Clark immediately said, "—No."
"No what? No, we're not a couple? Or no, I wasn't your secret lover?" Soren tilted his head up and asked him.
The words "No, we weren't a couple" clung to the tip of Clark's tongue, but he couldn't bring himself to say them. Soren's gaze seemed to pierce right into his soul, and Clark found himself unable to speak another lie. All he wanted was to pull his precious Soren tightly into his arms.
—He gave a bitter smile, looking down at his old, worn hands before finally saying, "How could I ever bear to make you my secret lover?"
Soren asked, "So... before, were we a couple? The kind who says 'I love you' to each other?"
Clark, unable to resist, slowly nodded.
...Soren's face flushed red again.
He snuck a glance at Superman's impressive chest muscles, the bulging biceps, and certain other features that were hard to ignore, thinking to himself:
—Could this really be true???
Before now, Soren had speculated countless possibilities. Maybe he was a criminal that Superman had once caught, or perhaps a survivor rescued by Superman from some disaster, but the one thing he had never imagined was that he could be in a relationship with Superman.
Unbelievable—
He was actually Superman's boyfriend!!
He wouldn't have dared to dream of such a possibility.
This was Superman! The one who always flew high above the clouds, darting across the Earth to save humanity. The Superman with a body of steel, who could pull an ocean liner with just his biceps. The guardian of all humankind, the last son of Krypton, the chairman of the Justice League...
Superman had always felt so distant from Soren's life—so distant that it gave him a sense of unreality. He had thought Superman only existed on TV and in newspapers, or in those grainy videos on the internet, like some kind of celebrity, living in a completely different dimension from ordinary people like him. And yet, here he was, suddenly becoming Superman's boyfriend.
Soren felt both excited and puzzled.
On one hand, there was a sense of "Of course"—as if, between him and Superman, this was the only relationship that made any sense. But on the other hand, he couldn't understand why, if they were a couple, Superman hadn't come to visit him the moment he woke up. Why had he avoided him, pretended not to know him? And how had things changed so drastically in just a few months?
He rested his head on Clark's shoulder, turning his face slightly, his breath brushing softly against Clark's neck as he asked, "But why did you pretend not to know me before?"
He hesitated, probing, "Did we... have a fight? Or did we already break up? Could it be that I fell down the stairs because I couldn't handle the breakup?—No, that can't be it. I wouldn't do something like that. I'm not that kind of person."
Clark immediately froze, as stiff as a rock.
It felt as though his bones were crackling under the chill that gripped him, and even the simple act of turning to face Soren took every ounce of his strength and willpower. Slowly, inch by inch, he cupped Soren's face in his hands.
Those pale blue eyes of his resembled a shattered frozen ocean.
Soren's innocent confusion felt like a whip lashing at Clark's conscience. He gritted his teeth silently, suppressing the overwhelming sorrow. His rough, broad fingers trembled almost imperceptibly as he looked at Soren and said, "We didn't break up. We never did."
Soren let out a dissatisfied huff. "So you pretended not to know me, huh? Well, well, this is the kind of Superman you are!"
Clark avoided his gaze, mumbling softly, "It's because... I didn't want to hurt you anymore…"
"Did we have a fight or something?" Soren asked, curious.
He pressed a hand to his chest, right in the middle of his ribs, where his heart gave a light, fluttering throb, like a small, innocent rabbit unaware of its situation, warm and steadily beating.
He thought, no wonder his heart ached every time he saw Superman. They must've had a fight, and that's why it hurt so much, why he'd cried so heartbreakingly.
Clark remained silent.
He looked at Soren again and again, as if trying to absorb every bit of the hopeless yet unwavering love in Soren's eyes. Inside, Clark wrestled with himself, and in the end, he made the agonizing choice to slowly release Soren and gently push him back, holding his shoulders to create some distance.
"It's because... I've committed an unforgivable crime. I'm not worthy of being with you anymore."
Each word he spoke felt like a crushing weight, heavier than anything he had ever lifted.
Soren sat quietly at the head of the bed, watching him. He could see the pain and struggle etched into Superman's face, and he could also see the overwhelming sadness clouding those blue eyes.
This look of sorrow and loneliness on Superman stirred a deep ache in Soren's heart, yet at the same time, it only served to strengthen the growing certainty forming in his mind.
Soren gently grasped Clark's thumb, his soft, delicate palm wrapping around it as he lowered his head and said, "But what if I want to be with you?"
Clark's head snapped up to look at him, his eyes tinged with redness.
Soren felt a warmth creeping into his nose as well, and with a sniff, he said, "How can you make that decision for me? You think you're not worthy of being with me, but did you ever ask for my opinion? I may not remember what happened between us—maybe it was awful, maybe you hurt me deeply—but…"
He placed a hand over his heart and looked at Clark earnestly. "What I do know is that I only feel true happiness when I'm with you. I only feel like my heart is really beating when I see you. So, I think I've always loved you—before, and now too. Even though I didn't know you until today, even though I've forgotten everything that came before, I still want to be with you. I don't care what you've done in the past, I just want to stay by your side, here and now."
"—Clark."
Soren moved closer to Superman again, without a trace of hesitation or doubt, embracing him as if heading toward a lifelong promise. Even though he was scarred, he was still willing to rise again and love.
"..." Clark, with reddened eyes, held him tightly against his chest.
Clark cradled Soren's head in his hands, tears streaming down his face as he kissed Soren's eyes. His lips traced the delicate contours of those eyes with the gentlest yet most profound kiss, eyes that once belonged to him, eyes that he had torn from himself to give back to Soren.
March 29th, 2020—the most heartbreaking day of his life. His star lay shattered on the ground, smiling through the tears, making a wish to what he thought was an omnipotent god: "I don't want to be in this world anymore. Just let me return to my own, and give Clark a happy life."
…He had relived that frozen moment countless times, over and over again, trapped as if in amber. Countless times he had wailed as he held his broken lover, and countless times he had killed his past self within the flow of time. But he had never understood, not truly—never grasped the depth of the desperate, all-consuming love Soren had for him in that moment, when he made that wish.
Soren would rather have gone back to die alone in the black hole. He would rather have never come to this world at all if it meant Clark could live a glorious and radiant life as Superman once more. Soren loved Clark Kent far more than he loved himself. Even after being hurt time and time again, Soren stubbornly, with every ounce of his being, kept loving him.
How could he—how could Clark—make that decision for Soren? To take away his love, to make him forget?
Clark kissed Soren's face over and over, from those vivid blue eyes to the corners of his lips. His hands slid around Soren's waist, lifting him and pulling him into his lap.
He kissed Soren, tears spilling as he savored the warmth of those lush lips, sucking on them gently. Soren let out a soft, quiet moan, wrapping his delicate arms around Clark's neck. Their chests pressed tightly together, and both hearts beat fervently, passionately—like seeds newly watered, bursting back into life, pulsing with vitality.
Soren's face flushed deeply under the intensity of Clark's kisses. He tasted the bitterness of Clark's tears and, heart aching for him, tightened his embrace around Clark, pressing his now-softened waist into Clark's hands, whimpering softly as he burrowed deeper into his arms.
Clark pressed Soren down onto the pillow, one arm braced beside it, his broad shoulders and back casting a protective shadow over Soren. His other hand tenderly cradled Soren's hair as he kissed his star with deep, unrestrained passion.
Soren's body melted in Clark's embrace, completely soft, breathless, but still unwilling to let go. His arms clung tightly around Clark's neck, responding to the kiss clumsily yet bravely, their tongues intertwining. With delicate care, Soren licked away a tear that had fallen onto his lips.
Clark's hand clenched, the veins on his knuckles standing out as he took a deep breath. He pushed himself up slightly, looking down at Soren, the weight of sorrow and love in his chest so immense it threatened to burst.
A low, rumbling sound came from deep within Clark's chest, thick with emotion and love, as he whispered the name of his star: "…Soren."
Soren lay beneath him, gazing up, his face flushed, his Kryptonian-blue eyes shimmering like stars in the night. "…I like hearing you say my name," Soren whispered, his voice soft yet filled with longing. "Call me again, please."
Clark shut his eyes, hot tears spilling uncontrollably.
"Soren, Soren, Soren…" He repeated his star's name like a reverent prayer, his voice thick with emotion. Tear after tear fell onto Soren's body as Clark whispered, over and over, "Soren, my love, my star, my diamond, my angel…"
Soren's face turned even redder as he squirmed a little, his shoulders hunching in bashful protest. "You're so cheesy… How did I become an angel all of a sudden?" he muttered.
He lifted his arm, using his wrist to wipe away Clark's tears. "Why are you crying?"
Clark caught Soren's hand, kissed his fingers gently, and murmured, "—Because you are my angel. The one who came into my life to save me."
Soren blushed deeply, mumbling under his breath as he played with a lock of Clark's silver hair, brushing it softly with his fingers. He tugged at the white curl. "Then let's not fight anymore, okay? Look, you're crying. If you keep crying, I'll start crying too."
Clark nodded, tears still in his eyes, and held Soren close once more. He kissed Soren's ear and neck, his voice a low rumble in Soren's ear, "...Okay."