The Day Before the Tournament
Sasuke, Tayuya, Orochimaru and I are all standing at the exit to the base. Sasuke and I are both back in our respective masks while Tayuya and Orochimaru are going over some last minute details about what is expected of us and her specifically as the jonin representative of Otogakure.
"Summoning Jutsu!" I smack my hand to the ground and a small plume of smoke appears.
"About bloody time!" Shirokumo screeches the moment he's here. "I told you we need to talk! That was weeks ago!"
"Oh." Crap, I totally forgot about that. "I'm sorry, but it's going to have to wait again."
"We need to have this conversation. Soon." He pins me with an eight eyed glare. "You can't put this off forever."
"I know and I won't. I summoned you to let you know to call me Green again, tell the other spiders will you? We're heading out for the Chunin Exams again." He's still mad. This must conversation must mean a lot to him. "Once I'm in Kusa I'll summon you and we can have a nice long chat, alright?"
"Fine. Hurry, this is important. The longer you wait to hear it, the bigger a problem it's going to be." Then he mutters something under his breath that sounds suspiciously like, "Especially since it's about her."
"Is that Mister Spider?" Tayuya calls from the exit of the base. "We need to talk business still."
All of his beady black eyes narrow. "Don't have the time."
POOF
"That's unusual." I comment to myself. "Never seen him like this before."
"Alvarcus, Sasuke." Orochimaru's voice pulls me out of my thoughts. "Remember, I expect a show. I want you to leave a lasting impression on the spectators, display the power of Sound."
"Yes, Orochimaru-sama." Sasuke and I chant in unison. We share a quick look between the two of us.
"All in favor of never speaking at the same time again?" I casually ask. "I."
"I." Sasuke responds. "That was just eerie."
"Glad we came to a consensus."
"Not to add any pressure to the two of you," Orochimaru cuts off the rest of our conversation, "but I might be in the crowd. After all, I do like seeing the fruits of my labor. Do not disappoint me."
Orochimaru might be there? No, I don't want that. I really don't want that. That would make things so much harder on me, I couldn't get away at all with any sort of communication with Konoha shinobi unless it is violent.
~Fret not Host, we've been around him so much that I'll be able to tell if he is present. His unique aura sings a whole different song than anyone else.~
Thank you Jiongu, always around to make my life easier. I don't know where I'd be without you.
~Probably dead in a ditch.~
I take it back, the Jiongu is an asshole.
"Can we leave now?" I whine. "This is going to suck. Tayuya, in her infinite wisdom, decided to wait until the day before the Tournament to leave. Now I have to carry her sorry ass or we won't make it in time!"
"Yes." Orochimaru generously allows. "I expect no distractions, focus on the task ahead."
The three of us walk outside into the blazing sun.
"Let's go." Tayuya orders as she jumps onto my back.
"Kami damn it." I mutter to myself. "Here we go again."
Four Hours Later, On the Road to Kusagakure
"Alvarcus we need to stop." Tayuya says from over my shoulder.
"We can stop when we're at Kusa." I quip back at her. "Besides, I think you like snuggling with me more than you let on."
"Clever boy." She sensuously whispers in my ear as he presses her... ahem... assets into my back. "Figured that out did you? But really we need to stop."
"Why?" I irritably say. "If you don't remember, we're on quite the time crunch."
"I... oom." She mumbles in embarrassment.
"Speak up, I can't hear you."
"I have to use the bathroom." She squeaks out.
"Oh you have got to be shitting me." I groan.
"No, I just have to tinkle." She answers a question I didn't ask. Kami why did she have to specify that?
"Sasuke we're stopping." I call out to him as we both skid to a stop.
"What's wrong? Did you sense another anomaly?" He's instantly on guard ready to go to battle at a moments notice.
"Nah, this one," I drop Tayuya down to the ground. Unfortunately she was ready and landed on her feet. Stupid shinobi training and ruining my fun. "has to go to the bathroom."
He stares at her in bewilderment. "Seriously? You couldn't go before we left?"
"Sorry if you didn't notice this but we've been running for four hours!" She shouts as she disappears behind a generously sized bush. "I have no idea how you two don't have to go."
"Well I'm a freak of nature, I can hold it as long as I have to." I blandly inform her.
"I'm disciplined." Is all Sasuke supplies.
I stare at my friend in disgust. "Dude that can't be healthy."
He offer up a shrug. "You get used to it."
"All done!" Tayuya merrily says as she walks back from the bush. "Let's get goin-"
Three things happen at once, all in the same instant.
First, I look down at my chest in disbelief. It's exactly as it should be, covered in bandages, then a dark green shirt and then my black coat. Except there's pain, I've only felt this unique kind of pain twice. Once was when Kisame stabbed me in the heart. The other was when Sasuke speared me with the Chidori.
Second, out of the corner of my eye I see a black blur and two glints of silver. Someone swung a blade at Sasuke's neck but my friend managed to block the assailant with his own sword. They trade a quick flurry of blows before separating, the black blur leaps away.
Third, I hear the sound of flesh being severed followed by a dull hollow thud from where Tayuya should be. I've heard this noise numerous times, it's the sound of someone's head rolling off their shoulders. Never thought Tayuya would go down the beheading route, she always seemed more into her genjutsu and summons.
Sudden unexpected force pushes from behind me and now I know where the pain is coming from. There's a sword sticking out of my chest, I've been stabbed in the back and the dead man just shoved the blade all the way through. Upon further examination I realize that it isn't a sword, but rather a tanto that's in my chest. A tipless tanto, the signature blade of Danzo's Root.
~WHO DARES TO HURT THE HOST!~
"Root." I hiss out.
A foot braces against my back as the wielder of the tanto pushes me off their blade. The moment the unforgiving steel is withdrawn I whirl around to face my attacker. They are decked out in generic shinobi garb that could come from any major village and most minor ones. But their weapons are what gives them away, they're all ANBU or Root issue.
With a wet splat my destroyed fire heart hits the ground.
"Sasuke! Tayuya! On me now!" I roar without taking my eyes off of my target.
Instantly Sasuke is at my back, he's watching mine and I'm doing the same for him. We're surrounded in moments by the assassins. "I count twelve. Are there any in the trees?"
"Jiongu?" I bark out.
~I can't tell. Host I can't tell! They don't have affinities or they are shielding them somehow!~
"Don't know. They're protected from my sensing capabilities." Fuck, of course Danzo would know how the Jiongu can sense people. Tsunade and I talked about it in her office. "Sasuke where's Tayuya?"
He stiffens minutely. "I was the only one who blocked their assassination attempt."
"So you're saying..." Don't be true. I don't want it to be true.
"She's dead. Off to your left." Sasuke grimly informs me.
I spare a quick glance. She's just steps away from the bush laying on the ground. In a pool of red. And her head is a meter away from her body. It was her head that I heard hit the ground.
She's dead because of me. I taunted Danzo, insulted him point blank to his face right when he displayed a very strong hand. I didn't think he'd be able to mobilize this quickly. I didn't know this would happen! It's all my fault and now she's dead!
~Host, we've been over this before. You were not the one who swung the blade, you were not the one to cleave her head from her shoulders. One of them did it. Her killer stands before you.~
"Which one did it?" I sound demonic, my voice takes on a gravely tone and the harshness of it surprises even me. "Which one?"
One of the Root shinobi flicks his tanto and a viscous red liquid splatters the ground.
~So you've identified the murderer. Now what will you do? Will you take your revenge or let him harm you further?~
He dies now. Bloodily. Messily. Painfully. And I'm going to rip anyone who gets in my way to shreds. Preferably literally, today no one walks away. Today I will live up to my title. Today they feel the wrath of the Heart Thief.
~Yes! Show me your resolve!~
My earth heart explodes out of my back, tearing right through all of my layers of clothing and stands protectively next to Sasuke. I lunge at Tayuya's killer with cold calculated fury in my eyes.
He merely stands there awaiting my approach. His teammates don't, they break off and start running towards me, they're going to try to intercept me.
SQUELCH
Another tanto finds its way into my chest, but unlike the last time I'm stabbed from the front. My right arm shoots out with my fingers splayed like claws. I slam my hand into the chest of the shinobi who was stupid enough to try and stop me and dig my fingers into his soft flesh. The Jiongu surges out of my fingers and spears through his muscles and rib cage and wraps around his heart.
I tear the still beating organ out of his chest.
~Earth.~
With my left hand I rip the tanto that is still in me out, along with it comes my destroyed water heart. In the still open wound I shove the earth heart into me as the shinobi I got it from hits the ground with a dull thud.
The Root shinobi aren't phased by my brutal tactics, soon there's another attacking me. This one lunges in close and swings their tanto at my neck in hopes of decapitating me. Probably to slow me down so they can have a chance at getting more of my hearts. Unfortunately for him, I'm still holding onto a tanto. Our two blades clash and my Jiongu enhanced strength overwhelms the Root shinobi. Their blade goes flying off towards the trees.
Again I slam my hand into their chest and will the Jiongu to wrap around their heart. With cold merciless eyes I look at him in disappointment as I rip out one of his most vital organs.
~Fire.~
The Jiongu takes the new heart and places it in its new home, my back.
SHINK SHINK SQUELCH
This time I'm attacked by three different shinobi all at once. Two of them removed my arms and the third stabbed me in my chest. I just lost my recently acquired earth heart. That's alright, there are replacements right next to me.
The shinobi who stabbed my heart is the only smart one, he was quick to leap away from me once his task was completed. The other two weren't.
The Jiongu surges out of where my arms were severed and wraps around the two shinobi on my sides. They start squirming and wriggling trying to escape but their efforts are in vain. There is no escape, not from my wrath.
The Jiongu does exactly what I want it to, it rips their chest apart. Their entrails plop out of their bodies and smack into the ground with a wet splat. The Jiongu carelessly tosses the bodies away and in the bloody aftermath scoops up their hearts.
~Water and Fire.~
"I want the best hearts with all affinities. Replace them as needed." I demand. Something wet comes out of my back and rolls down my leg to the ground. Soon two new hearts are in my back, the Jiongu replaced the fire heart with the newly acquired one.
Menacing black threads reach out from my severed limbs and my stumps and connect together. They reel in my arms and sow them back on with painful efficiency.
The shinobi who most recently destroyed one of my hearts engages again. This time once he's in range he swings at my neck, he's going for a beheading.
CLANG
SHINK
Sasuke shunshined between us and with two quick strokes of his own sword intercepted the tanto and decapitated the Root shinobi. "You don't get to have all the fun."
"About time you came around." My gravely voice reverberates throughout the slaughter ground. I let the Jiongu out of my left hand and it burrows its way into the recently decapitated shinobi. "Slaughter is always more fun with friends."
~Earth.~
I reel the heart into my hand with the sound of flesh smacking flesh. I carelessly throw it over my shoulder to my hulking earth monster and it rapidly switches out hearts.
"Slaughter?" Sasuke eagerly says as he flicks his sword clean of blood. "I can always go for a good slaughter."
Only seven Root shinobi remain. I have to give them some credit, they're not phased by me at all. They're all in a protective formation with the one who killed Tayuya at the most secure spot. I'll have to go through all of them if I want to get him. Good, that was my plan anyways.
My wind and fire hearts extend out of my back on a mass of thick black threads. They hover menacingly above my head. "Burn."
Out of each mask surges their respective element, and they blend into one giant attack. Fire hotter than the deepest bowels of hell itself furiously surges towards the remaining shinobi.
Three of the remaining seven shinobi quickly remove a small piece of paper from their forearms, then in unison they fly through hand signs and chat "Earth Release: Indomitable Wall!"
~Host I can sense those three now. The seals they have are restricting their chakra, that's the only way I can think of to hide from me.~
A wall of hardened stone easily three meters thick explodes upwards from the ground and intercepts my hellfire. Their defense succeeds in stopping my attack, but it's close. The wall is little more than smoldering slag at this point, one gentle kick could knock it over.
I'm going to use that. My earth monster stomps on the ground and numerous pillars of earth form at a forty five degree angle and slam into the heaping mound of molten slag. The sudden force pushes it over backwards and I'm rewarded with the screams of two voices. They're burning alive with no hope of escape.
"Water Release: Water Wave!" A new voice calls out as a wave of water rushes over the slag, cooling it off to tolerable levels.
~I can sense another.~
Two of the remaining five shinobi break off and sprint at Sasuke and I. One is coming from our left, the other our right. Except something is off, they're not heading at us, they're heading straight at my earth monster.
I watch in mild confusion and a great deal of amusement as they each swing their blades at what would be my neck height, but against my monster it's more like waist height on it. Both blades connect and tear through it, but the monster quickly pulls itself together. Then it grabs each of the shinobi in a massive hand by the throat and squeezes.
Two sharp cracks echo through the air and the bodies are dropped unceremoniously to the ground.
"Genjutsu. I made them think it was you." Sasuke comments from my side.
"I approve." This time the remaining three shinobi flinch slightly at my voice. Good, they're finally scared.
A massive hand made of black threads holds out one red lump to me. My earth monster collected the heart for me, how nice of it.
~Wind, the other had an inferior fire.~
The black tentacle with my wind mask leans over and switches out hearts then I pull both it and the fire mask back into me. I take the old wind heart and throw it at the Root shinobi. It bounces wetly twice then rolls to a stop before the remaining shinobi.
Two more shinobi approach us, this time they're doing so slowly. They're taking their time, looking for an opening. One goes towards Sasuke and the other me.
Going in slow is a mistake. It gives me plenty of time to let my ten chakra strings slither across the ground towards the soon to be dead nin. Once all of them have looped around him a few times, I make five elemental changes and pull.
He's reduced to a thick reddish brown paste, there's no way to identify that it was even a human.
THUD
Sasuke's target's body slides off his sword and hits the ground dully. He made short work of his own opponent by stabbing him through the spine.
We both make eye contact then slowly turn towards the last Root shinobi standing.
Said shinobi hesitantly takes a step backwards in fear. Good.
My earth monster stomps the ground again, this time two small jaws of earth clamp down on each of the murderers feet, both crushing them and trapping him so he can't get away.
He falls to his hands and knees in pain, no longer capable of standing.
I slowly walk towards him, I can take my time now. He's not going anywhere. Once I'm next to him, I squat down so we're closer in height. I tenderly grab is forearm and twist it around until I see a piece of paper stuck to it.
"I'll be taking this." I gently peel it off, careful to keep it intact. I want to know what this seal does and how to counter it if possible. I will not be caught of guard again.
~He has lightning, it is better than ours. Shall we take it for ourselves?~
The downed shinobi gets his second wind, he tightens his grip on his tanto and swings it at my face, he's not even aiming for my neck at this point. All he's trying to do is get me away from him.
CLANG
"You could have dodged that." Sasuke says idly as he holds the tanto at bay. "You have enough scars the way it is, one on your face isn't necessary."
I reach out and grab the wrist of the arm that's holding the tanto. I don't crush it, no, I don't even squeeze that hard. I just need a point of contact and this way I'll be sure he won't swing at me again. I let the Jiongu exit through my palm and into the wrist of the Root shinobi.
"This will hurt, it will be the most unbelievable pain you have ever experienced. If it is any consolation, I'll be taking your heart. That means only most of you will be annihilated." I push the Jiongu deeper into him. It's tearing up his arm slowly, I can see the tendrils bulging out through his skin.
~Beautiful. This is what I am made for, this is my purpose. To be wielded by a host that has no qualms using me, to be wielded by a host that will use me in new ways, to be wielded by a host that I find worthy! Alvarcus Mar, you are the most worthy host I have ever had! Let me have free reign to do as I please! Turn me loose and the pain he will feel will be unrivaled for all time!~
"Granted." The Jiongu shivers in pure joy, it's one of the most pleasant things I've ever felt.
~Magnificent!~
With a quick flash of steel the Root shinobi's head falls to the ground.
~NO! He robbed me of my toy!~
I stare at his body uncomprehendingly. I didn't do that. The Jiongu didn't do that. He should have hours more of suffering before he dies.
"Since when do we torture people?" Sasuke's cold voice says from beside me. His sword is red with the blood of Tayuya's killer. "It should be enough that they die."
"He killed someone I consider a friend." I don't look away from the body as it slumps to the ground, finally succumbing to gravity. "He killed someone precious to me."
"Alvarcus Mar you are better than him! Don't lower yourself to his level. You got your vengeance, let that be enough." A gentle hand falls onto my shoulder. "It's what makes you human, it's what makes you a good person. Even if someone does one of the most unforgivable things to you, you don't lower yourself to their level. You stand above them."
He pulls me up to my feet.
"Do you think I want to torture Itachi for what he did to me?" Sasuke forces me to look at him. "No, I simply want him out of this world. I have every right to want him to be tortured to death with the most despicable and horrifying tactics known to man, but I don't wish that on him. I only want him dead. I will not corrupt myself for some sick sense of satisfaction. And you won't either."
"But I already have. I ripped all of these shinobi to pieces in an anger fueled rage." And I felt good about it. I wore a sick twisted snake like smile the entire time.
"So? You were quick about it, you didn't prolong their suffering. I'll admit that some of the things you did were beyond brutal and will not be leaving my head for years, but you didn't torture them."
"I've tortured before. The Suna nin that killed my family."
"Quit trying to argue this!" Sasuke yells at me. "He killed your family right in front of you, of course you were going to react like that! When Itachi killed my family, that night I had every intention of skinning him alive brother be damned. Your emotions were wild, you weren't yourself. You didn't have anyone to look out for you, to keep you in check. But right now, right here, I'm here. I'm here to watch out for you when shit hits the fan, just like how you do it for me."
We stare at each other for a long time, minutes pass in silence.
"Sasuke, you're one hell of a friend." I finally break the ever growing silence. "Thank you."
"You'd do the same for me." He gives me a friendly pat on the back. "Now, let's get this cleaned up. Can't have all these bodies lying about for anyone to stumble across."
We spend the next twenty minutes rifling through the belongings of the Root shinobi looking for anything noteworthy or useful. A pile of weapons is off to one side, a handful of storage scrolls containing camping supplies is next to them. We don't turn up anything important, no mission scroll, no written orders, no village identifiers, nothing.
I have my earth monster drag all the Root shinobi bodies into a massive pile. Well all the bodies that are left, there are a few that are already destroyed beyond recognition. Particularly the two I covered in molten slag and the shinobi I ripped to shreds with all five elements.
Then I see a piece of jagged white porcelain laying on the ground. I pick it up and turn it this way and that way. There's a familiar fire design on it. "Those fuckers broke some of my masks!"
"Wait really?" Sasuke asks from where he's stuffing more kunai into his holster. "Those things can take a beating and they broke one?"
"I was stabbed in the heart a lot, I shouldn't be surprised." I will the Jiongu to move my masks through my shredded clothes and into my line of sight. "Fuckers got all but the wind and earth." Each one has chips and cracks. "This sucks. I liked those masks."
"You have issues. You sound like the masks meant more to you than your hearts. Here." Sasuke throws me five of the Root shinobi's white blank masks. There's varying degrees of blood on each of them. "Better than nothing."
"I'll need to get themed ones again. I liked that, it was cool." I swap out all five of them, might as well have a matching set.
"I've got everything off of the bodies we can salvage. Do you want to burn them or me?" He asks while going through different sized tantos. "None of these would work well for me. They're too short."
"I got it." Shouldn't have him waste chakra, who knows if there is another group out there waiting for us. Although they'd probably have attacked or fled by now. I fly through the hand signs for one of my favorite jutsu, "Fire Release: Intelligent Hard Work!"
The stench of burning bodies fills the air and thick black smoke wafts into the sky.
Sasuke walks over to me and hands me a scroll with a black band around it.
I tilt my head in confusion, we burned all the bodies.
"It's Tayuya." He softly says. "Figured you would want to make it more personal than burning her in a random patch of forest with twelve others."
Oh. Right. I've been ignoring that. Desperately ignoring that. "Thank you again Sasuke." I pocket her. At the very least I'll make sure she gets somewhere nice.
"Now I hate to say this, but we have to get moving. We don't want to be late for the Tournament, enough stuff has already gone wrong."
"You're right." I acquiesce to his words. He's right after all. "You set the pace."
"Stupid Jiongu and limitless stamina." He grumbles to himself. "One of these days I'm going to out run you. Just you wait."
"Whatever you say hotshot."
Unknown to Sasuke and Alvarcus, there was a thirteenth Root shinobi wearing the chakra suppressing seal. He watched the whole fight happen and could have intervened at any moment. But that wasn't his mission, his mission is to observe and report.
And what a report this turned out to be, Danzo-sama severely underestimated these two.
The thirteenth shinobi leaps away into the trees, this report is of the utmost urgency. Not only did the two targets survive they took down twelve shinobi. The shinobi might not have been the best Root has to offer, but they were exceedingly well coordinated and had been very well informed. They knew the weaknesses of the one in green, the main target of this assassination mission, and still were soundly defeated.
In the absence of the thirteenth shinobi, an extremely peculiar creature rises up out of the trunk of a tree. It's half black, half white and inside what can only be a large overgrown Venus Fly Trap.
"Well this was interesting. We're just here to gather information about the one tails! Agreed, who would have thought we'd stumble onto this? Itachi will be surprised to know that his brother has left Konoha for Otogakure of all places."
Four Hours Later, the Gates of Kusagakure
"Red and Green, gennin of Otogakure here for the final tournament of the Chunin Exams." Sasuke answers the question of the unbelievably nervous gate guards. "Is there a problem?"
"Well... uh... where's your jonin at?" The guard on the left asks weakly.
"Dead. Killed on the way here." I bark out. Both guards flinch as I speak, they would much rather talk to Sasuke but frankly I don't give a damn.
"And... who killed them?" The right guard tentatively asks.
"Doesn't matter." I bark out again.
"Why not?" The right guard queasily asks.
"They're dead. We killed them all." I blandly inform the stuttering guards.
"Ah." The left guard intelligently replies. "Can we expect you to keep yourselves controlled while you're here without your jonin handler?"
"Yes." Sasuke hisses out. "Do not think us stupid, we are more than capable of differentiating between hostiles and noncombatants. We will only attack those who are stupid enough to attack us first. And before you ask, we have no plans on crippling or deadly attacks during the actual Tournament. Now either refuse us at your door or let us into the damn village already!"
The two gate guards share a nervous look among themselves. "Welcome to Kusagakure. You'll be staying at the same hotel as a month ago, makes things easier if you already know where to go."
"Finally." Sasuke breezes past the guards and I'm quick to follow.
As I walk past the guards I see them tense up, they're more tense the closer I get. Interesting. Or not, I am still covered in blood and my shirt and jacket are barely better than rags.
After a few minutes of walking through the village I hear something very peculiar.
"Now that's my kind of guy!" An arm is thrown across my shoulders and I violently suppress the urge to rip this asshole into hundreds of tiny pieces. I'm not in the mood for this shit. "Casually strolling through a foreign village covered in blood! Say, what's your name kid?"
Sasuke turns at the sound of the newcomer's voice and instantly locks up. He's frozen like a deer in headlights.
"Fuck off." I growl as I duck under and then out of his arm. I don't even spare him a look.
Not even a second later the weight of his arm is back. "After my own heart!" You wish. "Say, have you ever heard of our lord and savior Jashin-sama?"
"Alright asshat, since you didn't listen the first time I'll kindly repeat myself. Fuck off!" This time I don't duck under his arm, rather I swiftly elbow him in the gut with way more strength than I should have been able to use.
He buckles a little and the arm around my shoulders is withdrawn. "Oh hell yeah! I like this one! You'll be a perfect convert if there ever was one!"
I finally spare this lunatic a glance. He has medium-length gray hair that's slicked backwards and shockingly purple eyes. He's a surprisingly tall man and he has a cherry red three pronged scythe strapped to his back. And he's wearing a cloak with red clouds on it.
Holy fuck I just elbowed Hidan in the gut!
"Hidan control yourself." A deep menacing voice calls from behind the scythe user. "We are here to see if there are any high bounties attending these exams, and if so then we are going to take them. We are not here so you can corrupt the youth with your asinine religion."
This man is ridiculously tall, easily towering over everyone else here. Almost his entire body is covered by a black cloak with red clouds and a black face mask. Only his hands and unusual red and green eyes are visible. This man is Kakuzu.
"Fuck you old man it's the one true religion!" Hidan roars. "Back me up on this kid!"
My head ping pongs from Hidan, to Kakuzu, to Sasuke and back again. "I'm not in the fucking mood for this shit."
I stomp over to the still shell shocked Sasuke, spin him around and start shoving him away from the lunatics behind us and towards our hotel room. After a few stumbles he regain his senses and starts walking of his own volition.
"Aw come on kid don't be like that!" Hidan calls after my retreating form. "I promise there's only a lot of pain that comes with Jashinism! Usually it's not even yours! It's a hell of a lot of fun too!"
I don't stop, I keep forcing Sasuke to walk further away no matter how much he want to turn around.
"Hidan remain on task." Kakuzu irritably says. "Or the next time you lose a limb I won't put it back for you."
"Pfft like I'm the one who needs to remain on task. You dragged my ass all the way to this heathen infested village so you can see Muffins." Hidan rounds on Kakuzu aggressively. "Tell me I'm wrong, go on. Do it. Ever since Sasori mentioned that he'd be here you've been more lively than usual. That's saying something, I bet you remember when dirt was invented! Get it? You're so old you were alive before dirt? I don't think you get it. Okay, simple version: You're old as fuck."
"You are lucky we're in a shinobi village. Otherwise I'd be putting your 'immortality' to the test." Kakuzu threatens his partner. I get the feeling this happens a lot. Then I feel something, almost like a sense of foreboding. It feels like I'm being analyzed, dissected like an intricate puzzle. "Besides, I believe we've just found him."
Fuck me.