Chapter 9: Woes of Confrontational Alpha Females
'The more I think, the more confused I get.'
Yori was going to pass out.
Not for any conventional reason like overwork (although there was plenty of that going on in her life), or because she'd been hand-standing for too long (she was fairly certain she couldn't manage that anyway), but because Rasa-sama had sprung his surprise.
He'd called her to his office (on the level below the Kazekage's office) and, when she'd made it after nearly being killed by a hoard of hissing snakes (someone hadn't shut the cages during feeding time again), he'd been waiting for her with two other people.
They were identical in every way: short blonde hair, green eyes, petite statures, white scarves wound twice around their necks and carefully pleasant faces that made Yori want to hide in her covers and never come out.
"Ah, Yori-san!" said Rasa-sama with something that could pass for a welcoming smile (but was really just a slightly less condescending sneer), "This is my fiancée, Karura. Play nice."
He'd directed the last bit to one of the blondes. This didn't bode well for Yori.
"I-It's nice t-to meet…" she began but was abruptly cut off.
"What do you want?" one of them said with a sickeningly polite smile.
Yori blinked like a deer caught in headlights. "I…what?"
"Karura-nee…"mumbled the one on the left.
The one who was presumably Karura turned a sharp smile at Rasa-sama's scowling face. "Is she stupid?"
"I thought so at first myself," Rasa-sama said. "But then I found out that she's just spineless."
"My kid is going to walk all over her."
"Hey," he said defensively. "I walked all over my nanny and Iturned out fine."
"Your definition of fine," said Karura with a scowl, "is very different from mine."
The blonde to the left hesitantly said, "Karura-nee, perhaps we shouldn't talk about people like as if they're not there…"
Karura whipped a glare at him. "Hush Yasha, mommy and daddy are talking."
"Yes Karura-nee."
Yori gulped, very glad that they were ignoring her completely.
"I don't want that waste of flesh anywhere nearmy impressionable kid!" yelled Karura.
Rasa-sama stood up, towering a head over her. "Well, seeing as I'mthe father, unless you lied about that too—"
"Oh grow up pansy!" said Karura dismissively, baring her teeth at him. "If I'd had an affair, that's just cause you weren't up to snuff."
"So you did have an affair!"
"We could argue about this all day, but does it really matter whether I did or not, in the grand scheme of things?" Karura asked, smiling blithely.
Rasa-sama sputtered. "Yes it fucking matters!"
Karura narrowed her eyes. "So if I said the kid wasn't yours you'd ditch me, hmm?"
Rasa-sama quickly back-tracked. "That's not what I—"
"Well it sure soundedlike that's what you—"
"You always blow everything out of proportion—"
"Maybe you'd feel less insecure if you had a bigger dick—"
"You leave my dick out of this!"
"Why? Cause it's a community dick?"
"I'm not the one spreading my legs for anyone with a thruster—"
"Oh, is that the posh word for it? I had no fucking clue—"
"Stop swearing! It's bad for the bloody baby—"
"I'll swear however much I want you fucking—"
"I don't even know why I tolerate you—"
"Maybe it's cause Fumiko-chan that you're looking for, what with her massive tits and cow eyes—"
"For the last time, it's Kumiko and she's my fucking cousin!"
Karura snapped, "Don't swear at the baby you tosser!"
"You swore first!" screamed Rasa-sama, his face going beet red in anger.
"No, you swore first!"
Karura's little brother turned to Yori and said, "I don't know why they're getting married."
Yori quirked her lips upwards. "Because they're the only ones that can tolerate each other."
He gave a startled laugh and stared at her with wide eyes. "I'm Yashamaru. You must be Yori-san?"
He gave her a short bow, which she returned deeply. "Y-yeah."
She didn't know where her gall had come from, to say something like that, but the yelling and screaming…
She remembered that.
Rose remembered that.
Rose had grown strong to deal with that, and suddenly, a tiny bit of Yori's spine came forth.
"A-ano, R-Rasa-sama…" she tried, taking a step forward.
Karura snapped her head at her. "Stay the fuck away from my husband!"
Yori yelped and stuttered, "Y-yes, right away!", backing away as far and as fast as she could, instantly losing whatever spine she may have gained.
Rasa-sama glared at Karura. "She's not even worth a boner you insecure woman."
Karura flipped her hair out of her eyes. "Well, I don't think Fumiko's boner-worthy either, but I saw what I saw."
"Kumiko is my cousin!"
"Didn't stop your parents from fucking each other senseless, did it?"
Rasa-sama smashed his lips against hers and Karura instantly melted into it, yanking his hair and pulling him forward as he wound an arm around her swelling waist, pulling her off the floor and making her moan deep in her throat. Sucking sounds ensued.
Yashamaru looked away and Yori meeped, covering her eyes and blushing furiously.
They came up for air after many an embarrassing-to-listen-to moans and pants, grunts and 'fuck me Rasa's.
Yori didn't think there was any blood left to go to her head after that.
"Right, right," said Rasa-sama a few times after parting from Karura, his face flushed and his lips a bruised red. "We were doing something."
"I want to interview the bitch," said Karura, placated for the moment. "If I think she's an unfit nanny for my baby, she's fired."
Wait, what?
"Um, Ka-Karura-sama…wh-fired?" Yori asked, her head spinning and tears building up in her eyes.
Karura looked at her dispassionately. "Better yet, pack your bags now. Save us all the time."
Yori wanted to melt into the floor and never solidify again, but then she remembered that Papa Shin didn't have a job and that Nae-chan didn't really make her own lunch so Yori did it for her.
That shit cost money.
So with a steadying breath, she squeaked, "I-I…interview please?"
Karura scoffed. "Answer three questions. If they're satisfactory, you pass."
Yori didn't even minutely relax—three questions meant that getting even one wrong meant that she got 33% wrong, which was a third more than she could afford.
She nodded with as much determination as her character would allow, lips pouting in concentration and brows delicately furrowed, having the rather unfortunate effect of puffing out her cheeks, making her look like a toddler determinedly using a spoon to eat noodles.
Karura tutted without even asking the first question. Rasa-sama squeezed her hand tightly in warning and she muttered, "Don't know what you see in her…"
"Girl," she began sharply, causing Yori to yelp. "If the kid throws a tantrum cause you didn't give it chocolate, what would you do?"
Yori furrowed her eyebrows in concentration, giving it her all. "H-how old is the baby?"
Karura raised an eyebrow. "Four."
Yori muttered under her breath, "So they're too old to be throwing a temper tantrum…but not too young that it'll make them believe that they'll never get what they want…"
Karura's eyebrow went even higher at the girl's mutterings.
"Um…I would pr-pretend th-that they weren't there," she said finally.
Karura asked promptly, "Why?"
Yori jumped at the abrupt tone, quite certain that she'd answered the question wrong.
But in her heart, she thought, Too late to turn back now. Besides, if she wants me to raise spoiled brats, she's delusional.
"B-because…I-I…don't think they should…if they're given what the-they're told they won't just…just because they screamed and yelled, it'll make them think that…that that'll get them what they want in…in later life too. Also, i-if I changed my rules and wasn't f-firm, they-I would lose m-my credibility. A-and yelling won't h-help...just make them resent you..."
Yori hoped she'd made sense just then, because she felt like she'd messed up irreparably.
Karura sneered contemplatively—Yori was getting quite good at interpreting sneers thanks to prolonged exposure to Rasa-sama—and asked, "And if the kid started beating you up?"
Yori gulped. "Then I'd get beaten up ma'am," she answered honestly, wincing at the future walloping she would probably receive (and wasn't it odd that she was hoping to get this job?)
Karura said, "You called me ma'am. Keep doing that."
Yori nodded hastily, her ponytail bobbing with her head, making her look even more child-like than she already did.
"What do you think of Suna?" Karura asked next.
Yori wanted to say, you've already asked me three questions ma'am, but figured that would get her killed. Instead she said, "I-It's my home ma'am."
Karura seemed satisfied with that. "What are your weaknesses?"
Where do I begin?
Yori took a deep breath and then said, with complete honesty, "Spiders, ants, large animals, small spaces, bright lights, loneliness, small animals, heights and baby carrots. Also, the outdoors, but that one isn't crippling so I tend not to mention it too much."
Karura stared at her in disbelief. Rasa-sama stared at her in disbelief. Yashamaru stared at her in disbelief. The potted plant in the corner stared at her in disbelief.
"How do you function?" Yashamaru asked, wide-eyed.
I'd explain it to you but your brain would explode, thought Yori, wondering if she even had an answer to that question.
Karura suddenly cackled. "Oh, I'm keeping this one."
Rasa-sama gave Yori an apologetic look.
Yori had a job.
Yori didn't feel like that was a win, somehow.
Sasori sat, straight-backed and deadpanned, staring at the innocuous cushion warily.
He'd gotten a full three hours of sleep before Chiyo-baa-sama had interrupted him, proclaiming loudly that he was 'wasting his youth sleeping' and 'needed to get laid soon' and that she 'needed great-grandchildren more than she needed oxygen' and etcetera.
Sasori had stopped listening after the first mention of children.
There was nothing wrong with children, but they were so…
No, he took that back, there was everythingwrong with children.
Unbidden, a vision of a red-haired baby with watery blue eyes and pouting lips floated to the forefront of his mind.
He pursed his lips, the first sign of proper emotion he'd shown in a month.
No, not even that kind of baby.
Children were just…
Ugh.
Too much work, too much investment, too many variables, too much fuss, too much room for mistakes, required patience he didn't actually possess, just plain annoying—
Sasori didn't think his arguments would make a difference to Chiyo-baa-sama; she was as stubborn as him at the best of times, but when it came to babies, there was no out-stubborning her.
"I should return this cushion," he said out loud, making no move to actually do so.
He placed it on the work table in front of him, on top of wood-shavings and half-dried paint.
He suddenly slammed his face into it and decided that he'd return it.
Just as soon as he managed to get a full night's sleep.
If I'm at my table, Chiyo-baa-sama is less likely to disturb me, he thought, succumbing to a gentle sleep abruptly, like a computer shutting down when you press the power button down.
The smell of vanilla and tomatoes seeped into his very skin, and Sasori may or may not have had pleasant dreams that he couldn't remember in the morning.
Did I say I'd update more often? Haha, what an idiot I am! So what did you think of this chapter? Was it up to snuff? What do you think of Karura? And Yashamaru doesn't play that large a part yet I don't think…No love triangles, fair warning. And yes, Karura is already pregnant with Temari. Hehe, plot! Review please?