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Chapter 9 - Chapter 9: Bad Memories

Processing the Fight – Mellali and Hadjer's Honest Conversation

The cold, damp air of the cave was oppressive, but the cultists lay still, their bodies already growing cold on the stone floor. The adventurers, seemingly used to scenes like this, were preparing to move out, but Mellali and Hadjer stood back, watching the lifeless bodies with a mix of exhaustion and something deeper—something harder to process.

Mellali could feel the tension in the air between them. This was their first real fight. Their first time seeing death like this. It wasn't a game. It wasn't something they could laugh off. This was real, and they had been part of it.

Hadjer leaned against a nearby wall, her face pale and her hands still trembling slightly from the surge of magic. She looked tired—no, more than that. She looked drained, emotionally and physically.

Mellali approached her slowly, his voice low and careful. "You okay?"

Hadjer didn't answer right away. She stared at the ground, her eyes distant. "I don't know," she admitted softly. "I just... I didn't expect it to feel like this. They're dead, Mellali. And we... we helped do that."

Mellali leaned against the wall next to her, letting out a long sigh. "Yeah. I know."

There was a long silence between them, but it wasn't uncomfortable. It was the kind of silence that happens when there are too many thoughts racing through your mind, and no easy way to express them.

"I don't think it'll ever feel normal," Mellali said finally, his voice steady but tired. "It's not supposed to."

Hadjer nodded but said nothing, clearly still trying to process everything that had just happened. The weight of taking a life—whether justified or not—was something neither of them had ever expected to experience. This wasn't the world they came from. Here, death was quick, brutal, and necessary for survival.

---

Mellali's Memory – A Time of Doubt and Pain

As they stood there, Mellali's mind wandered to a moment from his past—back when he was a radiology tech, back in the real world. He remembered the day clearly, even though it had been years ago. He had injected iodine contrast into a patient during a CT scan. The patient was already in bad shape—multiple health issues, barely clinging to life. But the iodine… it triggered an allergic reaction.

The reaction was immediate—anaphylactic shock. The patient's body couldn't handle it. The alarms went off, and the doctors rushed in, but the damage was already done. The family had been there, panicking, watching their loved one slip closer to death. Mellali remembered the weight in his chest, the way his heart pounded as he watched helplessly. It hadn't been his call to inject the iodine. The patient had been informed of the risks, and Mellali was just following orders. But that didn't stop the guilt from creeping in.

He had asked himself over and over again if that allergic reaction was the reason the patient had died later that year. There had been so many things wrong with him, so many factors that contributed to his passing, but that moment stuck with Mellali. It had left a scar. He could still feel the pressure in his head, the way his thoughts spiraled that night. He couldn't sleep. The guilt, even if it wasn't his fault, lingered.

He remembered the patient's family—how they didn't blame him. They knew the risks, knew the patient's condition. But still… Mellali had carried that moment with him. The uncertainty. The what if.

---

Not Wanting Hadjer to Feel the Same Weight

Mellali glanced over at Hadjer. She looked like he had felt back then—drained, unsure, weighed down by something heavy and painful. He didn't want that for her. He didn't want her to carry this burden the way he had. They had fought to survive, but there was still a human cost, and that was something they couldn't ignore.

"I had a moment like this once," Mellali said softly, breaking the silence. "Back in the real world. I was working as an X-ray tech. Injected a patient with iodine for a CT scan. He had a bad reaction—allergic shock."

Hadjer looked up, her eyes tired but curious.

"He was already in bad shape, you know?" Mellali continued, his voice steady but low. "Multiple health issues. He probably would've died soon anyway. But that reaction… it was sudden. His family was there, freaking out. I didn't even make the call to inject it—it wasn't my decision. But I was the one holding the needle. I saw the reaction. And it stuck with me."

Hadjer's brow furrowed. "What happened to him?"

Mellali exhaled slowly, his eyes distant as he recalled the memory. "He died later that night. Probably from everything else going on with him, but I couldn't help wondering if that allergic reaction made it worse. I carried that for a long time. Couldn't sleep for days after it happened."

Hadjer stayed quiet for a moment, processing his words. "Did anyone blame you?"

Mellali shook his head. "No. Not his family, not the doctors. But it didn't matter. My head was still full of what ifs. Even if I knew it wasn't really my fault."

There was a pause, and Mellali turned to look at her, his voice soft but firm. "I don't want you to feel that way. What happened here—it's not on you. We're in a different world now. And you did what you had to do. We both did."

Hadjer nodded slowly, her shoulders slumping as if the weight of the fight was finally catching up to her. "I know. I just... it's hard to process, you know?"

Mellali gave her a small, understanding smile. "Yeah. It is. And it'll take time. But we're in this together, okay? We'll figure it out."

Hadjer smiled faintly, though the exhaustion in her eyes was still there. "Thanks. I think I just... need to sleep."

Mellali nodded. "Yeah, sleep's probably a good idea."

---

Moving Forward

As the rest of the adventurers gathered their things, Mellali and Hadjer slowly followed, their minds still heavy but a little lighter after the conversation. Mellali's thoughts drifted back to that old patient, to the weight he had carried for so long. He didn't want that for Hadjer, but he knew she would process it in her own way.

For now, though, he just hoped she could sleep it off, as he had wished he could back then. But even as exhaustion settled in, Mellali knew there were more difficult days ahead—more fights, more loss, more to process.

And yet, he wasn't alone. Neither was she.

The Morning After – Processing the Fight

The dawn brought a muted light to the forest, casting long shadows across the ground as the group awoke. The air was cool, still heavy with the scent of damp earth and moss. The events of the previous night lingered in the air, but for Mellali and Hadjer, it felt like a fog had lifted—if only slightly.

Mellali opened his eyes to find the adventurers already packing up their camp. He sat up slowly, his muscles stiff from the rough ground. He glanced over to where Hadjer lay, still asleep, her expression peaceful but tired. She hadn't stirred during the night, and that gave Mellali a small sense of relief. At least she had been able to sleep through the night without nightmares, unlike him.

He had spent much of the night staring up at the sky, his mind replaying the fight, the deaths, the moment they realized they were responsible for taking lives. He thought about his past—about that moment with the patient who had the allergic reaction—and he felt the familiar weight settle in his chest. But the conversation he'd had with Hadjer had helped. Talking through the emotions, processing it with her, had brought him some clarity.

They weren't in the real world anymore. This was a world that demanded hard choices. And while they weren't killers, they had been forced into a situation where they had no other option. Surviving here meant facing those realities.

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Hadjer's Awakening

Hadjer stirred, her eyes fluttering open. For a moment, she looked disoriented, like she wasn't sure where she was. Then the memories of the night before flooded back, and Mellali could see the weight settle into her gaze.

"Morning," Mellali said softly, giving her a small nod.

Hadjer sat up slowly, rubbing her eyes. "Morning," she muttered, her voice still groggy.

"How are you feeling?" Mellali asked, watching her carefully.

Hadjer took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. "Better. I think... talking last night helped. I still feel weird about everything, but... it's not as heavy today."

Mellali smiled faintly. "Yeah. Same here. It's going to take time to get used to all this."

She nodded, running a hand through her hair. "I don't think I ever want to get used to it. I mean, I know we're going to have to face stuff like this again, but... I don't want it to become normal."

Mellali nodded in agreement. "I don't think it ever should. We just have to figure out how to live with it."

---

The Adventurers' Perspective

As they packed up, Serra, the adventurer leader, approached them, her face set in its usual no-nonsense expression. She stopped a few feet away, her eyes flicking between Mellali and Hadjer.

"You two look like you've seen better days," Serra said bluntly. "But you held your own last night. Not bad for first-timers."

Hadjer looked up at her, her expression still somewhat weary. "Thanks, I guess. I just... I didn't expect it to be so..."

"Real?" Serra finished, raising an eyebrow.

Hadjer nodded.

Serra sighed, her tone softening. "It never gets easy, kid. The first time you see someone die—or take a life yourself—it sticks with you. You're not supposed to get used to it. If you did, that'd make you more like them."

Mellali appreciated her straightforwardness. He could tell that Serra, while hardened by experience, still held onto some humanity. She wasn't cruel or cold—just someone who had lived through too many battles.

Orin, the archer, chimed in as he slung his bow over his shoulder. "Trust me, no one enjoys it. We've all had to do things we don't like to survive. But it's not about liking it—it's about doing what's necessary."

Hadjer looked down, processing their words. She wasn't the type to revel in violence, and Mellali knew that wouldn't change. But she was strong in her own way, and now they both understood what it meant to survive in this world.

---

A Quiet Moment

As the adventurers finished packing up, Mellali and Hadjer shared a quiet moment, sitting at the edge of the camp. They didn't need to say much, just being in each other's presence helped.

Mellali leaned back, looking up at the soft morning light filtering through the trees. "You think we'll ever get used to this world?"

Hadjer glanced at him, her eyes thoughtful. "I don't know. I think we'll learn to live in it, but I don't think it'll ever feel like home."

Mellali nodded, his gaze distant. "Yeah. But at least we've got each other."

Hadjer smiled faintly, the weariness in her eyes softening a little. "Yeah. I'm glad I'm not doing this alone."

The silence between them was comfortable, and Mellali felt a little lighter knowing that no matter what came next, they had each other to lean on.

---

Moving Forward

Serra called out to the group, her voice brisk and authoritative. "Time to move. We've got a long way to go before we hit civilization, so don't drag your feet."

Mellali and Hadjer stood, gathering their things. They both felt a little stronger, a little more grounded after their conversation. The weight of the fight still lingered, but it wasn't crushing them anymore. They had processed it, talked about it, and now they were ready to keep moving.

As they fell into step behind the adventurers, Mellali glanced over at Hadjer, who looked more composed than she had the night before. He knew they weren't out of the woods yet—literally or figuratively—but they were moving forward, and that was enough for now.