The way the Words Birth-Day are spread across the wall in the main hall makes me want to puke. What am I, 12? I never enjoyed birthday parties, mostly because I never spoke And that nobody liked me because of it. I usually sat in a corner of the living room and pretended to read books while the other kids played in the yard . I hated reading books, but I had to come up with an excuse to why I wasn't out there with the rest of the kids. I always insisted on staying home but Julia and Andy countered my argument everytime. "You're too young to stay home alone". Pathetic, that's what birthday parties are.
The one thing I hate more than attending birthday parties, is hosting my own birthday party. I've never had one ever since I was 7. I can't remember hosting any before that. My grandpa took care of me before Julia and Andy took me in after he passed away. He wasn't a fan of big crowds in his house, so it was me and him celebrating. After his passing the Goelets took me in. They were acquainted with my parents that were never in my life. I was devastated, I had lost the only person that cared for me, the only person I had memories with, the only person that I adored. After that day I didn't speak a word for a long time and everyone was convinced that I was mute. As a seven year old it was hard for me to get over losing someone so dear to me, and I found peace in my silence. At first I was afraid but I found no reason to speak to anyone surrounding my new life. No one cared to even ask me why I wasn't speaking. I was no longer afraid and I have played alone ever since.
I snap back to the present. Today is my eighteenth birthday, the last party I will ever host. As much as I am not looking forward to the party, I am excited for one thing, or nervous I should say. A gift from my grandpa. He had mentioned a gift for me in his will. I wasn't allowed to know of its content until today. I wonder what if it's the bike he promised me before he passed away. I brush away that thought quickly, I don't want to think about it anymore. I just have to wait a couple hours before I get to know. Before I can turn around to step back in my room, Julia sees me. She has a big smile on her face. She signals for me to join her in the main hall.I take a deep breath and make my way down the hall. The marbling on the floor feels colder than usual against my skin. I find slippers at the bottom of the starcare. I put them on and look up at Julia, she's standing with her arms open. She looks amazing, wearing a long red dress with a massive emerald green necklace around her neck that matches her eyes. I fall in her arms and she hugs me for a brief second. She gestures with her hands saying "Happy birthday Liam" forming the sentence with her mouth at the same time. I nod thank you with a smile. I point at the balloons and ask, "Isn't it too early?" She shakes her head and points at the giant clock on the wall. Sometimes I forget it's there, it's a quarter past eight. She gave me another quick hug, " I have to go pick up the cake, it's getting late". her sign language is getting better but still shaky. I wave goodbye.
I stood there for a while thinking to myself how I will go through today. I finally turn around and head back to my room but I'm interrupted by the doorbell. It's Julia, I think to myself. She forgot her keys again. That thought is immediately erased as I swing the door Open. It's not Julia. There's a girl standing across from me, she's looking at me like she just knocked on the wrong door. We both look at each other for a long second without moving. I find myself analyzing her, she's beautiful. Her face is smooth with just a single mole on her left cheekbone. Her eyebrows are arched perfectly above her eyes, her eyes are brown but with sun shining in her eyes it almost looks like honey hazel. I didn't recognize her at first but after seeing her eyes I recognized her instantly. Her name is ( ), we went to the same elementary school until she switched schools. She was the only kid that didn't find me weird. She'd sit next to me during recess even though she had other friends. Other kids used to bully me but with her there next to me I was safe. She even hung around me during birthday parties so that I don't look odd for not wanting to play outside with the rest of the kids. I didn't realize it back then, but she was the only one who cared. I also realize that I'm staring at her for too long. I tilt my head a little and gesture hi. I just assumed she knows sign language. Oh god. She smiles and reaches for her bag to get her phone and starts typing. I wait for an awkward moment, then she flips her phone around for me to read. The brightness is too low but just enough for me to read the sentence, "Hey, Julia asked me come early to help her set up. Is she here?" I shake my head and reach for my pocket but I realize I'm still wearing pajamas. I gesture for her to come inside. She's hesitant but after a moment she's inside and I shut the door behind her. I grab the Julias sketch books and start writing. My handwriting looks worse than usual but she manages to read it, "She went to pick up the cake, she'll be back in a few minutes". She nods and puts her purse on the couch. I write again, "Make yourself comfortable, if you need anything press the blue square on the wall next to the tv". She nods again. I want to hear her voice but she doesn't say anything. I make my way toward the stairs and back to my room.
It's hard not to think about her after seeing her again for the first time in five years. I try to focus my attention towards the day ahead of me but I'm defeated. I'm gathering so many questions In my head, but all my thoughts are pushed away when I see the lights flashing in my room. Is it her? I put on a shirt and crack the door open. When I see Julia and Andy at the door, I deflate a little. I shut the door and press my ear to it, trying to listen to her voice but I give up. The distance is too far to hear anything so I walk back to the closet defeated. After I'm dressed in a more presentable outfit, I want to head downstairs but my eyes catch the blue envelope in the open drawer next to my bed. I sigh and sit on the floor putting my back on the bed frame. I grab the envelope, my name is stretched across it in red ink. It's the letter my grandpa left me, i've kept this letter on my bedside for eleven years, and read it a million times over and over again. The day after his funeral I was sitting in this very room reading this letter, my eyes wet with tears. I kept reading it again and again, balling my eyes out until I couldn't read anymore. I shake that memory off and open the letter to read it one final time before I receive his promised gift.
To Liam Everett
I'm sorry you have to read this. I hope you understand how hard it is for me to leave you. I wish I could be there with you but life has chosen different paths for us. Even with this distance between us I will always be around you, watching you become the man that you always wanted to be. Like your father. Unfortunately your father couldn't see you grow up but I know you will make him proud. Your father was a great man and I'm sorry I didn't talk about him as much as I should have. You are young and I was afraid that it might hurt you more than you can bear. But I promise you'll get to know everything. I left a gift for you that will explain everything. You deserve the truth that I wasn't brave enough to express.
Much love, Augustus B Everett.
I fold the letter and place it back in the envelope. I wish it was a hundred times longer so that I wouldn't have to fight the urge to read it again. I force myself to put it back in the drawer and close it. I notice a tear in the corner of my eye. I wipe it away quickly before it has a chance to drip down my cheeks. It happens everytime, I shake my head. The blue lights go off in my room again, indicating that someone is calling for me. I look myself in the mirror one last time before I head downstar to face the day I have been anticipating for my entire life.