MISHA
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Four days passed, and the six of us are barely even saying a word to anyone, even less to each other. Emma and Rosa stay around me when everyone else is close, but it's been four days since we don't even talk to each other, it's a nightmare. Leonid and Luigi are still furious with me because of my fight with Zoe Maud, and she is barely even looking my way.
And to my dismay, what's upsetting me the most, is how she's ignoring me. Zoe Maud, I mean, not Emma, for once. She isn't even saying anything but 'morning', 'noon', 'okay', to the elders, and seeing Leonid and Luigi clinging to her is making me even more pissed, and I don't even fucking know why.
I'm angry at Emma and Rosa, so I'm not talking with them either, but I keep finding my eyes going to Zoe Maud, searching for her everywhere I go, trying to meet her eyes when no one is paying attention. I feel like a kid all over again, and a part of me is thinking that Emma was right when she told me that night. It's driving me mad.
When I'm alone, my mind keeps revisiting how it felt to sing the duets with her, how it felt to have her unyielding attention on me in those few minutes where Leonid pushed her to sing with me. How my entire body seemed satisfied and excited that her light green eyes were on me and not on anyone else, that she was singing with me.
A part of me craved those emotions that bloomed in her eyes to be for me. The feelings she expressed when singing, as she moved her enticing voice and changed it according to the singer she was mimicking. Which is absurd, because I love Emma, not her. Maybe I'm wavering because Emma is acting weird and I'm angry, and I'm missing the girl from the letters. Even if that Emma who wrote the letters seems long gone.
To make it worse, I keep having dreams with Zoe Maud. Dreams that I should not be having with the younger sister of the woman I love, with my little brother's best friend. Dreams that make me wake up drenched in sweat and hard, harder than I think I've ever been.
I can't stop thinking about her singing, about her eyes on me, her pretty pristine lips that were never kissed, about her curvy toned body, about the things my lewd mind want to do with her, and about that slap. Fuck, I can still feel her little hand on my face, and as ridiculous as it sounds, I think I liked it, because I keep thinking of what I should do to make her slap me again, not slap but react that strongly at something I told her.
My mind keeps reminding me that she never kissed, that she's a virgin, and though I didn't think I had a kink in virgins, it keeps getting me even harder. Makes me want to do to her what I'm doing in my lustful dreams.
To see if her lips will be as soft against mine as they look like, if they will taste like pomegranates or strawberries, if she will be able to take all take all of the thickness of my cock in those lips of hers. If she'll look as divinely beautiful naked and under me as my mind says she will, if she will spread her legs open for me and lace them around my waist, if she will taste as sweet as I think, if she will be deep enough to take my cock entirely. If she will be wild or shy, if she will moan or scream, if she will be bold after I start it or not, if she will be as insatiable in bed as I am, if she will be a top or a bottom or want to explore both like me.
Then I remind myself that she is already in love with someone. That she loves some bastard she met as a toddler, that she's keeping all of her firsts for him. But that doesn't avoid that dark part of me I do my best to hide, to want to take her for myself either way, to want to make her want me, to make her crave for me, regardless of her loving somebody else.
All because the thought of her with anyone else, for some reason, makes me want to crawl out of my skin. Makes me want to kill whoever he is.
It's not me, that much is for sure. It's not me.
But I don't know if I'm so happy about that as I thought I was.
Again, those wild thoughts are absurd. I never loved her like this. I never like her like this. I don't think I did, ever. Since the letters, I've only loved the one who wrote it, and it was Emma, so I love Emma.
I don't really remember before that, because my memories from before mama died are hazy, but I don't think I liked Zoe Maud at all.
Okay, maybe Emma was right, I wanted her attention. And that ignored childish part of me is now begging for more of it, now that she gave me a taste of her attention. But that's it.
I'm being a bitch, just like she is.
Maybe… maybe… maybe I am more physically attracted to her than I've ever been for Emma, but love is not about that. Besides, Zoe Maud is hot, I would be lying if I said she wasn't. That confidence of hers and stubbornness makes her even hotter, to my dismay, and it's infuriatingly magnetic.
I know I'll never have a chance with her like this, just like I won't with her sister, and that makes me even more annoyed. It makes me want Zoe Maud even more, but I can't do anything about it, because she would make my life a nightmare if she ever dreamed that I'm so attracted to her, that I'm having to take at least five freezing cold baths every damn day. If not more.
I've been finding myself looking for her everywhere, and that was how I learned that she had made another agreement with nonna Giulia, of only being with the famiglia for breakfast, lunch, and afternoon tea. Apparently she had decided to get back to her papa's training after staying out of it in her first two weeks here, meaning that she was going to train her body at night.
That's also why nonna Giulia got her boxing and martial arts gears, and apparently one of the hidden rooms of her chambers was a soundproof room for shooting, dagger throwing, and archery personal training. All she would need for that. I also heard that there was a treadmill, weights, bars, and other gym equipment in another part of her chambers. Which got me wanting to go there.
I woke earlier just to find her running around the villa with a long shirt on and short, instead of just a sports bra, even though it's summer and burning hot weather. I thought about joining, but I didn't had it in me to do it, neither did I had an excuse for it, aside from just wanting to stay around her. Wanting to watch her. Which would definitely make me sound like a creep.
Not that she isn't a creep herself, with the whole hacking and stalking shit.
Though I confess I would like if I had her eyes on me all the time, watching my every move, stalking me to her heart's content. Which definitely makes me as much of a creep as she is. I'll never admit that out loud though.
"…Misha? Misha?" Maria snapped her fingers in front of my eyes.
As I snapped out of it, I couldn't help feeling annoyed because it's past dinner time, Zoe Maud isn't here because she's too busy with her stuff, both Emma and Rosa went back to Emma's room, faking to be with period pain, while Leonid and Luigi went to Leo's being honest saying they were going to date, and it was boring without Zoe Maud here.
I don't want to be here either.
"Yeah?" I turned to my sister and to the other thirteen staring at me.
"We asked if you want to play hide and seek?" She grinned mischievously. "To mark our new house. Karaoke is boring now that we know how great Mia is on it, and she won't grace us with her voice, and neither will you since you're not in the mood, visually. So why don't we reminisce the old times?"
"Yes. There's lots of place to hide in here. It'll be awesome," Bram added with a competitive grin on. "And I offered myself to be the seeking hunter."
Of course, he did.