Chapter 0077: Surrender the Underwear and You Won't Die
"Shikaku-senpai, Shikaku-senpai…"
My voice brought Nara Shikaku out of his deep thoughts. "What is it, Hiroto?"
"Were you just cursing me in your head?" I asked, my tone suddenly accusatory.
"How did you…" Shikaku almost blurted out a response but quickly caught himself, clearing his throat. "Cough, cough. What? Of course not! You really think I'd do something like that, Hiroto?"
"It feels like you just exposed yourself." I smirked.
"No, no, I don't think of Hiroto-kun's actions as strange… just very… real." Shikaku nodded earnestly. "Yes, that's it. The essence of manhood."
"Oh? So you were secretly calling me a weirdo in your head!" I gritted my teeth, the corner of my mouth twitching. "Also, if you really believe in my 'realness,' then stop avoiding eye contact! Face me when you say it!"
"Hiroto, you came here for something important, didn't you?" Shikaku quickly changed the subject.
"That was the most awkward attempt at changing topics ever! It's so obvious!" I sighed, then returned to the real issue at hand. "Yes, I came because the Sand ninja's strategy feels… off. It seems like they're just charging forward without any real battle plan."
"You noticed it too, huh? Yeah, they don't seem to have any clear objectives or strategy. It's like they're just throwing themselves at us." Shikaku agreed, rubbing his chin in thought.
"So they're trying to confuse us?" I mused. "But what's the point of that? Are they using themselves as bait? Could their real target be our main camp?"
"No, that's unlikely. Suna wouldn't send the majority of their forces as bait unless they've completely lost their minds. With the remaining troops they have left, an attack on our camp would be a joke." Shikaku shook his head, dismissing the idea.
As we continued our intense debate, a sudden boom echoed through the air. A green firework exploded in the sky above.
"That's… the Sand's rally signal." Shikaku's eyes narrowed. "Looks like they've realized we've split our forces."
"So they're gathering for a concentrated attack?" I raised an eyebrow. "Well then, let's finish them off before they can pull it together."
Shikaku nodded, pulling out a signal flare of his own. He fired it into the sky, and a red streak shot upward, signaling our forces to regroup.
Central Battlefield.
Both Konoha and Suna's forces were converging from all sides, like rivers flowing into the sea. Within moments, thousands of shinobi stood face to face, ready for the final clash.
The tension was palpable, the silence heavy.
Then, a single shout pierced the air—"Kill!"
With that, the battlefield exploded into chaos. The two sides collided like tidal waves of different colors crashing into each other.
This was no longer the scattered skirmishes from before. This was an all-out war, the kind where only one side would walk away. Thousands of shinobi fought desperately, pushing, stabbing, and slicing their way through the crowd.
When Shikaku and I arrived, the battle had already reached a fever pitch. Both sides were locked in a deadly stalemate. The sight before me resembled a massive grinder, turning everything into a bloody mess.
"A battlefield soaked in blood, where victory is built on a mountain of corpses," I thought, recalling ancient poems from my previous life. There was a certain grim beauty to it, but before I could indulge in my literary musings any further, an annoying prompt snapped me back to reality.
[New options generated!]
[Host, choose one of the following options:]
[-> Option one: Shout at the Sand ninja: 'Surrender your weapons or your underwear, or you'll wish for death!'.]
[-> Option two: Strip naked and stop the war by offering your butt in exchange for peace.]
[-> Option three: Transform using the Three Thousand Loli Technique to bring joy to everyone!
[Note: Penalty - Get slapped by 300 dogs and humiliated by 400 cockroaches that will slip into your pants.]
I froze, my mind going blank. Internally, I screamed, Are you kidding me!?
Okay, I could understand demanding they surrender their weapons. But underwear? What the hell is that about? All I wanted was a proper fight, and you're forcing me to be a creep!?
And option two? Even worse! Why would I offer my butt for peace? Shouldn't it be my face? Who the hell sells their butt like that? This was insane!
As for option three… Three Thousand Loli Technique? Could that actually bring joy to everyone? But that would only make things worse, right? I mean, what kind of filthy scenario are we imagining here? This was unbearable!
It seemed like I had no choice but to go with the first option.
With my resolve solidified, I steeled my gaze and rushed straight into the heart of the battlefield without bothering to inform Shikaku. My body moved like a whirlwind, slicing through the chaos with determined purpose.