Rey found herself engulfed in a giant, hairy hug.
"I missed you, too," she said. She'd gotten Chewie back. She hadn't killed him. But the fact remained that she had lost control. The only reason her friend wasn't dead was pure, dumb luck.
She'd lost control twice since then, with Kylo. Something had been happening to her, and she finally understood what it was. The darkness growing inside her; it all made sense now. I thought that I was pulling him back to the light, but it goes both ways. More than anything in the galaxy, she wanted to run back to Leia, beg her teacher for help. But there was no time. Rey was still committed to their mission, now more than ever. The mission was all that mattered.
Finn exited the cockpit and ran past them, saying, "Gear regulator's out." He paused when he saw her face. "You okay?"
Rey nodded, and Finn hurried toward the back to start repairs.
Chewie moaned his thanks for coming after him.
Rey forced a smile and said, "I'm so happy to…" Her voice trailed off.
Chewie shrugged and headed into the cockpit to help Poe.
Rey stood there a moment, a little relieved to be alone. She just needed to collect her thoughts. She leaned against the wall outside the cockpit and closed her eyes.
From inside came the sound of alarms beeping, then Chewie asking why they weren't being followed.
"I dunno why they're not following us," Poe said. "But I don't trust it."
Because he already knew where they were going, that's why. She was putting her friends in danger just by being here. Kylo Ren would always find her, no matter what.
Chewie gave Poe a rundown of damage to the Falcon.
"What do you mean, landing gear's busted? How busted?"
Chewie told him to look at the readout himself if Poe didn't believe him.
"Well," said Poe. "That's something else we gotta fix. I'm just glad we got you back. I'm not sure General Organa would have survived losing you."
And it would have been her fault. Rey straightened. Time to stop feeling sorry for herself and get back to work. She headed into the rear of the ship, where she found Finn at a panel, trying to fix the gear regulator. Wordlessly, he handed her an electroprobe. They worked together in companionable silence for a while. Sparks shot up from the panel as they rewired, welded, and tested.
At last, Finn said, "Whatever Ren said to you, you can't trust it."
"All that matters is the wayfinder," Rey said. "Getting to Exegol."
"That's what we're doing," Finn said, giving the command junction one last solder.
Rey lowered her electroprobe. She felt dazed. Her mind kept replaying the sickening visions in her head, over and over. It always ended with her on the throne.
"I'm doomed to fall," she whispered.
Finn paused what he was doing to stare at her.
"Just like Ben." She lifted the probe and tested Finn's newly wired junction. She could feel his eyes on her as he considered her words.
"Rey," he said. "That doesn't sound like you."
Oh, but it did. Maybe she was revenge made flesh. Maybe she had been all along.
Finn said, "I know you—"
She slammed the panel shut. "People keep telling me they know me. I'm afraid no one does. I don't even know."
Rey strode away, knowing she was being a little unfair. Finn knew what it was like to grow up without a family, to finally find belonging and friends in a place you never expected. He understood her better than anyone. But that didn't mean she'd been wrong. A new Rey was rising inside her, struggling to break free. She'd spent so much time and energy getting to know a new Rey already—one who could use the Force and fight for a cause greater than herself. But maybe that Rey was just a skin to be shed. A temporary person.
She felt groundless, adrift. This must be why they identified children so young in the days of the old Jedi Order. They needed a foundation, knowledge, care, because the only way to survive their awakening into power was to be surrounded by those who had done it all before.
Rey had no one. Luke was dead, his voice closed off to her. Leia was half a galaxy away.
She realized that her hand hurt. She'd been gripping the electroprobe so tightly, its ridges were digging into her palm. Rey took a deep breath. She'd try to fix the landing gear next. It would give her something else to think about.