Countlessly, the thoughts of regrets flashed through my mind.
Don't see me as a bitter person, but my mum has made me feel like I was the last person she could listen to.
Why won't she allow me to take care of her?
Why would she want to risk her life?
She might see it to be an act of kindness to me, but I see it to be an act of wickedness to herself and me.
"Marian, why don't you take the call, what about if she's in danger?" I thought to myself.
I reluctantly picked up her call as she didn't stop calling, placing my phone on my ear and waiting to hear the news.
"Hello, Marian." Mum sounded ecstatic
Right now I wasn't even interested in hearing positive news but I felt relieved that she wasn't in danger.
"Mum, I'm listening, what do you have to say already?"
My mum knows that I'm against her whole choice of job so why should she be acting like she's killing me in anticipation of good news?
If I had my way, I'd have ended the call long ago.
Yes, I only took the call to know if she was in trouble or if the asthma was triggered.
"Marian, you don't have to sound rude to me. Don't tell me that you're still not happy with me."
"C'mon, Marian, how long would I continue to be at your other side? I'm still your mother, remember."
I didn't get the point that Mum was trying to blackmail me.
Does being my mother stop me from getting angry at her?
I'm beginning to think that this is another gimmick to make me buy her ideas.
" I wouldn't continue with what I have to share with you. I'd wait until you're back home."
Mum must have thought that I'd feel antsy at her final words on the phone.
"Whatever you wish to do, mum." I managed to give her a response.
She didn't hesitate to end the call on me but to me, that was the best thing she did at that moment.
I got more furious as we got off the phone, I wasn't patient enough to spew my anger on her when I got home.
After a few hours of my stay in the hotel, Lizzy came for her shift.
I'd wanted to call her after that call I had with my mum but thought to hold on since I was going to see her.
If there was that one person who always knows when my heart is troubled, that would be my friend, Lizzy.
Even on days I tried to feign to be fine, she made sure I opened up to her.
She needed no one to tell her that a lot was going on in my head.
Dropping the bags containing her clothes and her food on the table close to us, she looked straight into my eyes before saying anything.
"Marian, don't tell me that you're still angry at your mum." She asked, looking at me surprised.
Guys!!
I can't help but get more angry upon the remembrance of her act of stubbornness.
If anyone should pay deaf ears to me, not my mum.
I snapped out of my thoughts immediately after Lizzy spoke.
"Look, Marian, you should see things from your mum's perspective because she has decided to take this decision."
" You would only continue to hurt yourself if you keep thinking over it."
" She's happy with her decision, so you should play along with her. She is still your mum despite her excesses."
"This is a good idea," I thought to myself.
"Thank you for this advice, Lizzy," I replied with a smile on my face.
Get you a friend like Lizzy, trust me she's everything in one.
" It's nothing, Marian. This isn't worth worrying about."
Lizzy left for her duty post as I went into the dressing room to change from my workwear.
I met Lizzy, gave her a hug as we bid farewell.
Approaching home, I suddenly felt a twist in my mood, but this time I tried to control it.
My mum was already seated waiting for me to come back.
Guess what?
Mum started apologising.
I was beginning to think that she had fought with her thoughts which had brought her to see reality.
"I know how sad it feels when your opinions are thrown down at your face. I didn't mean to make you feel sad, Marian." Mum spoke pathetically.
All I was waiting to hear was that she had decided to back off from the job hunt.
"I wouldn't want to do anything that would make you sad, you know right? You are all that I have."
Mum was beginning to make me lose my patience.
What is that she's talking about?
"Okay, mum, that's fine. But please tell me- have you decided to drop the whole idea of the job search?" Looking at her intently for what she had to say.
She went silent for a moment that felt like an eternity.
I think she battled with her thoughts before she broke the silence.
"This might not be what you want to hear, Marian."
Now, I felt more curious to hear what she was about to spill.
"I'm listening to you, mum. What is it that you're talking about?
"How long do you want us to keep living from hand to mouth?"
"Don't you wish to live a comfortable life? Do you want us to continue suffering?"
"If your father was alive, we wouldn't have been into this mess but we have no other choice other than helping ourselves."
Mum was already wiping the tears that flowed down her chin with her palm.
I broke into tears seeing my mum cry.
What she said is the truth.
If my dad was alive, we wouldn't be in this pitiable state.
I tried to console my mum even as I tried hard to console myself.
"I'm not searching for a job because I want to act against your will, but I want to help you out."
"You're young to toil alone, Marian. Our combined efforts will make a notable difference."
I understood where Mum was headed with all she was saying.
She continued…
"I'm only doing this to help you and to see that you're happy."
"Okay, mum, enough of all these, I want to know the outcome of what you went for today."
She has taken a lot of time already without mentioning the turnout of what she went for.
" I am not oblivious of not giving you that information, I wanted to make you see the reality."
"Having seen the reality, what next?" I thought of you myself.
"Okay, mum. I've seen the reality and my ears are itching to hear what you have to say."
" Were you successful or not?" I asked expecting a mono reply.
" I called you earlier today to express myself but you sounded testy, I could do nothing but end the call."
" It is true that Mr. Jaden doesn't employ staff below the age 30."
Who doesn't know about that, or must we fall victim before we believe the truth?
"His approach was indeed welcoming. I mean, his look didn't depict all that we hear about him"
This one my mum is talking like this, anyone termed bad I believe Is bad.
"Marian, I didn't have to pass through the protocols of an interview, before he hired me."
This sounded similar to my story but I needed to understand why he made such a decision.
"How was that possible, mum?" I asked in scepticism.
"I think luck fell on me, actually."
"There was just a vacant space left in the company, which no one had occupied for over 5 years."
"5 years?" My mouth dropped open as I asked in disbelief.
" You heard right, Marian."
" When the other staff confirmed that I came for a job search, they told me that the only vacant space left might not be the one that I'd love to do."
"That was enough reason to dwindle my expectancy for the job, instead I stood on being optimistic."
" Just after an hour when Mr.Jaden arrived, he sent his secretary to call me. She should have told him about what I came for."
"Going into his office, I felt a surge of relaxation run through my spine. I had the feeling that I'd get the job."
I was already getting tired of this long story.
"Mum, can you please tell me what the position you got is about?" I interrupted her speech.
She returned a bland look at me.
Maybe she wasn't expecting the interruption.
"I'm sorry, if that sounded rude, mum." I apologised with my head facing down.
"You seem to always be anxious about what's not supposed to be your problem." I clearly could see anger in her eyes while she spoke.
Maybe Mum is right though, but she shouldn't blame my actions, they're reflexive.
Mum refused to speak to me about the position she was given.
Now, my curiosity spiked even more.
Look what my mouth had caused.
TO BE CONTINUED…