise, how will we be able to greet the witches when the ghosts in mirrors help us bond!?"
"I knew that Jacob fella was a bad influence." Mr. Fryman groaned.
"Dad, I know he's bad now. It's why I stopped going to the museum to begin with." Literally the only thing he could say he was proud of Rholnaldo for doing. "It's also why I must work twice as hard, to undo the damage he has wrought onto the world!"
"Don't worry dad, you have one non-insane son." Peedee reassured him as he sliced the potatoes perfectly, just like how he taught him.
"I'll take what I can get." He sighed. His little beach life wasn't perfect, but it was good, and decent, and he had his shop. There was just one thing he wished he could have. The only problem was that Peedee refused to wear the suit, so he needed someone else to take it.
"Booya! I got the job!" He heard shouting. Looking out, Mr. Fryman saw a group of kids walking together, one of them being Steven…except he was taller and shivering. "Now I can make money and keep in shape. And all it cost was Lucci's dignity…the little there was left."
"She used the whole whisk …. I feel so unclean…." Steven was on the ground, shivering as he was supported by a girl with a pink tan.
"I got the job too, so I'll make you a special pizza tonight to celebrate." She patted his head.
"With poisonous frogs and worms?"
"I'll even look for the most spore ridden mushrooms I can find." When did his diet become so off?
"Heya Steven." Peede greeted. "Here for the bits again?"
"The bits?" He asked.
"Yeah, you know, your usual order of dried fried end and hardened grease chips?"
The blond snorted. "What a diet you have."
"Jokes on you, that actually sounds delicious." He said, pulling out a five.
"Wait, where did you get that?" The girl with purple hair asked.
"I stole it off that teenager with the phone. She made it so freakin obvious I had to take advantage of it." He smirked.
"Steven, since when do you steal?" Fryman asked in disappointment. "Don't make me have to tell the gems about you."
"Yeah, because I give two craps about what they think. So scary."
Rhonaldo looked in confusion. "Didn't you say they're your fami-… Wait a second, why is your new look giving me the weirdest de ja vu?"
"I don't know, why does your hair look like you're growing melted cheese?"
They gasped. "Wait … Mirror Ghost!?"
"Say another word and I will end you ."
"Okay….Steven…why don't you just go and cool off for a minute, okay, we'll handle things from here." The girl with purple haired girl nudged him out of the area. "Sorry about that….he's had…family issues lately. You know how it is."
"Right, I can definitely say the same thing." He ignored the complaining shouts of his children. "So what can I get the rest of you?"
"We heard that there was a position open, but it didn't say for what." The short kid asked.
Right, because whenever he said what it was, people ran away. "When I stand before you, I stand with a legacy." He stated, moving to the back. "A position very few can take. The burden is strong, and the jeers are rough … but by god, I promise, the ancestors above smile on the mantle … of Frybo." He showed off the costume.
He expected cries of disgust … not cooes. "It looks like a baby snidrock from the swampy fingers." The pink tanned girl awed.
"So you're literally paying people to wear this all day?" The short kid asked.
"Wear it, advertise the fryshop, dazzle and delight the audience, that sort of thing." He said, making the shorter kid squeal in delight.
"Full disclaimer." Peede spoke up. "It has no ventilation. The sun will be a cruel mistress and shade is your best friend."
"Not a dealbreaker, it's perfect!" The short kid shouted in excitement. "Mind if I add my own brand of flair to things?"
"Just as long as you make people want to come to the shop instead of screaming away in terror, then you can go crazy…just no fireworks, most of the equipment is flammable."
Fwowsh
They turned to the fire in the shop, along with the confused looking boy. "Okay, you can't blame me for this one. How was I supposed to know oily rags dumped into grease would start a fire this big?" Steven shrugged. "On the plus side.." He took a bite out of one of the hats…that looked deep fried. "Fried hats are delicious."
"Banned for a week. And I am definitely telling the gems about this."
"Oh no, you're going to tell people I don't care about, scary." He rolled his eyes. "Later fry people."
"Seriously man, what happened to you?" Peede asked in confusion.
"Life." Was the boy's only explanation as he left the shop.
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Sadie whistled as she mopped, adding a little twirl. "Alright … down with the rock?" Lars guessed.
"Not even close man." Games like 'guess the melody' helped pass the time when they were waiting for customers. "Looks like I'll be keeping the lead once again."
"Hey, you listen to every genre in your downtime, I can hardly keep up with that." Lars justified.
"Hey, you're still king at 'guess the pastry', we're at an impasse." She shot back.
"Ssssh, you said you'd be quiet about that!"
"Oh like anyone's going to judge you for knowing about baked goods." She rolled his eyes. "Not to mention nobody's even here to listen in." A ding at the door brought their attention to the front. "..I swear that wasn't intentional." Guess is back to the boring donut job. "Oh, hey Steven. New look?"
"How many people did she-Aggh." The boy groaned, rubbing his hand across his face. "Yes. Yes it is."
"About time, though Pink? Really, couldn't you choose a better color that doesn't make you look like a wimp?" Lars snorted.
That got the girl, who's very skin looked like it was tanned pink, to growl as she grabbed Lar's by the collar. "And what about pink makes it so wimpy, you noodle armed cotton head?"
Ooooh, Lar's walked into that one. "Ahhh…."
"That's what I thought. Next time, learn to bark when you can back it with some bite." The girl threw her co-worker to the ground. "And if you insult my Boyfriend again, I won't be nearly as nice as I am now."
Sadie blinked at that one. "Weren't you with Connie? Or Masha?" That was a bit of a confusing hangout.
"No." The boy stated firmly. "My lovely Angel Boscha is the only one I'll ever have eyes for."
"Trust us, we've tried otherwise, it never works." The girl with the glasses winced.
"Alright then …" That was something to question later. "So, Cookie Cats?" Sadie offered.
"Bleggh, no thanks." He stuck his hands out. "Lion Lickers for me." Huh?! When the heck was that ever a thing!?
"Seriously, it's like you're an entirely different person today." Lars noted as he reached for the terrible treat.
"So I have been told." Steven grunted. "Anyways, we're looking for jobs…
"No way, Steven." Lars crossed his arms. "Last time you worked here, it ended with me breathing fire for ten minutes."
"To be fair, you were a flaky jerk that week." Sadie reminded him.
"You mean he's not a jerk now?" Steven sounded genuinely surprised. "How has nobody felt the urge to hospitalize you?"
"I've felt the urge once or twice. It passes…eventually." She sighed. "Anyways we mainly need people to mop the floors and stock the freezer. Nothing complicated…unless you're Lars."
"Hey, why is all this shade being thrown at me today?"
"Cause you're a jerk." Steven rolled his eyes. "I'm gonna go check the back and see what I can do." He walked away.
"I'll clean up whatever mess he makes." The blonde followed.
"So…you guy's new in town?" Sadie decided to ask the rest of the group.
"Yeah. We're kinda strapped for cash so we're all looking for jobs." The purple haired girl winced. "This was the last place looking for work too …"
"I get it. Gravefield isn't that big, so job's can be hard to come by." Sadie nodded. "For me I had to take this job, otherwise I risk death by being smothering by my mom."
"If you're really that desperate, there's an underground wrestling ring in town. They're usually always looking for new fighters." Lars suggested. "I don't know if someone …" He looked like he was trying to word something insensitive. "Thin, could make it far though."
"Normally that might be a problem…But I have repressed rage to compensate." The girl smirked, turning to her friends. "Besides, I almost won the bonesborrow brawl. This will be nothing."
"Hey guys …" Sadie looked back as Steven exited the freezer, smoke following. "So the thing that made cold air was rattling, so I kicked it a bit … then …"
"How do you start a fire in a freezer!?" Lars yelled. "How stupid do you have to be!?"
"Just for that, you're going in." Steven picked Lars up and tossed him inside.
"Dude, what the heck!?" Sadie shouted, running to grab the fire extinguisher. "The hospitalization was a joke!"
"It was?" He asked. "Usually everyone I know is serious when they say stuff like that."
"Don't worry, I got him!" The blonde kid rushed inside with the extinguisher. Five seconds later, the two of them came out, covered in foam, but alive.
"Blonde kid…you stay….Steven….you get the HELL out of here…and NEVER come back."
"Whatever, Cupholder ears. This just means two people I hate are grouped in the same place."
"Seriously, he used to be so nice." Sadie frowned as she watched him leave. "What happened?"
"...Its….teenage angst?" The short kid suggested. For some reason that didn't seem to fit either.
========================================================================
Luz watched as the teacher droned on. "Here we can see that civilizations start to form." They explained. "However, the human mind wasn't able to process such a large number of people, only fifty at the most. It instead compensated with constructs that helped justify it, such as nations and religion."
Ah religion, what a way to fuck everything over. People who believe in gods are self righteous assholes who do terrible things for 'good', and gods themselves are insane maniacs. Everything was fine just as long as you believed in some invisible power. That was always justification for horrible mistakes, like genocide, colonization, slavery.
"From there, humanity started to develop things that would expand past the bartering system. Such as trade, currency, and travel." Yes, the ability to anywhere and do whatever they wanted no matter how many people it fucked over in the end. Sure, travel far and wide, and spread your diseases and horrible ideologies and allow them to fester without restraint and never feel the consequences.
"Now, who can tell me about some of the first few civilizations?" They asked, before turning their head to her. "Noceda, you've been quiet all day. Why don't you answer?"
"What's there to talk about? A bunch of old British people thought the world was flat and sailed thinking they could get gold from India, but instead found America and brought disease to the indigenous people."
"... Noceda, this is Stone to Bronze age. We haven't even reached the formation of the British as a country yet." They deadpanned, followed by the snickers of her classmates. "You've already missed enough classes, at least pay attention to the one's you're in."
"Fiiine." She groaned, barely registering what he was saying as he mentally went back to more important matters. She was just so frustrated right now. Philip made an idiot out of her and destroyed her friends' lives, and here she was, forced to pay attention to facts that were inconsequential in the long run.
She needed to get better. Learn about things that could help them get back home, skills that could help them destroy enemies, and facts about how to take down the Collector. Not some mumbo jumbo about cave people learning to read. What did any of that matter when she's seen magic that warped reality?! Creatures so amazing that they both enlightened and scared her for life.
...Maybe if she just went to that dumb camp, things would've been alright. Maybe she would've found this boring class okay. Belos wouldn't have a sucker to go back in time and help him if that had happened. Then he wouldn't rise to power as the emperor, Lilith wouldn't get jealous and curse Eda, she wouldn't be a world jumping criminal, Lucci wouldn't have been stuck with a dad that hated him …
She really was the cause of every horrible thing that's ever happened, wasn't she? Boscha was right, she should've just left when she had the chance. Now the Isles was dominated by a crazy god and every friend she had was suffering for it by being pulled away from families, left dealing with angry gems that didn't care much and a resentful parent. Not to mention Connie would just be happier if she wasn't on Earth at all …
The only thing she had left now was a sword, and the willingness to sacrifice herself for her friends…so by titan that's what she was going to do. No matter how much sacrifice it took from her, everyone would smile. So what if she was feeling bad, everyone was worse, so they should be focused on, right?
A paper ball was thrown at her head. "Here's some tips, Luzer." … Did not miss that at all.
========================================================================
"And just like that, the Turbo Terror was put out of commission!" Mr Smiley shouted as the car themed wrestler was carried out. "What a show!" Moments like these made the crazy destruction of his arcade and amusement park on an almost constant rotation worth it. "What an incredible upset for the world of underground wrestling, and from two complete newbies as well! They've crawled their way to the top in such little time, and it's been glorious!"
"Finally, a sport that appreciates the beauty of chaotic destruction." One of newbies smirked, sitting back as their friend walked the stage.
"Here comes a girl, who sludged through the mud of death itself, here to bring down a beating upon all her enemies! Give it up for … the Mighty Mittens!"
"Really, you used your old nickname?" The kid said to his partner, waving off to the crowd as she showed off some weird slimy looking gloves.
"It's not like I was going to take the Atrocious Abomination." The girl rolled her eyes. "Plus it's the nickname my dad gave me, and I don't hate him anymore, plus the gauntlets are all I can do for myself, it all just fits conveniently."
"Yeah … those aren't sharp are they?" Mr. Smiley asked quietly. "We like to say anything goes, but I'd rather not have punctured lungs in my ring."
"I can make sure to limit injuries to concussions only."
"We're good to go!" He exclaimed. "And here comes her partner. Straight from the coconut mines … Tiger Millionaire!"
"I thought the Tiger Philanthropist was the wrestling persona."
"On the boiling isles, yes. On earth, that's a different story."
"…..you just wanted to wear the tiger makeup instead of growing fur, didn't you?"
"I'd like to think the orange stripes match perfectly with my eyes." The boy flamboyantly posed. "Now, don't worry opponents, I'll pay for your medical bills after I beat you up."
"Hey, this guy's got game!" Lar's voice shot out.
"....I don't know whether to call that ironic or sad." The tiger boy mumbled.
"Call it miraculous for the fact no one can see past the makeup." The girl answered.
"And here come their opponents, finally recovered from the Purple Puma rampage …"
"Pink Lions and Purple Pumas, what's with colorful cats and earth?" Mighty Mittens asked.
"I'm not complaining. I'm half expecting to see a giant red dog sometime down the road."
"It's the Construction Crew!"
"We've built ourselves back up, so we can tear you down!" One of the members answered.
"Construction, maybe they're tough." Tiger boy muttered. "I hope that you have your building permits, otherwise that's a big fine you'll be paying with your bones!"
That got the crowd roaring with applause and laughter. "How is it that you question my naming scheme yet the crowd eats up your bad puns?"
"It's called knowing your audience. There's a right time to pander, this is that time." The boy smirked. "Now watch out, because I'm coming at you like a wrecking ball!"
"Don't you dare steal our lines!" The smaller one rushed forward, held back by a single outstretched hand from the Tiger.
"I guess I'll take this guy. You take the tall one." He pointed over to the other Construction Crew member, before pushing him all across to the other side of the stage without much effort. "Something tells me this'll be a short match."
"Yeah, for you two." The taller one laughed. "I don't like picking on little girls, so I'll make this quick."
"Funny, I was about to say the same thing about you." Mittens dodged out of a pile drive, before ambushing the man from behind, pinning him down. "Because I'm used to fighting bigger people that are clearly overcompensating for something."
"Just the start and the fire is already strong!" He shouted. "Mittens has the older brother locked down, and Millionaire is making short work of the younger one."
Tiger Millionaire threw him to the ground. "Now, who wants to see a pile driver!?" He shouted. "Because that's one price we can all agree is worth it!"
"You said you were going to pay for my bills … right?" The broken man questioned.
"Dude, tough it out, you're supposed to be used to this. I'm a noob, and even I know that." The tiger rolled his eyes, and began his dive…somehow his elbow lighting on fire as he dove into the man's back.
"TAP OUT! TAP OUT!" The man desperately screamed before it hit.
BOOM CRACK
Everyone winced at the scream as the man clearly broke something, now covered head to toe in flames, something the crowd actually seemed to enjoy as the man screamed in pain.
"A flaming pile drive! That's amazing! After the crappy day I had, I needed to see someone else in pain." Lars was the one clapping and cheering the most.
"... Ambulance …" The man cried out with tears.
"Seriously dude, come on, we've gotta get ready for round two…" He lightly kicked them as something audible was heard shifting inside of the man's body. "...He's not acting, is he?"
Okay, focus on that later, ham it up to the audience. "And little brother is down! Utter Crumbled! Will Big brother fall victim, or shall he avenge his little brother!?"
"GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!" Big brother cried as Mittens lifted him above her head, before throwing him on top of little brother, wherever even MORE cracking could be heard.
"Rule one folks, never take your eyes off a fight, you never know what spectacle you may be missing!" Mighty Mittens shouted as she posed.
"YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Looks like the crowd loved it, though he would have to manage the chaos from here on out. Good thing he had even signed those non-disclosure forms.
"And we have our new champions!" Smiley announced, and held the two kid's arms up, beforeing leaning in and whispering. "But seriously though, that was a bit too much."
"Please don't kick me out. This is like the only interesting thing I've been apart of ever since moving here." The tiger kid pleaded.
"Kid, I'm less mad that you severely injured one of our regulars and more impressed that you set your opponent on fire with nothing but an elbow drop."
"Thank you."
"That said, purple girl, you're hired full time. Lion kid, we'll call you for special matches." He said. "I can't have competitors when your first attack ends up hospitalizing them."
"Damn it, I thought I actually found a viable career choice on top of con man." Tiger muttered.
"Don't sweat it, Lucci. I'll….get your souvenirs from each match?" The girl tried to offer.
"We both know Luz would like them more than I would." He sighed. "I'm gonna go." The boy trudged off.
"I'll always love you Tiger Millionaire!" The Lars boy shouted.
"...I hate this dimension."
========================================================================
Lucci groaned as he laid on Vee's floor. "Your planet sucks."
The Basilisk turned to him. "You know, I could say the same thing about yours." She smirked. "Water you can't even touch without getting third degree burns."
"Yeah, as opposed to water so salty it stings every inch of your body and makes you barf." He countered.
"Painbows turning you inside out."
"Rainbows filled with boring colors."
"Plants that half the time try to eat you."
"Plants so basic they're easily mowed over and killed.
"Animals constantly on the prowl."
"Animals with so little sapience I truly wonder how none of them have gone extinct."
"Grrr." Spice growled.
"Not you Spice, you're the exception. I know you're top of the pack." He hugged his fluffy pal. "Let's face it, you taking my life was the best thing you could've done for the both of us. I don't know how I would've survived if I had to grow up here."
"Three super powerful and socially awkward rock aliens taking care of you?" Vee suggested. "Compared to the criminal witch."
"A criminal witch that went above and beyond to give me a happy life when she was suffering." He countered with a glare. "A woman who taught me every skill I needed to survive and provided for me when she was stuck with a curse."
"I know, I know, not insulting or anything … and if I was, it would probably just devolve into a my mom's better than your mom fight."
"That's a stupid argument. My mom's my mom. Why would I need to prove it to anyone else?"
"Yep, definitely stupid." She nodded. "We just lived different lives and have different perspectives. That doesn't make one more right…that just makes us different."
This girl was wise beyond her years. "Wish people were as smart as you. Ugh, I hate having to play human." Lucci fell on his back. "Getting a job is impossible here."
"I guess some parts weren't made for everyone." Vee spoke, flipping through channels.
"How did you manage to get money?" He questioned.
"A mix of birthday money, financial investing, and the fact the gems don't really understand the concept of paying for things." She answered. "Aside from Amethyst somewhat, the gem's really don't understand humans all that well. And with Mr. Universe being…"
"An insufferable prick?" He asked.
"A broken man, yes…."
"Same difference."
"...I had to learn human interactions by myself. Mostly just presenting myself as friendly and getting to know people." She explained. "After a while it just … stuck." They smiled. "Nobody's the bad guy. Deep down there's some good in every soul. It just gets messed up by bad ideas and stuff you learn wrong."
"I…I can see that somewhat." Luz used to say the same thing…before Bismuth killed Centi, and he'd be a hypocrite if he didn't acknowledge the other basilisks. "But there's a point where too far is just too far."
"You can believe what you want, free country." She acknowledged.
"... Wanna help me rob a bank?" He asked.
"...I…I would help you…but I rather not start off my new persona as a criminal."
"It doesn't have to be your face we use. I was planning on impersonating the bank manager." He explained.
"I also…rather not…have 'Steven' be known as a criminal."
"Full disclosure, I confused and angered a lot of people today, so you're better off NOT being Steven again for the foreseeable future." He responded.
The girl chuckled. "Oh come on, not to brag but I'm the nicest gal around. How badly could you mess up all that in one day?"
"Steven's banned from pizza, fry, and donut shop for an indefinite amount of time."
She dropped the remote with a look of horror. "My favorite food places …"
Oh great, now he feels guilty. "Sorry. Everyone just keeps calling me Steven and it really gets on my nerves.
"It's … fine." She sighed after a second. "As long as nobody got hurt in the end."
"...Well I also wrestled, but that was as Tiger Millionaire…so….doesn't count?" She gave him a look and he sighed. "I just wish I could go back to selling junk with mom, that I was good at." Lucci reminisced. "We take whatever human garbage we could find and sell it to anyone."
"By that logic, witch garbage would sell for a lot in the human realm." Vee stated. "... Maybe Amethyst has one or two pieces in her garbage pile."
The moment she said her name, the purple gem herself popped herself on the couch. "I heard around the grapevine you're in need of junk?"
"Did my wish to say a name multiple times and bring people next to me finally come true!?" Vee shouted with sparkly eyes.
"No, I was inside of the fridge eating ice cream." She responded. "Anyway's, I think I got a nick nack or two from Evelyn back in the day. I had to bury it deep inside the pile though. After Rose came back from being gone a hundred years, she wanted to forget about the boiling isles."
"Alright, let's do this … where did you hide it?" Lucci asked, looking all over the small house.
"In my room, duh." She laughed.
"..There's no other room aside from the kitchen."
"Trust me, this place is bigger on the inside." Amethyst pointed to the end of the house, where a more cave like structure was, with a door.
"..How did I not see that before?"
"Because you tune out anything relating to the gems." Vee bluntly reminded him. "Behold, the Gem Door! By simply presenting your gem, it opens up to a room special to you!"
"Garnet tried to set one up for Lapis, but she prefers to sit by Vee while she sleeps or sit in the ocean." Amethyst explained, opening the door. "This is my room, with my junk pile."
Lucci walked inside … and saw before him a monument that would make even trash slugs bow in reverence. "It's….glorious…"
"Thanks, I try my best. Took years to make it this big." She smiled. "My pride and joy."
"If my Mom was here, she'd be swimming in it like a rich duck." He laughed as he took off his shirt. "Heck, she might even try to propose to you!" Lucci jumped inside of the pile, laughing as he swam around in the junk.
"Eh, not the marriage type, but who knows?" Amethyst shrugged. "So we looking for that witch junk?"
"Forget about that. Give me enough time, and I can find a way to sell most of this!" He smiled. "The key to selling junk is to make it look like something you want to have. Stack it on top of each other and BOOM, something completely new and different."
"Isn't that just lying with style?" Vee asked.
"Precisely, now you're getting it." He patted Vee on the back. "Stick with me, and I'll show you the art of selling junk."
"Now this I can get behind." Amethyst laughed. "Hey, how much do you think I can get for this twenty year old burrito?" She asked, holding a locked box that seemed to radiate a malicious energy.
"Put it in a sack, pour some dirt in it, stir it like cake, and boom, you got fresh quality brand manure, easily sold at a hundred snails." He explained. This was gonna be just like in the Boiling Isles … just hoped mom was alright.