"Get ready, we're heading out! You have 40 seconds!"
My mother suddenly yelled something straight out of a pirate movie. Has the heat finally gotten to her head?
It's been a week since summer break started, and she made a promise: "If you help around the house every day and finish your homework before Obon, I'll take you to 'Hot Sands Spa Land.'"
That promise changed me. I'm chasing after paradise! I've only got my summer research project and book report left. This year, I'm a new man! (Cue determined face).
But seriously, Mom, don't give me that disappointed "Why can't you always be like this?" look.
So, where are we going all of a sudden? You say we're going out, but I thought we were headed to the pool or the beach. I mean, you packed a swimsuit, right? But where are we now? I see dense trees all around, and everyone here looks either like buff old men or sharp-eyed ladies.
Oh, there are a few younger folks too. Slight relief. Nice to meet you, everyone.
"Always a pleasure, ma'am. Looking forward to today." Huh? What?
"Alright, everyone, let's give it our all today!"
"""Ossu!!!"""
Whoa, they're super pumped. Guess I'll just follow along quietly.
(Two and a half hours later)
Pant, pant. This is tough. I can barely breathe.
How are they all still going strong? This is insane.
It started out fine—a gentle slope with well-maintained paths. I thought, "Oh, it's a hike? You could've told me. I was freaked out for no reason." But then, we veered off the trail and started climbing over boulders. That's not even a path! And then we had to scale the side of a cliff? I seriously thought we were rock climbing.
Just when I thought we were done, we had to walk along a narrow ledge. That's not a path—it's something out of a TV show about monks or some ancient tribe!
And now? I've been forced into a simple mountain hut, and I'm changing into a swimsuit. They also handed me a white robe to wear over it. What is going on?
We've been walking through animal trails for another 30 minutes now, and I keep hearing this intense "Dodo-dodo-dodo" sound.
Wait, that's a waterfall! Everyone's going into the waterfall! You've got to be kidding me—are we really doing this? This is waterfall meditation, isn't it? Do I have to go in too?
No excuses? Just go in?!
Mooooommmmmm!!!
I seriously thought I was going to die.
It's been 30 minutes since we started the waterfall training. At first, I was screaming, "It's freezing! I'm going to die!" But then, my body started shaking, and I couldn't even speak properly. I started questioning why I was doing this at all. By the time I lost all feeling in my limbs, I couldn't even tell where my body ended and the world began. That's when everyone started leaving the waterfall, so I followed.
Just as I was feeling relieved that it was finally over, one of the buff guys in our group turned to me and said, "Not bad, kid. You noticed, huh?"
Noticed what?
Then, there was a huge crash behind me. I turned around to see a massive log smashing into the spot where we had just been standing, water spraying everywhere.
I almost fainted.
While I sat there in shock, the others casually removed the log and went right back to their waterfall training.
Wait—did everyone else notice that? Is that normal? Do you just automatically become hyper-aware of your surroundings if you train enough? You've got to be kidding me!
And my mom? She's laughing at me, pointing and taking pictures of my terrified face, saying, "My son's scared face is hilarious!"
Don't take pictures, Mom!
Thankfully, we finished the waterfall training without further life-threatening incidents. (Well, not by choice.)
After changing, we sat down for a meal, and the ladies around me complimented me, saying, "It's amazing that you completed the entire training on your first try." Apparently, even adults struggle to make it to the end. Hardly anyone finishes the waterfall training on their first attempt.
Uh, Mom? Care to explain why we did this?
"It just seemed fun. No regrets." (Cue smug face)
This woman is going to be the death of me! You're treating me to ramen on the way home? Fine. But I'm getting all the toppings!
Today, Kouta-kun and I are at the candy shop. The old lady who runs the place recently started making monjayaki, so we decided to throw ourselves a little "monja party."
Did I go anywhere for summer vacation? Yeah... I went on a spiritual journey... kind of.
"'Huh?'" Yeah, waterfall training. My mother sprang it on me out of nowhere—same as always. You know how she gets a little unhinged sometimes? This time, she seriously crossed the line into madness.
The waterfall training wasn't even the worst part. There were other participants, including girls my age, so at least there was some safety in numbers. But what came next…
"Summer isn't complete without the beach!" she said, and I was all pumped up. But then we arrived at… a deserted island for a week-long survival challenge!
I'm not some up-and-coming comedian!
When they put me on that boat, I thought, "Wow, this is what cruising is like! I'm finally living the high life!" But boy, did they drop me hard.
They did leave us with food—just enough to last a week if you rationed it carefully. At least there was plenty of bottled water. When they left us behind, I was seriously worried they wanted us to escape on our own, building a raft out of empty water bottles or something. But then, I found a note inside the food box that said, "We'll come pick you up in a week. Hang in there!" along with a blank schedule notebook.
I mean, sure, that reassured me a little. But still, there wasn't a single comforting thing about the whole situation. I figured I'd use that notebook as my summer research project.
Oh, Kouta-kun, the monja's ready. You eat it with this spatula. You think it's undercooked? Nah, that's how monjayaki is. Just try it. I'll eat it with you.
Make sure you've got juice ready—it's pretty hot.
Don't burn yourself… See, what did I just say?
"Oba-chan, could we get some ice, please?"
Anyway, back to the story.
Did we have shelter? Nope. They gave us a harpoon, some goggles, a machete, bug bite ointment, stomachache medicine, and some antidote. There was also a jumpsuit, which turned out to be a lifesaver. The jumpsuit, gloves, a hat, and a towel are essential on a deserted island in summer. Was it hot? Of course. But it's better than getting sunburned. Once, I got a horrible sunburn, and I couldn't get rid of the heat in my body for days. I was bedridden for three days. Something like that would be a death sentence on a deserted island.
Sunburns and heatstroke are terrifying.
So, I toughed it out for 10 days...
Wait, wasn't it supposed to be a week? Well, there was a typhoon. It hit right when they were supposed to pick us up, so the boat couldn't leave the port.
That's when things got serious. I ran out of food. The sea was too rough to catch any fish. The only thing that kept me going was some wild garlic and miso I found.
During the typhoon, my tent felt so flimsy. I've never appreciated a sturdy roof so much in my life. (Cue tears of gratitude)
"Oba-chan, another order of pork monja, please!"