What do I really want ?

I'm a twenty years girl whom since childhood I never knew what I truly wanted. At the age of 18 I started dating ,he was very handsome and was all I could wish for but deep down I knew he didn't want me. My heart got broke when I confirmed it at the age of 18 that he had been insulting me to my own friends , telling them how cheap I was . He even started collecting numbers of pretty girls from my own friends . I was warned about him by my friends but I didn't believe them cause I was blinded by his love . As long as I could remember one time we went to see his brother , the moment I saw his brother I become confused and that was when I started asking my self am I crushing on him is he really the one I want or my babe ,well as I was older I told my self not cheat on my babe but right after the very night we had a romantic evening I became useless to him . His brother made me feel comfortable my feelings started growing for his brother , I tried hard to hide my feelings but I couldn't and all his brother told me was that don't worry no one will hear about this I knew it was a trap but I fell for it. I spent a night with him and at that moment my I had a feeling my babe was there and yes for sure he really was there and saw everything. I really didn't know how to explain it as he didnt tell me that moment until I told him it was over .And at that same time his brother was there announcing how cheap I was and how stupid I was , he even introduce me to 5 of his friends I turned them all down expect for one but as soon as I saw one of his friends I become confused cause I said it to my self I will try and be loyal but because I never knew what I truly want I did nothing and decided to wait before doing anything stupid even though I didn't do anything stupid all this years yet still if people don't choosw for me I really find it hard to choose. But I finally at the end all I truly wanted was peace and happiness