Days like this, when would they ever end? Continuing this way, Hairanju felt she was only crawling from one mire into another swamp, sooner or later to drown in the depths.
Her aunt's words suddenly became clear to her: she had reached a point of no return. If everyone must suffer, then at least she had to live true to herself.
"Princess Lan, the wind outside is strong," Hada Nara approached with concern, smiling warmly. "You're only wearing a single layer; the wind might make you catch cold."
Hairanju only then remembered she had forgotten to put on a coat before stepping out. Seeing them come over, she knew they had come to greet the Great Consort and quickly lifted the curtain, saying, "Consort Hada Nara, there's fresh milk tea inside; please, come warm yourself with a bowl."
Hada Nara smiled, "How could I let you hold the curtain, Princess Lan? Please, step inside; I'll take care of it for you, Aunt and Consort Yu."
Hairanju couldn't refuse; after all, she was still a guest here, and Hada Nara, though not residing in the palace, was Hong Taiji's eldest daughter-in-law. It would be inappropriate for her to act as the host... Acting as the host—how ironic those words felt.
Qiqige and Da Yuer followed, joining the ladies around the warm tea. They exchanged small talk, and since Jeje, as the official matriarch, needed to handle the formalities, they sat together for nearly two hours before Hada Nara took her leave.
Qiqige said, "You go ahead. I'll wait here until your fourteenth uncle finishes court so we can leave together."
Watching her niece-in-law, nearly her age if not slightly older, walk away, Qiqige sighed softly, "Could she really manage it all?"
Da Yuer, peeling an orange, asked absentmindedly, "What does she need to manage?"
Qiqige felt a jolt; when had she ever been so careless, letting her inner thoughts slip? She quickly glanced at her aunt and cousin, then covered with a smile, "Oh, just trivial family matters, as usual. You know how it is."
"But I don't know," Da Yuer replied, coaxing her daughter, Yatu, to eat an orange slice—strings and all. Seeing her little girl wrinkle her nose at the sourness yet giggle and ask for more, Da Yuer laughed, rubbing her daughter's head affectionately. She continued in response to Qiqige, "I don't know anything of the matters outside. Only when you come around do I hear a little bit."
In the stillness of the Qingning Palace, tension was thick. Jeje and Hairanju had already spoken openly about their feelings, and Qiqige had seen through everything as well, leaving the three of them aware of the situation while keeping Da Yuer in the dark, isolated from their secret.
It was hard to tell if it was guilt that made them perceive hidden meaning in Da Yuer's words or if she genuinely knew more than she let on. They all understood, though, that unless the truth came out, none of them could feel truly at ease.
The children, too restless to sit still, started clamouring to go outside and play. Da Yuer was pulled along by her daughters, while Yatu grabbed onto Qiqige, and they all headed out. Laughter and shouts soon filled the courtyard, contrasting sharply with the tense, stagnant air inside the room.
As Hairanju reached out to clean up the cups and peelings, Jeje stopped her, saying, "The palace maids will take care of that; you don't need to do it."
"Yes," Hairanju replied softly.
"In the future, try to adjust some of your habits," Jeje continued. "And learn to read and write Chinese. If you're by his side, you'll need it someday."
Hairanju asked, "Aunt, when will I be able to tell Yuer?"
Jeje replied, "I'll speak with the Great Khan and give you an answer. In my view, it would be better for her to hear the truth from us rather than from malicious whispers. The truth has to be faced sooner or later; we can't keep avoiding it, and neither can she."
Hairanju nodded, "I'll listen to you, Aunt."
Jeje took her hand gently, saying, "If you're willing to listen to me, don't humiliate yourself or feel ashamed in front of Yuer. If you truly love that man, love should not come at the cost of suffering or self-abasement. If you do that, you'll betray him and betray yourself."
"But Yuer…" Hairanju's voice faltered.
"She'll come to understand," Jeje replied. "At this point, if you still care for her, you should realize that she'd rather cry and see you smile than see you in tears. If she sees you suffer, she may never smile again."
A pang went through Hairanju's heart. "Aunt, I feel the same way. I don't want Yuer to be in pain."
Jeje let out a bitter smile, "But given where things stand, do you really have any other choice?"
Outside, Qiqige kicked the shuttlecock high into the air, even landing it on the roof. The little girls were thrilled, calling for servants to bring a ladder to retrieve it.
They gathered around the eaves, chattering with excitement. Qiqige and Yuer sat down, out of breath, laughing as they tried to fan themselves with their hands despite the cold. Qiqige caught her breath and asked, "Do you spend every day playing like this?"
Da Yuer smiled, "They won't be young forever, and I don't mind. When you have children, you'll understand."
As soon as she said it, she realized her words might have hurt Qiqige and quickly apologized, saying, "Please don't take it the wrong way. I didn't mean anything by it."
Qiqige teased, "I wasn't overthinking it; you're the one rushing to apologize, which means you're already assuming that's what I think of you, aren't you?"
Da Yuer furrowed her brows. "How does your mind always race so quickly? Talking to you, it's like I end up ten steps behind before I even realize it."
Qiqige laughed, "Then hurry up and catch up to me!"
They locked eyes, both taken aback for a moment. Qiqige worried Dayu'er might ask her about what happened last night. But wasn't it strange? Both Hairanju and Qiqige were here earlier, yet neither mentioned a word about last night. It was as if everyone had tacitly agreed to pretend nothing had happened, as if it was something shameful.
"I was thinking…" Da Yuer started, but before she could finish, Yatu ran over holding a shuttlecock, tugging on Qiqige's arm. "Auntie, let's play again!"
Qiqige was swept away by the children, but her gaze lingered on Da Yuer's face. She had so many things she wanted to say. She wanted to tell her cousin to try not to take things to heart, to avoid letting her relationships with the Great Khan or her sister suffer. But...
As Qiqige was drawn into the children's laughter, Da Yuer sat there alone. What could she do? Was she destined to spend her life isolated, trapped in the vast loneliness of this palace?
What happened? Why nobody would be kind enough to tell her, what should she do?
By evening, the Great Khan was still busy and had no plans to come for dinner. Jeje invited both Da Yuer and Hairanju to dine with her.
The children, dissatisfied with the evening dishes, clamoured for the steamed buns Hairanju had made a few days earlier. Discovering that the kitchen had fresh dough on hand, Hairanju offered to prepare the buns with the girls.
The children dashed ahead, disappearing out of sight in an instant. Hairanju had just crossed past the Fenghuang Tower when she looked up and saw the Great Khan coming through the gate of the Ten Kings Pavilion.
Their eyes met from afar, and Hairanju offered a slight bow before trying to continue after the children. "Where are you going?" came his voice from behind.
Hairanju stopped and lowered her head. "The children want to eat steamed buns, so I was going to make some."
Hong Taiji approached her slowly. "Isn't it a bit late for that?"
Hairanju nodded, "There's dough already in the kitchen. I just need to make the filling; with enough help, they'll be steamed in no time."
Hong Taiji replied, "Save a basket for me too. I was so busy last time that I didn't get to try any."
Hairanju looked up in surprise. "But the chief steward said…"
Huang Taiji smiled slightly. "He was just talking nonsense."
"Oh…yes." Whether or not Niman was telling the truth, Hairanju wasn't sure; all she knew was that she felt utterly bewildered.
"In the future, with you here, I can eat whenever I want," Hong Taiji said. "But remember, this is the palace, and it has its rules. You're now a mistress here—no need to do such hard tasks."
Her heart raced, and a deep warmth surged through her. Her cheeks and neck flushed with colour.
Hong Taiji rested his hand on her shoulder and said, "I recall someone saying that being my woman meant constantly thinking about death."
Hairanju looked up, shaking her head in panic, her eyes sparkling with the beginning of tears. "No…that wasn't it…"
"Hmm?" he murmured, as if only now realizing. "Was that you?"
He smiled, clearly teasing.
Embarrassed, Hairanju nodded. "Yes, Great Khan, it was me who said it."
He leaned a little closer, studying her delicate, enchanting face. "What magic did you use to find your way into my heart?"
She shook her head shyly, whispering, "I didn't…"
Hong Taiji chuckled, gently lifting her chin and pressing a soft kiss to her lips. She froze like a statue, and he asked, "Do you remember now?"
Niman, who had been standing nearby, found nothing unusual about the scene, yet he felt a vague, nagging unease. He raised his head without thinking, and to his shock, saw a familiar figure standing under the eaves of the Fenghuang Tower. He murmured involuntarily, "Consort Yu…"
The call startled Hairanju, who turned rigidly. Sure enough, her sister was standing there. Da Yuer walked slowly down the steps and approached them as if nothing had happened. "Sister, I came to help, too. Could you teach me as well?"
"Yuer…" Hairanju's voice was hoarse.
Hong Taiji observed them calmly, his gaze meeting Da Yuer's. Her eyes seemed hauntingly vacant.
"Sister, let's go," Da Yuer said, taking Hairanju's hand, trying to lead her toward the kitchen. But Hong Taiji replaced Hairanju's hand with his own, and at that moment, he felt Da Yuer's hand struggle faintly in his grasp.
"Yuer, starting tomorrow, Hairanju…"
"Is the Great Khan planning to send my sister back to Khorchin?" Da Yuer turned and looked at Hong Taiji, her voice steady. "We had agreed she'd stay in Shengjing for the winter and leave in the spring. Great Khan, could you let her stay until then?"
Her hand slipped free; whether she pulled away or Hong Taiji let go, she couldn't tell. But they were separated. She stood straight, forcing a smile. "I'll go make some pastries—you'll be able to taste them soon."
Hong Taiji looked at her and said, "Starting tomorrow, Hailanzhu will be my side consort. She will remain here in Shengjing, never to leave."
Each word was clear, yet in Da Yuer's mind, it was as if she couldn't fully process it, her own thoughts roaring as if to block it out. But self-deception was useless.
"I'll go make pastries," she repeated, her voice stiff as she turned, walking slowly toward the kitchens.
Night fell, and the palace servants arrived with lanterns, casting light across Hairanju's face. Hong Taiji looked at her and asked quietly, "Do you feel guilty for her?"
Hairanju shook her head. It seemed that, after finally voicing the truth, she felt grounded, her heart becoming as hard as stone.
"Do you regret it?" Hong Taiji asked.
"I want to stay with you," Hairanju replied, looking up at the man who had brought her back to life. "Great Khan, let me stay by your side."