I took one step away from the door and then another.
I just need to focus on one step at a time. That's all. That's what Joshua always says when I feel like things are getting too much.
I refuse for any of this to happen.
I refuse for anything else or anyone else to be taken away from me. I refuse to lose Forest. I refuse to lose Jona. I refuse to lose Joshua. The Mitchells will learn their lesson today. They'll learn that I've been doing everything by the book. I've been following the law to the letter to make them pay for everything they've done to me and countless other people ... but that all stops now.
I won't be shackled by the law anymore. I'll be like them from now on. I'll stoop to their level if that's what it takes to make those people pay for what they've done.
I will literally burn this whole world down before I lose the people I love. I will kill them with my own bare hands and if I rot in jail my entire life, then so be it.
"Charlie", I heard Christian's voice behind me, but I ignored it.
I don't know how, but I found myself upstairs in my and Forest's suite. The very same day we got married, he got people to put up pictures of the day in our suite. This entire suite is filled with pictures of us as kids, as teenagers, as college kids, as husband and wife. We even have pictures of the baby's ultrasound.
Every corner of this suite and this entire house is a declaration to the world from the first person in this world who looked at me like I was a person. Every corner of this house and our lives is an outpour of our love.
I love that man with my entire being. Loving him comes as naturally to me as breathing. Trying not to love him is the same as trying not to breathe.
I can't lose him. Ever.
I found my hands putting clothes in a large duffle bag. It wasn't even one of my own bags. It was one of Forest's gym bags. Under normal circumstances I'd insist on taking one of my designer bags because if there's one thing that my profession and my life have taught me, is that appearances matter. A potential client may very well turn you away, not because you're legal advice is not sound, but because you don't look the part.
But I don't care about any of that today. I don't care if I'm seen in a mess and if rumours spread about me. I don't care anymore because none of it matters if I don't have him beside me.
I blinked and suddenly found my hand reaching inside the safe and grabbing the tiny pistol that Forest got for me.
I'm not a gun fanatic, but this is the time when any reasonable person would use a gun. Right?
This is the time when any sane person would march to that mammoth of a mansion Lauren and her parents are still allowed to live in and shoot every single person in that house. I'll kill them the way I should have at the very start instead of trying to do everything by the book.
I'll leave one person alive with a gun pointed at their head. I'll make it very clear to this person that I'll start shooting at very important body parts if they didn't tell me where the three people in my life who have done nothing but protect me are.
Then I'll go find them myself.
I'll tear down buildings and open the earth to find them. I will get on the first plane out of here to go fetch them myself from whatever hole those monsters have buried them in.
I won't lose him. I can't lose Forest. Please. I can't lose my best friend ... my husband ... my soulmate.
"Charlie", I heard a distant voice again, "put that down. Don't do anything stupid. Lucas, Jona, Joshua, they're all fine. I promise. Just put that down."
I turned around and found Christian with his hands raised as if I would use this gun on him.
Of course he would think that.
To him, I'm a beast that's about to go on a rampage. I'm not a woman who's willing to do whatever it takes to keep the people she loves safe.
I ignored him, zipped up Forest's gym bag with the few clothes I packed and put my gun in a purse.
"Where are you going?" I heard his voice all panicked.
"I'm going wherever they are." I said calmly. "I'm going wherever Forest is. I'll always go wherever Forest is."
I didn't stop walking.
I was stupid enough to believe that Forest would be off limits to Lauren. She loves him. There is no doubt in my mind that she loves him. In fact, I think she may even be obsessed with him.
I read it all in that pink letter of hers. I read that whole damn thing when I realised it wasn't just a confession of her love, but also some kind of big reveal of the vile and twisted person that Forest called his best friend - me.
I felt like some stuck up rich girl who tormented the entire school when I read that thing.
She told him that before there was Charlotte and Forest, there was Lauren and Lucas. That letter told him of how they met, fell in love as kids and how I ruined it all on purpose without any remorse.
I didn't even remember there being anyone else but me and Forest. I still don't.
I don't remember a little blonde girl running behind me and Forest on the playground. I don't remember her crying when he apperantly refused to push her on the swings like he used to. And I don't remember ever smirking at her as a child or pushing her, spreading nasty rumours about her or taking her food.
I would never do that to anyone.
She made me sound like such a terrible person in that letter, like a bully. I needed Forest to read it so that he could tell me if I truly was the evil, popular girl who ruled the school with an iron fist.
And even though I hated the thought of Forest with another girl, I even wanted him to take her to prom just so she would stop seeing me as this evil, entitled girl who whored around and stole Forest from her.
I wanted her to like me.
I felt a cold hand grab my arm.
I snapped my head back at him before I tore my arm out of his embrace.
Christian has never even touched me before. He's always avoided my touch like the plague. I'd be seated next to him, tutoring him and he would jump out of his seat when I tried to reach over his arm and grab something. He'd get out of the swimming pool whenever it looked like I was considering getting in. He would roll his eyes whenever I entered a room or refuse to eat from a plate I once touched.
It was always subtle, a secret that he only shared with me, but eventually his family and everyone else around us noticed.
His mom, Belle and Forest all reprimanded him and it got better, but it never stopped. He never stopped being disgusted by the mere fact that I was allowed to breathe the same air as him.
This man has never treated me with an inkling of respect and yet here I am, a pathetic excuse for a woman, still doing everything I can to get him to see me as a person.
Why? Why do I do this to myself?
Because he's my family.
He's Forest's family so that means he's my family too, right?
"You don't EVER get to touch me!" I roared as tears started streaming down my cheecks.
Of all the times to be so alone, so afraid, so hopeless ... of all the people to have nearby as my life comes crumbling down ... why did he have to be here? Why should he finally get to see Charlotte go down like he's always wanted?
"I'm sorry." He held up his hands defensively. "I'm so sorry. I just - The first thing you taught me and Ri is that a lawyer who is ruled by their emotions, can be manipulated into destroying their own case. Right now, you're being ruled by your emotions, Charlie and you're being manipulated into putting yourself in danger and potentially doing something that will end everything you've worked so hard to accomplish."
I turned my back to him and continued walking.
For all I know he's working with the Mitchells. He would never betray his family, but I know there's nothing he won't do to get rid of me. He's been yelling that down my throat ever since we were kids. Instead of staying as far away from him as I possible could, I kept begging for him to treat me with a little bit of kindness just once.
But that all stops today.
Nothing I do will ever make Christian Greyson see me as a human being.
"What about your surgery?"I heard him scream behind me and run down the stairs. "If you go and shoot someone then when the hell are you going to have your surgery?"
I kept walking or running. I'm not sure which one I was doing. My legs were just moving on their own.
There will be no surgery without Forest.
I took another deep breath as a sob escaped my lips.
Lauren wouldn't hurt him, right?
She can't hurt Forest. She can do whatever she wants to me. She can get my dad and her entire family to drag me by the hair and throw me against walls, but she can't hurt Forest. My Forest.
And Jona and Joshua ...
In some ways because of them, I sometimes feel like I have a brother and a dad. I can't lose that. They're my family.
I was about to open the door when he suddenly appeared in front of me and blocked my path.
"Charlie", his hand tried to touch mine, but I moved my hand before he could do that.
"I'm sorry", he acted like I just pained him by moving my hand, "I am so sorry for how I've treated you. I'm so sorry for all the terrible things I've said to you. I'm sorry for making it my mission in life to make your life a living hell when you have done nothing but help bring out the best in me and my entire family. That's what you do, Charlie. You bring out the best in everyone; even those who don't deserve it - like me."
I stared at him in nothing but disbelief.
He looks so much like Forest. They looked nothing alike growing up, but now one would swear Forest is his twin instead of Belle. He may have his mother's dark hair and eyes, but everything else looks exactly like Forest.
He had actual tears in his eyes. His hair looked all disheveled and his hands were still asking permission to touch me.
I almost wanted to laugh at the absurdity of this entire scene.
If this had been any other day, I would have been stupid enough to believe him. But today - the day when I'm supposed to have my surgery, when Joshua suddenly disappears and when Jona and Forest are nowhere to be found - I'm not stupid or desperate enough to believe him.
Lauren has gotten to him. He's playing a part in all of this. He betrayed Forest.
That's why he knows about my pregnancy even though me and Forest tried so hard to hide it. That's why he knows about my surgery. Lauren told him, so now he's using it to distract me.
"You can keep your apology." I spat at him. "It means absolutely nothing to me, Christian. YOU mean absolutely nothing to me. Whatever Lauren and her family promised you, I hope it was worthit. The only reason I'm not putting a bullet in your head right now is because Forest loves you with all his heart and I could never hurt anyone he loves. Now", I wiped my face, "get the fuck out of my way!"
"Charlie", actual tears started pouring from his eyes, "you know me. I would never- You know me!" He shouted. "Do you really think so low of me? Do you think I could EVER betray my family?"
He's stalling and he's so good.
To an outsider, I probably look like the bitch who refuses to accept a heartfelt apology, but Christian and I know the truth. He would rather cut off his arms and legs than ever apologise to me or look at me the way he's looking at me right now - like I'm a person.
As far as he's concerned, he has nothing to apologise for, and I agree. I should have taken the hint a very long time ago, but I just kept pushing like some dirty homeless kid who would do anything for a little bit of love and acceptance.
He doesn't owe me an apology. He doesn't owe me anything.
He doesn't owe me any respect or love or kindness. He gets to choose who gets those things from him and I need to stop hoping and praying that one day I'll get those things from someone who still wouldn't have passed his bar exams without me.
I'm so done with him.
I opened my handbag, wrapped my fingers around the tiny cold metal object and pointed my gun at him.
His jaw hit the floor in shock.
"You're underestimating how far I'm willing to go to protect the people I love." I whispered. "I don't want anything from you, Christian Greyson. You've called me a bitch to my face so many times that I stopped counting at some point. You've pushed me, slammed doors in my face, chased me out of your house and even spat in my face more than once. Starting today, I hate you as much as you hate me. No. I hate you more because, unlike you, I have so many valid reasons to hate you. I hate you, Christian Greyson and if you don't get out of my way, I will shoot you."
He didn't move.
He just stayed there, looking at me like I just crushed his world.
"No, you won't." He tried to smile as tears fell down his face. "You won't, Charlie because you're the kindest and warmest person I've ever met. You won't because you give people a thousand chances to be in your life and even when they're too stupid to realise how lucky they are that you want them in your life, you still don't give up on them. Despite everything life has thrown at you, you keep loving and you love hard, Charlie. You're the reason my brother doesn't walk around like he's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. You're the reason Belle made it through Highschool even though she absolutely hated school. You're the reason I am who I am today and you're the reason why my brother is going to be a dad."
More and more tears started blurring my eyes.
This is definitely a fucking trap. He's just laying it on so thick right now.
"Think about it." He smiled through his tears. "If something really did happen to Forest, then doesn't it make it that much more important for you to go through with the surgery? If you lose my niece or nephew, then we won't get to keep a piece of Forest here with us. Mom always says the three of us are a piece of dad. That baby is a piece of Forest and you need to protect him or her. That's what you're good at, Charlie. Protecting those you love."
My lips were trembling no matter how hard I tried to bite them so the trembling would stop.
He called him Forest.
The last time Christian used the name Forest, he was probably ten years old.
I tried calling Forest by his actual birth name after the day Christian reminded me that his father gave Lucas his name and that I was erasing it by calling him by something else. However, Forest got angry everytime I used his actual name. He insisted that I only ever call him Forest. So it kind of just stuck.
"Forest is fine." He added while I cried. "And so is Joshua and Jona. I assure you of that. The Forest of five years ago didn't fully grasp how dangerous it can be to be a Greyson, but the Forest you know now has survived four assassination attempts. He's more cautious, more vicous and has at least ten times more foresight than he had five years ago. You and Jona may know everything, but the man you married truly KNOWS ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING."
The gun fell to the floor and before I knew so had I.
I was crying, full on sobbing infront of a man who has never shown me any respect. He's an enemy, so why would I ever cry infront of him?
I felt his arms around me and that just made me cry more.
"He's fine." He rested his head against the back of my head. "It's okay if you don't forgive me, Charlie. I don't deserve it, but you deserve the chance to protect your baby. All you need to focus on doing today is protecting my little niece or nephew. I know you hate me. I hate me too, but I'm going to be with you every step of the way and I'll show you why those who hurt the Greysons never live to tell the tale. You've protected me from crappy decisions all my life. Today, I'm going to protect you."