The inn was quiet as we gathered around the table, staring at the fancy invitation the head judge had just delivered. The parchment shimmered with magical runes, and the intricate script announced that we, the victorious team of the Great Lavatoria Bake-Off, were officially invited to the Grand Champion's Gala.
I should've been excited, but instead, I felt a growing sense of dread. Nothing in Lavatoria ever went smoothly, and the words "surprise" from the judge's mouth had been a glaring red flag. I glanced at Nixie, who was frowning at the invitation as if it might explode in her face at any moment.
"This sounds like trouble," she muttered, tapping her finger on the table.
Ursha, always the practical one, grunted. "It's a party. How bad could it be?"
I shot her a look. "Do you really want me to answer that? Because the last time we thought something was just a party, we ended up fighting an enchanted tuba and dodging dancing villagers for hours."
Yzara leaned back in her chair with a grin. "Oh, come on, Jake. Where's your sense of adventure? The Grand Champion's Gala is a once-in-a-lifetime event. Besides, think of all the powerful people who'll be there. Maybe you'll finally meet someone who can appreciate your… unique abilities."
I groaned. "I don't need more 'appreciation,' Yzara. I need a break from all this madness."
Nixie sighed, folding the invitation neatly and tucking it into her satchel. "Well, whether we like it or not, we're going. The gala is tomorrow night, and we're expected to make an appearance. Let's just hope it's more champagne and less fireballs this time."
"Knowing our luck?" I said, rolling toward the window to stare out at the bustling streets of Lavatoria. "I wouldn't count on it."
The next morning, we found ourselves wandering the streets of Lavatoria in search of suitable attire for the Grand Champion's Gala. It wasn't often we needed fancy clothes, and judging by the chaos of the bake-off, our usual gear covered in enchanted glitter and frosting wasn't going to cut it.
"I hate dressing up," Ursha muttered as we passed by the window of an upscale tailor shop, her nose wrinkled in distaste. "Armor is more my style."
"It's one night," Nixie said, glancing at the shop's selection of gowns and robes. "Just pick something that won't make you look like you're about to take someone's head off."
"No promises," Ursha grunted.
Yzara, of course, was in her element. She was already darting between shops, eyeing every elegant dress, accessory, and enchanted bauble that caught her attention. "This is going to be fabulous! I'm thinking something dark and silky, with just a hint of magic to keep things interesting."
I groaned. "You mean something designed to distract every person in the room."
Yzara flashed me a grin. "Exactly."
While the girls busied themselves with their selections, I found myself parked in front of a shop that specialized in enchanted decor and accessories. As a sentient toilet, there wasn't much I could do to "dress up" for the occasion. No fancy robes or elegant armor for me. Instead, I was stuck wondering if there was anything I could do to at least look slightly less ridiculous for the gala.
The shopkeeper, a wiry man with half-moon spectacles, eyed me with curiosity as I rolled inside. "Ah, welcome, welcome! Looking for something to spruce up your… unique form?"
"Yeah," I muttered. "I've got a fancy event to attend, and I don't exactly have a lot of options when it comes to formal wear."
The shopkeeper rubbed his chin thoughtfully before snapping his fingers. "I've got just the thing! We don't get many sentient toilets looking for accessories, but you're in luck. Follow me."
I followed the shopkeeper to the back of the store, where he rummaged through a collection of enchanted items. Finally, he pulled out a golden, jewel-encrusted toilet seat and held it up with a flourish.
"Behold! The Royal Seat of Lavatoria, perfect for any occasion requiring a touch of class."
I stared at the golden toilet seat, unsure whether to laugh or cry. "Are you serious?"
The shopkeeper nodded enthusiastically. "Oh, yes. This is one of our finest pieces. It's enchanted to give off a subtle glow, and it's sure to make you stand out at any event."
I sighed. "I guess it's better than nothing."
After purchasing the ridiculous toilet seat, I rolled back to meet up with the others. Nixie had chosen a sleek, dark blue gown with intricate magical embroidery, while Ursha had begrudgingly settled on a simple but elegant tunic that still gave her room to move, just in case things got "rowdy," as she put it.
Yzara, on the other hand, had gone all out. She had selected a slinky, black gown that shimmered like starlight, with a plunging neckline and a dangerously high slit. Her eyes sparkled with mischief as she twirled in front of us.
"Well?" she purred. "What do you think?"
I tried not to roll my porcelain eyes. "You're going to get us kicked out before the night even starts."
Yzara laughed. "Oh, darling, if I'm not making an impression, what's the point of going?"
As the sun began to set over Lavatoria, we made our way to the Grand Champion's Gala, held in one of the most luxurious manors in the city. The building itself was a marvel, tall, elegant spires adorned with enchanted lanterns that flickered in various hues of gold and silver. The grand entrance was lined with red carpet, and guests in their finest attire were already streaming inside.
"Here we go," I muttered as we rolled up to the entrance. "Let's try not to cause any explosions this time."
Ursha gave a half-hearted grunt. "I make no promises."
We were greeted by a hostess at the door, a tall elven woman dressed in a gown made of shimmering silver fabric. She looked us over with raised eyebrows, her gaze lingering on my new golden toilet seat.
"Ah, the winners of the bake-off," she said with a hint of amusement in her voice. "Welcome to the Grand Champion's Gala. Please, enjoy the evening."
As we entered the grand ballroom, the scale of the event hit us. The room was enormous, filled with elegantly dressed nobles, adventurers, and merchants, all mingling beneath chandeliers that glowed with soft, magical light. A band played classical music in the corner, and the tables were laden with every delicacy imaginable.
"Wow," Nixie said, her eyes wide as she took in the sight. "This is… something."
Yzara's eyes gleamed as she surveyed the room. "Let the games begin."
But before we could take more than a few steps into the ballroom, a familiar face appeared, a portly nobleman with a bright red mustache and an air of self-importance. He was clearly the host of the event, and he wasted no time in approaching us.
"Ah, the champions!" he bellowed, extending his arms wide. "I've been looking forward to meeting you. Welcome, welcome!"
I groaned internally. This was it, the beginning of another absurd adventure, whether we liked it or not.
The portly nobleman with the bright red mustache led us further into the ballroom, his booming voice drawing the attention of several guests as we passed. His coat was adorned with medals and jewels, making him look like a Christmas ornament that had come to life.
"Ah, yes, the victors of the Great Lavatoria Bake-Off," he bellowed, patting his rotund belly. "Quite a spectacular show you put on! I do love a bit of chaos with my desserts."
"Glad to hear you enjoyed the, uh, explosion," I said, rolling slightly back as he leaned in a little too close for comfort. "Wasn't exactly part of the plan."
Nixie gave me a sideways glance, clearly suppressing a smile. "It certainly made an impression."
The nobleman let out a hearty laugh, his mustache quivering with the force of it. "Indeed! Indeed! I'm Lord Bartholomew Fancyhat, yes, that's my real name, and I'm delighted to have you all here. This gala is the pinnacle of Lavatorian society's social calendar. Only the best of the best are invited."
Yzara, always one to flirt with anyone in power, sidled up next to him with a charming smile. "And what an honor it is to be here, Lord Fancyhat." She fluttered her eyelashes in a way that would have made any normal person weak in the knees.
Lord Fancyhat turned a shade of crimson to match his mustache, clearly flustered by Yzara's attention. "Ah, yes, well… enjoy yourselves, my dear. And if you need anything, anything at all, you know where to find me." He gave a quick, awkward bow before shuffling off to greet other guests.
"Smooth," I muttered under my breath as Yzara grinned in satisfaction.
"It's a gift," she replied, winking.
As we moved deeper into the ballroom, the atmosphere of the gala became even more extravagant. Chandeliers hung low, sparkling with magical light, and the tables were piled high with the most extravagant foods I had ever seen. Golden platters carried roast pheasants, enchanted pastries that glowed faintly, and fountains of bubbling champagne.
"This is… over the top," Nixie remarked, scanning the room.
"Fancy parties usually are," Ursha grumbled, clearly unimpressed with all the glitz. "I'd rather be out fighting something."
I was about to agree when a formal announcement echoed through the ballroom, silencing the crowd for a moment. A tall, elegant woman in a regal gown stepped onto a raised platform at the center of the room, her voice ringing out with authority.
"Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed guests, welcome to the Grand Champion's Gala!" she declared, her voice carrying over the crowd. "Tonight, we celebrate the finest champions in Lavatoria, those who have proven their worth through skill, strength, and, of course, their unparalleled baking prowess." She gave a nod in our direction, and I could feel the eyes of several guests turn toward us.
"No pressure," I muttered, rolling slightly forward to get a better view of the stage.
"In addition to tonight's festivities," the woman continued, "we will have a grand dance, where our champions will be invited to join Lavatoria's most esteemed nobles on the floor. Following that, a very special announcement will be made by our beloved Lord Fancyhat."
Nixie groaned quietly. "Oh great. A noble dance. Just what we need."
"I'm not dancing," Ursha declared, crossing her arms.
Yzara, however, looked positively thrilled. "Oh, this is going to be fun. I can't wait to see Jake's moves on the dance floor."
I groaned, rolling back a bit. "I'm not exactly built for dancing."
Before I could protest any further, the music shifted, and the band began to play a sweeping waltz. The floor was soon filled with elegantly dressed nobles and adventurers, all moving in perfect harmony with the music. The room was a swirl of gowns, jewels, and enchanted lights, and I felt entirely out of place in my new golden toilet seat.
Yzara wasted no time. She grabbed my porcelain arm (if you could call it that) and pulled me toward the dance floor. "Come on, darling. You can't let the night pass without having a little fun."
"I'm a toilet!" I protested. "I don't even have legs!"
Yzara grinned, undeterred. "That's never stopped you before."
Before I could argue, she began to lead me through the waltz, using her magic to gently move my wheels in time with the music. It was absurd, completely ridiculous, but somehow, Yzara managed to make it work. We glided across the dance floor, and despite my porcelain frame, I found myself caught up in the rhythm of the music.
"This is insane," I muttered, but I couldn't help the small laugh that escaped me as we twirled past a group of nobles, their eyes wide with shock as they watched a sentient toilet dance with a succubus in a black, shimmering gown.
"Oh, Jake," Yzara purred, her eyes gleaming with amusement. "You should let go and enjoy the moment. After all, who else can say they've waltzed through Lavatoria as the grand champion?"
I rolled my eyes. "I'd prefer to keep things a little more low-key."
As we danced, I caught sight of Ursha and Nixie standing off to the side, both of them watching with a mixture of amusement and disbelief.
"Come on, Nixie," Ursha said with a smirk. "Go join them. It's not like this night could get any weirder."
Nixie groaned. "Fine. But if this ends in disaster, I'm blaming all of you."
Before long, Nixie had joined us on the dance floor, and though she looked incredibly uncomfortable at first, she soon got into the rhythm of the music, twirling and stepping alongside Yzara and me.
The ballroom was alive with laughter, music, and the soft glow of magic. But, of course, it was only a matter of time before the night took a turn for the ridiculous.
Just as I was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, we could get through this gala without incident, the grand doors at the entrance of the ballroom burst open with a loud bang.
The music screeched to a halt as all eyes turned to the door. There, standing in the entrance, was a tall, cloaked figure, their face obscured by shadow. The air around them crackled with dark magic, and I could feel the temperature in the room drop by several degrees.
"Well, well, well," the figure said in a voice that sent a shiver down my porcelain frame. "I see I wasn't invited to the party."
Yzara's smile faltered, and Nixie immediately stepped in front of me, her hands glowing with magic.
"Who the hell is that?" I whispered.
Lord Fancyhat, his face pale with fear, stepped forward, his voice trembling. "Y-you were not invited, dark one. This is a celebration for champions, not… whatever you are."
The cloaked figure let out a low, menacing chuckle. "Oh, I'm no champion, but I'm here to claim what's mine."
Without warning, they raised their hand, and a blast of dark magic shot across the room, knocking over tables and sending guests scrambling for cover.
"Looks like the party's about to get interesting," Ursha muttered, cracking her knuckles as she prepared for a fight.