Atushi groaned slightly on coming awake from where he crashed the last night. His eyes blinked a little too fast, trying to get accustomed to the sunlight that streamed... wait... sunlight! Atushi sat up faster than the eye could see, grunting slightly at the sharp pain he felt due to the uncomfortable position he had slept... but that wasn't what was important to Atushi right now. The fact that he slept so soundly -on someone else's couch - till the next morning was more alarming.
He didn't even bother with checking the time, because he had a feeling he wasn't going to like what he would see. Sighing in resignation, he massaged his temples, already preparing to get up to prepare for a new day at work, when the familiar lazy drawl of his friend stopped him.
"You're finally awake..." Shimura said, and Atushi looked to see his friend standing not too far from where he sat, two steaming cups of...what he didn't know, occupying both of his hands.
"Imagine..." Shimura started, coming closer and handed a cup to Atushi , turned back and took a seat on the chair directly opposite to the one his friend sat, took a little sip out of his mug before focusing on his friend once more.
"Imagine my surprise on waking up to see the great Hatake Atushi sleeping so soundly on my couch... and that wasn't the most surprising thing, no. The most surprising thing was to see Hatake Atushi the great sleep so soundly into... " He passed to check what the wall clock was saying...
"11:30 in the morning... well practically afternoon now. You look so peaceful sleeping, that I was almost tempted to take a picture. "
Atushi narrowed his eyes " Oh shut up. You are talking as if this wasn't your fault in the first place. " Shimura snotted "so you sleeping into the afternoon is now my fault? "
"No, I'm saying that if I haven't had to drag your drunken self from the club, I wouldn't be here. " Atushi replied indignantly then looked at the cup of... "What is this exactly? "
"A special type of tea that are used for my hangovers. "Shimura explained and the grimace on Atushi's face was instant.
"Why would you give me the tea to use for your hangovers? "The cold disdain he felt was pretty much visible from his voice. A voice that was enough to make a full grown adult shiver uncontrollably in fear.
But maybe it was because Shimura has been friends with the icecube of a man for so many years, or if it was because he just didn't really care too much about anything, he just wasn't in any way affected or moved by the murderous intent in his friend's aura and voice, or that he was glaring so icily at him.
Instead, he responded with an eye roll of his own before promptly defending himself.
"You can drink the tea dumbass. Believe it or not, it works great for headaches and it looks like you are definitely coming down with one." He said with a pointed look at his friend whose sigh was more than enough answer to let him know he was right.
"Fine.." Atushi grumbled, looking at the cup with a little less disdain - although the disdain was still there - then finally took a sip that turned..."it's manageable." Atushi commented offhandedly and Shimura rolled his eyes. What was he really expecting?
He knew Atushi would rather die than admit he was and his friend was right. The guy was always so stingy with his compliments, even when the situation warranted it. But all jokes aside....
"You must have been really tired for you to crash here instead of going back to your office huh..." The question sounded more like a statement and though he didn't show it often, Shimura was concerned about his friend. It was rare to see Atushi loose guard like that. He was always so aware of his surroundings but this morning was different.
He was not only surprised to see Atushi on his couch, the fact that he wasn't even aware when Shimura had woken up, preformed many tasks before finally making tea, was alarming in Shimura's own opinion. It might not look like a big deal to anyone else, but it was and is a big deal in Atushi's case.
"When last did you go home Atushi?" As expected, there was no answer and neither did it seem to be coming forth soon. But the silence was more than enough answer for Shimura and he sighed warily before saying anything again.
"What you are doing... it's not healthy Atushi. Sure, you...no, we messed up badly and we know the chance at forgiveness is zero, neither do we deserve it. But... punishing yourself like this...you are too young to die due to too much stress, Atushi."
Atushi snorted, "speak for yourself Shimura. You don't think you're too young to die because of damaged kidneys or liver?" Shimura could only smile softly at the comeback..."I'm such a hypocrite aren't i?" Atushi gave no answer, not that the question was meant to be answered anyway.
"What happened?" Atushi asked, finally breaking the silence.
"What do you mean?"
"You know what I am talking about Shimura, I really don't have time to play guessing games with you."
Shimura sighed again. Of course he knew what his friend was talking about, it was only that he wasn't ready to give anyone any sort of explanation at all. He wished Atushi would just drop it, but he also knows that that wasn't going to be happening anytime soon.
And besides, he owed Atushi an explanation since he had helped him get his drunken self home. And he had also made a promise to Atushi and Lee to stop drinking himself to stupor - and he had tried, he really had- he had tried his best for a week, only for what happened yesterday to ruin everything.
He had been so angry and pained yesterday and had wanted to numb the pain so much that he had broken his promise to his friends, and had turned to alcohol - his safe haven - to numb his pain.
Shimura sighed once again, he didn't really want to discuss what happened yesterday with anybody- especially not with Atushi... seeing as they were both in the same boat. Lee would be a more better option - the pain was too much to recall or bear. But... again, Atushi deserved an explanation for all his troubles yesterday.
"She came over yesterday..." He started, not bothering to explain who the 'she' was because Atushi already knew.
"Oh really..." Atushi commented offhandedly, but the way he sipped his tea became more cautious and rigid than before. "I didn't know she was in our town."
Shimura snorted softly and restrained himself from replying to his friend that if he actually wasn't working himself to death behind that desk of his, he would actually be able to know what was going on around him. But it wasn't what was important at the moment, so he let it go.
"Well she is. And by a stroke of misfortune...Hana was also there..."
Now that certainly succeed in capturing Atushi's attention because he immediately directed a pissed look at his friend before asking..."why was Hana in your office in the first place?" The level of coldness and acidity was enough to make Shimura wince this time around.
Shimura couldn't blame Atushi for having such attitude towards Hana or any other former friend of theirs for that matter. Especially towards Hana, seeing that she was the one with whom Shimura had....
It was no news that once Atushi had withdrawn from their friend group, He and Lee had followed suit. They had seen no use of being friends with people who never told them the truth and they - especially Atushi -had made it glaringly clear that they never wished to have anything to do with them.
Not that they were looking for who to blame for their mess up, no. But perhaps things may have been different if their friends were all like Lee who didn't hesitate to tell them the truth, and who didn't try sugarcoating anything when he scolded or advised them. But instead, they had only told them what they wanted to hear. It was clear that their negative influence also contributed to their mess up. And that is why, Atushi and Shimura would forever remain grateful for Lee in their lives... even though he could be very loud and obnoxious.
Shimura knew he still had to answer the question Atushi had indignantly asked, and he knew he wasn't going to get away without an answer no matter how hard he tried.
"Hana came to try to convince...beg me -well us, about hanging out with the gang again. They miss us and they want us back... that's what she said at least..."
The snort Atushi let out sounded very uncultured, especially coming from someone as dignified as Atushi. But that was actually the most befitting answer to the absurd and so not happening request.
"So..." Atushi prompted
"I refused her of course, but you know how stubborn and unreasonable Hana can get. She just wouldn't take no for an answer."
"Because you were too kind not to kick her out. She wasn't even supposed to be allowed inside your office in the first place!"
Shimura winced once again as his friend's words completely hit the nail on the head. It was so true. Shimura, despite not wanting anything to do with Hana, couldn't be so cruel to kick her out. They had grown up together and he still had a soft spot for her the way an older brother would... but it seemed he was going to have to get rid of that spot -no matter how small - because it only has ever gotten him into more bigger trouble - just like yesterday.
"I still don't get why you drank yourself to stupor yesterday", Atushi prompted, and Shimura snapped.
"Shouldn't you have it figured out by now genius? Hana was there when 'She' came to my office. Imagine how she must have felt when she...." He paused, struggling to swallow what felt like tears "You should have seen the look of disgust and hatred in her eyes when she looked at me...it was so unbearable...i couldn't..." He didn't complete it - could not complete it.
The anguish in his voice was more than enough explanation and even Atushi felt a tiny bit of guilt - that he quickly stashed away- for forcing him to recall something so painful.
Atushi wasn't really big on the emotion thing especially since Hayami had left, so he didn't really know what to say to console his friend. Hayami probably would know how to, but she wasn't here. She always knew what to do, the right thing to say, she connected to people more than he ever would, and she was always so happy, so kind and so... beautiful.
His breath hitched as a vivid memory of her smiling at him flashed in his mind and as always, his chest squeezed in anguish at another painful reminder of the beautiful gift he had lost and taken for granted.
He didn't need anyone to tell him that he had hurt Hayami, because he already knew just how badly he had hurt her. All because of a redhead who he couldn't almost remember her name. He had foolishly taken for love the pity he had felt for the girl's condition and had developed a very unnecessary need to protect her, that he had lose focus on the most important things in his life.
Even when his uncle and the few people who were not afraid to warn him against his foolishness had advised him, he had seen them and Hayami -who more than anyone had tried everything she could to fight for their relationship - as his enemies and an obstacle he had to fight hard to overcome to be with his new 'beloved'
He had always been a prideful man, and this time around, his pride had cost him everything.
He viewed the redhead as a challenge, and he had never backed down from a challenge. And not long after, a kiss became two and two became too many. Secret messages and calls were exchanged, the thrill of wrongdoing had gotten into his head, and it hadn't take long before he fell into the bed of adultery.
When it had finally dawned on him just how far and bad he had gotten, when the fog had finally cleared, it had already become too late for him to retrace his steps. What had finally broken him was the look of hurt and betrayal in Hayami's eyes when he had confessed to her that night, when he had told her that he loved the readhead and wanted a divorce because he felt they weren't working out anymore.
As he had told her all these, he had selfishly and silently prayed that she didn't cry, and had been glad she hadn't. Because if she had...
"...tushi... Atushi..." Shimura's voice managed to draw him out of his fog of regrets and turned to look at his friend who surprisingly and suspiciously refused to meet his eyes, causing Atushi to suspect that he wasn't going to like what he had to say.
"What is it Shimura?" He made sure his voice was clipped enough, forewarning Shimura silently to ask or say what he wanted to say wisely...but... this was Shimura, and he never really cared much for Atushi's coldness .
"Do you think... you know...do you think they may...i don't know, be able to forgive us one day?"
Atushi let out a tired sigh before answering his friend with a more heavier question than his own. "I don't know Shimura. The question i feel we should be asking ourselves is more of this....do you think that after everything, we are both deserving of their forgiveness?"
The question required no answer, because the answer was as clear as day. They couldn't attain forgiveness, and neither did they deserve it .