"Luke could you slow down a bit." Jess asked with a breathless voice. We hadn't walked far but she was exhausted, matching my pace through a the dense mass of people proved slightly difficult. I slowed down then brought us to a stop in a quieter, less populated area. Jess took a few deep breaths, a practiced breathing exercise I observed. Seconds later she was in top condition, her fingers running through her hair and along her clothes, straightening them. Her eyes narrowed as she gazed at me. I noted displeasure, confusion, frustration and sadness. This time her emotions insited a soothing blankness. I felt nothing, logic finally took over, it was my greatest tool, my waffe.
"Why did you invite me here?" Jess recoiled a bit at the question. Discomfort settled on her, it took me a moment to notice my error. My voice, I failed to bleed any emotion into my voice. I tried to say something, maybe apologize to but the noise died in my throat. I found it very hard to care, my conscious self was being pulled into the veil. The effort I'd put into being more present around her was utterly gone. Cool logic didn't let me feel anything at the moment, I just needed answers then I could plan accordingly.
"Is something wrong?" She posed the question with a shy, uncertain demeanor, one quite unbecoming of her character. "Nothing is wrong Miss Mornéd." She flinched a bit, I was unsettling her. "I'm sorry this may be rude, but I'd appreciate it if you answered my previous question." She met my eyes, scanning them for something. Her shoulders slumped a bit in defeat, it appears she didn't find what she was looking for. "W..well to answer your question, I..I just wanted to spend the day with you." She stammered our sentence looking down at the floor. "Why? Is there something you have to tell me, something you wanted to disclose." With most of my mind now seated within the veil, I observed her in great detail. The way her fist balled up behind her back, her jaws clenched.
"I just thought it would be nice if we hung out together. You know, like the other times." She answered in a tone I wasn't expecting, it was subdued, nothing like the physical reaction she was having. "Okay." I turned on my heels and started walking away. "Follow along Miss Mornéd, the day's still young." She was spooked by the request, hesitated a moment doubting if she'd heard me right. I beckoned to her with a hand and she followed after me. She measured her pace, making sure she was always a step behind me. "Where would like to visit first?" I posed her the question, walking around aimlessly would do us no good. "Umm let's visit the Ferris wheel first." She spoke up a while later, the awkward silence becoming unbearable for her. I nodded my approval and led her to the Ferris wheel, but a different one this time.
We sat in the cabin staring at each other, we've been at it for minutes now. *Sigh* she released a deep sigh and looked away, taking time to enjoy the scenery outside. "So you won't tell me what's going on. Listen Luke all I want is to be a your friend, get to know you, be there for you. You don't trust me, I know that. All I'm asking is that you try, just for a while and if you're still uncomfortable I'll stop pestering you." Her voice was low, measured, she was still gazing out the cabin window, avoiding eye contact.
I pondered her proposal, it was compelling, without ill intent, but for some reason it was ineffective. I wasn't moved, all my emotions were subdued my mind ruled by only logical reasoning and it told me avoid her, treat her as a suspect. Disclosing anything to her was unsafe, perhaps if she wasn't affiliated with Jonathan. "I'll put in more effort Jess." She finally turned to me, beaming with a smile much too bright for my liking.
"Where to next?" I asked. "How about the roller coaster, then we can take a food break." She said with more conviction, then started walking towards her preferred coaster. Her pace was more relaxed, her head held high, her posture straight and poised. We stood in line, waiting for our turn to get in the carts. After minutes of standing in line, we were buckled into our seats and the dull, bored looking man was giving safety tips and wishing us well.
I concentrated on the ride, taking into account the various mechanic used to operate it. Many gears, belts and pulleys went into making the heavy mass of people move. I particularly took notice of the chain that was hoisting us up the peak. It was thick, securely bolted and made of quality steel.
In that moment I couldn't help but wonder how easy it would be for me to break it, snap the chain clean at its weakest link. Dooming all of us to fatal injuries, possibly death. Jess didn't share the sentiment, she was very excited, the most excited person on the ride in fact. She was tapping her toes in anticipation, unlike the others that were praying, covering their eyes or gripping the harness with all the strength their muscles could muster.
I didn't take her for a thrill seeker, though I should have noticed when she picked the biggest, tallest coaster. We finally arrived at the peak, our slow crawl coming to an end. There was dramatic pause as we reached the top, then a second later we were flung down the tracks.
I morphed the veil, improvising a barrier to protect me from the cold wind. I thought of doing the same for Jess, but doing so would rob her of the experience. "Wooohoooo..." She was howling with joy, her hands found their way into the air, a testament to her joy. Without the cold breeze on my face, I busied myself with observing my surroundings. First it was the view of the park, then the other passengers before I settled on scanning the ride itself.
As we were flung around loops and dips, I studied the metal rails. It was well designed and certainly built to last, but the continued use and it age were beginning to show. Nothing too concerning for now, although I'd have to alert someone to replace the bolts on the 4th loop. The ride finally came to an end and the participants filed out on shaky legs. Jess took her time patting her wild hair down and adjusting her clothes, her eyes scanned me from head to toe. " You look like you weren't even on the ride." She exclaimed, her throat worked but the question died before she could speak. She refrained from asking, just a slight shrug of her shoulders and we were on our way.
"Let's find something to eat. Anything in particular you're craving." I asked Jess. She observed the many stands, and eaterys looking for something that appealed to her. "How about that one." I focused on the location she was pointing at, an ice cream stand, of course. "Let's get some ice cream before we find something else." We ordered ice cream found a comfortable place to sit down and enjoy it.
"You're doing it again." Jess pulled me out of my thoughts, I looked at her through the veil, not bothered to turn my head. "Doing what?" I asked. "You do it very often, maybe you should work on it." She paused to take a spoonful of ice cream, "Most times you get lost in your thoughts, you disassociate yourself. If feels like your not present, even now I can barely feel your presence, your eyes are blank." She turned back to her ice cream, eating the last spoon.
"Here have mine." I gave her the ice cream I'd been precariously balancing between my fingers with my abilities, by avoiding skin contact the small cup could stay colder for much longer. She received the cup without question and drove her spoon into it. "Does it bother you?" She paused to look at me, " No not really, I just think it might make befriending other people more difficult. I wouldn't mind if you tried being more present around me though." The later part of her sentence made her a bit embarrassed, she used her cold fingers to cool her heating cheeks.
We continued on our little adventure, going from one ride to the other, taking time to snack in between. Along the way I caught sight of Tobias and Rebecca, cuddled up together whispering endearments and confessions. The day was going well, the only thing that provided a constant stream of was the oppressive cold presence that was stabbing at me. I'd caught him staring for most of the day, always standing as far back as possible. It seems we had to have a talk after this.