"You played me." I scathingly glare at the victoriously grinning Ino.
"Yes." Her grin widens. "Yes I did."
"Ino have I mentioned how nice it is that you came along with us?" Shikamaru says with just a hint of a devious grin dancing on his face. "Because it is."
"Hate you." I let my head thunk onto the table. "Hate you all."
Ino manipulated me. She tricked me into going to lunch with the gang. I'm actually pretty impressed, but that's overshadowed by my own sheer stupidity for not noticing it.
This is how the whole trip is going to be. I can feel it.
"Come on, you don't mean that! We're all friends here!" Naruto pats me on the back. "Uh… Alvarcus?"
"What?" I don't bother to look at him. I just lift my head up and slam it into the table again.
"Don't freak out, but you've got a lump on your back." Naruto poke me in the back this time. "And it's huge. Is there a doctor on this ship?"
"Are you being serious?" I quit slamming my head into the table to look at him.
"Yes. You've got to get that looked at." He's being completely serious.
"Dude." Shikamaru drones out. "It's his masks."
"Oh yeah that's a thing." Naruto quits poking me.
"How the hell did you forget that I have masks stitched onto my back?" I aggressively asks while thunking my head into the table again. I need to kill some brain cells if I have to be around this level of stupidity.
Oh wait, I don't even have brain cells anymore. Fantastic. I can't make myself more stupid for this.
"Masks go on your face." Naruto shrugs. "It's weird to have them anywhere else."
"Okay that's a surprisingly good point." Shikamaru admits. "It is strange to have them anywhere else."
"Can I leave now?" I whine with my face pressed into the table.
"No." Ino lays down the law. "And quit trying to break the table! We need to use it still!"
"Shouldn't you be more worried about his face?" Shikamaru asks. "That's gotta hurt. He's not being gentle at all."
"This is nothing for him." Ino dares me with her eyes to slam my head into the table one more time. "If either of you saw him during the latest Chunin Exams neither of you would be concerned at all. You would not believe the amount of abuse he can take."
"How much?" Shikamaru is assessing me out of the corner of his eye. Great, he's trying to get a plan together to capture me and take me back to Konoha.
"He told me that he's taken a beating from Lee with five Gates open." Naruto supplies. "That's impressive."
"No shit?" Shikamaru fully turns to me. "Lee kicked your ass?"
"No, I won that fight." I'm going to call that a win.
"Damn." Shikamaru praises me in his own way.
"Can we not talk about that?" I whine as I softly - so Ino won't get mad - place my head back on the table. "Better yet you all could let me leave."
"No." All three of them reply at the same time.
"Worst. Vacation. Ever." I groan out.
"Hey Naruto." Shikamaru steers the conversation away from me. Thankfully. "How's training under Jiraiya been? That's gotta be cool, being trained by a Sannin."
"It's is pretty awesome when we actually train." Naruto smiles fondly on him memories. "I've learned a whole bunch under him, I'm way better than I was before. He's taught me lots of jutsu and we've worked extensively on my taijutsu. I'm really glad he helped me with that, I was terrible. But one of the most important lessons he taught me was to plan."
"You fancy yourself a strategist?" Shikamaru asks in interest. I don't blame him, that's kind of his own thing.
"Nope!" Naruto plasters a huge grin on his face. "I'm more of a three steps ahead kinda guy. You're fifty steps ahead. I couldn't hold a candle to you. But I do have a whole new bunch of tricks with Shadow Clones."
"Like what?" Ino asks.
"I can use henge to transform them into whatever I want." Naruto boats proudly. "It's a lot of fun to make one into a kunai, throw it at an enemy, then have it transform back once the clone is in punching range. That's just one of many."
"Do you still need a clone to help make the Rasengan?" I ask. "That's a huge weakness."
"Yeah." Naruto wilts a little bit. "I'm working on it though, it's way more complex than it looks."
"Is it though?" I ask again.
"You don't know how it works. Trust me." Naruto assures us, well me in particular.
"Yeah. Sure. Let's go with that." My words cause Shikamaru to quirk an eyebrow at me. Interesting, he might have caught me. I've got to be more careful around him, that kid is way too observant and smart for me to let my guard down. "What about you two? Learn anything cool recently?"
"Anko has started to show me some of her other tricks." Ino admits. "You know, besides the coat. She hasn't decided which one to teach me though. She's still debating over which one to start with."
"I've gotten better with the shadows." Shikamaru shrugs. "That's about it really."
Smart boy. He didn't reveal anything to me so he can use whatever he wants to later. It's exactly what I would do.
"How about you?" Shikamaru asks. "You're learning under a Sannin too, I'm sure you've learned cool things."
"You're not wrong." I'll play his little game. "I've learned a plethora of new jutsu of every element. My ninjutsu library is insane. But what really stands out for me would be my Spiders."
"Really?" Shikamaru's interest is piqued. "You've signed a Summoning Contract? Wait. No duh. Choji and Ino both told me about how you caught them. That was a dick move by the way."
"I keep getting reminded of that recently." By literally everyone here but Anko. "I like Keji. He's got style."
"It was certainly an… unique experience." Ino winces as she remembers that particular encounter. "Not something I want to do again."
"I promise nothing." I quickly interject.
"So!" Naruto eagerly cuts in. "Anyone got any fun mission stories to tell?"
"Practically all of mine since leaving are not fun or make me look crazy. Or both. Sadly it's usually both." I blandly tell everyone. "Though there was the time everyone but you fought ANBU for me. That was entertaining!"
"That happened!?" I have Naruto's full attention.
"No one has told you about that? Nevermind, dumb question. You've been out of the village." I metaphorically roll up my sleeves in preparation for story time. "Alright so here's how it all went down. Ino, Shikamaru, feel free to chime in for the parts you were there for."
Meanwhile, At the Base
"Sasuke!" Sakon whisper shouts in fear to the Uchiha as he's walking down what he thought was a deserted hall.
Sasuke halts his forward march and looks around, Sakon isn't in sight. Maybe he's hearing things?
"Over here Sasuke!" Sakon whisper shouts fearfully again.
Sasuke's gaze is drawn to the noise and he finally sees Sakon. He's inside a room and barely has the door cracked, it's just enough to see one of his eyes.
"Sakon?" Sasuke questioningly asks. "That you?"
"Yes!" Sakon quickly confirms. "Come in here, we need your help! Please!"
"We?" Sasuke asks as he strolls over to the room and enters it. "Hello Jirobo, Kidomaru and you too Sakon. You three look like shit."
"That's because we haven't slept in two days!" Kidomaru shouts in one part anger and three parts fear.
"Why the hell not?" Sasuke bluntly asks.
"It's Alvarcus!" Jirobo yells so forcefully spittle flies from his mouth.
"Uh… what?" Sasuke isn't following this at all. Alvarcus is out on his 'totally not a vacation' mission so what could he possibly have done to the Sound Three?
"No one has seen him in days!" Sakon crazily supplies.
"The last we saw him was when we pranked him with the Prince of Sound thing!" Kidomaru continues.
"When he swore vengeance upon us! He's been planning his revenge for days! DAYS! You've got to help us!" Jirobo finishes.
Sasuke has an evil thought. It's not an overly complex thought or even one that requires much effort to do, it's very simple.
He's going to not tell them that Alvarcus is on a mission and let them stew for longer.
"I'm staying out of this." Sasuke turns around to leave. "He made me into a Butler. Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was? I want no part of what he has in store for you three."
"WAIT!" All three of them shout out in fear.
"Just go check on him?" Sakon asks. "See what he's up to, maybe find out what he has planned for us? That's all we're asking!"
"Hmm…" Sasuke watches as hope flutters faintly across each of their faces. Then he crushes it. "No. This is all on you." Sasuke steps out of the room and sends a look over his shoulder. "For the short time we knew each other it was interesting. I can't believe I'm about to admit this, but you three were tolerable. That's a compliment coming from me."
"Sasuke please!" Jirobo begs him.
"Nope. Good luck surviving!" Sasuke slams the door in their faces. "Now I see why Alvarcus does that kind of stuff, it's entertaining. I wonder how he's doing?"
Half an Hour Later
"Glad that's over with." I mutter to myself as I'm walking up the mast to my hammock. I'm only partially lying to myself. I did enjoy retelling the events of a Game of Cat and Mouse and Naruto was an enthusiastic audience. But Shikamaru and Ino didn't let me gloss the story up as much as I wanted to.
Yet I can't get used to being around them. I will be leaving them again and soon at that. The very first chance I get.
"Now I can just kick back and relax." I lazily fall into my hammock and let a very contented sigh escape me. "We should be close to the Land of Snow tomorrow afternoonish, provided that there's no unexpected events that happen. Right, I'm going to expect several unexpected events to happen."
"Alright everyone!" I hear the Director call out beneath me. "Are we ready to shoot that scene? The deck of the ship is the perfect spot!"
"You've gotta be shitting me." I groan out.
A few Hours Later, With the Konoha Group
"We're all here. Good." Shikamaru temples his fingers together. "We've got to get some form of a game plan together."
"What do you want us to do?" Kakashi asks. "This is your mission, use us however you want."
"I'll take you up on that offer." Shikamaru readily accepts Kakashi's statement. "Okay, so first of is you Kakashi."
"Me? What will I be doing?" Kakashi diverts a smidgen more of his attention to his team leader.
"You're the best one here, that means you get to go after the biggest threat. If we're confronted by a group it's your job to remove their strongest member."
"Simple enough." Kakashi agrees.
"Anko, you're the next most skilled here." Shikamaru turns his intense gaze onto her. "You're going to be focusing on defense. If anyone slips by the rest of us you'll be the last line of defense."
"Aw. I wanted to play." Anko pouts at Shikamaru. "But I do get where you're coming from. This way our forces are evenly spread out among offense and defense. I just don't like it."
"You don't have to like it, you just have to do it." Shikamaru moves on. "Next will be Naruto, me then Ino. We'll be defense or support for Kakashi. We'll break off in that order, so if there's a pair of attackers Kakashi and Naruto will handle them while Ino and I support them. If there's three I'll join, if there's four then Ino joins too."
"Sweet! I get a cool job this time!" Naruto fist pumps.
"You're way too excited for this." Ino sighs. "I hope nothing goes wrong. I'd rather not fight in snow, it sounds very unpleasant."
"What if we're attacked by a group of bandits? Those can get pretty big, way larger than four." Kakashi points out.
"They're bandits. Naruto can send in a horde of Shadow Clones and we'll call that good." Shikamaru easily answers the question. "So, we good? It can change at a moment's notice but that's the basic plan we'll stick to."
"What about Alvarcus?" Naruto asks the question that everyone was thinking. "Why didn't you include him?"
"We already know what he's going to do." Shikamaru frowns. "He made that clear earlier today. He's on defense for Yukie."
"Then why am I on defense?" Anko asks. "If Kakashi is right about him being as strong if not stronger than me why are we both on defense?"
"Because he's on defense for only Yukie." Shikamaru's frown deepens. "I don't want to say this, but Alvarcus has changed. He's not the same as we remember so we can't expect him to act like he used to. I'm not willing to risk the lives of everyone else on the off chance that Alvarcus will step up and save them. That's why you're on defense Anko, because someone has to look out for the rest of our group. He'll keep Yukie alive, I have no doubt of that, but he doesn't care about anyone else."
"He cares about us." Naruto points out. "Even if he says he doesn't he cared enough to stay. Plus he took the time to give us those seals so we don't get ripped to shreds."
"True, but he knows that we can defend ourselves so he's not worried about us." Shikamaru explains to Naruto.
"Ripped to shreds?" Kakashi asks. "He gave me a seal but he told me it was so nothing explodes next to me."
"Strange." Ino speaks up. "He told me that it's because he's got a move that swallows everything whole in a five meter radius. Not even air is spared."
"Ha! I got the best one!" Anko gloats. "He said that it'll stop me from being torn out of this dimension into a void of endless darkness! Pretty sure it's a suicide technique. Those are always nasty."
"Dammit. He's good." Shikamaru's frown deepens even further. "By telling us all different versions he's basically not revealed exactly what the technique is. It could be any one of those or none of them but he still got the desired effect of us being protected from it. How the hell am I supposed to get a plan together when I don't know enough about him? At this rate I won't have anything ready to beat him by the time we're finished with the mission."
"You'll have to face the possibility that he will get away." Kakashi reluctantly admits. "Alvarcus is very crafty, you can plan ahead as much as you want to but all he has to do is find one exploit, one weak point to escape."
"What do you mean 'you'll?' You have to face it too." Anko cuts in.
"I've already lost him twice. A third time will not surprise me." Kakashi's demeanor darkens. "I recognized it as a possibility the moment I first saw him. It's very likely that he will escape again, I've come to terms with it."
"I've got an idea! It'll make him reveal more moves than we've seen so far!" Naruto happily throws out a suggestion. "It's simple, we can all ask him for a spar! We all fight differently so we'll be sure to see a variety of his skills! It's perfect!"
"That's not a bad idea." Shikamaru concedes to Naruto. "But there is a problem with that."
"What is it? It's foolproof." Naruto boasts.
"He can always say no." Ino blandly points out. "He doesn't have to spar anyone and good luck getting him to do anything at all. It's a miracle I've gotten him to do as much as I have. He's freakishly stubborn."
"Guys." Naruto leans forward in anticipation. "I've got a plan."